I Shouldn't Love Him
I Shouldn’t Love Him – Chapter 40

Xavier’s POV

I don’t know what time it is but there is total silence in my fiancée’s villa

. It’s really late.

I get out of the car, slamming the door gently, then cross the garden with my fists clenched, still angry, still unable to calm down. And then how could I do it at the sight of this bastard’s face forcing its way between Liya’s sweet lips?

— You’re finally home..

I stop in my tracks at the sound of the driver’s voice, Jamie…he’s starting to get on my nerves.

—And you’re still not sleeping? , I questioned him aggressively, glaring at him.

Sitting on the small bench, a cigarette between his fingers, he seems serene. The tone I used does not bother him at all, on the contrary a smile tugs at his lips.

— I was waiting for you to take care of the car.

He gestures towards the vehicle and I realize that I didn’t even bother to park properly.

I scratch the back of my neck, take a seat next to him and throw him the keys which he barely catches.

— Sorry..I..

— It’s not serious..Sir… I know something is wrong and it’s far away because of the hospital.

I slump on the seat covering my face with my palms.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” , he insists.

I shake my head and then there is a long silence.

— I waited for you until this late hour, you owe me that.

I still remain silent, thinking back to the painful episodes of that damn day…what can I say to him?

“I just know that I made the biggest mistake of my life,” I finally said.

— Um by marrying a woman you don’t love?

I look at him surprised at what he is saying, he doesn’t give me a glance, with frowning eyebrows he continues.

“I don’t know you, but I do. maybe the others are blind but that is obvious…you don’t have that sparkle in your eyes when you see my little Élisa. I will never allow you to hurt her, pull yourself together, nothing is ever too late and don’t ruin

this little one’s happiness.

— No…no Jamie I will be happy with her..

— Not without love, never forget. Have you never known this Feeling?

He throws his butt on the ground and crushes it quickly, I feel his gaze weighing on me waiting for a response from me.

— She is young, much too young for me. And yet she knew how to panic the beating of my cold heart. It was forbidden to me and yet I loved getting close to this forbidden fruit. She hated me and so did I. I hated her for making me lose all my control. I wanted her to rebuild her life after these years without seeing her again and now that my wish has come

true, seeing her with this man is unbearable and painful for me.

He remains silent for a moment, I don’t know what he’s thinking but this silence annoys me.

— You are also with a woman now… who tells you that she is not like you, that she is with this man without love?” —

Impossible… I saw them with their kid, they seemed happy …

— Appeared, you said… appearances are deceiving. Let me give you some advice, go see her, you won’t lose anything!’

I give a nervous laugh, looking at him sideways.

— You will regret it for the rest of your life, don’t get involved with someone else without

having tried all the solutions. You still have another chance and

again I tell you, don’t commit this serious mistake… think about it, on that note, have a good evening.

He goes towards the car, leaving me alone troubled. Why would I go see her!

Who tells you that she is not like you? That she is with this loveless man? It’s impossible, I saw how happy she was this evening…I’m lost.

I enter the villa in this state, I rush in discreetly in the room, reassured that Elisa is asleep and begins to undress me. I

then lie down on the bed, my arms crossed behind my neck in thought.

— You were planning on never informing me of your lateness? You could at least send me a message if you didn’t want to talk.

His back turned to me, his voice full of disappointment penetrates my

painful eardrums.

— An old friend of mine needed my help, I was too busy and I didn’t see the time, sorry, I said, approaching her and encircling her waist with my arm to bring her closer. of my cold body.

— We both know it’s a lie, you’re free not to tell me the truth. Just know that you have my trust, it’s up to you not to damage it.

She turns around, her little palms rest on my chest and her

deep gaze crosses mine.

— I love you Xavier “

It’s easy to tell her that I love her too but every time she says these words to me it’s hard for me to respond, I’m exhausted from playing this game that I I provoked.

Seeing that my answer is slow in coming, her watery eyes flutter, I am about to answer her but she hastens to place her lips on mine as if to prevent me from speaking.

“Good night,” she whispers before turning her back on me.

I’m sorry Elisa.

A few days later

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I had sworn but here I am again in this hospital looking for her… I think I already know the answers I’m looking for but here I am, I want her to tell me say. that all this is true…we can say that this driver really turned my brain with these tips.

I walk towards the infirmary, then stop not far away, leaning against a wall. I take the sharp blade out of my pocket, caressing it with my fingertips. I glance around the hallway waiting for him to appear. And when I see her appear, chatting with someone on the phone, I let the blade pierce my palm without leaving the silhouette of this young

women . I let the b***d flow enough to feel the pain spreading and then approach her discreetly.

— Excuse me, I need your help please.

Yes I’m crazy..I only found this solution to approach him..I’m sure I’m crazy.

She freezes when I say these words, remaining like this without reacting, and my breathing stops when she slowly turns around to face me

– I… I’ll call you back, she says before hanging up.

I finally see you, in front of me, just the two of us…I feel that all this is not real, I have imagined this day when our eyes will meet. You are so surprised and I won’t be able to know if you are happy to see me. You may have become a sexier and more mature woman but your innocent face remains the same. This white blouse suits you perfectly. I can’t say what I’m feeling right now, anger, joy, excitement, so much in these few seconds. Reducing the twenty centimeters that separate us is so vital to me, feeling you close to me and burying my face in the crook of your neck and your hair, I missed you horribly my queen.

“I need your help,” I said softly.

She pulls herself together, realizing what I’m telling her, I show her my hand

but she doesn’t react to the sight of my b***d.

—Selena? Could you take care of this gentleman?

I must have suspected it, still so unbearable, if she thinks I’ll let her go.

— Sorry, I can’t, I… begins the woman named Selena near us, who is getting ready to leave.

— Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the other patient, Liya intervenes.

— I’ve already taken care of him, but the assistant needs me, sorry, hurry up and take care of him, poor guy..

I can’t help but smile, happy to have won.

She sighs discreetly and asks me to follow her despite herself. I enter the infirmary, then take a seat, and watch his every move. She approaches me with a cotton ball in her hand. She is so close,

her sweet scent already awakens my animal instinct; without touching me she begins to aggressively wipe the b***d.

— Very gently, I whispered, delicately encircling her wrist.

At this contact, I feel her shiver and her doe eyes meet mine.

With my thumb I run light circles on her soft skin without ever breaking our eye contact. She swallows hard and quickly withdraws from my grip, she turns her back to me to look for the disinfectant… I destabilized her, maybe all is not lost.

— Yes, I changed my major. “

She approaches me, not giving me any glance this time and wants to

appear distant.

— And Marie, how is she?”

She only focuses on my hand but I detail each expression on her face.

— She’s fine…

I can see that she can’t stand my presence, I won’t go until I

have all the answers to my questions.

— I imagine she is now with Yanis.

That’s it, the serious things begin, my jaw tenses at the mention of this man, she bites her lower l*p nervously following my question, despite my anger this simple gesture gives rise to a crazy desire in me.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” she complains, just as furious as I am.

She wraps a bandage around my hand, while grazing my skin each time, and I delight in these delicious sensations which spread through my body at her delicate touch.

“Unless Yanis is with someone else,” I said painfully through clenched teeth.

I feel her freeze at my last sentence. I would like to see the expression on her

face but she leans a little further forward to finish my bandage, letting her loose hair form a barrier between her and me.

— Yanis is not with my mother…but we are together. , she blurted out after having finished treating me.

She stands up but I immediately circle her wrist forcing her to stay.

– Look at me Liya… say it in my eyes, ” I thundered.

She just withdraws my hand but I tighten my grip and stand up

to be at her level.

Head held high, eyebrows furrowed, lips pursed, her eyes express a strange glow, they are dark and…I don’t know.

— I’m with Yanis and we have a child, she says, looking me straight in the eyes.

Following her monologue, she manages to walking away from me while massaging his arm…and I…I’m in shock. His serious look, the doubts I had that vanish…but why can’t I accept all his say?

She is busy putting away the equipment, she wants to appear calm but I can clearly see her slight tremors running through her fragile body.

— Get away from me as you have done so well in recent years, I don’t want you anymore see…

My fists are clenching, if she thinks I’ll leave like that, well she’s sticking her finger in her eye.

— I didn’t come back for you Liya. If I’m back it’s to get married.

In the next second, the disinfectant falls from his hands and his body freezes.

She stoops to pick him up and says nothing in response to this news.

— I wish you all the happiness, she whispers after a long and unbearable silence.

I approach her slowly and reduce the few centimeters that we

separate, sticking my torso to his frail, trembling back. I place my palms on either side of the table near hers and lean towards her.

I had terribly missed this proximity, his body close to mine, his simple presence which I so desired. She doesn’t react and doesn’t push me away either. I cover his hand with my palm, my face buried in his thick hair as I desperately inhale their specific scent that I horribly needed.

—Why can’t I believe you? I whispered close to his ear.

Her tremors persist, her breathing becomes irregular just like mine…I need you so much my angel…don’t push me away…

She suddenly gives me a violent blow on my injured hand which makes me

g***n in pain and makes me step back from her.

– Don’t come near me…ever again and go replace your wife, she spits

with contempt before storming off, leaving me alone in this room.

My bandage is covered in b***d. little savage!

I suspected it was going to end this way. if she thinks I

‘m going to give up… I have one last solution left…talk to Marie.

I hasten to leave this hospital, I take a taxi and tell him my ex-fiancée’s agency… As long as she still works there.

Arriving at the desired address, I wait several minutes outside, normally

she will not take long, she will soon finish her service.

I pace back and forth in the small alley under the curious gaze of a few passers-by, I cast frequent glances at the entrance and with relief I see her come out.

I cross the street, and wait for her to come a little closer.

— Good evening Marie.

When she notices me, she doesn’t seem surprised to see me, as if she was expecting me to come.

—Xavier. ” she greets me with a nod.

— I would like us to talk, do you have a moment to give me?

— Of course, let’s go somewhere else, my car is parked right there.

I nod and follow her closely.

— It’s been a while since we last saw you, what good wind is bringing you? ” she asks before taking a sip of her cocktail.

— Yes, I came back to get married if you want to know…

She shows a surprised expression and coughs.

— You’re finally getting married…it must be special I imagine.

I shrug my shoulders in response, she runs a hand over her hair which now reaches shoulder level, the way I used to like it before she cut it.

— If I asked to speak to you it was about your daughter…what happened to her?

— Ah Xavier, what do you want to know about her? You’re going to get married as far as I know..

I sigh loudly and meet his serious gaze.

— I won’t beat around the bush, I don’t love my future wife.. Now answer me Marie..and please I want to know the truth about her, what has happened since incident two years ago?

She plays with the straw from her drink. I am impatiently waiting for her

to speak.

— Very well then…As you know, she lost her baby, a shock for all of us. My poor daughter was going to lose her mind following this misfortune. Yanis stayed by her side without ever leaving her. He knew how to support her and listen to her and then…love grew between them and they had a child. From now on they live happily, and Liya is much better thanks to him.

My jaw contracts more and more as I listen to his monologue.

I ink each word in my head, squeezing my heart mercilessly every second. I

feel like I’m suffocating, I’m short of air, I open the first buttons of my shirt, and massage the back of my neck.

— How Marie? For what ? I.. you were good with Yanis, how come your daughter and..

— No between Yanis and me everything is over, both of us were in the past, and then my daughter’s happiness is what counts .

— I, I see… ” I stammered.

I don’t even feel my body anymore, my head weighs a ton, my jaw is

painful, so it’s all over…no more chance…I don’t know why I’m in this state .

I stand up awkwardly from my seat and meet the insistent gaze of my ex-fiancée.

– I… uh I’m going to go, I articulated I

start to leave this place to go far away from everyone but I I hear Marie’s voice calling out to me…what does she want from me?

I retrace my steps and stop next to her.

— I have a question to ask you…do you love my daughter?

What is it? this question? Why ask me now? It doesn’t make any sense, whether I love him or not I’ve already lost him.

— Answer me, I’m sorry, I know you never loved me but Liya

do you have feelings for her? ” she asks seriously.

Very good if she wants to know so much, open your ears my dear

– Yes, yes Marie, yes yes. I f*****g love her, I love your daughter like crazy.

She was very young yes, unbearable. I liked everything about her, her insolent behavior. her side of dress, her intelligence, her smile…I didn’t want to admit it to myself Marie but these two years away from her were the hardest and I realized that I couldn’t live without her because I I found her, the woman my heart was looking for…it’s all absurd, you probably won’t believe me, I’m in love with your daughter. But all that no longer matters, she has found her happiness..”

After finishing my monologue, I turn my back on her again to

leave.

— Xavier, please sit down, I think that we haven’t finished our conversation.