Let Me Love You Again
Chapter 48

Maya

I put the cups on the table slamming the cutlery loudly, trying to make as much noise as possible. I heard the two laughing cheerfully in the other room, so I slammed even more on the table and then heard the footsteps coming from my bedroom. I put my hands on my h**s and waited for both of them to leave the room.

Next thing I know, Nate shows up with Axel. Nate held him high and twirled him in the air while he laughed cheerfully and kept repeating Dada! Like it was a f*****g mantra.

I took Nate’s cup and I slammed it on the table like I was gonna break it, and I kind of did.

“Green envy doesn’t suit you,” Nate said as he approached the table and placed Axel in his own eating seat.

I looked at him angry and turned to get coffee.

At first, I was happy that Axel was so close to Nate, that their relationship was so deep that it was almost like father and son, but as time went by, as the weeks went by, my happiness had turned into envy. I had nursed him well cared for, cleaned him up, raised him, and his first word was Dada?

Dada!

After the first week of trying to get him to say mom, or something at least similar to the word mom, I started crying. Every time I said Mom, he would answer me with Dada. All he wanted was Dada, he wanted to be fed by Dada, he wanted to wash with Dada, he wanted to wait for Dada to put him to bed. For Axel there was only Dada. I was just a shadow to him.

Was I jealous? Damn it!

I took the milk for Axel and I put it in the bottle, mixed it with some biscuits because yes, Axel was eight months old, and last week, while I was feeding him with a pap, I heard a clink on the spoon and then I discovered my baby’s first tooth and, when I complimented him, he had clapped his hands cheerful and had shouted dada! Again!

As soon as Nate had returned, Axel, inside his walker, had run to meet him and had shown him the tooth while continuing to scream dada all over the house.

I hated the word dada, I hated it with all my heart.

I walked up to my son and I reached out to help him with the bottle, but he shook his head and immediately pointed at Nate. Tears came to my eyes and I slammed the bottle on the table before I went to the sink and did the dishes.

I heard Nate tinkering behind my back and then the sound of Axel drinking voraciously.

“I have to say you’re f*****g sexy when you’re pissed,” Nate said.

“Can you not swear?!” I turned with a plate in my hand and looked at him furiously “You have a child in your arms that learns everything you say! He doesn’t learn anything I say!” I snapped.

Axel tried over and over again to swear like Nate did. Many times I heard him hiss something like “f**k”.

Tears rose in my eyes again. I looked like a fool? Yes! Damn yes! He was my child and he preferred my boyfriend to me.

“You need to relax, your time will come,” he said calmly as he continued to feed Axel.

Nate and I had been together for months now, March was over and April had arrived like a cyclone. Time seemed to fly with him.

We were practically living in my house by now, so much so that Nate had thought about selling his house, since he didn’t go there anymore.

In the past months we had tried to get away more than one night. But it always ended that one or both did not sleep. We would spend time writing to each other and in the morning we would run in each other arms.

Once I tried to get into his house, with Axel in the stroller, replaceing the road blocked by the porter’s man.

Nate found himself to come down with boxers to get me past, and then he ripped my clothes off while Axel slept in his bed and we were f*****g on the couch like we hadn’t seen each other in months.

After those violent sessions we had decided to spend every night together, sometimes we had tried to stay in his apartment, Nate had also prepared a room for Axel, complete with a bed and a small room created just for him, but the solution was not satisfactory.

Nate’s apartment was a long way from the hospital, which made my life terribly complicated every day, so we just decided to stay with me as much as we could, which was always.

Nate had brought most of his things to me, I had freed him some space in my closet but still we remained narrow, even if there was, at the time other solution.

I watched my handsome man move his legs, making Axel hop while he ate. I roll my eyes.

“He’ll throw up if you keep doing that,” I said, frowning, “Go ahead, I hope he throws up in your face,” I said as I put the dishes away.

“How nervous are we today, should they come to you?” he asked quietly.

“Does my bad mood have to be related to my menstruation?!” I blurted looking at him.

Nate looked at me for a moment before coming back to watch Axel “Definitely the menstruation” he muttered.

“You’re impossible!” I said exasperated as I turned back to the sink.

I felt Nate move behind me and then two hands on my belly and his head on my shoulder, his scent flooding my nostrils and making me pass whatever I had, like it was my own personal tranquillizer.

“Don’t get upset, it’s not because he doesn’t love you, I’m just cooler,” he said as he caressed my side.

“Stop being a d**k. I gave birth to him but he always seems to prefer you to me” I said almost on the verge of crying.

“It’s not like that. When he’s sick or sad, he’s always looking for you, even when you’re on the night shift, he always sleeps on your pillow with your shirt”.

I sighed as Nate rubbed his nose against my ear. I pushed my butt against him, rubbing against him as he g*****d softly in my ear.

“You’re still not satisfied after this morning?” he said in a hoarse voice as he pushed against me.

I turned to look at him, his blue eyes already veiled with desire.

I couldn’t get enough of him. Not even after this morning’s silent marathon.

I woke up wanting him, and I didn’t lose a second before I blew him one to wake him up. A little while later, I found my face between the pillows and Nate pumping me from behind, holding my head down and rambling me for him.

I turned to him and he lifted me up on the sink, I immediately surrounded his pelvis with my legs and pulled him to me, sticking my fingers in his silky black hair, before devouring his lips in a ravenous k**s, as if I hadn’t had him with me for years.

Nate g*****d in my mouth and surrounded me with his arms, he put one hand in my hair, on the back of my neck, and the other on my lower back, while he deepened the k**s even more.

I g*****d and squeezed him between my legs, asking for more.

“Dada,” Axel suddenly said.

I pulled away from Nate as he quietly laughed, “Sorry, love, but it’s bath time,” he said, before giving me a soft k**s on the lips and putting myself back on my feet.

I shrugged my shoulders and walked over to Axel, took him in my arms and began to storm him with k****s, making him laugh cheerfully.

Nothing gave me more joy than to hear my child laughing cheerfully, filling my heart with pure love, love that could not be compared to anything else.

I made him fly and I whipped him with k****s again as Axel grabbed onto my hair and kissed me in the mouth.

“Do you have that appointment with Jess?” Nate asked, sipping his coffee.

I nodded my head, suddenly becoming serious.

Jess was almost going through the first trimester of pregnancy, she was terribly upset even if she tried not to show it. She had never managed to get so far and this put her in a bad mood. She was sure it would all be over overnight, even though Lucas and I kept trying to keep her calm and relaxed, she wasn’t good for all that excitement, that anxiety. Her gynecologist was very positive about this pregnancy, as was Andrew himself.

Andrew would just take Jess to the hospital, end up doing checkups almost every day and everyone would reassure him that it was fine, everything was perfect like a normal pregnancy.

“Lucas and I have talked to Andrew, the gynecologist will give us the answer with the s*x of the baby and, in case Jess gets through the trimester, we will arrange a baby shower with a bow,” I said calmly.

I was confident for Jess, I was sure that she would get through these first three months, I was sure that she would be able to move on and create her own family.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Nate asked.

I surrounded his neck with one arm and looked at him in the blue eyes that made my legs tremble every time and they seemed to read my soul.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea, Jess is in hypertension and you have the great ability to piss everyone off with you,” I gave him a mouldy k**s and I broke away from him.

“Then Axel and I will be alone, or maybe we’ll go for a ride, what do you think?” Nate said, turning to my baby and holding him.

Axel laughed cheerfully and clapped his hands before giving to Nate a loud k**s on the mouth. I rolled my eyes and gave Axel one last k**s before I went to my room to get ready.

*****

“May, how can you be late? I know your boyfriend is so hot, but could you stop tripping over his d**k?” Lucas said to the other line on the phone.

I rolled my eyes and continued to walk at a fast pace among the people crowding the sidewalk.

“I wasn’t held up by Nate, not this time at least. Now he has only eyes for Axel, I simply could not replace parking” I said avoiding a lady who had stuck in front of me “anyway I’m near, I just have to turn the corner” I said labored.

I looked in front of me and I stopped immediately, my breath stopped and my heart missed a beat. I opened my eyes wide and the words died in my throat.

I turned my back and stood there with my phone in my hand. I could feel my heart beating faster as everything around me went quiet. I breathed irregularly and felt hot flashes pervading me. I was going to have a full-blown panic attack and my body didn’t want to move, it seemed like I was stuck.

I remained still waiting, motionless waiting for my sentence, when I saw him beside me, distracted by something else, the moment he passed me I turned, hiding my face. He was so close that I could smell his perfume, that perfume that once made me fall to my knees and open my legs like a f*****g w***e.

“May?” I Lucas heard from the other side of the line.

I didn’t answer. I dared to turn my head imperceptibly to watch him walk and move on.

Brad was walking with his hands in his pocket and his eyes were lost in space, his blond hair was tickled by the light breeze that was on that day. I watched him from behind, looking at his broad shoulders and slender body. He walked as if the world belonged to him, as if he were the king of the universe, then suddenly he froze. I looked up and turned, starting to walk like a fury towards the side opposite his, overcoming several people and hiding from the crowd, in the hope that he had not seen me.

My heart was pounding and my knees were shaking.

What the f**k was he doing here?!