I am Wolf
Chapter Four

WOLF

It’s been three days since they stuck me in this godforsaken cage, and no word yet on my release. I’ve been pacing up and down, expecting to see someone other than the maid, someone who might be able to tell me what the hell is going on, but nothing.

As promised, the maid brought me clean clothes and whatever I needed to look decent.

There’s a washbasin in here with a mirror; the moment I looked into it and saw my reflection, I couldn’t believe what I saw in the person staring back at me. I didn’t recognize the man staring back at me; my beard was long and out of control. My hair was down to my shoulders and looked all matted and knotted. My face was still pretty dirt-stricken even after I washed it at a nearby stream before entering the town of Sitka. I looked... unpredictably wild, scary even.

This cage has a built-in shower and toilet; it’s more like a mini-motel room than a prison cell. Who the fuck would ever treat their prisoners like this, seriously, pampered and protected from the outside world? It’s a joke.

I’ve spent my entire life in the cold; it’s normal and comforting to some extent. You can’t miss the warmth of a lifestyle if you’ve never had it, and at least with wild elements, I know where I stand and what to expect.

Standing under the shower nozzle butt ass naked, I look up. I’ve never had a hot shower before; I narrow my eyes suspiciously for a minute, but then curiosity gets the better of me, and I stretch a hand out to flip the tap to hot.

The first gush of water is as cold as ice, and I don’t even flinch as it hits my skin; it’s a sensation I’m all too familiar with. I’ve spent my entire life bathing in rivers and lakes. The second the water begins to warm up, however, my body tenses. The steam of the hot water begins to surround me, completely engulfing me in a feeling so fucking euphoric I feel myself getting rock hard. Fuck.

The water only continues to get hotter. Instead of flinching away from it, I relish in the blistering sting as it sends ripples of pleasure coursing through my entire body.

A satisfying sigh rumbles through my chest, and the moment I grip my thick girth, it’s almost impossible to stop myself from giving it slow and steady strokes. It feels so good; the combination of pleasure and pain as the steaming hot water continues to rain down on me has me getting lost in my thoughts. The second her face pops into my head, a low rumble reverberates through my chest, and two more strokes have me painting the tiles against the wall as I shoot my load like a teenager. It feels fucking euphoric. My body tingling all over.

Fuck, did I just do that?

I haven’t been with a girl since Mason two years ago, a relationship choice I’m sure glad I escaped with my balls intact when I did.

Unlike anything I can describe, it is mind-blowing to have hot water running down my body; I even feel slightly lightheaded at the strange sensation coursing through me.

Soaping and shampooing myself, I’m suddenly transforming from the wild man I’ve been most of my life to someone who smells and looks different.

Clothing was left for me in a basket at the gate, which I noticed when I stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my waist. The maid isn’t allowed to open up and come inside for fear of me overpowering her and escaping. Would I do something like that, though, if given the opportunity? Hell, yes, I want to get out of here as soon as possible.

As I scrummage through the basket of neutral-colored clothes, I’m impressed that they got my sizes right; everything fits me perfectly, not tight or ill-fitting, like what I’ve had to be subjected to before.

I wear some pull-up shorts, a T-shirt, and a hooded jacket. I’ve even been given a pair of sneakers exactly my size; as I stand all fully clothed, I slowly lift the collar of the hoodie to my nose and breathe it in. A fresh pine scent hits my nose, and man, it smells incredible.

Sleeping, however, has been a bit of a challenge though. The bed is single and better suited for a child than a grown-ass man like me, but I shouldn’t complain; it’s a prison cell, not really a hotel, and besides, I’m used to sleeping on a cold hard floor in abandoned buildings, or on the forest-covered ground most of the time anyway. But I’m not a little guy; I’m relatively well-built. My legs hang off the edge of the bed if I stretch out completely, but I shouldn’t be in here for much longer, right?

I’ve also managed to cut my hair a bit shorter and have decided to shave my beard. It feels strangely sound as I run my hands across my smoothly-shaven face. As I suddenly look at my reflection in the mirror, I can’t help but stand there, blinking at the man staring back at me. It almost feels like I’m looking at a complete stranger; if it wasn’t for my distinctive hazel eyes looking back at me right now, I wouldn’t think it was me at all. I can’t get over the fact that I look so different. I look like me, the real me.

Once I was done eating the plate of food the maid brought me, which consisted of roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy, and peas. I wash it all down with a large glass of water and immediately feel completely satisfied. I haven’t eaten this much before in a long time.

It’s only when I start getting that itchy feeling that scratches away at the surface of my sanity that I know I’m growing restless and want out. I’m a lone wolf and not used to being confined; it feels more like I’m being suffocated than waited on.

I’m tinkering on the edge of insanity as I sit hunched over my knees against the floor, resting my forehead against my now folded arms; I’m trying to keep calm and channel my anxieties elsewhere like I’ve taught myself to do since I was small. Still, it’s not working for some odd reason.

A memory flashes through my head of a younger version of myself; I must have been about three or four, I’m not sure. I’m huddled up against the dead corpse of a deer I’ve just managed to kill all by myself; its fur is soft. Its body is still warm, and as hungry as I am, I crave comfort more than nourishment as I nestle against its warm fur. I remember laying there until the animal’s body had almost completely lost its heat; I remember crying and feeling all alone. Only then did I pull myself away to tear open its stomach and eat the meat it had provided.

I don’t know why that memory popped into my head, but it’s definitely one I haven’t relived since it happened. The feeling makes me uncomfortable as my body tenses; it suddenly hurts in my chest, and I don’t know why.

I suddenly sense her enter the room; her scent is the most intoxicating thing I’ve ever smelt. It floods my senses, and I suddenly have my body reacting in ways I’ve never experienced before; I’m rock hard for her, my eyes fly up to meet hers, and my breath instantly gets caught in my throat.

She’s standing there looking timid and apologetic as she gives a little smile, her brows suddenly furrow as a small gasp escapes her lips. My eyes immediately zero in on them as she bites down on her bottom lip. At that moment, all I can think about is what they must taste like; I’m replaceing my brain suddenly going foggy as the thought of sucking and nipping on that plump bottom lip now has my breathing heavily wavered. The things I want to do to her... Fuck. Stop it, Wolf. Stop thinking of her that way; she’s a liar.

My eyes suddenly narrow in on hers as I stare her dead in the eye, and I want to hate her; why can’t I hate her. As if to make matters worse, my wolf suddenly perks up his ears as he notices her wolf shimmering in her eyes, wanting to go to her, comfort her, and be everything she needs right now; my wolf is going to be my downfall when it comes to this girl, I can sense it.

The conflicting feelings flooding me right now are enough to drive me insane; what is it about her? I’ve never felt this frustrated and torn between what I know to be correct and what my wolf thinks is truth.

This girl is trouble; that is the only truth worth acknowledging and one my wolf needs to come to grips with.

Clearing her throat, she again gives a small sympathetic smile as she suddenly shrugs,

“You look... different, I mean, with shorter hair and no beard, I almost didn’t recognize you.”

I shake my head at her choice of words, forcing myself to lower my eyes and stare at the ground. I want her to leave, yet I want her to stay; it’s conflicting and frustrating. But looking at her is only making it more complicated right now,

“Look, I know you’re angry...” My eyes suddenly snap up to hers as I stare her down; I’m doing my damnedest to focus on the anger inside me, hoping it will fuel me enough to force her to leave. Still, it’s hard to do that when she’s looking at me that way. Those emerald green hungry eyes staring at me in a way that has me going weak at the knees; what have I gotten myself into?

“That’s quite the understatement, Sasha, or wait, it’s Sam, right?” Narrowing my eyes more, I can feel the frustration and anger rippling through my body like an earthquake; I just wish I could put enough force behind it and aim it straight at the source. Still, my wolf stops me from eliciting the full power of my rage, which pisses me off to no end...

“I deserved that.”

Huffing, I let out a dry laugh and shook my head at her response.

“You deserved that; that’s all you’ve got to say?” Clenching my jaw, I had to swallow down the bile rising in my throat right about now, “You lied to me, and even against my better judgment, I at least told you my real name, but you downright lied to my face, and for what... was this all your big plan, to have the rogue captured and stuck in some cell like a fucking wild animal?”

Swallowing hard, she suddenly lowers her eyes to the floor as she wipes away a stray tear from her cheek; she suddenly starts nervously fidgeting with her fingers, just like she had done back at that diner in town and like she had done when speaking with her father.

“For what it’s worth, I never lied to you,”

“Bullshit, you didn’t lie; what else would you call that if not a lie then, bending the truth?”

Her eyes found mine again, and I swear my insides were twisting as I saw the tears shimmering behind them. I wanted to break free from this cell and hold her, make it all better, but I immediately stopped myself from even trying; she was a liar. There was nothing more to it than that; I hate liars, always have, and always will.

“Everyone calls me Sam, but my real name is Sasha Anna Morrison.”

I looked at her questioningly and bewildered for a moment before finally responding,

“What?”

“My real name is Sasha; I just thought you should know I never lied to you.”

“So why did you give me your first name instead of telling me your name was Sam if everyone else calls you by that name instead?”

Shrugging, she smirked as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear,

“I don’t know; it was just the first thing that popped out.”

Silence stretched between us as I stared at her in disbelief; I couldn’t get a read on this girl. She suddenly threw me a curve ball when I thought I had her all figured out.

“Have you been treated well? I threatened Sylvia’s life if she didn’t care well for you.”

Her question suddenly pulls me right out of my reverie,

“Who’s Sylvia?”

“She’s the one who’s been attending to you, bringing you fresh linen, clothes, and...”

And there it is again, her wolf making herself known as her irises suddenly shimmer with gold as her eyes trail down my body.

“Well, if you call being stuck in a cell for three days being treated well, then you and I have different views on what that is.

Smirking, a mischievous grin suddenly spreads across her face, but it doesn’t reach her eyes as it did before, it’s strained, and I can sense there’s something she’s not saying,

“My father likes taking precautions; he’s not bad, just overly protective of his own.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a lone wolf; I’m not used to confinement or the rules of packs.”

Her eyes suddenly narrow as she contemplates that, for a moment,

“You can’t remember where you come from, can you?”

Scoffing, I shake my head with a deep huff,

“Why would I lie about something like that?”

“Doesn’t it bother you that you can’t remember where you come from?” Her eyes are suddenly filled with curiosity as she tries her best to read me.

“Not as much as it bothers you, I would imagine.”

“So your parents, potential brothers or sisters... You can’t remember having any of those either?”

Giving a smirk, I lower my eyes,

“I was two years old, or a bit younger when I had to start fending for myself, so in answer to you’re question- no. I can’t remember having a family or belonging to a pack.”

Her mouth went into a thin line as an arduous expression filled her eyes,

“I’m sorry, Wolf.”

“Don’t be; you can’t miss something you can’t ever remember even having.”

“Yeah, but don’t you want to replace out? I mean, wouldn’t you like to know what happened to your actual family?”

“And what would that prove exactly? What would be the point of opening up a wound like that? It’s just asking for unnecessary pain and agony; I’m not a sucker for punishment or retribution, for that matter; thank you very much. I’m happy living my life just as I have been for however long it’s been. I don’t know any different, and I don’t want it to change.”

Softening her eyes, she slowly sighed; I could see it then. Her wolf wanted to be the source of comfort I needed, but unfortunately, I wasn’t so easily swayed. So I lowered my eyes to break the spell she was trying to cast on me.

“Everyone wants to know where they come from, Wolf. With all your hard exterior, even you must have days where it crosses your mind at least once.”

With those words lingering in the air, she suddenly turns and begins walking towards the closed door; pulling it open, she slowly turns her head one last time to look at me, contemplating a conflicting thought that suddenly crosses her mind.

“I’ll speak with my father and hopefully get you released before the end of the day; then, you can go back to living your life as you’re used to. Alone.”

I don’t know why the thought of her walking out that door suddenly feels like it could crush my soul completely, but it does.

“Sasha, wait.”

Her whole body suddenly stills as her eyes slowly replace mine; they are filled with so much hope and longing, and every fiber of my being wants to be close to her.

“Under different circumstances... if you weren’t you and I wasn’t me... then maybe...” Battling to complete that sentence, I allow it to linger there momentarily.

Scoffing, she suddenly bites against her bottom lip as my words irk her, and I immediately sense the change in her as she looks me dead in the eye and speaks in a low tone,

“You mean if I wasn’t the daughter of an alpha, and if you weren’t a rogue, then maybe you could allow yourself to like me?”

Swallowing hard, I could only look at her, unable to form the words to say yes because everything inside me wanted to say no. I wanted to take her in my arms and never let her go, to keep her safe no matter who or what got in the way.

And the realization suddenly dawns on me that in a perfect world, things would be different, but this isn’t an ideal world, and that’s why I have to let her go before anything goes wrong; she belongs with someone who can give her the kind of life she deserves, someone like an alpha, not some rogue mutt who can’t even remember where he comes from.

The silence stretches on between us for a second longer before she finally nods, and as she leaves the room, my heart feels like it’s being ripped from my chest.

What is it about this girl that makes me feel this way? It physically pains me to be away from her, which quite literally is starting to drive me to the brink of insanity.

Huffing, I run my fingers through my disheveled hair. I need to get out of here and as far away from her as possible. I don’t need these complications in my life, and Sasha is more than just some complication in my life. If I’m not careful, she’ll be my end.

I have to let her go.