I Shouldn't Love Him
I Shouldn’t Love Him – Chapter 42

Xavier’s point of view

The big day has arrived. This is the happiest day of my life, because yes, finally I am going to get married to the woman of my life, the one I have desired so much and experienced a forbidden love for. My Liya..

A sad smile stretches my lips at this thought..Liya! If only it could be possible, I would marry her and not Elisa. But I must not lose hope because everything is not yet decided.

— So how is the groom-to-be? ” ever asks with a smile on his lips, patting my shoulder.

– Ah Jamie Jamie! If I tell you wonderfully that would be the biggest lie of my life ” I said wearily.

The room is now full and I barely know anyone. The loan is there, I am standing with my whole body frozen waiting without enthusiasm for the arrival of my fiancée.

Jamie looks around us, leans towards me so that I am the only one to hear what he has to say to me.

— Nothing is decided yet…all it takes is one word to change your future.

— I know that Jamie..but it’s not me but her who must change everything, everything will depend on her..:

He looks at me confused not understanding what I’m saying. I gently pat him on the shoulder like he did to me earlier. I readjust my costume and clear my throat when I see a very beautiful woman in a white dress arriving…my future wife.

Holding her father’s arm, she walks slowly towards me. Head down reducing the few meters that separate us. The closer it gets, the more I run out of air… inhale and exhale deeply, big guy!

Here she is now in front of me, I must tremble with happiness to have her by my side, not only is she endowed with pure beauty, also her heart is, a golden woman who does not deserve me… my body stretched like a bow. Try to relax about what comes next.

Her flawless face is covered with much too much makeup. All this black that covers his eyes annoys me. I prefer it less superficial, And for her dress, she chose a bustier and I hate this outfit which squeezes her small chest a little too much..and then she doesn’t know since I didn’t give her any opinion on it. the multiple dresses that she had described to me. Her eyes finally meet mine…it’s not blue eyes that I see, nor a blond mane, nor such white skin covered with moles, nor a youthful face…I force my mind to stop thinking about another on my wedding day, I stare at the ready to avoid meeting this woman in front of me who seems so unknown to me at that moment.

The old man begins his stressful speech and I can’t help but glance at the guests..a tuft of blond hair..looking Xavier look carefully, she must be there, she must come!

— Xavier, do you want to take Elisa as your wife?

What ? Are we already at this level? My eyes drift between the priest and the crowd watching me…my angel where are you? I’m sure she will come…she can only come…she has to stop me from doing this stupid thing!

And yet the old man asks his question again, I swallow hard, feeling my lungs running out of air and the guests stare at me as if I had two heads.

— Yes I do..

Of course you f*****g want to ruin your life.. Well done Xavier, you have balls for nothing! The question is immediately asked to the woman in front of me…in that moment I understood…I understood that I lost Liya and that it is impossible for her and me, I no longer have any chance . My fists and my jaw clench at this idea…I was stupid to have thought that she would come…or rather too in love

The silence that follows is heavy, I realize that my future wife hasn’t responded yet and she’s staring at me intently with a smile on her lips.

— that’s not true, Xavier, she whispers.

I question her with a look, not understanding what is happening to her.

— Up to this point? You went hard!”

Whispers ring out in the room, no one hears us except

this curious priest.

— What are you talking about?”

— I wanted to see how far you could go and I just noticed that you were ready to marry me even though you don’t love me, I can’t believe it, she blurted out with a trembling voice and teary eyes.

What can I say other than I’m an a*****e? And obviously everyone

knows that.

— Do you think I’ll be happy living like this? You only thought about yourself without worrying about what I might feel.. I hope you replace another person who will support your selfishness and live with your cold heart..

And that’s after throwing her bouquet with a flower in her face as she leaves the room running in a surprising way with her high heels!

She just left you and what you’re thinking is how does she manage to run in those shoes?

— More couples who waste my time! , complains the poor priest.

The one who should be my mother-in-law approaches me and without much surprise I welcome her monumental slap with pleasure. Her husband is quick to give me a well-deserved punch after calling me names..I’m sorry guys.

Crazy family, I’m very happy to have gotten rid of it! Now I’m free, I should be the happiest in this moment but I’m not, because she didn’t come…she doesn’t want me… Liya’s point of view…

The

music that doesn’t Not stopping for hours feels good. My painful legs bear witness to the many dances I did without being able to stop. And here I am dancing a slow dance with a complete stranger.

He hugs me tightly against him, I grab his neck and bury my face in the crook of his neck so as not to meet his foreign face. I see Inaya from afar with her fiancé, she raises her thumb in the air in my direction with a smile on her lips, happy to see me fully enjoying this evening…yes I’m enjoying it, or rather I’m trying. Every time a man comes too close to me, I can’t help but think of him and his hands on me… him who got married and who at this moment has to prepare for his honeymoon , him with this woman whom he must k**s and make love in all the ways that I secretly dream of night and day. “I made the right choice,” I kept repeating to myself so as not to feel guilty. And yet I could have gone to this ceremony and screamed to everyone that Xavier belongs to me…yes it would be easy but impossible.

– Why are you crying ?

The stranger circles my cheeks and looks curiously in my direction.

– I… I have to go, I replied, wiping my cheeks and quickly freeing myself from his grip to join Inaya.

– Oh my dear, no no you must not cry but forget what we said, she exclaims and immediately takes me in her arms when I reach her

.

— I think I’m going back.

— Don’t you want to enjoy it a little longer? “

I shake my head sharply to make him understand that I don’t want to stay here another minute.

– Okay, you won’t go alone in that case, my brother will accompany you.

– No need, I’m going to take a taxi.

“I’m going with you,” his brother concluded severely, and so I no longer have a say.

After a long hug with my best friend, I slip outside with difficulty and her brother who has taken out his bike and hands me a helmet. I stare at the object in his hands and hesitate for a moment before taking it.

Getting on this thing with a dress is not very practical and so I have difficulty climbing on its machine.

“Hang on, my dear,” he teases me with a smile on his lips.

— don’t drive too fast okay? “I threatened him.

He doesn’t answer me and starts immediately, I surround his waist and let the wind whip freely through my hair, a few small drops appear and it can only be pleasant. My head rests between his shoulder blades , I hold on to him more when he drives at high speed. I haven’t been on a motorcycle since Gabriel’s death… Gabriel, my lips stretch as I think of him when he rode like a kid so that I cling tightly to him. Or that his comforting smell accompanied me during our little journeys. or even when a frank and magnificent smile stretched his lips when he saw me. I can’t help but to cry silently thinking of these beautiful but painful memories that we spent together, Gabriel, the father of my daughter.. I

miss him terribly.

— it’s not that I don’t want you to stay attached to me but we we have arrived.

I immediately come back to earth when the mocking voice of the brother in quarto reaches my

ears. I hasten to go down and hand him his helmet, trying to avoid his gaze. I’m about to slip away but he circles my wrist and brings me back to him to take me in his comforting and

warm arms and I immediately respond to his embrace.

— I don’t like seeing you in this state, I promise you that everything will be fine and you know

that you can always count on Inaya and me, he whispers, stroking my hair.

“Thank you,” I whispered and released myself from his embrace with a forced smile on my lips.

After wishing him good night, he leaves and I walk the few meters that separate me from my villa but I stop and contemplate the sky. The wind picks up suddenly, clouds cover the sky, I hug my coat tightly to me and smile as the furious rain falls on my face. It’s so nice, I close my eyes and focus on what’s around me. My moment of happiness immediately dissipates when a rumbling comes from the sky and lightning appears and I can’t help but jump in surprise and fright.

—Are you still afraid of storms? I thought I had solved this problem..

This voice…I’m dreaming for sure, my brain is playing one of its tricks on me! I turn around suddenly to make sure I’m alone. I don’t know what emotions run through me, joy, excitement, anger, pain, so much at the simple sight of this man…this man who has put on one of his most beautiful suits, his wedding outfit and the rain enjoys sticking each item of clothing to his imposing, powerful and dominant body. His hands buried in his pockets, he shortens the few meters that separate us until he faces me. I have a crazy urge to cry, not being able to believe that he is here next to me and not with his wife at the moment… his wife.

– Why are you here, your wife must be wondering where you are, ” I said in a trembling voice unable to control my confusion.

His soft lips form a smile at the corner, he reveals to me his hands, his long fingers and fine, big palms…and no ring.

— At the moment I don’t have a wife and you know why? Because she realized that the man with whom she was going to share her life don’t love him no! And she had the wise decision to stop everything.

II..he didn’t get married..damn he’s not married! My legs tremble at this news which secretly revives my bruised heart . I didn’t come to stop him, I couldn’t…I thought I’d never see him again and yet here he is in front of me and not with someone else. And I don’t know what to say to him. The rain is getting

louder violent, we are soaked to the skin and neither he nor I care about this detail, it’s just “us” that counts.

— Liya..

When he whispers my name like that, kissing him is what I desire. He suddenly takes my palm in his and directs it towards his muscular chest, right over his heart…it beats fast, as fast as mine.

— You’re the only one who managed to turn this place upside down. The two of us had been connected for a long time..since I was with your mother..

A forbidden connection yes and it still seems strange to me because I don’t

see myself being with him after everything that happened.

— You are the one I want and desire… I ask you to believe me Liya, I love you.

His words play on a loop in my brain, his words that I always hoped to hear. He loves me and no one else. He came to win me over despite the fact that I didn’t come to see him today…I’m the happiest but also the most unhappy, it’s strange I admit I want him but the opposite too, I don’t understand myself anymore so I do the only thing that seems right to me.

— Sorry Xavier, I only felt desire for you and not love…

Taking advantage of the moment that he freezes, I release his grip, fleeing his gaze and flee quickly after having inked the expression on his

face

…annihilated Here I am in my home, breathing raggedly, I head towards the living room where I sit soaking wet. I’m in terrible pain but I can’t cry; on the contrary, I burst out laughing, not being able to believe what I just did. I really just pushed him away!

I close my eyes when the light from the living room blinds me, and freeze when my mother appears in my field of vision in her pajamas.

— Young girl, are you going to take off these soaked clothes right away or…

She stops in her tracks and in no time approaches me when she notices the state I am in.

— Honey, what’s happening to you?

I don’t dare move or look at her, my gaze is just fixed straight ahead of me lost in my dark and painful thoughts.

— Look at me angel, tell me everything, she worries, placing her hand on my cheek to force me to look at her.

“My..mom..he..he didn’t get married,” I finally said.

She frowns, takes in my words and places her hand on mine.

—Xavier? And why are you in this state?

I lower my head, not being able to hold his gaze any longer.

— He told me he loves me…

A long silence follows and I wait impatiently for her to say something instead of remaining silent.

— And you, Liya, do you love him?”

Now she asks the right question, shame overwhelms me more and more, and the tears flow of their own accord, not being able to face what will follow.

— You were happy with him mom, the simple image of seeing you together should have resonated with me because you are my mother. But I couldn’t…from the start he attracted me. I forced myself to push away this feeling and tell myself that it wasn’t “It’s just a simple desire and I can control it but I was far from the truth. I got together with Gabriel to forget him because he haunted me day and night and he was forbidden to me. I hated myself day by day to use Gabriel and do this to you, mom. I regret my actions so much, I swear. And then I lost my child because of him, a good reason to hate him and forget him but …but I am weak, I couldn’t, I suffer every day…I fell in love with him, I love him and this love is slowly destroying me‚ I’m sorry mom for doing this to you..forgive me for loving her, I sobbed, taking her in my arms to alleviate my embarrassment and my pain…

I’m afraid she will push me away again and won’t want me anymore.. I will die if this happens again. She hesitates for a moment before hugging me and I desperately cling to her and release all the tears that have been holding her back all day.

— Did you push him away? ” she simply asks me after everything I’ve just told her.

— Yes, this love is impossible and I can’t do that to you…

She pulls me away from her and forces me to meet her gaze.

— Because “he was my ex-fiance? Look at me, I’m married and happy with Yanis. Xavier and I are in the past and our relationship was devoid of love. Know that I won’t blame you if you love him, love cannot be controlled! I admit that at the beginning I was very angry with you, it’s normal as he was my fiancé, it was unhealthy but over time it passes and look at me I finally know happiness . And this happiness you have the right to know too. The fact that you pushed Xavier away for me proves to me how much you care about your mom and now if you want me to be satisfied you better hurry up and fix it your mistakes before he slips his fingers…

– Mom, what are you talking about?! I… you know I don’t deserve it, I say sadly and touched by his monologue.

— If, my darling, of course you deserve it, Xavier is not the most perfect man but he will know how to make you happy…otherwise we will both put him in his place, she affirms pointing at something, I follow the direction she shows me and stop at the sight of Xavier standing proudly in the living room with a huge smile on his lips.

— Mom, you… you didn’t dare? I stammered, feeling the blush rising to the roots of my hair.

– Thank me later, now enjoy, she giggles before walking away and leaving us alone.

— So, mademoiselle is madly in love with me?

He has already heard everything, what can I say except that I died of shame.

I haven’t moved from my place, still sitting I don’t dare look at him and so he takes the pleasure of approaching and my eyelids close to the sound of each slow step he takes. I only reopen them when I no longer hear anything. He is crouching in front of me, staring at me for a long time.

“Tell me you love me,” he whispers.

“No,” I managed to say.

I jump when his pleasantly warm fingers venture onto my trembling legs and he gently removes my painful heels one by one. Once finished, his body approaches mine and seeing him so close destabilizes me and also delights me.

– Tell me ,

He undoes the knot on my coat without stopping looking at me, waiting for me to speak, but I can’t. I’m not used to saying these affectionate words, it’s quite embarrassing and then it’s about Xavier..This imposing man and a big a*****e at the same time.

I shiver throughout my being when he places his thin lips on the sensitive flesh of my neck. He leaves such pleasant k****s that make me crazy and hot, he bares my shoulder which he caresses with his tongue and nibbles

gently with his teeth extracting a m**n of pleasure from me.

I missed him terribly, his lips, his big hands, his wild perfume, his powerful body, his hoarse voice, I missed absolutely everything and this perfect moment seemed unreal to me.

— Xavier…stop…

— Tell me and I’ll stop, he blurted.

I grab his messy hair and pull him back. His gaze darkened by desire is fascinating, I tenderly caress his beardless cheeks. He only shaved very rarely and today he did it for his wedding. But now he is here by my side and is uniquely to me and I intend to show it to him.

I bring our faces together, his Adam’s apple rises and falls before my

inflamed eyes…with the tip of my tongue I caress his soft, half-open lips, subsequently accelerating his breathing. And gently I k**s him, putting all my love and passion into this k**s. Our lips meet, our teeth collide and our tongues taste and caress each other sensually. He deepens the k**s by firmly gripping my h**s, he takes a place next to me and places me astride his legs without ever stopping kissing me. But I first break our fiery k**s to catch my breath and Monsieur is not very happy I will say.

He places his forehead against mine and I caress his swollen lips with my index finger.

— I love you a*****e.

Following my words, he freezes then growls fiercely, bites my finger and wraps his tongue around it, lighting a fire between my legs.

– I know little… I know, he smiled sincerely, slowly caressing my shivering bare legs.

The magic of this moment is shattered when we hear a noise behind us…I tense up when I see Yanis in the dark corridor accompanied by my mother, she has my daughter in her arms and covers her eyes so that She doesn’t see what we’re doing.

“You’re spying on us,” I got angry.

— No, of course not…I just wanted to inform you that as there are not enough rooms in this house,

justifies my mother with a smile on her lips.

It’s not true mom! I hasten to get off Xavier’s legs, he then gets up and slides his palm against mine.

— Don’t worry, I was just about to leave.

That he already wants to leave me doesn’t really delight me because we just found each other again.

“You didn’t seem to want to leave,” says Yanis, to provoke him, I imagine.

The person concerned simply ignores it and gives me his full attention.

— Tomorrow at 6 a.m., be ready, we’ll both go for a little jog, he whispers in my ear before nibbling and licking it and I bite my lower l*p to stop myself from moaning.

He then steps back, winks at me as if to assure me that this jogging will be very different from the one before… where it was forbidden to approach us and that from now on everything is permitted.. .absolutely everything .

I see him walking away from me, still this sexy approach! He approaches Yanis and without warning, punches him to our

total incomprehension.

“That, my big guy, is for the stolen k**s,” he said, patting his shoulder. “

This idiot is unbelievable!” Yanis doesn’t have time to react before Xavier leaves and before leaving my home he gives me one last look…a look full of promise.

I gave us a chance Xavier, it’s your turn now.