Honeymoon for One: Gay Romance
: Chapter 19

“Hiya, Mr. Kelly. How ya going?” Barb’s voice was warm and familiar, and the rush of fondness in Clay helped him exhale.

“Hiya.” He paced the small kitchen, the worn tiles warm beneath his feet. He’d put Gilly in the yard after lots of scratches and kisses, then changed out of his uniform. “Finished my last run down the coast this morning after doing the Sydney sights.”

“Ah, congrats! Must be a relief. They’ve agreed to let you stay closer to home?”

“Yeah. Blue Mountains, Great Ocean Road, Hunter Valley. Canberra and Melbourne. I’ll be gone for a night or two sometimes, but it’ll mostly be day trips to the Hunter and Blue Mountains.”

“Brilliant. You never miss working on that old mine machinery?”

“Not a damn bit.”

“Did Pete tell you he’s gotten a job?”

“Yep. Sent a picture of himself in uniform behind the bar to prove it.”

She laughed. “Sent me the same. Let’s hope he didn’t borrow a mate’s uniform to stage it.” She laughed again. “Nah, he’d have to ask for more money if he hadn’t got a job.”

“True.”

“How’s Sam?”

“She’s good. Not calling about the kids, actually.” His breath came short and shallow, and he gripped his mobile where he held it up to his ear. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

All traces of laughter vanished from Barb’s voice. “What’s happened? Is it your mum? Or Jen?”

“No, no, everyone’s fine. It’s about me. I…” His mouth was bone dry, and he cleared his throat.

“Bloody hell, what is it? Are you ill?” Her voice was tight and reedy.

“No, nothing like that.” At least he hoped she wouldn’t think there was anything wrong with him once he told her the truth. And of course this truth was about more than him. It was about the life they’d shared together.

She exhaled noisily. “Nearly gave me a heart attack, you mongrel. What is it, then?”

His heart pounded, feeling like it was about to explode. “I’ve met someone,” he spit out.

Barb whooped delightedly. “You’ve finally got a girlfriend? About time. You’ve spent long enough pining for me, Mr. Kelly,” she joked.

Head light, he couldn’t breathe, much less respond.

Barb’s chuckle was uncertain now. “Come on, you haven’t really been pining for me.”

“No,” he managed. After gulping a mouthful of water and dropping the glass back down on the counter too hard with a shaky hand, he added, “I haven’t been pining for you.”

She laughed. “Had me worried there for a minute, mate. But what aren’t you saying? Come on. Better out than in.”

Clay had to smile. Same old no-nonsense Barb. It was one of the reasons they’d got on so well for so long, even if there’d never been passion between them. She was a good woman, solid and dependable. Well, until she’d fallen in love with another bloke, but she was still a good woman. She’d deserved more than Clay could give her. The thought of losing her regard, of hurting her with his truth, had him gripping the counter, knees knocking.

“What, is she some sweet young thing with perky tits? I won’t be cross. As long as you’re happy, it’s fine by me.”

He half laughed, half groaned. Better out than in had a whole new meaning now. With a deep breath, he blurted, “It’s not a she. And he is younger. Twenty-seven, so not that young, but young enough.”

In the silence, he couldn’t hear Barb even breathe. Finally she exhaled. “I… Did you say a he?”

“Yeah.” Clay’s jaw was so tight it might snap. “I reckon it’ll be a shock. Sorry.”

After a few more beats of silence, Barb muttered, “Strewth. You’re…” She was silent again, before saying, “Is this why…? You’re saying you like blokes? All this time?” She sputtered for a moment. “Why didn’t you bloody well tell me?”

“I’m so sorry,” he rasped.

Her tone hardened. “You could have at least fessed up when I told you I was leaving.”

“I didn’t realize it then.” He winced at how foolish that sounded, his belly clenching. “I know that probably sounds like a load of nonsense, but I really didn’t. I would have told you, I swear. I was in denial. Since I was a boy, I reckon. Locked it all away and tossed the key. Then I met this bloke, and he sent my head spinning.”

In the silence, Clay thought of Ethan—the dimples in his cheeks, the touch of his long fingers, the press of his body, those legs wrapped so tightly as Clay came inside him. His kisses of all sorts—sweet and soft, deep and demanding, teasing, sleepy. The warmth and joy Clay felt simply from sitting beside him watching a flick or cricket, sharing in the simplest things.

He could breathe again.

Maybe Clay was fooling himself and it would all fall apart once Ethan was back and the shine wore off, but… No. He knew it was right, being with Ethan. He knew it in his bones.

When she spoke, Barb’s voice was still tense, but it softened a few degrees. “So in all these years, you’ve never fancied another fellow? Aside from Adam Gilchrist, but you’re not alone in that man crush.”

Clay managed a little laugh. “Nah. Not that I was aware of, really. But with Ethan, I got to know him, and… It’s different with him. I think… I do fancy blokes, and him in particular.” Saying it aloud to Barb, he knew it was the absolute truth, and his shoulders inched down from his ears a few degrees.

“Well.”

After too long of a silence, he asked, heart in his throat, “Are you still there?”

“Yeah. Just taking it in.”

He exhaled. “Right. I understand.”

She was quiet a few moments before asking, “So, you’re not keen on women at all?”

“No, don’t reckon I am. Should have realized it, but I never gave it much thought. Suppose it scared me to consider it. Because if I thought about that, I’d have to deal with the rest of it.” He swallowed thickly and whispered, “The truth is, I was frightened. Something happened when I was young, and I hid it all away. Even from myself.”

He could hear the frown in her voice. And the concern, which made his heart clench. “What happened?”

“You remember Tony Taylor? He lived up the street from me.”

“Yeah, I think so. There was some sort of nasty business with him before he moved away. I remember Mum and Dad whispering about it.”

Clay swallowed thickly. Better out than in. “He was gay. Run out of town. I saw the mob that nearly beat him to death. And—” He squeezed his eyes shut on the memories flooding him, acid in his belly. “Dad said he deserved it.”

She inhaled sharply. “He was a piece of work, your dad.” Then she sighed. “He had his good points, to be fair. But what a thing to say.”

“Yeah. Can’t imagine what he’d think if I told him about all this.”

Barb whistled. “Don’t reckon it would go down well.”

“No. Not very.” Sweat prickled the back of Clay’s neck at the thought of Dad knowing about him. He’d loved his father—of course he had. But he had to admit he wasn’t sorry to not have to face him now. He tried to joke, “Guess it’s a good thing he’s gone and Mum won’t really understand if I tell her.”

“And what is it you’d tell? Exactly?”

He swallowed hard. Better out than in, right? “I’m gay.”

She was silent so long he whispered, “Hello?”

Barb exhaled noisily. “I’m here.”

“I never meant to deceive you. Or waste so many years of your life. Or mine.”

“Ah, now, we got two brilliant kids out of it. And you were a good husband. Maybe not in the bedroom, but in most ways.” She was quiet a moment. “Look, I won’t say it doesn’t sting. It bloody does. It’s going to take more than a few minutes to wrap my head ’round it. But I’m not hanging up on you. Okay?”

“Yeah. Ta.”

“Do the kids know?”

“Sam’s been lovely. Couldn’t ask for better.”

“Well, that’s no surprise.” Barb’s voice was a mix of affection with a trace of resentment. “Always a daddy’s girl. And she’s a great person, our Sam. Always accepting of others. Pete too. Reckon you haven’t told him yet, or I’d have heard about it.”

Clay smirked. “Always a mum’s boy. And no, not yet. I’d really rather speak to him than do it by text, but you know he hates talking on the phone.”

“That’s kids for you. If the bludger won’t pick up, just send a text. He won’t mind.”

“About texting, or…what I’m telling him?”

“Either. He’s always been open-minded, and you know Pete. It’s no skin off his nose, is it? He’s been off doing his own thing for ages now. In his own world.”

“Aside from needing our money.”

She laughed sharply. “Yep, aside from that.”

Talking about Sam and Pete, they’d slipped into a familiar ease. Now Barb was silent again, but Clay could hear her breathing. He waited, stomach knotting again.

She asked, “So who’s this bloke?”

“Ethan.” Clay gave her a quick rundown on how they met. “There’s just something special about him. I know we don’t have much in common, but we get on so well.” He paced the kitchen, laughing at himself. “Of course it’s only been a week or two we’ve actually been together in person. He’s been back in the States the past month getting everything sorted so he can come back. Suppose I shouldn’t put the cart before the horse. Still, he laughs at my terrible jokes and is trying to understand cricket. We can sit and talk for hours about all sorts. It’s…peaceful between us.”

“You’re mad about him. I can hear it plain as day.”

His face went hot. “Reckon I am.”

She laughed dryly. “Looking back, it explains a few things. You never panted after me the way I wanted. Even when we were young. I thought I must have done something wrong.”

He groaned, guilt twisting up his guts. “There was nothing wrong with you. It was all me—it was my fault. I’m sorry. Wasn’t fair to you. I had my head too far up my own arse.”

“When really you wanted it up another bloke’s.”

Clay barked out a laugh, breathing a little easier. “That’s one way to put it.”

Barb laughed too. “I’ve always had a way with words. It’s one of my charms.”

“’Tis indeed. Barb, I never meant to do wrong.”

She sighed. “I know. You wouldn’t, would you? You were always a good sort. I never meant to either. Didn’t plan on meeting Barry, but here we are. And now there’s Ethan. Life’s a funny thing. You said he’s American?”

“Yeah.” Clay’s stomach tightened again, his body tensing down to his toes. Until he had Ethan in his arms again, he worried that something would go wrong. “He’s on his way back now. Transferring to the Sydney office of the company he works for.”

“That’s good, then. You can give it a real go. Long distance isn’t the same, really. Lucky for me, Barry and I have a lovely time together. Hopefully it’ll be the same with your Ethan.”

My Ethan. The truth slipped out again. “Bloody hell, I’ll be gutted if it doesn’t work out.” He tried to laugh when he wanted to cry. “Shouldn’t care so much.”

“There’s no ‘should’ when it comes to caring.”

“People will say he’s too young and that we’re rushing into it.”

“People can get stuffed.”

Laughter warmed Clay’s chest. “That’s what Sam said.”

“Of course she did. She’s a smart girl. Like her mother.” Barb sighed again. “Look, I didn’t cover myself in glory when I left you. People said all sorts of things and called me all kinds of nasty names. I don’t blame them, but I had to do what was right for me. We only get one shot at this. Have to make the most of it.”

“That we do.” Clay thought of Ethan in the air, flying closer. He smiled to himself.

“Barry’s calling me for tea. Reckon I’m going to crack open a stubby instead. Could use a few drinks right about now.”

Affection and gratitude swirled through him, smoothing out a few of the sharper edges. “Same here.”

“Talk soon.” She paused. “It takes guts, what you’re doing. I’m proud of ya.”

Bugger, now he really was going to cry, tears already slipping from the corners of his eyes. He had to sniff before he could say, “Ta.”

“Now don’t go blubbering on me, Mr. Kelly.”

He laughed, swiping at his cheeks. “I’ll try not to—” He hesitated before adding, “Mrs. Wallingford. Enjoy the beer.”

They said goodbye, and Clay stood there a minute, letting the mixed emotions wash over him. Then he went to the fridge and popped the top on a stubby. He’d done it, and he toasted himself and drank before he let Gilly back in, kneeling and letting Gilly give him sloppy kisses. No matter what happened, he had his family.

“Dad, you’re wearing a hole in the floor.”

Clay jolted to a stop where he’d been pacing. “Right. Sorry.”

Sam chuckled. “No need to be sorry. But no need to be nervous either. He’ll be here any minute. And everything will be great. Right?” She elbowed Jase, who stood a head taller than her and had a mop of hair he wore up in one of those ridiculous man-buns.

Jase glanced up from his phone. “No worries, Mr. K. Just an hour delay. Happens all the time on flights.”

“I know, but…” Clay didn’t have anything reasonable to say. He did know that it was an ordinary delay, and there was nothing Ethan could do about it, and that it didn’t mean Ethan was changing his mind at the last second.

But when he had Ethan warm in his arms again, he’d relax.

His phone buzzed, and he eagerly pulled it out. The plane had finally landed, so perhaps Ethan was texting. But it was Pete, and Clay’s heart skipped. Then he laughed as he read the message, relief easing a few tense knots of muscle.

Sam nudged him. “What?”

“Your brother.” He showed her the screen.

Hey Dad. Fine with me if you’re into blokes. After all, Mum’s into Bazza and we’ve accepted that.

PS. Think you can send me a couple hundred bucks? Just this one time.

Sam rolled her eyes with a laugh. “Say no or you’ll be sending him a couple hundred when he’s fifty.” Then she smiled softly. “And see? Told ya he’d be okay with it.”

“Yes, you’re always right,” he joked.

“I’m glad you’re finally catching on, Dad.” She eyed Jase. “See? I’m always right.”

“Hmm?” Jase tapped at his phone. “Yep, babe.”

“This is how I win most arguments,” she whispered to Clay. “He gets distracted by work.”

“So he goes to the office like that?” Clay eyed Jase’s hair.

“He does. You see more and more blokes in suits and man-buns these days. If you can pick stocks the way Jase can, the company won’t care. He—” She broke off, squinting toward the arrivals gate. “Oh! This might be his flight.”

Clay’s pulse shot through the roof, and he craned his neck, impatiently peering at the people trickling out of the main doors. More people were gathering in the waiting area, all doing the same, eager to see their loved ones.

And Clay did love Ethan. He knew it down to his toes.

Then Ethan appeared, and Clay almost leapt for joy at the sight of him. Sure, he’d seen him via the phone screen, but now he was striding toward Clay in the flesh, a beautiful smile splitting his face. His big suitcases kept rolling a few feet as he let go and launched himself into Clay’s arms.

They clung to each other, and Ethan whispered in Clay’s ear a little too loudly, “I missed you so fucking much.” Then he stepped back, glancing nervously at Sam and Jase, and then around at the crowd of people.

Taking a deep breath, Clay didn’t hesitate as he cupped Ethan’s face in his hands and kissed him soundly. Ethan’s grin when they separated was worth every sideways glance from strangers who didn’t matter.

“Hi,” Clay said, even though he had so much more to say.

“Hi,” Ethan replied. “I can barely hear you. Can we get out of here?”

Clay looked to Sam and Jase, who wore matching grins and offered Ethan hugs even though it was only the second time Sam was meeting him and Jase’s first. In that moment, Clay was so proud of his girl and her boyfriend. They’d insisted on coming to the airport to give Ethan a warm welcome, and Clay loved them both. Man-bun and all.

When Sam and Jase were headed back into Sydney and Ethan’s cases were secured in the back of the ute, Clay and Ethan climbed into the cab. They were finally alone, and Clay had so much to say he didn’t know where to start.

Fortunately with all the kissing, there was no need for words. It was all Clay could do not to get Ethan naked and under him right there.

Panting softly, his lips wet and swollen already, Ethan said, “I can’t wait to shower and get out of these clothes.” He grinned devilishly. “And stay naked with you for days.”

Clay turned the key in the ignition with a matching grin. “Why didn’t you say so, mate? Let’s get home.”