Lustful Hearts
Chapter 84: Mіxеd Sіgnаlѕ - P2

"Oh, you'll like this." He stopped me, holding out a bag of delicious goodies. "I went 'round and got lots of free samples. I did promise you more chocolate that you could shake a stick at."

My glare softened at his sweet gesture. "Aww Ryan, well, you know my weakness." I grinned when he handed over the goods; the bag was almost full.

I would be devouring the lot the moment I got home.

"Come on, let's go this way, they have a giant chocolate fondue fountain."

"Well then lead the way." My mouth was already watering before I'd even clapped eyes on it.

"Oh, you are going to love this."

I flinched slightly when he threaded his fingers through mine. He felt me shiver I was certain, but that only made him hold on tighter, giving me no choice.

I chose to try to ignore it as a warning sign. Elijah and I held hands and we were just friends, but my head was telling me with this small act he would read far too much into it, then what it actually was.

My mind was taken off it when I stood in awe, gazing at the giant chocolate fondue fountain. "Holy shit, it's my dream come true."

"Told you," Ryan retorted, pulling me nearer looking smug. There were every kind of sweet treat available to dip in it, but I went for the original and best.

Grabbing a marshmallow, I held it under the stream of chocolate before devouring the lot. Ryan grinned doing the exact same.

After several goes I decided to call it quits, I could already feel like I had met my limit.

"Just one more," Ryan suggested, offering me another. I shook my head; it would tip me over the edge.

"Go on, you know you want to." He held the stick towards me, but I stepped back declining the delicious goodness. I'd had more than enough.

The next thing I felt was the warm, runny chocolate when he dabbed the marshmallow on my nose, leaving a trail of chocolate behind.

His thumb reached out and swiped it, licking it off. "Mmm, tastes so good."

I immediately froze. My mind transported back to that moment with Joel and the cream. It was a memory that now haunted me, and I felt sick at the sudden reminde

It was like I had been punched hard in the stomach, I couldn't breathe.

"I need to go," I snapped, pushing past Ryan who was just stood there looking bewildered.

"Iz, what's up?" he shouted after me.

A tear trickled down my cheek. "I can't do this anymore, Ryan."

"Do what?"

"This." I flailed my arms up between us both. "I try to pretend we're friends, but I know you want more but I can't give you that."

"Why not?" he asked, as a flash of hurt crossed his face.

"Because it's not that easy."

"I can wait," he whispered, and my heart dropped at his response. How could I tell him that I didn't feel a single thing for him? That my heart was closed off forever. "Ryan, it's never going to happen. I'm sorry if I've given you false hope, but we can't be together."

"Why, Izzy?" he asked, almost forcefully, the anger there in his words at my refusal. He wasn't giving up and accepting my decision.

"Because I never stopped loving him, he owns my heart," I shouted. My voice wobbled almost turning into a sob, but I had to stay strong, I couldn't lose it here.

"But he's gone, and he's never coming back!" Ryan snapped back. His response was like a knife twisting in my heart.

"You can't say that, you don't know," I whimpered, feeling the first tear begin to fall.

Ryan's scowl softened, watching me slowly break apart. "Iz, you have to move on and live your life, Joel has. You have to accept it."

"I'll never accept it," I said defiantly. My heart would never allow me to. Only Joel and I knew what we shared, what we had been through to achieve the love most others desperately searched for all their lives. "Please choose me. I could make you so happy. I'm falling for you, Iz, please give me a chance." His words sent a shiver through me.

"I can't," I finally choked out.

"Can't or won't?"

I hesitated momentarily and the next thing Ryan pushed me against the wall, pressing his lips against mine.

For a second I responded, but it was all wrong. In my head I wanted it to be Joel, not Ryan.

I pushed him back off me. "What the fuck, Ryan?"

"You felt something I know you did," he almost snarled.

"You're wrong, I'll never look at you in that way and forcing yourself on me isn't going to change matters." How dare he? After all that I had just said, he was now forcing me to feel something that just wasn't there.

"You're lying, I felt it." He stepped back, but his eyes never left mine, scrutinising my face for any sign, but he was wrong.

"I felt nothing. I'm sorry I know you want to hear different, but I don't have feelings for you, friendship is all I can offer." My words trailed off, watching his look of horror at the realisation I wasn't about to change my mind

"I can't do this anymore, Iz." He ran his hands through his hair in agitation as he began pacing in front of me while I stood there cemented to the ground.

"Ryan, please..." I pleaded. He was my friend and I knew I had hurt him, but I still cared for him. My heart was aching watching his pain in front of me.

His eyes flashed to mine. "No, you can't just play with my heart like this."

"I never meant to hurt you, Ryan," I whispered, my words barely audible.

"But you did, you fucking hurt me more than you'll ever know!" "Ryan..." I pleaded.

"No, I'm done. I thought if I gave it a while you'd start to see me, to fall for me, but you're stuck mourning a guy that doesn't even want you. He left, Iz, and you need to realise it once and for all he isn't coming back!"

His words sent a surge of anger through me. How fucking dare he say that! "You're wrong. Shut up, Ryan. You don't know what we had. Stop talking about him like you know him. I can't help the way I feel." "You don't even try. You love the misery, I think at times you welcome it." His eyes dropped down, almost realising the impact his words would have on me.

"Fuck you, Ryan! Do you even know what it's like to have your heart ripped out? To lose the person you love the most, to wake up every day to a huge gaping hole. Yeah, I just fucking love being this broken, it's the highlight of my day to drag everyone down with my misery," I sobbed, as my body shook with anger and tears.

"Iz, I just meant..."

"I don't fucking care what you meant, the truth has finally come out. I thought you were a friend, I was obviously wrong." So wrong, I couldn't believe he could say something so cruel. "Friends don't dangle a person on a string and give them false hope."

My eyes bore deep into his. "What false hope? We hung out. It's you that blew this all up in your head."

"You led me on," he whispered.

"Oh fuck you!"

"You did, you made me believe something was happening." He rubbed his hands down his face in irritation.

"I told you enough times this was just friendship."

He snorted. "Yeah, well at times you didn't act like it."

My eyes snapped to his. "Like what? When did I ever act differently?"

"The signals you gave me."

"Are all in your head," I shouted in annoyance.

"I know what I saw," he retorted.

"Oh, this is pointless, we're getting nowhere." I threw my hands up and began to pace. The agitation bubbled through my veins. We were just going around in circles. "Couldn't have put it better myself. I'm done, Iz. I can't just be friends, I want more. I hoped you did, but that's no longer the case."

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I never meant to hurt you," I murmured. It was the last thing I wanted to do.

"But you did..." he snarled, making me jump.

I can't do this, I'm sorry," I whispered, running off not even looking back, his face would haunt me.

The heavens opened up at that exact moment mingling with my own tears. I barely noticed the cold rain hammering against my skin, I was too numb already to even care. What had I done?

Why had I let him kiss me?

But the moment he touched me I knew it was wrong, so wrong. My body had instantly rejected him, reminding me exactly where my heart truly lay. His kiss just left me cold.

He wasn't Joel, even if I closed my eyes and pretended every fibre of my being still would react the same. My body would only ever respond to Joel's touch, it was pointless thinking any different.

Now everything was in tatters, Ryan hated me. Despite my constant reminders that we were just good friends, I wasn't so naïve to know I was a part of certain triggers that had swayed his mind into convincing himself I wanted more.

Our friendship was over, it was done, and the ache inside my heart was there to prove it.00000