I Shouldn't Love Him
I Shouldn’t Love Him (Book 2) – Chapter 52

Tiffany went looking for something sweet.

Once alone, Manning turned his full attention to me, bringing us face to face.

“You look good with her,” I said, looking at him.

“Why this?”

“Normally she does the opposite of what people tell her.”

Manning ran a hand through his hair, leaving it standing up. I could see him better now in the bright, colorful, flashing lights of the fair. He had rolled up the sleeves of his white t-shirt, the cuffs tightening his muscles. He had a cigarette behind his ear again, against his soft black hair. It could have come straight out of The Outsiders, which I only knew about because it was on last summer’s reading list.

“She does it on purpose. I began to notice how Manning’s voice, always deep, sounded even deeper when he was about to lecture me or impart wisdom. “Don’t let her turn you on. You are young and you are worth more than what you just told him. Is not it ? »

I suddenly felt half my size. Even though my father was demanding, I didn’t get scolded very often. Not like Tiffany. I was the good boy. “What does being young have to do with it?” I asked. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Your sister is different from you. She is impulsive. She says whatever comes to mind, but you think carefully. I see you. I see you thinking. I didn’t know what to think of Manning. He was hot and cold. Sometimes I thought there was something between us, but then he went and treated me like a five year old. “Why do you care what I do? ” I asked.

He placed a heavy hand on my shoulder and it extended to my neck. His fingers brushed my skin, his palm warmed me. He shook me gently, my whole body swaying. “I’m not attacking you. Everything I say is better than that. We are at a fair. It’s supposed to be fun.

“For who? I feel like I’m tagging along on one of Tiffany’s dates.

Manning removed his hand and twisted one corner of his mouth. “Trust me. If it was a real date, you wouldn’t be here. She asked me if I wanted to go to a carnival with you, and it sounded like the kind of innocent fun I hadn’t had in a while. He nodded his head back. “Then let’s take a walk.” And the Ferris wheel?

I widened my eyes. “I told you I can’t.”

” No. You’re scared, but I’ll go with you. You will see that there is nothing to fear.

My heart raced. Not just because Manning touched me. Not just because he was looking out for me. Mainly because no part of me wanted to go on that ride, but I was considering it just to spend some alone time with him. “What about Tiffany?” »

“She will replace us.”

He walked away. I had to hurry to keep up. Two children rushed between us, almost knocking me over. “We can do the bumper cars,” I said. “These are a lot more fun.” He looked at me sideways. “What scares you about the wheel?” ” He asked. “You don’t like heights?”

It was not this. I sat on the roof the whole time. So what was holding me back? I looked at the ground as we walked. “I don’t know. What if something happens up there and you can’t get out? How do you know it won’t break down or the seat won’t fall over?

” trust.”

“Trust what? I asked, pointing to the operator. “This guy looks like he’s in high school. How can he be in charge of lives?”

Manning burst out laughing. “I think I understand the problem.”

I frowned. “What way out?”

“You don’t like feeling out of control. I’m the same, but you have to know how to let go or you’ll go crazy.

Sometimes Tiffany called Dad a control freak. No one had ever called me that, though. I was diligent about my schoolwork and when it came to my future. Did that mean I had to be in control? I was not sure.

We stopped at the ticket office. Manning leaned out the window and said, “Two adults. He looked at me. “You’re an adult, aren’t you?” »

I frowned. “I don’t know-”

“Fourteen and up,” the ticket taker said.

He handed her a ten. “Then two adults.”

“I mean, I don’t know if I can do it,” I said. “I don’t want you to spend the money if…”

“Don’t worry about the money. But try to look younger next time. Save me a few bucks.

Because his eyebrows weren’t as low and heavy as usual, I was pretty sure he was teasing me. He didn’t do it often enough for me to know. As we waited in line, I leaned my head back to admire the monster of a ride – the screeching machinery, the chewing attendant. -gum and spaced out, with the kids tilting their car into the sky to see how far they were going. could tip it over. The adults just stood there, smiling at them. You had to be a certain size to ride. Manning was probably double that. Unfortunately, I arrived with plenty of room too.

If I was going to ride this thing, I had to distract myself. Already my stomach felt uneasy. There were a lot of people there tonight, lining up for corndogs, taking quarters for arcade games, running postcard stands in front of a gift shop. “What would you normally do tonight?” I asked Manning.

“Some nights I have class. Since it’s the weekend, I’d probably be at a bar.

“Oh.” College and bars were a whole other world to me. “What’s the point? your class?”

“Criminal justice. I want to be a cop.

Even though my mouth dropped open, I hoped I didn’t look as shocked as I was. I couldn’t imagine him in uniform. “Like a policeman?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He scratched his chin. Maybe it was the first time he didn’t look at me like I was from another planet. “For what?”

I did not know how to respond. He was mysterious. Robust. Difficult to pin down. To be honest, he looked more like an outlaw than a peacekeeper. I didn’t want to insult him, though, so I tried to think of something else to say.

“Lake?”I blinked. The way he said my name brought me back to Earth. I thought I could be on a rocket to the moon and back in an instant when he called me. “What?”

“You can tell me what you think. I don’t have many friends, but the ones I do have, I love them to be honest.

Was it dishonest not to provide information? People did it all the time. Tiffany would sneak out in the middle of the night and pretend she didn’t do it the next morning. Or mom would take us shopping and hide the receipts from dad. I looked away. Every time the Ferris wheel stopped, the seats would swing.

“I’m honest.” I couldn’t think of many times in my life I hadn’t been.

Manning inclined his head. He had started looking at me like I was a science project again. A very young one. “I know you are.”

“How?”

“I just do.”

“All right.” I trembled under his gaze. “What was your question?”

“Why do you seem so surprised that I want to go into law?”

“You don’t really look like the type.” I mean, physically, you definitely do.

Almost imperceptibly, he raised an eyebrow. But it was true. He looked strong enough to take on criminals. Able. “What other way is there?” He asked.

“Something about how you look. Inside.” When I realized I was looking straight at him, I stopped. I had forgotten, for a moment, how intimidating he was, how much his opinion was beginning to mean to me. “I’m sorry.”

“Never apologize for being honest.”

“Does that hurt your feelings?” He laughed and I relaxed a little. “No. It would take a lot more than that.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I haven’t been around that many police officers in my life.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“Why would you— Are you one?”

“Cops have a lot of power. They can abuse it or make a difference in people’s lives. Not everyone has the resources to help themselves. They need someone to their sides who do it.

“Do you want to help people?”

“I do.”

I felt bad if I had implied that he wasn’t the type to make a positive difference. It was obviously important to him if he planned to spend his life helping others.

“And you? Have you already thought about what you want to do?

“And you? Have you ever thought about what you want to do?

“A little.” I wish I knew with the same confidence as him. I studied hard to get into a good school because that’s what Because the best universities were expected to have students who cared about more than drinking, gossip, and s*x like my sister and friends, I wasn’t sure what I would do once I got there. “I’m going to college.”

“Well, I guessed that,” he said. “I bet you’ll like college. It’s different from high school. But what happens afterwards?

“My father says I can major in business, law or medicine.”

He nodded at me. “Your father said?” What does that do to him?

This answer was easy. “All.”

“I see. So he wants you to do something big.

“Rather.”

“And what do you want?”

“I guess I want to love what I do, I don’t know what that is yet. It doesn’t have to be about the money as long as it’s worth it. Manning stared forward, narrowing his eyes at everyone in line ahead of us. Just when I thought he would change the subject, he said, “It could be a lot of different things. Things you never even thought about. He scratched his chest. “How about I bring you some books from the library?” You give me a list of your interests, and I’ll see what I can replace.

I smiled. If nothing else, it was a reason to watch it again. “All right.”

“Next,” the attendant said, holding out his hand for our tickets.

My stomach dropped. Manning had done a good job distracting me, but the ride was huge. A few children with windswept hair got out of their car, which swayed long after they left. The ride had a seat for two and a bar that came down. That was it. Not even seat belts.

Manning handed the kid our tickets and climbed on the ride. He stood in the center of the car, hunched over so as not to hit his head on the roof. “See? It’s not much. It’s designed to be able to swing and move. He gestured for me to get in. “I’ll be by your side the whole time.”

I took a step. Adrenaline coursed through me. He went through a lot to make me feel safe. That meant he cared, right? And if he cared, he wouldn’t want me to get hurt. I repeated his words in my head: I will be by your side With a shaky breath, I wiped my palms on my shorts and walked towards the pile of metal parts that was supposed to carry me into the sky. Wait,” Tiffany shouted. I looked back. She waved two colorful spools of cloud-shaped cotton candy at us. “I’m here. Wait.” She shoved one of the candies at me, pushed me out of the way, and jumped in the car with Manning. “How’s that for timing?”

I looked from her to the cotton candy. “What?” I asked.

She plopped down on the plastic bench. “The line for ice cream was too long.”

Manning looked at me. My hands began to shake with relief, but I couldn’t deny my disappointment. What could he say? What could I say? There was no room for three people, and Tiffany would surely make a scene if she didn’t get her way. Some of the parents waiting for their children looked over. “What am I supposed to do with this?” I asked.

“Eat it, idiot.” Tiffany tried and failed to pull Manning into the seat with her. “What are you doing?” she asked him. “She won’t come up. She is afraid of heights. Come on.”

He sat down and pulled the metal bar across their laps. As the wheel moved forward, hot tears pierced the backs of my eyes. Something about it all began to seem cruel and unfair, and it made me feel helpless. Maybe that was what Manning was talking about earlier: the injustice.

“Do you have a ticket?” the attendant asked me.

“Oh. No.” There was no way I was going to get through this without Manning, so I pulled out and ran straight into the person behind me. I turned around and backed away. “Sorry. Continue.”

Manning and Tiffany rose into the night sky together. Neither of them looked at me.