I Shouldn't Love Him
I Shouldn’t Love Him – Chapter 16

I desperately need to confide, I know that I can trust him. So I naturally place my head at his chest and listen attentively to the harmonious beat of his heart.

I take a deep breath and decide to go for it.

—- Today is a big day or rather it is the most important day of my life, I began, playing nervously with his t-shirt.

He nods and slowly strokes my arm which encourages me to continue.

— It’s October 5th, it’s my dad’s birthday…I’ve been living this day without him for three years…you know, I’ve always been closer to him than to my mother .

When I was a child, when I was 5 years old, I asked him what he wanted as a birthday present, and you know what he told me, “my best gift for this year is that you participate in the end-of-year theater at your school.

I laugh slightly thinking back to that day.

Gabriel listens to me attentively, his fascinating brown eyes cover me with an encouraging look, I close my eyes for a moment and continue: —

At that time , it’s as if he was asking me to shoot for the moon, I was extremely shy and for me it was impossible to face hundreds of eyes focused on me. And yet for him, I did it, I I only thought of him that day, I was ridiculous with my pumpkin disguise, but on that day it was only my father who counted and the gift he had chosen….

Every year, the on his birthday, it was the same thing, the gift he wanted was to overcome one of my fears and for him I realized it, it is thanks to him that today I became this person .

I jump slightly when Gabriel’s fingers venture along my damp cheeks, since when did those f*****g tears fall?!

My friend’s comforting hand slowly moves on my back, and his lips tenderly rest on my aching temple.

— I was 15…I was 15 when everything changed. I was in the middle of a teenage crisis, I was becoming rebellious like all the other teenagers I suppose, I stood up to him sometimes and hung out with people who didn’t suit me. One day, I snuck out to a party organized by students, I made my parents believe that I was at a friend’s house, a stupid lie and of course they found out.

My father rushed to pick me up like a child in front of all the high school and university students and I can’t tell you the shame he inflicted on me that night. I was beside myself and angry for the first time at Dad all because of people who weren’t worth it. I will never forget that day when his face expressed intense anger that was only aimed at me. He was driving in this inappropriate state and a driver or rather it was my father the driver who drove into a vehicle and killed innocent people and himself in the process.

I would have liked so much to be in his place, it’s true that I didn’t come out unscathed, on the contrary I had serious injuries but I should have had the punishment I deserved.

It was all my fault, if I had stayed home wisely none of this would have happened and I will always have every girl’s superhero by my side. I hate myself…

I burst into tears before his eyes and I squeeze his garment tightly between my fingers.

— Don’t say that Liya, you hear me, don’t put the blame on yourself, it had to happen, we can’t do anything against fate, he had to give up the ghost that evening.

I let his comforting words rebel in my brain, I want to believe what he tells me.

My nose runs abundantly along his skin, but at the moment it doesn’t matter to me, surely tomorrow I will remember it and insult myself with all the names.

He envelops me in soft and soothing words, which is exactly what I need right now.

I stayed like that against him for a long time, his presence was a great help to me.

I broke down in front of him and my God it felt good.

– It’s better ? , he whispers in my ear.

I place my hands flat against his sculpted chest and shift slightly so I can face him.

— Yes, thanks to you. Thank you Gabriel, I said shyly.

“You can always count on me Liya,” he whispers in his terribly sexy hoarse voice.

He looks at me in a funny way, I blush instantly because I imagine my swollen eyes, my excessively red nose…, I must simply be awful.

I flee his insistent gaze, which does not suit him because his index finger and his thumb trap my chin and his lips suddenly meet mine.

I widen my eyes, very surprised by this gesture which I do not realize. “I didn’t wait, I remained unmoved, electrified by the brushing of our lips.

I was not able to enjoy the softness of his lips until he moved back a few centimeters, leaving our faces close enough to disturb me.

His hot breath falls deliciously on my face, his index finger runs along my cheek sensitive to his touch, then he stops at the level of my nose which he pinches lightly with, a smile on the corner. — I like this red shade

. on you, he says.

I turn up my nose and make a face at him.

— Stop making fun of yourself, Gabriel, ” I said offended.

He frowns and grips my waist possessively.

— I’m serious, I replace you beautiful in any situation.

I feel my cheeks flush after his words , I have never been able to accept compliments and always have.

A vibration under my thigh made me jump slightly.

– It’s my phone, he said.

I realize that I am still on his lap, I walks away uncomfortably and lets him take his camera from the pocket of his jeans.

— Hello. yes..now? I’m busy here!…..I can’t…I say no.. OK.

And then he hangs up.

— Gabriel, I’m better now.

— I’m staying with you Liya, I won’t leave you in this state.

His phone rings again and I manage to make out the name of Yanis, his dear brother.

He sighs loudly but doesn’t pick up.

— Go ahead Gabriel, you’ve done enough for me today and what’s more, I’m exhausted, I’m going to go to bed.

He hesitates for a moment, I get up from the sofa and encourage him to do the same with a forced smile on my lips.

– Okay, whatever you want, he gives in.

I then accompany him to the door. Before he crosses it, he takes a step towards me, and places a soft k**s on my cheek.

— If you need anything, you call me okay? , he said softly.

I nod eagerly, I hold on to his t-shirt and close my eyes when he places his lips against my skin once again.

— Thank you very much Gabriel…good night, I whispered.

He smiles at me tenderly and leaves my home for good.

I leaned against the door after closing it, I didn’t want him to leave.

I don’t want to be alone in these many lifeless rooms.

I clench my fists tightly to resist going outside to ask him to come back.

I force myself to climb the stairs to get to my room.

I sit down on my bed, a slight pain in my stomach reminds me that I still haven’t swallowed anything since this morning.

My eyes land on the watch…it’s 10:15 p.m., my heart is beating faster, shit! I am late .

I stand up abruptly, which causes a dizziness that I ignore and get up immediately, I retrieve a sweater that was lying around in the mess I had caused earlier and put it on hastily.

I leave my house without further delay, barely having taken a step outside when the wind blows strongly against my burning face.

I ignore the unpleasant sensation this causes in my body and set off.

My steps are fast, as is my breathing.

The further I go from my neighborhood, the darker the streets become, I ignore the fear that makes my pulse beat energetically and tighten my sweater tightly around me as if that could help me.

I jump violently when a black cat appears in my field of vision. I take a deep breath and only look straight ahead…. I’m almost there.

I want to stop, I hurt everywhere but my feet are uncontrollable, impatient to get to my destination.

I arrived! Everything is dark, only the benevolent light of the moon illuminates me sufficiently.

My legs move forward on their own, knowing the path perfectly.

I ignore the terrifying barking of the dogs, the violent whistling of the wind, and kneel without further delay against the hard, cold ground.

My heart aches painfully at the sight of his grave.

“I came,” I whispered.

It’s difficult for me to breathe properly, I try as best I can to calm down.

— It’s not yet midnight…I’m very late but I came on time, Dad.

I caress his name written against the hard plate with my fingertips.

— I was able to keep my promise…but mom no, as you see today she is absent…I…I’m really sorry dad.

My cheeks flood with tears and I shiver violently as the wind hits my face.

— Xavier…I’m sure it’s all his fault if mom isn’t here today…if you knew…this man is unbearable, he’s just a pervert and a pedophile, a real Simply a*****e…I hate him.

I try to control my sobs but it’s just impossible.

— He is the complete opposite of Gabriel. Gabriel…

I smile sadly as I think back to his fits of jealousy when a man approached me closely.

— I…I feel good in his presence and I see in him all the qualities that you were looking for so much for the man who according to you would suit me…I think…that I am interested in him dad…yes I’m not going to lie to you, I like him.

I lie down with my whole body on his grave and curl up on myself. I’m terribly cold, my shaking is uncontrollable.

I keep my eyelids firmly closed, and dig my fingers into the earth

– Happy birthday dad… I say, crying silently.

My heart aches painfully.

— So tell me, what gift do you want for this year? , daddy.please answer me…wrap me with your protective arms, reassure me with your unique smell…I need it terribly…I miss you…