Lyon
Chapter 84

“Elena I think your son has finally cracked up.” I looked over my shoulder to make sure he wasn’t coming down the stairs but knowing him he’d be in that book for at least another ten minutes until he found something else to make me crazy.

“Why what’s he doing now?”

“Well my tummy somehow sprung up this morning out of nowhere and…”

“WHAT” She screamed loud enough that I had to move the phone away from my ear.

“I’ll be right there.” She hung up the phone on another yell. Oh shit Colt is not gonna like this. Poor thing he’s trying to keep up but it seems like every week there’s something new.

To top it off, everyone keeps making fun of him because he spazzes at the smallest things. I have to admit to having a bit of fun at his expense because he’s just too cute.

My husband has also lost his damn mind; the house looks like a kid’s store threw up all over the basement. He’s bought everything he saw on line that had been recommended for newborns. I’m going to have to go behind him and give away half of it because he can’t seem to decide on a color sometimes so he gets more than one of the same thing.

Not to mention the racket he made because he’d bought all little boy stuff and now we were having a girl. I had tried calming him down by telling him that we could save the stuff for the next one at which point he’d told me very seriously that there wasn’t going to be another one.

I’d just rolled my eyes and let him think whatever he wanted. As much s*x as was going on around here I was pretty sure there would be another one.

Now he’s freaking out because my tummy is finally showing. I don’t know what he expected to happen. As many books as he’s been reading you’d think he would be expecting everything as it comes but no.

Any sign of change and he goes ape shit. I should come up with a new distraction to get his mind off of this new development. I was sure there would be a whole new list of rules coming my way after this.

He won’t even let me drive my new car but instead I have to ride with him or in one of the trucks when I’m actually allowed out on my own. I better go see what he was up to before he came up with new ways to make my life a living hell.

“Your mom’s coming over.”

“F**k.”

“Not nice.”

“What did you blab about this time the tummy thing? You’ve got to stop doing this shit to me Angel.”

“What shit baby?” I hid my smile. This was a regular conversation in the Lyon home. I’d stopped telling him that I wasn’t the first woman to get pregnant and that I wasn’t purposely trying to drive him crazy like he keeps accusing me of but he would not be soothed.

I couldn’t wait to see how he was going to handle delivery, in fact I wasn’t as afraid as I thought I would be because he was worried enough for both of us.

He looked at me like I had two heads.

“Every time I get used to one thing you spring something new on me, let me see again.”

I pulled up my shirt so he could feel my tummy for the one-hundredth time. I wonder what he’s going to do the first time he feels the baby move. He’s too cute, big tough guy brought low by a baby.

“Damn this is really happening.”

“Duh.”

“Funny. How am I supposed to f**k you all day if you called nosy a*s Elena over here?”

“Oops, I didn’t know she was going to lose her shit too.”

Elena showed up twenty minutes later but she wasn’t alone, she had Daniel in tow and his new thing is ragging poor Colt to death. The head shaking started right away.

“What did you do to unman the Lyon name this time son?”

“Go suck on your pipe dad.”

“Colt honey you’ve got to lighten up.”

“Whatever mom.”

“Let me see my grandbaby.” She spent a good ten minutes examining my tummy and cooing at the baby while Colt and his father sat on the couch and did what they did best, grouch at each other.

Colt has been trying to wean Daniel off of weed for when the baby comes but I don’t see that it’s working so well. He still looks high to me and he’s so funny I almost don’t ever want him to stop.

“This is cause for celebration we should call your mom and Char and” Elena was rambling on and I looked over at my husband who was shooting daggers at me with his eyes. I shrugged my shoulders at him she’s his mother.

“Elena we were planning a quiet day at home alone.”

“Oh pooh Colton this is cause for celebration.”

Elena thinks everything to do with the baby is reason for celebration, I’m not getting in the middle of their mess let them fight it out.

The day turned into a get together, which is, pretty much the norm around here. Everyone loves hanging out at our place. These days I get lots of help from the moms when there’s a party though because my sweet demented hubby thinks cooking for all these people is too taxing for me. Then again if I sneeze too hard he freaks.

“Katarina honey, have you decided on that thing we talked about?” I knew what my mom was referring to and my eyes flew to Colt who was looking through his liquor cabinet for something for the guys who were all out back hanging out, leaving us girls to our own devices.

We were relaxing in the living room sharing war stories so to speak or more aptly stories about crazy a*s husbands. Just as I knew he would his eyes turned my way.

He doesn’t appreciate not knowing everything that’s going on with me. Not in a stalkerish creepy kind of way. More like an over protective, bat shit crazy husband and father to be way.

He slanted his eyebrow as if to say ‘what the hell is she talking about babe?’ And this is one conversation I did not want to have right now with all these people around. I guess the sisters caught on because people started making their excuses and heading out to replace their men.

Leaving me, my mom, Elena and Char alone with crazy person. I still tried to head things off, at least for a little longer or until I’d got the nerve to bring it up with Colton alone.

“Not now mom I haven’t really”

“But you seemed so excited when we talked about it.” Mom catch a clue would ya.

“Talked about what? There something you need Katarina?”

He also hates when he thinks I’ve hidden something from him. Which I’m now in the habit of doing because if I even look at a page in a magazine for longer than five minutes he tries to get me whatever it is that I’m staring at geez.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the way he loves me. But sometimes I get scared because people aren’t supposed to be that happy are they? I mean where is the fighting and the name calling and sleeping in separate rooms?

Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. My life has become so perfect, almost too perfect and I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Colt has made it his mission in life to shield me from anything that he thinks will harm me.

He absolutely cannot bear to see me in pain or upset. My poor husband is going to lose his shit in the delivery room. Now mom had to go and bring this up in front of him.

“No babe there isn’t anything I need, mom and I were just talking about natural childbirth.” I said it like one word hoping he wouldn’t get it and that would buy me some more time.

“Come again?” Elena muttered ‘oh shit’ under her breath and I held my breath.

“I said” I had to take a deep breath before I could go on because I knew there was a battle ahead of me. I hadn’t even decided that it was what I wanted to do it was just a thought but

“My mom and I were talking about natural childbirth.” He looked at me without saying one word for a good two minutes. I knew with all his reading he knew what I was talking about.

“Is that where some kook comes here and you head into the bathroom and do your thing?”

“Kinda.” I was at the edge of my seat waiting for the explosion. If Tina knows what’s good for her she’d keep her mouth shut because her relationship with Colt was still in the early stages. I don’t think he’s forgiven her for what went down in Phoenix yet, oh boy.

“You’ve lost your f*****g mind. If all you two are going to do is fill her head with bullshit you can’t be around her anymore.”

“Colton Lyon you watch your mouth.”

“Mom I am not f*****g around, this girl cries from a f*****g paper cut. She hates pain and who the f**k wouldn’t? But you want her here with some f*****g whack job who probably doesn’t know their head from their a*s with no medical assistance while she pushes a seven pound human being out of her body what the f**k are you thinking?”

“Son you really need to hit your father’s pipe I swear, you make it sound like the stone ages things are different now midwives have to go to college and”

“I don’t give a shit if the bitch has three PHDs my wife is going to the hospital where my kid will be born like the other three hundred million motherfuckers in this bitch.”

And with that he was gone muttering all the way. I opened my mouth to speak but he wasn’t done because he stepped back into the room with one last word of wisdom.

“You, no more f****d up ideas I have enough shit to deal with without you losing your damn mind and coming up with this stupid shit. I’m dead serious and if you two keep filling her head with shit you’re cut off. The f**k?” He stomped off and was gone for real this time.