Left Field Love
Beautiful Fiend: Chapter 9

My keys drop just as I try to stick them into the lock of my front door, and I have to hold back a shriek of frustration as I bend down to pick them up. Today is not my day. I went to classes and got reprimanded by three of my professors for not showing up last week. I thought the teaching staff wasn’t meant to care at college.

Then, I was less than average at training, and Dickie was on me telling me he knew I was at the warehouse last Friday for an illegal fight. It didn’t matter that I was just watching; he was still mad at me. If he loses his shit for that, I can’t imagine him knowing I’ll be moving supplies for Caden tomorrow.

A bark resonates behind my front door and I take a step back, keys now in my hand. Is there a dog in my house?

I hear my dad shouting something and Emma screaming.

What if some Kings have shown up with a dangerous dog and are threatening my family?

I’m pushing the door open before I can even finish my thought. My Kershaw knife is out and I’m pointing at whatever I will replace behind it.

“Put that shit away!” Dad shouts before I can register what is going on.

Emma is standing on the sofa with a gun in her hand, pointing at a huge Doberman running in circles around the living room. My dad is chasing after it, a collar in his hand, clearly trying to put it on the dog.

None of them have even noticed me yet. My dad just shouted his words at my sister for her to put the gun away, I suppose.

Her response is another scream as the dog comes to bark at her, and she points the gun down. “Dad, you know dogs terrify me! Why would you do this, for fuck’s sake?!”

“What the hell is going on,” I huff as I throw my bag down by the door and advance into the living room.

“Billie!” my dad shouts in surprise. “I thought you were at your mom’s tonight.”

“She didn’t want to see me,” I shrug, pretending I’m not affected when my heart is actually broken by it. The problem with my mom’s illness is that when she needs to isolate, she will hate the entire world. Her children included. When I showed up tonight, she wasn’t the cheery woman she was last week. She slammed the door in my face without a word, and when I tried calling her, she simply said to leave her alone before hanging up on me.

“Aw, no. I’m sorry, kiddo. You know it’s not your fault, right?”

I nod silently, and another bark, followed by a shriek from Emma, ends the conversation about my mom. I put my knife away and snicker at Emma. “That screaming woman on your sofa runs your crew, you know?”

“Shut up,” Emma fights back. “That dog is dangerous. Leash it already!”

I observe the beast wagging its tail and attempting to lick Emma’s shoes. The dog does a circle trying to bite its tail and then barks at Emma again. It turns to my dad, though as soon as he steps forward toward the dog, it runs around the room again.

“It thinks it’s a game.” I roll my eyes. “You two are so bad with animals.” I take the collar from Dad and whistle at the dog. I tap my thigh, and it barks happily as it trots to me. “Hi, beauty,” I smile. “What have these two been up to, huh? Com’ere.” As soon as it settles by me and does a circle, I notice the lack of male apparatus. “Oh, you’re a pretty girl!” I say happily. She rubs against me as I kneel in front of her. As she tries to nestle in the crook of my neck, I slip the collar around hers.

“There you go! What a good girl,” I cheer. I stand back up and keep petting her as I turn to my dad. “So, you’ve got a dog now?”

“No,” he smiles. “You’ve got a dog now.”

“Me? Why?”

He approaches me as Emma gets down from the sofa and sits down with a hand on her chest, trying to calm her heart.

“I know you’re having a hard time at the moment, kiddo. I don’t know what it is exactly, but a dad knows when his little girl isn’t feeling safe.”

“Dad—”

He puts a hand up. “If you don’t want to tell me, I won’t force it out of you. You can take your dog with you wherever you go. It will be an extra layer of protection. Until you feel ready to let me know what’s going on, just know I’ve got your back.”

Tears spring to my eyes, threatening to fall. My throat is too tight to talk, so I say nothing. I simply nod a few times. It’s almost imperceptible, but I know he sees it because something breaks in his eyes. Almost like he was hoping he was making it all up. Acting like an overprotective dad. Now he knows for sure that something’s wrong, and he feels powerless. Just like I do.

Out of pure need, I take my dad in my arms and bury myself against him. He holds me tightly and I feel my new dog attempting to come between our bodies. It makes us both laugh as we pull away.

“What are you gonna name her?” he asks me as he runs a hand through his beard.

“Mmm,” I start to think.

“Murderer,” Emma mumbles behind my dad.

The dog barks at her, and I bend down to pet her. “You’re the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” I tell her like I would a baby. “Murderer is too much, Em. How about Murder,” I smile as I straighten back up.

“Oh yeah, so different.” My sister rolls her eyes.

“Should keep a few ill-intended people at bay,” my dad smiles.

“Yup.”

“You’re keeping her in your room, you hear me?” Emma complains. “I am not having this thing running around the house. And keep her far away from my hair extensions!”

“Yeah, yeah,” I wave her off as I grab Murder by the collar. “Come, girl.”

We go to my room, and she settles on the floor in front of my bed immediately. I go back to the living room and get her a bowl of water. My dad gives me a toy and some food he bought her. So I put that in my room too.

I only fall asleep around one a.m. I’m having too much fun with Murder and can’t come down from the giddiness.

For the first time in a long while, I fall asleep without fear in my stomach because I can hear the soft snores of Murder on the floor by the end of my bed.

I feel something is wrong when a noise wakes me up. It’s soft, quiet, but I hear it anyway. It slips into my dream and makes me feel uneasy. I don’t fully wake up until a hand lands on my mouth, pressing harshly. It mutes the screech that would have come out otherwise, and I fight against it right away. My defense mechanism kicks in, and I punch the shadow in front of me. A grunt escapes them, and I grab their forearm, twisting myself until I can push them off.

I’m free for a split second but am now too shell-shocked to scream past my panting breaths. I go for my bedside table, attempting to grab the knife I keep there. Only he’s quicker than me and takes it before I can.

I already recognize the smell of Caden. It’s fresh. Something aquatic with a tinge of weed and mint from his breath. I can make out his wicked smile even in the night and the way his hair falls on either side of his forehead.

He pushes me against the mattress and settles on my thighs, stopping me from getting up. He uses my own knife against my throat, leaving it to gently touch my skin, forcing me to be still.

“Shh.” He smirks. “I’ll only hurt you if you resist.”

“What are you doing?” I pant. My heart is racing so fast it makes me feel sick. My eyes drop to catch the knife, but I can only see as far as his wrist.

“It’s six a.m.,” he says casually. “The sun is about to rise, and I thought I’d come and be your alarm clock.”

I feel the blade against my throat as I gulp down my fear.

“I-I don’t need you to be my alarm.” I bring a hand to his forearm, gently trying to pry it away from my artery.

“Don’t try to move me away, little Scott. I want you to feel that I hold your life in my hands.”

“I can’t breathe,” I lie.

“Nah, you’re fine.”

He lowers himself and buries his nose into my long hair. He inhales deeply, and I feel him tremble. “You smell good,” he finally says against my ear. I can feel him growing hard against my thigh, and that same conflicting feeling I get around him comes back, making me hate myself in the process.

“Get off me, Caden,” I grunt. “My dad is going to get up soon. You don’t want him to replace you here.”

“That old man? Don’t make me laugh.”

“Just…what do you want?” I whisper. I sound desperate, but that’s the way he always makes me feel. How am I meant to be the tough girl everyone knows me to be when I’m facing the man who took chunks of my soul two years ago just to burn them into ashes and keep the hot remnants for himself?

“What do I want? Oh, I like that question.” He straightens up, and his demonic features petrify me. “What I want is for you to stay still and quiet while I run your knife all over your tight body.” He starts moving the blade from my throat and hooks it to the neck of my oversized t-shirt. In a swift movement, he cuts into it and keeps going down until it’s split in the middle all the way to the hem.

My chest is moving up and down quickly, fear making me pant. He pushes the two sides of the shirt off me, exposing my boobs and stomach.

“Shit,” he hisses.

I struggle to stay still, my hands turning into clenched fists as he runs the point of the blade down between my breasts and down to the cotton panties I’m wearing. Goosebumps follow the cold trail of the knife.

“What I want,” he continues, “is for you to let me fuck you. Let me sink my cock into you and make you scream, baby.”

Do it, is at the tip of my tongue. Because I just want to know what it feels like. I want to feel him inside me and attempt to satiate the strange feeling I get when he’s around. I want to give it a chance and finally feel good and aligned with my desires when he touches me.

But I can’t.

Because our gangs are at war.

We’re enemies.

Because he blackmails me into doing illegal jobs for him.

Mainly…because he forced me when I wasn’t feeling that way about him, and I can’t get over that.

I shake my head, fear tightening my chest because I know that this word means nothing to him. I say it anyway. “No…”

“Why, Billie?” he grounds out between gritted teeth as the knife slides under my panties. “Why don’t you ever want to cooperate with me, huh?”

“Caden,” I panic, struggling to keep my voice to a whisper. Even if I didn’t know what would happen when he loses it, the rumors are terrifying enough that I can’t control the plea that falls off my lips. “Don’t hurt me.”

“Shh. Don’t be scared, baby. I won’t hurt you.” He runs his thumb against my trembling lips before traveling all the way down my body and resting it on my panties. Right where my clit is.

“Let me play just a little, and then you can reconsider if you want me to fuck you or not, okay?”

I shake my head again, but I’m forced to freeze when he starts rubbing his thumb against my clit. The knife comes to rest against my throat again and I don’t dare move. The problem as he starts forcing pleasure on me, is that I don’t even want to move away. I just want to let him take control and relax into bliss.

My hips shift and my legs spread apart when he quickens slightly. His rhythm is perfect, the pressure not too much and keeping me chasing for more. A gasp of pleasure escapes my mouth, and his focused eyes brighten. He smirks from his position above me and keeps going exactly the same. I struggle to breathe, wanting to beg him to hurry and slow down simultaneously.

I can feel the tension in me, ready to snap. A moan bubbles at the back of my throat, and he puts the knife to the side before slamming his hand over my mouth.

My eyes widen, and he lowers himself to talk into my ear. “We wouldn’t want your daddy to hear you come under the enemy’s touch, would we?”

My chest rises quickly and deflates just as he pulls his hand away from my clit. He pushes my panties to the side, and I feel one finger at my entrance. I can’t say no, not with his hand covering my mouth, but it’s not no that I want to scream.

I want to beg him to push in. I want to feel him stretch me. I want his warmth deep inside me. I buck my hips, inviting him to do it.

And at a torturously slow pace, he pushes a single finger inside my dripping pussy. My long moan is blocked by his hand.

He pulls out and brings his hand to his face. Dawn is shining a low gray light past the clouds outside, and I can see him much clearer than I could when he arrived. His green eyes hold mine as he opens his mouth and slides his middle finger inside it. He wraps his lips around it and pulls it out, grunting low in his chest.

His smile is proud and destabilizing. “You taste as good as the last time, baby.”

I should freak out at remembering when he forced his head between my legs. The way one of his best friends was holding me down, and the other was filming me.

Yet, all I can think about right now is having him back inside me. And thankfully, that’s all he wants too. He pushes his finger back in and hisses. “Why are you so fucking tight? You’re no virgin, Billie. I know that much.”

I might as well fucking be now. I’ve not let a man near me since that fateful night two years ago. Although I would never tell him that. He’d be way too happy about it.

My body burns as he starts moving in and out of me.

It’s one finger.

From a man I hate.

And yet, I can feel sweat running down my neck. I can feel myself under so much pleasure I want to weep. He inserts another one and bends down again to kiss my neck.

As he thrusts his two fingers into me, he trails kisses down my throat and collarbone until he’s just above my tits. He kisses the top of the left, then the right, and before I know what’s going on, he’s biting and sucking. I twist out of pleasure, writhing under the tension.

Why do his teeth on my skin feel so good? I know he’s bruising me. I should feel exposed and used, but I just want to let him in. I just want to let myself fall.

I explode as soon as he curls his fingers and rubs against the magic spot inside me. I tremble as I come undone, riding the wave of my orgasm until I can’t anymore.

I finally come down when he pulls his hand away and straightens up.

The problem with falling is that, eventually, you hit the ground.

As his warmth dissipates and I’m left cold, half-naked, and with a ripped shirt, a loathing comes over me. I push him off me.

“Oh my god,” I gasp. “Get off me!”

My shout wakes up Murder and in a split second, she’s barking at Caden, who’s just fallen onto the floor. Baring her teeth, her mouth drips with saliva. She barks again and Caden stands up.

“Holy fucking shit,” he laughs. “Has this thing been here all along?”

I hear a door in the house and heavy steps in the hallway.

“Bil’s!’ my dad shouts.

My eyes practically pop out of my head, and I look at Caden. Murder barks at him again, and he puts a hand in front of himself. “Nice doggie…”

RUFF!

A knock on my door makes us both jump. “Bil’s, are you okay?”

No, I’m not fucking okay.

In fact, I’m speechless.

I eye my knife, which Caden left on the bed and his eyes follow where I’m looking.

“Don’t you dare,” he mouths. I slowly move my hand toward the knife, and he pounces on me, grabbing it and pushing my head against the bed. Murder barks and rages, jumping on the bed too. He retreats just as my dad pushes my door open.

“I’m coming in,” Dad announces loudly.

I become suddenly aware of my nakedness and grab the covers to pull them up to my chin. I look to my right and Caden has disappeared, though Murder is still barking like a mad dog.

“Calm down, girl,” I say softly, tapping the tiny space between me and the wall. “Come.”

“Are you okay?” my dad finally says, and I stare at the gun pointed at the rest of the room.

“Dad! I’m fine,” I exclaim. “Put your gun down, for fuck’s sake.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grunts. He scratches his beard and looks around. “Are you okay?” he repeats for the millionth time. “That dog scared me.”

“I’m okay,” I say weakly, the events just crashing into my head. “I-I must have had a nightmare, and she started barking. Maybe I made a noise or something.”

He grunts again and coughs up half his lungs because he won’t stop smoking.

“Alright, I’m gonna make some breakfast. It’s seven. She better not wake us up like this every day, the damn thing. Aisha had a near heart attack.”

Murder yelps at my dad like he betrayed her, and I force a small laugh. “She’ll be good.”

“And don’t forget to lock your window at night, pumpkin,” he throws casually.

“I did—” I cut myself off when I notice I didn’t. I always lock my window. North Shore is not a place you can trust. Psychos will sneak into your house during the night and slit your throat. Or give you a mind-blowing orgasm.

I must have felt safe with Murder and let my guard down—rookie mistake.

My dad finally leaves my room and I jump out of bed, startling my dog. “Where the hell are you hiding?” I hiss at my empty room.

He comes out from underneath my bed and stands up, forcing me to look up at him as he plasters his smug smile on his face. “You didn’t lock your window last night, pumpkin,” he mocks me.

Murder growls violently as he takes a step away from the bed. I wrap my torn t-shirt around me when his eyes start burning a hole through my tits.

“You should leave before I get my dog to eat your face.”

“My pretty face?” He plasters a hand against his chest in betrayal. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Leave, Caden,” I seethe.

“I bet I can get that dog to like me. Right, doggie?” She barks at him, and he jumps back. “Just give her time. She’ll warm up to me.” He pierces his stare into mine. “Like you.”

“Fuck you,” I whisper harshly. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

I push at his chest, but he grabs my wrists easily. “I should tell you why I came, I guess.”

“What?”

“Well, I didn’t come just to watch you orgasm.”

My mouth falls open and I snap it shut.

“I’m taking you to my friend’s garage before she starts her day. She said she’ll look at your car today if we show up before eight. We should hurry. We need to get your headlight fixed before you do the drive tonight.”

He releases my wrists and tilts his head to the side. “I guess you should get changed. I’ll wait for you outside. Don’t be long.”

I watch, speechless, as he climbs out of my window and onto the streets. Our house is only a single story, and it’s so easy to get in. Hence why we make sure all the windows are always locked.

How could I have been so careless?

I’m forced to skip breakfast and promise my dad I’ll be back by noon. I have no classes on Fridays and typically like spending the day with him. Aisha is already cooking for the family dinner she holds every week and I make sure to tell her how good it smells before leaving.

Since we lack a driveway, my car is parked down the street. Caden is waiting by it, leaning on his own car. I’ve brought Murder with me, and she’s so big she’s the one leading me by the time we arrive. The fact that I’m trotting after her makes Caden chuckle and raises my hackles.

“A tiny thing like you won’t ever be able to take a Doberman on a walk.”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover,” I say, jutting my chin high, pretending I’m not out of breath from the fact that I had to jog after her and put all my strength into not dropping the leash. “I’m strong enough to handle my dog.”

He nods, pinching his lips as if stopping himself from laughing at me. “You sure can, tough cookie.”

His eyes drop to my hoodie, and he cackles. “Good Charlotte? Trying to make yourself look old or something?”

I tug at my Good Charlotte hoodie. It’s the cover of an old album of theirs and says The Young and The Hopeless on it. “They’re a great band.”

‘Were you even born when that album came out?”

“We’re the same age,” I say annoyingly, narrowing my eyes at him.

He shrugs. “I don’t know. Apparently, you’re forty and used to listen to Good Charlotte in your young days.”

“Oh, shut up, will you?”

“Let’s go,” he snickers as he heads into his car.

I let Murder into the back of mine and climb into the driver’s seat before following Caden all the way to the garage.

He parks in the lot right outside, and I stop my car right beside his. I let my dog out and grab her leash before he joins me.

“You’re gonna take her everywhere you go, now?”

“Yup,” I pop the ‘p’ and smile at him as she growls his way. “She can sense when people only want to hurt me.”

He cocks an eyebrow at me, and our conversation is cut short by a girl in an oversized denim jumpsuit coming our way. She’s wiping her hands with a cloth, removing black grease off them.

“Hey, Cade,” she beams brightly. And just like that, I know he fucked her.

“Ashley, Billie, Billie, Ashley.” I nod at her, and she does the same. Everyone knows I’m NSC, there’s no need to pretend otherwise.

“It’s just a light,” Caden says, as if justifying bringing a car from the opposing gang to her garage. “She’s doing a job for me. Can’t risk her getting arrested.”

“No judgment from me,” she replies, approaching my car. “It won’t take me long.”

“We’ll be at the Basement,” he tells her. “Just call me.”

“Got it,” she throws back without looking at us.

I know the Basement. It’s a shitty diner not far from here. I’ve never been because it’s always been in Kings’ territory.

I follow Caden across the road and down two blocks. “I’m not hungry,” I repeat for the third time once we get there.

“No?” He turns to Murder. “What about you, girl? You hungry? Huh?”

She starts wiggling her tail and gives him a sweet woof!

“That’s what I thought. Come on.” He snaps his fingers, and she follows him inside. I’ve got no choice except to follow or drop the leash.

“Fucking traitor,” I mumble at her.

We walk down a flight of stairs and into the basement that gave its name to the diner.

“What sort of food do you like, Billie?” Caden asks casually as we slide into a booth.

I attach Murder’s leash to the metal leg of the table and sit back. The old vinyl of the bench creaks under me. Most of it is taped back with gray duct tape and the plastic of the table is falling apart. Not too bad for a North Shore diner. It smells good, of frying oil and pancake batter.

I finally look up at Caden. “I’m not making small talk with you. We’re waiting for my car that you’re fixing because you’re blackmailing me into doing a dangerous job for you with a video of me that you have from sexually assaulting me. If you think I want to make small talk, you’re strongly mistaken.”

He runs a hand through his hair and grabs a laminated menu. “I personally love pancakes with just the sweet stuff on it. None of those savory bits like bacon and eggs. I just want blueberries and maple syrup. Maybe some chocolate sauce.”

I ignore him, grabbing my own menu so I don’t have to gaze at him. When he realizes I truly don’t want to talk, he adds, “I hope it’ll taste as sweet as your pussy.”

I snap my head up from my menu and beg for my look to kill him. “What did you just say?”

“I’m saying I want to make you come again. Hopefully, now that you’ve given in once, there won’t be so much resistance next time.”

“You’re sick. You’re actually. Fucking. Sick. I did not give in.”

“Oh…” He leans back, hitting the softness behind him, and shakes his head. “What were those noises you were making, then? Cries for help? They sounded a lot like moans to me.”

“Stop it,” I rage. “You had a knife to my th—”

“Hiya, my name is Cleo. I’ll be your server today. Can I get you any hot drinks?” The lazy voice of the waitress, who clearly wishes she was anywhere else but here, brightens when she looks up from her notepad and sees Caden. “Oh my god, Caden. Hi!”

It takes me a moment to understand why they know each other. When I notice the hickeys on her jaw and how she’s turned a dark shade of red, I want to jump and strangle her.

Ignoring the way she is currently melting for him, Caden keeps his eyes on me. “Can I have a black coffee, and Billie here will have…” They both look at me expectantly.

“Just a water. No ice,” I push past my rage.

“I’ll also have the blueberry pancakes with maple syrup and some strawberries, please.”

“Alright.” She writes it down. “Anything else?”

“A baptism to clean my entire soul,” I mumble as I put my menu in front of my face so I don’t have to see her anymore.

Caden snorts and dismisses his great friend Cleo. As soon as she’s out of earshot, I slam my menu on the table.

“I cannot believe you. Did you break into my house right after you left hers, or did you have a little sleep before coming over?”

He licks his lips and smiles, clearly loving this. “I will shout to this entire diner that you are my girlfriend and I will never touch any other girl if you admit that you wanted me earlier. That you wanted me to sink my cock into your tight pussy and fuck the living soul out of you until you meet God and realize it was me all along.”

A rush of heat courses through my body at his words. I undo my ponytail and redo it to buy myself some time while I try to get my brain to come up with a response.

I fail.

“Well,” he shrugs. “In that case, I don’t think you get to be jealous. Although just to reassure you, I fucked Cleo last week. The hickeys just last a while.” He smiles as if this isn’t totally fucked.

“As long as you stop touching me, I don’t care what you do.”

“Ah, no. See, that’s just not possible.”

“Why?” It comes out as a genuine, soft question before I can try and make it sound violent.

“Because I want to make you mine,” he says in simple honesty. “I don’t know why. It took me by surprise, because I had completely forgotten about you these last two years. Then you just showed up in our backyard like a gift from the divinities, and I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since.”

“It’s been two weeks,” I whisper. “You don’t even know me. You can’t just stake your claim—”

“But I am. I’m fucking telling you you’re mine, and you’ll come around to understanding it too.”

I can see him getting heated. His hand is now on the table, and he’s leaning over so closely I can feel his warmth.

“You just keep fighting back, Billie. I’ll make you cave, eventually.”

“Is that how you convince girls to be your girlfriends?”

“No,” he snorts. “I don’t do girlfriends. But I’ll make an exception for you.”

“You’re Kings crew, Caden. And I’m NSC. I’m doing this job because I have to. Don’t mistake my compliance for genuine interest because I have none toward you. I think you’re violent and cruel. You take what you’re not given because you’re entitled. And to be totally honest, I don’t think you’re capable of affection. Let alone love.”

A shadow of danger crosses his green eyes as the air around us seems to drop a few degrees. He runs his tongue against his teeth and clenches his jaw.

“You’re gonna regret this,” he simply says. The waitress brings our drinks and his food and I use this occasion to excuse myself. I undo Murder’s leash from the table and don’t even look at Caden when I say, “I’ll wait for you outside.”

We don’t talk when we pick up my car. There’s nothing to pay because Ashley owed Caden a favor and I climb in my car without saying a word to him.

He grabs my door before I can shut it. “Don’t be late tonight. One a.m. at the meeting point. I won’t be there to convince them not to kill you if you fuck up, so you do everything as I told you. Bring me my money when it’s all done.”

“Sure,” I mumble as he lets go. I slam my door shut and drive back to NSC territory, feeling a hundred times lighter when I’m back on the streets I recognize.