Left Field Love
: Chapter 17

I never hated Caleb before, I realize.

There were times I couldn’t stand being around him, but it never felt like this. And I don’t hate him now. It just hurts, both when he’s around…and when he’s not.

Exactly one week after he kissed me because of Ryan’s dare, he texts me.

Caleb:I’ll do the introduction and imagery. You can do the rest?

Although he had the decency to include a question mark, I know it’s not really up for discussion. We’ll be finishing our English project separately.

He never replies to my agreement. At least we did most of the work weeks ago. Cassie and her partner are meeting every day after school to get it done.

The last week of classes sneaks up on me. One minute, all six hundred and eighty days of high school were stretching in front of me. Now? There’s only five left, and they’re filled with nostalgia. The last paper meeting. Emptying out my locker. A final assembly.

Events I looked forward to until they arrived.

When I walk into English the day Caleb and I are set to present, I don’t pay close attention to any of the pairs that go before us. We haven’t practiced. Haven’t talked, aside from those two texts, since that night at the campfire. He’s ignored me entirely, and I’ve done the same.

I don’t know what to say to him.

When Mr. Tanner calls our names, I startle before standing and walking toward the front of the room on autopilot. I’m here; I’m present, but my mouth is just spitting out the words it knows it needs to say, with little input from my brain.

The presentation ends, and I return to my seat next to Cassie.

“Nice job,” she whispers to me.

I manage a weak smile before zoning out again.

Only two more partners have time to present before the bell rings.

“If you didn’t present today, be ready next class,” Mr. Tanner calls. “And everyone who’s already presented, it isn’t time to slack off just yet. Make sure you’re preparing for the final.” Rustling starts, everyone shutting books and grabbing their backpacks. “Caleb. Lennon. Stay after, please,” he adds.

I gulp. Our presentation was perfect. Well, almost perfect. It was a little disjointed.

But I’m less worried about what Mr. Tanner is going to say, and more concerned about having to stand next to Caleb while he says it.

“I’ll see you at lunch,” Cassie says, before heading into the hallway with the rest of our class. Except for Caleb, who follows me over to Mr. Tanner’s desk in the front of the classroom once the room clears.

“It seems like you two could use another five minutes to talk,” Mr. Tanner states.

Not what I was expecting. And way worse than a lecture. If I wasn’t so horrified, I’d be shocked Mr. Tanner, of all people, seems to be trying to play matchmaker.

“That’s okay,” I’m quick to say.

At the same time, Caleb speaks. “Not necessary.”

Our rushed voices mingle, creating a cacophony of urgent sound.

“Maybe ten,” Mr. Tanner amends, with a hint of a smile.

Our project is done, so his motivation for helping us get along can’t be academic. It’s sort of sweet that he cares. But I can’t appreciate the gesture. Talking to Caleb is not something I want to do.

“Five’s plenty,” Caleb says.

Mr. Tanner’s lips quirk before he grabs his bag and leaves the classroom. The door shuts behind him, and then there’s total silence.

I stare at Mr. Tanner’s spotless desk, all the books we’ve read this semester stacked in alphabetical order in one corner. I look at the smudge of marker that wasn’t erased from the whiteboard. A robin flitters between tree branches outside the window, so I track its flight closely.

Anything to avoid looking at Caleb.

I’m a coward, waiting for him to walk out first.

The silence between us builds and expands until I can’t take it any longer. “The presentation went well,” I finally say.

There’s a low, annoyed scoff. “Don’t, Lennon. Just…don’t.”

“Don’t what? You’d rather stand here in silence?” My tone is petulant.

“Actually, yeah. I would.” His is hard.

“Mr. Tanner is gone. You can just leave.”

“Why haven’t you?” he counters.

An excellent question I have no answer to. “We haven’t talked since…” I clear my throat.

“What’s left to talk about, Matthews?”

I flinch. I got used to him calling me Lennon. Or saying Matthews in a teasing, flirty tone. Not this flinty one.

“I—”

The classroom door opens, and Andrew walks in.

He comes to an abrupt halt as soon as he sees me and Caleb. “Oh. Hey. Sorry to interrupt. I’m, uh, early for class.”

Any other time, I would smile at that. But it turns out he’s not all that early. Other people start to enter the classroom, and then one leaves.

I stare after Caleb’s retreating back.

“Um, Lennon, while you’re here…” Reluctantly, I shift my gaze to Andrew. “You know we normally publish a list of where everyone’s headed in the fall as part of the graduation issue. I don’t have anything down for you…” Andrew lets his voice trail off, looking incredibly uncomfortable.

My shoulders square. “There’s nothing to put down. I’m not going to college in the fall.”

“Right, okay.” Andrew still looks awkward. “And also, well, we usually publish the valedictorian’s speech in there, too…”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“I met with Principal Owens this morning. You’re ranked second in our class.”

“Meaning I won’t be valedictorian.”

“Not if you do better on your finals than the classmate ranked first.” Andrew gives me a look that suggests he knows exactly who that is.

Mrs. Clemens enters the room to teach her class and gives me an odd look, obviously wondering why I’m in her classroom and not in her class.

“Anyway, if you end up moving into first, I’m going to need a copy of your speech,” Andrew says.

“Fine,” I agree. Then, something else occurs to me. “Why didn’t you say anything to Caleb? He was just in here.”

“I’ve got more faith in you, Lennon.”

Those words should kindle a competitive fire. I know I’ll be one of the only graduates without a college listed next to their name. The opportunity to show everyone I’m more than my parents’ mistakes and that I’m choosing to stay in Landry should be my main focus.

But there’s not even the slightest spark.

I give Andrew a small smile, nod, and then head toward the math wing. After Calculus, I walk to the cafeteria for lunch.

Without permission, my eyes dart to Caleb’s usual table in the corner as soon as I enter the cafeteria. He’s seated with his back to me, talking with Colt, who’s across the table from him. Madison is next to Colt. She glances up, catching me staring.

I quickly look away and cross the linoleum to my table.

“What did Mr. Tanner want?” Cassie asks as I drop down on the bench seat beside her.

“He, uh, he liked our presentation,” I answer.

I feel badly for lying. But I’m not in the mood to discuss the real reason.

Cassie nods. “Not surprised. You and Caleb are his favorites.”

“I guess.”

“Hey, Lennon,” Shannon calls, from a few spots down the table.

I glance at her. “Yeah?”

“Do you know who Caleb is taking to prom?”

My stomach sinks, but I steel my expression. “No. I don’t know.”

“You know, some people thought he might ask you, after the kiss.”

I pick at my sandwich. “It was just a dare.”

“But you guys are friendly now, right?”

I glance at Caleb’s back. Shannon’s nonchalance makes me feel a little better, actually. It’ll be easier if no one even suspects anything going on between me and Caleb. “No. Not really.” Worried I’m giving too much away, I add, “Maybe he hasn’t decided yet. Prom isn’t until…” I grasp for a date, and can’t come up with one, earning me an eye roll from Cassie.

“It’s on Friday, Lennon. You’d better be at my house by four.”

“I wasn’t planning to go,” I say.

“You should come, Lennon,” Shannon says. Eliza and Tina chime in with their agreement.

“I don’t have anything to wear.” My wardrobe is all fleece and denim. The only dress I own is the one I wore to Caleb’s grandfather’s funeral.

Cassie waves my words away. “No need. I have tons of dresses that you can wear. I bought three dresses for prom last year that ended up being too long.”

Sometimes I forget how wealthy Cassie, and almost everyone else I attend school with, is. The only person I’m always aware of it around is Caleb. He’s the starkest example, and also the person I most wish was on more equal footing with me. It would be a lot easier to believe what he told me on the camping trip if there wasn’t such a glaring inequity between us.

Not only with money. Opportunities. Possibilities.

“Okay, I’ll go. Thanks,” I tell Cassie. She bounces in her seat.

And just like that, I’m going to prom.