Introspect [The Mating Games #3]
Day 7 Part 1

ORION KALLIS

When Orion woke up the next morning, he was in his bed. Not in his bed at the apartment, but in his bed back home.

The first moment passed in relief. Orion sighed as he nuzzled his face further into the pillow, pulling the sheets higher as he willed for sleep to take him once again. The second moment was when he felt like his whole world had come crumbling down around him.

The moment that realization dawned on him, Orion shot up in bed. He turned his head left and right frantically, glancing all around his room. When he couldn’t replace Phoenix anywhere, all the panic made him feel sick. But he didn’t have time to be sick now. Not when he couldn’t replace his mate.

“Phoenix?” Orion called out to his mate as he climbed off the bed, quickly pulling on a pair of joggers before rushing out of his bedroom. When he didn’t spy his mate anywhere upstairs, including in the bathroom, he rushed down the stairs, taking two at a time.

His cottage was humble and quite small, but in his grand search, he couldn’t replace Phoenix anywhere for the life of him. It didn’t help that he couldn’t feel his wolf either.

In that single moment, Orion truly felt alone. Like he had no one to turn to or talk to. Like it was just him alone. Even when he had been without family and a mate, he had his loyal wolf at the very least. Something which he couldn’t say right now.

But alas, that was not something he could focus on right now. Not when there was a real life missing personal case right in front of him. Except, he couldn’t remember the Mating Games finishing, let alone leaving the island?

Had the rest of the Mating Games really passed by in the blink of an eye?

When he couldn’t Phoenix inside the cottage, he quickly moved outside to search the perimeters.

He didn’t need to finish searching all inside and outside of his cottage to be certain that there was something seriously wrong here. For one, at least for the time being, Phoenix wouldn’t be able to leave the island. Not as long as the existence of the last living coven was still kept a secret from the rest of the world. So, there was no way that Phoenix was here, or anywhere off the island, for that matter.

But that couldn’t stop him from hoping. Hoping that all of it wasn’t a dream. That he hadn’t woken up after the best dream that he had ever had before.

One where he actually stood a chance of happiness.

With fear and desperation driving him, Orion found himself heading toward the packhouse. Something which he didn’t replace himself doing often, especially when he was only dressed in a pair of jogging bottoms and nothing else. Although that was the least of his worries right now.

“Hello!” Orion greeted a small group of teenagers he spied loitering outside of the packhouse.

He all but ran up to them as they stopped what they were doing to turn their attention completely to him.

“Have you seen her?” Orion asked with a wild look in his eyes, hopeful that they would be able to understand who he was referring to. That way, he would receive the answer sooner, meaning that he would get to his mate sooner.

“Seen who?” one of the males asked, speaking up for the rest of the group.

“Phoenix.”

“Who is Phoenix?” another one of them asked, just as confused as his friend.

“My mate,” Orion stated; a frantic look in his eyes as he glanced all around, hopeful that Phoenix was just around the corner and would turn up any moment now.

When he returned his attention to the group and realised that he was to receive an answer, it took every piece of self-control he had not to lash out at them.

“Well, have you seen her?” he grumbled in question, unable to keep the frustration from seeping into his voice.

“No,” the first one denied, shaking his head.

“Surely, someone must have seen her,” Orion murmured under his breath, running a shaky hand through his hair.

“Maybe you should come in and sit down, Orion,” one of the she-wolves stepped forward, a pitiful expression on his face.

Orion understood that he probably looked crazy right now looking for his mate but there was no need for pity. As soon as he found Phoenix, everything would be back to normal.

“I don’t need to sit down. I need to replace my mate!” he couldn’t help but growl, shaking his head and taking a step back as she took another wary, cautious step toward him. As if she believed him to be some sort of feral creature that couldn’t be trusted to not hurt himself. How insulting!

“Orion,” the first wolf inhaled sharply, watching him carefully with wide eyes. “You don’t have a mate.”

“I do,” he insisted but the trio of teenagers refused to believe him.

“I’m so sorry, Orion, but he’s right,” the she-wolf tried to comfort him with a small smile but it was no use. Instead, it just made him feel worse about himself. “You don’t have a mate. You’ve never had a mate.”

“Why are you doing this?” Orion couldn’t help but shriek in accusation as he took another step away from them. “Why are you lying to me about this? You know how long I’ve gone without a mate and now that I finally have one, you’re hiding her from me.”

“We’re not hiding anyone from you,” the first wolf spoke up, shifting slightly to the side as the second wolf discretely disappeared into the packhouse without Orion noticed him; far too worked up to pay him any attention.

“I don’t believe you,” he took another step back. “Why are you doing this to me? Everyone in the pack knows how long I’ve been without a mate!”

“We really haven’t done anything,” the she-wolf whispered in a quiet, cautious tone. While she probably meant well, her demeanour just made him feel like he was crazy. Like he was crazy and they were trying to calm him down.

But Orion knew that he wasn’t crazy. Orion knew that Phoenix was real and these people were just trying to pull a fast one over his eyes. She couldn’t not be real. Not with the way that she made him feel.

Unless it was all a dream.

A pained shudder ran down his spine at the thought, struggling to comprehend the notion that his mind had made everything up. That none of it was actually real.

“Orion, are you okay?” the she-wolf called out to him but he hardly heard her, mostly due to him being in the middle of an existential crisis right now, and only partly due to the fact that he was purposely blocking out both of the wolves in front of him. They already thought he was crazy. He didn’t need anything more than that from him.

Could it really be possible that he dreamt it all? That none of it was real in the first place?

Orion surely hoped not but by this point, he wasn’t sure of anything. Well, he was sure of one thing.

He couldn’t live without Phoenix. Not after he had tasted what a life with her by his side would be like. How could he go back to such a mundane life after experiencing those few blissful days with her as his mate?

The moment Orion sensed the surge of power in the air, he glanced over his shoulder. He watched as the Alpha stepped out of the pack house, his eyes trained on him. At the intense gaze, Orion gulped and forced himself to look away.

There could only be one reason that the Alpha himself had come out here. To deliver him the bad news. As if he wasn’t thinking it already.

As long as he didn’t hear it, then it wasn’t real. Or at least that was what he was telling himself as he ran off blindly into the forest, desperate to get away from them all and their pitiful expressions.

Orion knew he wasn’t crazy. But if they all thought he was, then that made him doubt himself. And now was not the time to be doubting himself. He had done plenty of that already but as soon as Phoenix came into the picture, everything had changed. His whole world had literally been swivelled around on its axis as Orion found himself experiencing happiness and joy in a way that he couldn’t even begin to describe. And now, he couldn’t begin to imagine. To remember.

But now she was gone. Or rather, it appeared as if she hadn’t existed in the first place. That she was no more than the simple figment of his wild and hopeful imagination.

Orion wasn’t sure which was worse. Phoenix disappearing, or Phoenix not existing in the first place. Both thoughts disgusted him greatly and made his heart feel heavy. The pieces of his heart that remained intact, at least.

Tears sprang to his eyes as he ran, but he couldn’t bring himself to brush them away. The cool January wind suddenly felt cold against his skin, but he pushed himself to keep running. Everything felt cold without his mate there to snuggle into his side.

If the Alpha caught him, or even came after him, then Orion would have no choice but to submit. And then he would have no choice but to listen to even the Alpha tell him that his mate isn’t real. That his mind was playing tricks on him as he had never had a mate before. That he had never been invited to the Mating Games before. It didn’t help that Orion couldn’t replace the invitation despite looking exactly where he remembered leaving it; in the top right drawer of his desk. But it wasn’t there. Just as he wasn’t on the island and Phoenix wasn’t right beside him.

Just like everything else, he felt like it had all vanished in the blink of an eye and not for the first time since reality had hit him, Orion found himself wishing that he had never woken up in the first place.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed but he only stopped running when his lungs begun to burn and his vision far too blurry with tears to be able to see properly. His chest heaved up and down painfully as he rested for a moment, blinking back the tears as he attempted to clear his vision. When that didn’t work, he groaned aloud and rubbed his hands into his eyes; not the least bit concerned with being gentle.

He could go blind for all he cared. At least then he would never have to look at a world again that didn’t contain Phoenix.

When the tears were gone – but only for a moment as a new wave was only impending – he opened his eyes. Immediately, his eyes snapped up to what appeared to be a cave in the distance.

It looked so similar to the one that Phoenix had showed him. Her favourite spot which she had trusted him enough to show him. Where they had spent the night and then made sweet, sweet love to each other in the morning.

That cave held such a beautiful and fond memory for him but just like Phoenix, he had awoken to it being nothing more than a figment of his imagination.

But now it was right in front of him.

Not wasting a second more, Orion took off into another run but this time, it was up the hill; desperate to get to the very top. When he finally did, he refused to stop.

Edging himself, he closed his eyes and inhaled sharply.

The last time that he had been this close to the edge of a cliff had been with Phoenix when she had shown him her favourite spot on the island. The hill had turned into a cliff further toward the top where the mouth of the cave was situation, and the view of the ocean was one of the most beautiful sights that he had ever seen.

Of course, not the most beautiful sight as she had been sat next to him at the time.

But then he had learnt that all of that was nothing short of a dream. That it wasn’t real. That his mind has concocted all of it. That his mind had concocted Phoenix.

Not only wasn’t she real, but she also would never be real.

And for that reason, he did what he needed to do. He took four steps back before taking five steps forward. His eyes were squeezed shut tight, and his lips curled up into a soft smile as he fell through the air, eagerly welcoming the impact of the harsh waves below.

If he was lucky, then an especially harsh wave would take him out and take him far, far away from here. By the time he washed up on shore somewhere and people found him, it would already be too late.

At least that way, he wouldn’t have to live another moment longer without a mate. Without his mate.

Without Phoenix.

Ultimately, Orion knew this was not what Phoenix would have wanted for him. He knew that she would be angry at him for doing this to himself. For hurting himself like this.

But she wasn’t real so what was the point anymore?

After experiencing such bliss and happiness, even if only in a dream, that he knew to be forever unattainable for him, how was he expected to continue life as normal? How could he continue knowing that he would never be happy? That his life would never be full or complete? That he didn’t have a mate? That he would never have a mate? That the closest he would get to his mate was in a fleeting dream?

The answer was simple. He couldn’t.

He couldn’t continue.

-

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Layla Knight

22.06.2021