Lyon
Chapter 133

“Told you some shit was up, now I just gotta wait for the other shoe to drop.” I know my wife and this little act she’s putting on ain’t fooling me worth a damn. We went back to work on the bike for Aiden who was turning into his old man. The twins were like night and day. Quint was most likely going to be like his grandfather, the little f**k was into all things cop.

So while his brother wanted a new or faster bike every other week, he was more into playing investigative games on line or whatever his mother and aunts and uncles came up with to keep him happy.

“Daddy, uncle Jared, dinner’s ready.” My baby came down the steps an hour later.

“Hey Caitie Bear, why are you all dressed up?” my daughter is turning into a beauty, not that she could help it with her mother being who she is, but I sure wish she would take it easy on her old man with this growing up shit.

“Todd’s coming to dinner, grandma said I should invite him.” And just like that my day got worse.

“His father lose all his money in the stock market?”

“Dude!” Jared shook his head at me.

I glared his a*s into silence. It seems that when it comes to my kid and this dating shit, everybody has an opinion that differs from mine.

My daughter was looking at me like she thought I was losing it. I’m pretty sure that’s the impression their sneaky a*s mother gives them whenever I veto one of her f****d up schemes, like I give a shit.

“Well, why is he coming to dinner?”

“Daddy, be nice, please. Don’t you like my dress?”

“No, I like the way you dressed a few months ago, jeans and tee shirts.” Her face looked like I’d slapped her and I felt the way I do when I know I’ve done something that hurt her mom.

“Don’t look like that princess, come here.” I hugged her and patted her shoulder. Why the f**k did nobody tell me that having daughters and a wife would turn me into a pansy a*s? Half the time, I have to watch what the f**k I say. For a man who’s accustomed to just letting it all hang out, that shit is f*****g annoying.

I’m not about to lie though, I hate the f*****g dress; it makes her look too grown up. I should burn the shits as soon as her mother buys them, or better yet

“I think the dress looks really pretty Caitlin.” F*****g sellout. His wife has his nuts at home in a lockbox, the f**k. In fact, out of all my guys, I seem to be the only one who kept theirs, though it’s a constant struggle.

Kat thinks I don’t know what the f**k she’s up to. Since there’s no legal castration these days, women have found another way to take a man’s balls. They’re sneaky about it, so you have to be on the alert at all f*****g times, or before you know it, you’ll wake up one morning and be a f*****g eunuch. Walking around behind her at the mall with her purse in your hand and drool on your f*****g chin. F**k if I’ll end up like that.

“Tell your mom that we’ll be right there as soon as we wash up.” She was not happy with me, I could tell, but she turned and went back up the steps. “I’ma bury that f*****g Todd kid in the backyard.”

“Colt, you worry me. She has to grow up bro, she can’t be your little Caitie Bear forever; and I thought you were getting to like Todd? The kid seems solid to me, in fact to everyone else but you.”

“That’s because he’s not sniffing around everyone else’s kid but mine.”

“She could do worse bro, some of these high school kids are f*****g nightmares.”

“That’s the problem, if he was a d**k I could f**k his shit up and be rid of him like that. But this one is like a f*****g mother’s dream or some shit. And no matter what I throw at him he doesn’t fail, what the f**k am I supposed to do with that?”

“You’re supposed to leave them alone you idiot, it’s part of growing up. Don’t you remember being that age?” I was out the garage and up the steps with him laughing and calling me back. “Kat, here, now.” I bellowed every f*****g word even though I knew it would get her thong in a twist.

“Colton, what is wrong with you? We have guests in the house.”

“I give a f**k. They don’t like my screaming they can head the f**k out. Listen, about these dresses and shit that you keep buying Caitie, cut it out.” She had the confused look she gets when she’s trying to pretend that my words have gone over her head.

“I don’t get it.”

“Okay plain and simple, the next time you walk into the store to shop for Caitie Bear pick up jeans, no maybe overalls, that might be better.”

“Colt did you fall and hit your head, what’s the matter with you? Come on in here everyone’s heading to the table.” Jared walked by us shaking his head on his way to the bathroom to wash up.

“Just do as I say or nobody’s gonna be wearing shit around here.” I know what the f**k I just said, but they’re making me crazy. I went upstairs to my bathroom and got cleaned up before swinging by the nursery to check on our newest addition.

He is the result of one of Kat’s little schemes. It would serve her a*s right if I’d nailed her again this morning with her sneaky shit. Little Cody was asleep so I just ran my hand gently over his head and left the room. Time to go face Elena and her shit.

I was on my way when I ran into the little upstart that was fast becoming the bane of my existence, and my lovely wife, heading into the dining room looking all cozy. “Good evening sir, thanks for inviting me to dinner.”

“Kid I didn’t”

“COLTON, that’s okay Todd we’re happy to have you.” He went off somewhere, probably to go sniff around my kid. “The f**k are you glaring at, I didn’t invite him, aren’t you always harping about being honest with the kids?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it Colton Lyon. Now it’s almost time for the holidays and I want you to behave. You’re the one who started the holiday tradition remember, the year Caitie was born? You went all out, we can’t change things now.”

“Kat, I wanted to give my kid a nice holiday, I want to give them all that. But you and Elena have lost your f*****g minds every year since, and this year I mean to put a stop to it.” I left her fuming, or more like thinking up new ways to f**k with me, and went in search of the culprit.

She was fixing the table and lying to her grandsons about some shit or the other. That’s another thing I noticed about my parents as grandparents, they lie their asses off about every f*****g thing and seem to think that the things they wouldn’t let their own kids do is perfectly okay for my kids to.

“Mom, I wanna talk to you.”

“Oh, hi son, nice of you to join us dinner’s ready, can you go replace your father?”

“Where’d you lose him this time?”

“I don’t know, you know how he is.”

“Yeah, probably smoking up my damn basement with his shit.” I caught myself halfway down the steps, her little errand boy. “What the f**k?”