I Shouldn't Love Him
I Shouldn’t Love Him (Book 2) – Chapter 50

LAKE

Just because my father wasn’t necessarily a great man doesn’t mean he wasn’t scary. The chief operating officer of a pharmaceutical company, he was second in command at work and had the final say on everything involving the Kaplan family here at home.

It worked well for my mother and me. Mom knew how to manage her tempers, sometimes with a simple word or gesture. She said he had a sense of humor that most people didn’t have. And I just did what he said. It was my father. He knew better than me.

Tiffany was a different story. That evening, after helping Mom clear the dinner table, I walked past her desk on my way to my room.

It wasn’t unusual for me to hear them arguing in there, but the mention of my name made me stop.

“Lake deserves a night off,” Tiffany said. “More than that. She did her homework all summer.

“I don’t expect you to understand the value of hard work,” he said quietly. “But your sister does. Don’t Don’t intervene.

“A night at the Fun Zone hardly interferes,” she said.

Over dinner, Tiffany had mentioned that she was taking me to the fair this weekend.

After a heavy silence, my dad said,

“You think I’m stupid, Tiffany? Do you honestly expect me to believe that you want to spend a Saturday night playing arcade games with your little sister?” “Yes,

” she said.

Tiffany acted tough most of the time, but I heard the pain in her voice.

“God only knows what you really have planned. Probably an unsupervised party at the house of one of your degenerate friends. The The answer is no.

I frowned. Tiffany didn’t need to be there to defend me. She was telling the truth after all.

“She couldn’t be a better student, so why can’t she s ‘fun too?’ asked Tiffany. “

I swear, we’ll go straight to Balboa and come home.” »

“I don’t believe you.” And I tell you something, if I had lied to my father, I would have been beaten for it. »

“Go ahead, then. Beat me.

With a gasp, I put my hand on the doorknob to intervene. Fear made me hesitate. I rarely stood up to my father. I didn’t even know how he would take it if I did.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he replied. “Your mother and I have never laid a hand on you. In fact, we let you do what you want. All I ask is that you leave your sister alone. She’s on her way to getting everything she wants, and I’m going to kick you out of this house before I let you drag it down. »

“You’re such an idiot,” Tiffany said. “All you care about is lake. If I left tomorrow, you wouldn’t even notice. »

“I certainly would, but you wouldn’t.” you need money and a job to move. It shouldn’t be too difficult, or so one might think. »

My heart was beating twice. I didn’t want Tiffany to leave. She could be difficult, yes, but I liked knowing she was in the next room. I knew no matter what, if I really needed her, she would be there. I jumped back as Tiffany walked out of the office and upstairs. After a few seconds, his door slammed. I didn’t really know what to do: comfort her or keep my distance.

Mom came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a cloth.

“Everything is fine?”

“They fought,” I said.

She glanced towards the stairs.

“Give your sister some space,” she said, turning around. “She will calm down.

“LAKE?” Dad is calling you. “Come in here.”

I had no reason to be nervous, but my mouth suddenly went dry. Tiffany was both stupid and brave for arguing with my father on a regular basis. I considered myself neither of those things.

I looked in the study. Dad was sitting at his desk, tinkering with his new computer. We were only allowed in there when he was home. He had important papers and files that could not be disturbed, and for the past few weeks we were absolutely not to go near the office. He had bought the IBM which he said was worth more than me.

After a month of debating whether he really needed a home computer, he let me accompany him to choose one. He’d spent two days setting it up, and that night he let me watch as he moved icons around, opening them, showing me what he called “the future in a box.”

I slipped into the room.

“When will you get your school grades?” he asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “It is unacceptable that we have to wait at all.”

“Not for a few weeks,” I said. “But I’ll get an A plus in both classes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He inhaled so deeply that his chest expanded. With his exhale, he relaxed into his leather chair.

“She’s my daughter. What would I do without you?”

I frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“Just that I don’t think I would have survived another emotional teenager. You’re like me. Focused. Logical.” He rested his elbows on the desk. “Now, let’s talk about the playlist. you are late ?

I wasn’t as dramatic as my sister, but I didn’t think I could be more like my father. If I was a bit of both, where did that put me?

“This book is just longer than the others,” I said.

“You had no problem with Catch-22, that’s a big deal.”

“Because I liked it.”

“You liked?”

For some reason, this seemed to surprise him.

“Me too. But not liking a book is no reason to keep the whole list.”

I remembered my conversation with Manning earlier about reading what I wanted, not what was required. “Maybe I could take a break and read something for fun.”

“There will be a lot of things you don’t want to read in college. Just get through it, Lake.

He turned back to his computer, effectively dismissing me.

“Besides, I’d like you to finish so I can give you my own list.”

That was my summer in a nutshell. I didn’t need to ask why it had to be filled with school work; I already knew. USC wasn’t looking for the type of student who completed part or most of their reading list. They wanted those who went above and beyond. Who had a second list. And it wasn’t that I didn’t want to do it, I loved reading. But maybe Manning and Tiffany were right. Would it be so bad if I did something that wasn’t mandated by my father, like pick up a book I was interested in or take a night off?

“I want to go to the fair,” I said.

“With Tiffany.”

He inspected the underside of the bulbous portable device that was connected to the computer – a mouse, he called it, which made me laugh. “I already said no.”

“I’ve been working really hard, Dad. I’ve been doing summer school, reading or studying non-stop, and next month I’m volunteering to be a camp counselor again. Shouldn’t I not have a little fun before the end of the summer?”

He looked up. “You know who’s having fun? Your sister. You want to become like her, no job, no money, live with us after high school? She had the chance to read the same books and get the same education as you, but she chose to have fun instead.

Sometimes his disappointment in her seemed unfair. As far as I I remember, he expected little from her and a lot from me. I was only meeting his expectations – wasn’t it possible that she would do the same? Before I could decide whether to defend her or not, he sighed .

“you can go to Balboa and that’s it. Come straight home afterwards.

I smiled.

“Thanks dad. I’ll finish the book by then, I promise.

I walked straight out of her office to knock on Tiffany’s door. His music was loud, so I had to hammer a little harder.

“Go away,” she said.

“It’s me.”

“I know.”

I went in, even though Tiffany could eviscerate me, to tell her the good news.

She was lying on her bed with a pillow on her face.

“What do you want?”

I stayed by the door in case she threw something. She once broke her keyboard receiver because Dad blew up the phone bill. I couldn’t tell if she was crying. Usually when she did it, it was loud enough for all of us to hear. Tiffany didn’t really see the point in crying if no one knew.

“Daddy’s letting us go out Saturday night.”

“I should have asked you first. Um. You always get what you want.

I tried to do something nice, and now I’m the bad guy.

“Because I actually had something to negotiate. I do well in school, so I can ask for things. Maybe you should try doing something, too.

She grabbed the pillow and dropped it on the bed next to her.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know… get a job?”

“I barely finished high school.”

“You’re exaggerating,” I said. “Your grades just weren’t up to Dad’s impossible standards. You should just try to replace something, even if it’s part time.

“Where?”I rubbed my nose.

“What would you say about Nordström? You spend enough time there anyway.

She blinked at the ceiling. I thought I saw a hint of a smile.

“At the mall the other day, this guy asked me if I was a model. Maybe I could do that.

“Like . . as a career?

“Um, have you heard of Claudia Schiffer?” she asked. “Or Linda Evangelista?” She doesn’t wake up for less than ten thousand dollars a day.

Tiffany was beautiful, that was undeniable. Honestly, I couldn’t think of anyone I knew personally who was prettier than my older sister. But I wasn’t sure I could imagine her walking the runways like the models in her coveted magazines.

“I think you must be, like, five-eight,” I said.

“Or at least five-seven like Kate Moss.”

“I’m five-seven.” She balked at me.

“You and I are the same height.”

I did not return to this argument.

Mom had measured us both months ago, but despite the evidence, Tiffany insisted she wasn’t half an inch shorter than me.

“Maybe you could model for Nordstrom, like in their catalogs,” I suggested.

“You think?” His eyes lit up.

“Then I’ll get free stuff.”

“I don’t think you’ll get any free stuff,” I pointed out, although I wasn’t sure. “Are you?”

“You’ll get an employee discount, so it’s practically free.”

“So are you going to try?” Maybe you go there and see how it works?

She did not answer. I picked up the CD case next to his stereo. Gin flowers. The bands she listened to always had strange names. Like Pink Floyd. Was Floyd a person or a thing? If it was anything, was it always pink or were there different colors? I wanted to ask her, but maybe she also noticed Manning’s shirt, and then she’d want to know why I cared. But if it meant not embarrassing myself in front of him again, then I would take that risk. “Do you know who Pink Floyd is?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“Do you have their CDs?” I asked.

“I might have a tape that I took of that guy I was seeing. He was in them.

“Will you play it for me?”

“What am I, your servant? » she asked, smiling. “Maybe later. Where did you hear about them?”

She must not have noticed Manning’s shirt after all. “At school.”

“Of course I hate when good things become mainstream, you know?”

I didn’t know. “Are they new?”

“No. Even mom and dad know Pink Floyd. But when high school kids start talking about it, then it’s really not cool.

I guess Tiffany had forgotten that she only graduated from high school a year ago.

I guess Tiffany had forgotten that she only graduated from high school a year ago.

She sniffed, staring at the ceiling.

“Are you OK?” I asked.

“For what?”

“Because of what Dad said.”

“Oh. Yeah. He can be such an a*****e.

I put the CD down and went to sit on the edge of his bed. “He just has a bad way of showing he cares.” “

Whatever, Tiffany mumbled. “Honestly, it could be worse. I could be you.

“Me” I asked. “What does that mean?” “At least he leaves me alone most of the time.” It was true. Dad and Tiffany argued, but he stopped trying to make her do most things. She no longer came home by curfew or pretended she wasn’t drinking or paying his own gas – it had lasted less than a month. “But you,” she continued, “he’ll be on your case non-stop for at least six more years, all the way through college. This will only get worse as you start applying to schools.

I didn’t think of it like that. I was lucky to have someone who cared as much as I did, if not more, about getting me into the school of my dreams. “Maybe once I get to USC he’ll leave us both,” I said.

“Have you thought about other schools?”

Her hair seemed soft, scattered across the duvet. I ran my fingers over it. “Not really.”

“Maybe you should just be sure.” There are many more options than “SC”.

I shook my head. “It’s always been my first choice.”

“I know.” She looked away. “As long as it’s what you want, and you’re not just doing it for Dad.”

She looked worried, and that didn’t happen often. But she grew up in the room next to mine; she knew I had a drawer full of USC merchandise and that Dad and I had visited campus once a year since I was ten. “He is.”

She turned towards me. “By the way, Manning is coming to the fair with us.”

My fingers stilled in his hair. “What?” “He’s so serious. I was hoping he would ask me out, but when he didn’t, I told him about Saturday and he never went to the island of Balboa. Can you believe it?”

I needed to blink or swallow. I just looked at her with a dry mouth. An evening with Manning excited me, but were they going on a date? No. He hadn’t asked her, and as brave as Tiffany was, she didn’t want to appear desperate. That’s what she’d said earlier about making the first move, anyway. “What about Brad?”

» “Who?”

“The guy you were hoping to call.”

“Oh.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I spoke to him this afternoon. I don’t know how I feel about him.

I didn’t ask if it had anything to do with Manning, lest she say yes. How would I react to this?

She sat down. “Isn’t Manning gorgeous, I should hang out with you more often.” You’re in luck.

My neck and cheeks reddened. I loved my sister – she probably knew me as well as my mother. Either way, hearing him call Manning magnificent was heartwarming. I thought he was handsome before she even met him. Didn’t that count for something? It’s not because I didn’t flatter him that it was good for her.

“I can’t believe he’s from Los Angeles,” Tiffany said. “It looks so glamorous.”

“Pasadena is outside of LA”

“Guys my age don’t understand me, you know? It’s bad when you have more experience than a guy.

“What do you mean?”

Tiffany smiled a little as she looked at me. “S*x.” My face got even hotter. I did not know what to say. Last year, I passed an AP English test that most of my classmates failed. I could recite Pi to the fifteenth digit. I had made the principal’s honor roll for the past two years. But on this subject, I knew almost nothing. I have yet to hang out with girls who had s*x. They weren’t in my classes. They didn’t belong to the clubs I did. They were like Tiffany. “I don’t want to know,” I said. “I am not interested.”

“You will be soon.” She smiled looking at my face, which was probably red. I could never hide my blush. “I started this stuff when I was your age.”

A knot formed in my throat. What did that mean – “stuff”? I mean, I knew the logistics. At least, I thought I did. I tried not to think about it, though. . s*x. Girls like me worried about different things.

“Manning just seems like he knows what he’s doing,” she added wistfully.

It made me think of his hands, of the way they had wrapped around my waist and forearm earlier, of his fingers, of the way they had pricked my skin. I didn’t want him to touch Tiffany like he did to me.

I tucked my leg under me, pricking my sock. “So he said he was coming to the fair?”

“Yeah.

I didn’t understand his sudden and strange smile. “So maybe you should think about, uh, not dating him.” “Why?”

“If it’ll make Dad mad.” .”

Tiffany pulled me onto the bed, hugging me and laughing. “You have so much to learn about life. Don’t you realize that part of Manning’s appeal is that he would piss off Dad? A blind person could see that, Lake.

It was a lot to understand my head. In one afternoon, everything in my easy little world had changed. Tiffany was talking to me about s*x. I had met Manning, who fascinated me beyond belief. And the three of us went to the fair.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling that even though I had met Manning first, for some reason Tiffany thought he belonged to her.