Lustful Hearts
Chapter 95: Rесоnnесtіоn - P2

I groaned deep into Elijah's chest, his words made sense, but the ostrich part of me wanted to bury my head deep and not have to deal with the whole situation. "Okay," I whispered so low, hoping he wouldn't hear but he squeezed me tighter in response to my words.

"Thank you, Iz, my sweet brave girl."

I didn't feel brave at the moment, if I had two functioning legs right now I'd have run a mile.

He pulled back, placing a soft kiss against my forehead. "I'll ring him and let him know. How about tomorrow?"

I grimaced at the short timeframe. I was hoping weeks, maybe months from now, but that was only wishful thinking.

"The sooner it's over, the better you'll feel," he suggested, his eyes prompting me to make the right decision.

"Fine, tomorrow," I snapped, dropping down onto the pillow. I knew within the blink of an eye it would be here, and I'd have to face the inevitable.

***

I threw down the remote in a huff, television was doing nothing to keep my mind occupied, it always came back to the same thing. My eyes flicked up to the clock, Ryan would be her in less than thirty minutes.

What do I say? Our last encounter had gone horribly wrong, but I also knew I couldn't let him continue down the path of blaming himself for something he had no part in.

When the knock finally came, I held my breath. "Come in." I finally managed to croak out.

The door cranked open slightly and a pair of concerned eyes stared back. I could see he was trying to maintain a level of control, which helped to ease my own nerves slightly.

"Hey, Ryan." I smiled but the look he shot me back soon knocked the smile from my face, watching his automatically crumple. So I did the only thing I could and opened my arms, welcoming him into a hug. We stayed like that for several minutes till he finally pulled away, his sobs easing off as he wiped the last of the remaining tears away. I settled back on the bed, and he sat down beside me. Our hands still entwined as my fingers provided small strokes of reassurance. He licked his lips several times, his eyes focused on mine, and I waited until he was fully composed to speak. "Iz, I'm so sorry, the things I said were unforgiveable." He closed his eyes like he was too ashamed to look at me any longer.

I squeezed his hand lightly. "Ryan, none of this is your fault so stop blaming yourself. The things you said were true. I led you on knowing your feelings towards me. I should have shut it down sooner, but I guess I was scared to lose you..."

He grabbed both hands, squeezing them till I found the strength to look back into his eyes.

"You'll never lose me, Iz. I can't deny the feelings I have for you, but I knew from the start where we stood. I tried to persuade you different, but I've always known that your heart always belonged to someone else."

He smiled but it didn't quite touch his eyes, it was all one brave act for my benefit.

"I know but I was still selfish in using you, but I needed you. When you were around the day just felt a little brighter, and I could breathe a little bit easier."

He smiled, and his hand gripped mine tighter. "I'm glad I could offer you that small respite from the pain."

"But it was wrong, Ryan, what about your pain? Your feelings? God, you shouldn't want to spend time with me after what I've done."

A tear rolled down my cheek. I had been a complete thoughtless bitch.

"Hey, that's all in the past, we move on today. I still want to be friends, and I still want you in my life."

"But why? Wouldn't it be easier to forget me? I just cause you pain and sadness." I closed my eyes, allowing myself to fall into a whirlpool of guilt. I was descending down, my own shame dragging me under. Ryan's arms enveloped me into a hug. I sighed into his chest as the tears continued to flow. "Shh Iz, you'll always be my number one person, regardless of if we're friends or not. I refuse to let you go, I've got to have my Izzy fix."

I chuckled into his chest. "But you know I'm with Joel." I pulled away, almost hesitant to look into his eyes.

"I know, but you're with the person that owns your heart, and I can live with that. I can live with seeing you happy."

"But what about your happiness?"

He kept a smile fixed on his face, but the sadness radiated in his eyes. I wanted him happy too. "Oh you know me, I'll soon have my eye on someone else, once summer is over there will be plenty of new girls to practice my flirting skills on."

We both laughed as we knew that would be true. I squeezed his hand in a silent thank you; his bravado was a way of lessening my own guilt.

"Anyway that's enough of this sentimental stuff, let's get to the real reason why I've come 'round."

"And why is that?" I asked intrigued.

He grabbed my laptop, quickly loading up the internet. "Well, you agreed to be my zombie buddy watching The Walking Dead, I can't do this alone."

He gave me a wink and I smiled, remembering our conversation a few weeks back. He was surprised at my level of excitement at the thought of watching zombies get their heads bashed in to save mankind. "Well, if we're going to do this you need to get some snacks, you know where the kitchen is."

He grinned standing up, giving me a look of surprise. "Okay Miss Bossy Boots, your wish is my command." He bowed and I giggled.

"Oh, and don't forget..."

"I know, the Maltesers. I'm not some rookie. I do remember your obsession."

He shook his head in amusement, slipping through the door to head back downstairs. I sighed in contentment at having my friend back. Things were finally getting back to normal.

Four episodes later I admitted defeat, and Ryan left a short while later, allowing me to have a well deserved nap. His promise to return to watch the rest was enough for me to let him go.

I finally felt free of the guilt and fell into a contented sleep. Well until those soft, sweet lips I knew so well finally roused me in the most delicious way. I smiled as he placed small, gentle kisses over every inch of my face.

"Open your eyes, beautiful," he whispered, his voice sending tingles right through me.

God, he was good.

My eyes fluttered open to stare into his hypnotic blue. "I missed you today, baby, been counting down the minutes till I got to do this." He pressed his lips softly against mine, and I pulled in a breath, opening slightly, allowing him to slide his tongue in so he could entwine with mine.

My fingers weaved through his hair, holding him tight as our mouths created a natural rhythm. I knew I would never have enough of him.

He eventually pulled away, much to my annoyance. "Well, someone has definitely missed me too. He raised his eyebrows in that sexy knowing way.

"So what have you been up to today? Has Elijah been around crying over Titanic?" I chuckled at the memory. We'd watched it last week, and it took him an hour to calm down after the credits rolled. "Actually I had another visitor... Ryan called around to see me."

Joel's face dropped in shock, but then he quickly recovered. "Oh yeah, what did he want?" His tone was light, but I could see a hint of jealously there in his eyes, no matter how hard he worked to disguise it. "To make amends, to apologise, he blamed himself for the accident, but I put him straight about us. I don't want him living with unbearable guilt, the accident was nothing to do with him."

"So when you say you put him straight..." His voice sounded almost hesitant.

"It's okay, Joel, he knows where my heart lies."

A smile crossed my face, and I grabbed his hand lifting it up to my lips. I pressed a gentle kiss there before moving away. "It will only ever be you, Joel."

He sighed in contentment at my words, drawing me in so we were barely inches apart. "I love hearing that you're mine, only mine."

"I'll never belong to anyone else."

It was true, he owned me body and soul, he was my forever and I was his.0000☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐