Lustful Hearts
Chapter 74: Darkness - P4

The feel of warm fingers brushing against my skin jerked me awake as a pair of strong arms wrapped around me.

My eyes fluttered open, hoping to look into his loving, warm blue eyes. A fresh tear trickled down my cheek when Elijah's face filled my sight.

"Sweetie, you're going to freeze out here, where is your coat?"

I knew in that moment Joel had called him. He probably wanted me out the way so he could begin his new life.

One that no longer included me.

"I don't know..." I whispered.

I was too numb to care.

He pulled me upright and tucked me under his arm, walking the short distance to Mike's car. Elijah slowly manoeuvred me inside where I came face to face with Mike's angry glare. I could tell he was only managing to keep a lid on it.

Elijah quickly climbed in beside me, and I heard the engine spring to life. He clicked my seatbelt shut before grabbing hold of both my hands, desperately rubbing and blowing to bring life back into them. I didn't care, they were dead like the rest of me. All I wanted was to close my eyes and sleep forever.

"Izzy. What the fuck? Did Joel hit you?"

I didn't have the energy to respond, it was taking everything inside to just keep breathing.

"Mike, just drive the car, she'll answer your questions later," Elijah barked.

"I swear to god, Elijah, if he's touched her." He banged his hand hard against the steering wheel, and I flinched at the sudden noise.

Elijah pulled me close, whispering soothing words into my ear to distract my attention away from an irate Mike.

"Mike, just drive the car," he bit out in a low stern voice, trying not to startle me. "We need to get her in a red hot shower, at this rate she could catch pneumonia. She has plenty of time to answer your questions, just not now, okay?"

Mike let out a snort of anger. He never did like being told what to do.

Elijah's lips kissed my hair. "That's it, sweetie, we're nearly home, then we can get you into a hot shower and get your pyjamas on, then you'll be as good as gold."

I didn't know who he was trying to convince more, but I was pretty sure neither of us were buying it.

My head slumped onto his shoulder, I couldn't fight it a moment longer, the exhaustion was setting in. I closed my eyes, allowing the darkness to consume me.

***

Christmas day finally arrived, it was pretty much a blur that I somehow managed to get through. I had been surviving each day living moment by moment, taking one breath at a time.

It was all I could handle right now. Joel invaded my thoughts, every second of every hour of every day.

The thought of him being alone today was too much to bear, and that was how I found myself climbing the stairs that led me back to him.

The present rustled underneath my arm, and my breathing began to quicken at the thought of seeing him again.

I hoped time had given him a new perspective on our relationship. That he'd see the only way things made sense was when we were together.

Approaching the door my eyes zoned in on the envelope taped to it. I knew without reading it what it meant.

He had gone.

He had left me behind.

The tears came thick and fast at the thought of never seeing him again. It was something my heart wouldn't even consider.

I shakily pulled the note off the door, letting myself in. The ice-cold temperature hit me the moment I walked through the door into the darkness. I fumbled with the light switch, gasping when my eyes took in the empty shell before me.

The warm, homely flat we'd spent months living in as a family had been reduced to almost nothing within days. The only thing residing was the basic furniture. He had packed away all the decorations, the tree and taken down every single picture frame.

The tears began to flow, the place didn't feel the same without him, though I felt his presence everywhere I looked.

The letter I was still clinging onto felt heavier by the moment. I knew the contents would probably shatter any remaining pieces of my heart. Still I had to know, the not knowing part would have killed me even

more.

My hands shakily ripped open the envelope, and I dropped down onto the sofa. I knew whatever was inside would rip my legs from underneath me. My eyes glazed over just seeing his beautiful words on the page.

I took in a few deep breaths, giving myself time to regain some composure before I began to read the letter I knew would inevitably break my heart.

*

Dear Izzy,

By the time you read this letter, I will have gone. I could never summon up enough courage to tell you this in person. Just seeing that beautiful face reduced to tears because of my own selfishness would have made it so much harder to leave. You know everything I said was a lie. I was just caught up in my own personal hell, and I took it out on you. The one thing I swore to myself I would never do. I'm so sorry for the pain I caused. Please forgive me. You know I would never hurt you, the look on your face that day will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I know you always doubted my true feelings about you, but Iz, I will love you till the day I die. I know I don't deserve your love, I don't think I ever did. I've been a selfish man all my life, but I couldn't do that to you, I couldn't put you through anymore heartache. I destroy everyone I love, first my mum and then Katie. It would only be a matter of time before I did the same to you.

I hope now that I'm gone you'll move on and replace a man that truly deserves you. Forget about me, Iz and replace a man that is worthy of your love. I will never regret a single moment we spent together. I will keep each memory locked away in my heart, and the ring I wear will be a constant reminder of the love we shared. You're the only woman who ever had my heart, and it will only ever beat for you.

I know it hurts now, but in time you'll be fine. Please don't try to replace me. I've told no one where I'm going, and my phone has been disconnected. I've packed everything away as the flat will be let again soon. I ask one thing, please don't hate me, it would tear me apart if you did. I'm glad I got to replace some happiness with you, if only for a brief amount of time. You've showed me what true love is, and I thank you for that.

I have to go now, Iz. It hurts to leave you, but I love you enough to let you go. Enjoy life, be brave, and never regret a single moment. Life is short, live it to the fullest. I wish you happiness and when you replace that special someone cling to them. You deserve a life filled with love, to replace someone that strives to be a better man just to be in your presence. I hope you fulfil every hope, wish, and dream and have the fairy tale ending you so richly deserve.

I'll never forget you, Iz and will treasure every beautiful memory we shared together.

Joel

The tears came thick and fast, his words completely broke me. He meant everything to me, and my life was over without him.

It would have been easier to tell me he'd fallen out of love with me. Maybe one day I could have finally accepted it and moved on.

To tell me he would always love me was cruel. If he loved me, then why couldn't he be with me? Why had everything we built been shattered in those five days?

I knew it all stemmed back to his dad and his insecurities. He never thought he could confide in me, share with me his dark inner turmoil. It would always be my failing, and now I paid the price by losing him. Eventually I found the strength to move. My body was frozen, and it hurt to breathe like the air had grown toxic.

I couldn't bear to be here a moment longer. It was no longer the home I deeply loved, it was now a constant reminder of everything I'd lost.

I stood up, retrieving the cardboard box from the table. I searched for my favourite photo, the one I'd given him on his birthday. It always resided by our bed, but it wasn't there.

I knew in my heart he had taken it. He had always made a point of telling me how special it was. Only now it was sat beside the new bed he slept in.

I took some solace that he drew a little happiness from having a part of me near. He was wrong about me moving on though, I didn't give up on the people I loved.

I made a promise to my heart that I would replace him. He was my soul mate, my friend, my everything and love like we had experienced rarely happened twice. He had my heart from day one, and I couldn't give it to anyone else if I tried.

I wiped the last of the tears away as I stood, lifting up the box to leave. Joel's face smiled back at me, and my fingers traced along the photo as a smile touched my lips.

He was my forever, and I was his. I just had to replace him to make him believe it.00000