Left Field Love
: Chapter 39

I’m in the library, studying for finals with Amanda and Eric, when my laptop pings with an incoming email. I glance at the screen automatically, then freeze. Click.

We are delighted to inform you that you’ve been selected to receive the Fulbright Fellowship…

That’s as far as I get, before a squeal leaves my lips.

“What?” Amanda asks.

Wordlessly, I spin the screen around so they can both look at the email.

“Holy…” Eric starts.

“Oh my God, Lennon! That’s amazing!” Amanda says.

I’m still speechless. I thought applying was a long shot, at best. It never really occurred to me that I might actually get it.

“This calls for celebratory coffee!” Amanda decides, standing from the table.

We walk through the first floor of Clarkson’s library, which has quickly become my favorite building on campus. It looks like something you’d replace in a medieval castle in Europe. Dark wood, majestic arches, and the soothing scent of old paper. It’s nothing like the metal shelves and generic tables in the Landry High library.

The walk to the nearest coffee shop isn’t a long one. The school’s architect must have figured studying and caffeine make sense in closer proximity. Amanda and Eric talk excitedly about the news. They both sound awed, their attention on me almost reverential.

I’m dazed, still in a state of shock, trying to remember the list of important papers the fellowship works closely with. It’s overwhelming, and I can’t decide if it’s in a good way. Options are good; choices are challenging.

Fallen leaves crunch with each step along the paved paths. Only a few curled shapes are stubbornly clinging to the branches overhead. It’s hard to believe the fall semester is almost over. That half my time at Clarkson is almost over.

We reach the coffee shop. I order first, then step to the side so Amanda can. It turns out Eric knows the barista, and Amanda and I exchange a conspiratorial glance when they keep chatting long after the amount of time it would take for him to choose a drink.

Finally, he joins us. Before any of our drinks arrive, the bell rings with another customer. It turns out to be Michelle Hodge, who usually sits behind me and Eric in our shared journalism class.

“Hey, guys,” she greets, walking over.

“Hi, Michelle,” Eric replies. “Guess what? Lennon got the Fulbright Fellowship! Can you believe it?”

Michelle glances at me. I’m expecting the disappointment on her face. Almost every journalism major at Clarkson applied. Including her, it seems.

But I’m not expecting the ire. “Must be nice to know people in high places.” She scoffs.

“Excuse me?” I laugh, thinking she’s joking.

I’m the last person with family connections. I don’t have any family members, let alone connected ones. Maybe she’s confusing me with someone else? We’ve only exchanged the barest of small talk and only a couple of times.

“You’re dating Caleb Winters, right?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“George Coleman is the chairman of the Fulright committee. He’s also buddy-buddy with your boyfriend’s family.”

“I…didn’t know.”

Michelle scoffs. “Well, now you do.”

She walks away, leaving me stunned for the second time today.

“She probably doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” Amanda tells me. “She’s just jealous.”

I manage a smile, but I’m even more distracted on the walk back to the library once we’ve gotten our drinks. After ten minutes of getting nothing done, I give up.

“I’m going to head out. I’ll see you guys later.”

Amanda and Eric nod. They’ve both made efforts to cheer me up since we ran into Michelle, but I know only one thing will have any effect on my mood.

I need to talk to Caleb.

On the way out of the library, I pass Sophie walking in. I send her a small, tight smile and continue walking.

“Lennon!”

When I turn back around, she’s jogging down the library steps toward me.

“I know I’ve been kind of a bitch to you,” she blurts, as soon as she reaches me.

“Um…”

She continues like I never spoke. “If it makes any difference, it’s never had anything to do with you. You just got caught in the crossfire, because I want him, and he wants you.”

Now, I have even less of a clue what to say.

“I thought Caleb was using you to piss off his parents. I underestimated how much you mean to him. So…I just wanted to say sorry. Good luck with finals.”

Thankfully she leaves before I have a chance to respond, because I have no idea what I would have said.

I continue down the rest of the stairs and across campus. It’s a long walk to Caleb’s off-campus house. I don’t realize how long, until I’ve walked too far to turn back. It’s always seemed like such a short drive.

I finally arrive just as it’s getting dark out.

Drew is the one who answers the door, his face splitting into a wide smile when he sees me. “Lennon! Caleb didn’t mention you were coming over!”

“Is he here?” I ask, my tone a sharp contrast to his. Night instead of sunshine.

Drew’s eyebrows knit together as it registers. “Uh, yeah. Come on in.”

I head for the living room, since I can hear the commotion coming from that room. They’re watching football instead of baseball, for once.

Aside from Caleb and his housemates, there are a bunch of girls in the room too. I ignore everyone except Caleb, too upset to care about being rude.

“Can I talk to you?”

He stands from his seat slowly, confusion written all over his face. “How did you get here?”

“I walked.”

“You walked?”

I don’t answer, leaving the living room and heading for the stairs. Caleb reaches his bedroom a few seconds after me.

“What the hell is going on, Lennon? If you wanted to come over, I could have—”

“I got the Fulright Fellowship.”

His expression immediately transforms, lighting up with pride and excitement. But nothing knowing. No sign he suspected it. “That’s amazing. Congrat—”

I don’t let him get the whole word out. “Do you know George Coleman?”

“I…sort of? He’s good friends with my dad, used to come over a lot when we lived in New York. I think he did some journalism stuff, actually. Why? Do you want me to introduce you?”

“He’s the chair of the Fulright committee, Caleb. He’s the one who decides who gets the fellowship.”

“Decides who gets the fellowship… You think I set this up? That I had them award it to you?” Caleb shakes his head. “Seriously, Lennon?”

“I don’t know what to think, Caleb! One girl already told me to my face that’s why I got it. That’s what everyone else will think too.”

“Who cares?”

“I care! Did you pull some strings to get me in here too? Is the dean your godfather or something?”

“Lennon, listen to yourself. Did you ever consider you’re just an amazing candidate and that’s why you got it? I doubt George even knows you’re my girlfriend. My dad talks business, mostly, even with his friends.”

“He knows.”

“What? How?”

“Because I wrote about you in the damn essay, Caleb!”

Caleb pauses, obviously not expecting that answer. “I still think you’re overreacting,” he finally says. “And I don’t think it has anything to do with the fellowship.”

“What do you mean? What do you think we’re talking about?”

“I think you’re freaking out because you don’t want it, Lennon. Because you didn’t think you’d get it, and since you did you feel like you have to take it.”

“Well, you’re wrong.”

But I’m not sure he is, actually.

“Fine. What do you want me to do, Lennon? Call George and ask him why he picked you?”

“No. I just…I just need to think.” All the outrage that fueled my walk over here has fizzled, leaving me feeling confused and empty.

Caleb takes a step closer. “Lennon…”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come over.”

“You can stay. We should talk.”

I shake my head. “We will. I just… I want to be alone right now.”

“Okay. I’ll drive you home,” he tells me.

Neither of us say a word, the whole trip back.