My Fiancée Hates Me
Chapter 83: Bitterness

A long time ago, I gave up my book to King Arundel as a way he could make up to his distant son who also loved books. King Arundel ended up giving the book to Garett who dressed up as Prince Erik for whatever reason. Garett accepted the book as it was the only thing he ever received from his parents, but he knew that it never belonged to him, so he could never bring himself to read the book no matter how

much he loved reading books.

No wonder the book I gave to King Arundel ended up with Garett...

My heart was filled with terrible grief and sorrow so much that my eyes continuously dropped tears, expending all of the fluid in my body as if my entire body wanted to weep with Garett.

In my blurred eyes covered with tears, I saw Garett awkwardly smiling as if I was the one who needed comforting.

"Why are you crying so much?" Garett asked as he wiped my tears with his handkerchief.

This person had no one else who would cry for him. I wanted to be at least cry the tears of a hundred people for him.

"...It must have been very lonely," I said.

Garett pulled me into his chest and hugged me tightly.

"For the time I did not have you by my side, it was really quite lonely," Garett said.

In my first life, Garett was accepted into the Royal Castle as Prince Erik's cousin for a short while, but he was forced out because baseless rumors of me and his infidelity erupted throughout the Castle making it difficult for him to show face. He worked so hard to get accepted but had to leave right afterwards.

Garett lived a lonely life and ultimately died a lonely death in my first life all because of me.

I felt sorry that I could not be there for him in my first life with him.

I redeemed myself a little in this life, but how did Garett feel when I constantly flaunted my feelings for the person who was the main cause of his trauma? Was he disgusted with me? Did he hate me then? "...I am sorry that I could not have met you sooner," I said as I rubbed my eyes with my hands.

"You really are too kind," Garett said as he caressed my head. "Let me admit an embarrassing secret..."

"An embarrassing secret?" I asked.

"...I was a little jealous when I heard that guy got engaged to you, so I dressed up as him and planned on saying horrible things to you when we first met, but then you one upped me and said everything I was planning to say," Garett said as his entire face turned red.

"When Prince Erik pushed me into a fountain, that was you!" I said in surprise.

"...We had switched places a few times before. That was one of those times...While I was with you, he was in my bed sick at the time," Garett admitted with a very shy facial expression.

I chuckled.

"...A little jealous? Does that mean you liked me before then too?" I asked.

He turned his gaze to the side as if he was being shy.

"Of course, I was jealous, I was the one who saw your marriage painting first," Garett said shyly.

"I am glad that I look like this then," I said with a smile.

"Your looks did attract me at first, but I like you for many other reasons. I like how you are very sweet, a little of an airhead, and make various faces that show you enjoy eating," Garett said as he rubbed my cheeks together.

"How embarrassing..."

"I like you a lot more after getting to know you... You looked just like the Fairy Princess in the story my biological mother read to me once. The kind pink haired Fairy Princess could heal wounds with her tears. She cried for everyone but herself in happiness as well as sadness."

Even if he recalls such sweet memories, are they not all of him disguised as Prince Erik and not of himself?

All of those memories were painted with someone else's color...

"I do not understand why there is such a ridiculous custom of abandoning twins. If I were Queen...if I were Queen, I would not have..."

Abandon my children? Do I even have the right to say such a thing?

I was the one who killed myself along with my child...deserted and killed without a moment's hesitation. I could not stand the loneliness and despair from Prince Erik's death and killed myself along with my unborn child. I might as well have abandoned that child.

"Arielle, what's wrong?"

In reality, I was not much better than the mother who had abandoned Garett.

My heart filled with terrible disgust for myself. All of the bitterness in my soul came back and multiplied as if I had been growing a demon in the darkest depths of my heart.

"...Once you know my secret, you will think of me as a disgusting person as well," I said as I pushed Garett's chest away.

I quickly got up and began running as far as I could from this person.

I thought and thought about telling Garett about the memories of my first life...the beginning, middle, and about the dreadful end.

What I forgot was that the dreadful end also consisted of me taking my life for the most selfish reason possible...the pain and loneliness of missing someone else. On top of that all, I killed the only life I ever nurtured inside my body.

Before the child could ever speak, cry, or even open its eyes to the world it was created in...all chances of life and freedom were ceased because one foolish mother to be.

To this person who longed for a true family, I could not reveal to him that I had abandoned my own child and be happy with him.

I lost my right to be beside this person, or rather anyone for that matter...

It was then that one of the bookcases suddenly caved in and entirely fell on top of me.

In my daze, I saw books all around me and that the red view blocking my right eye was actually my own blood covering my entire eye.

Even the muffled screams coming from Garett's voice calling out to my name slowly diluted into nothingness.

It was probably God's cruel joke or mercy gift in helping me part from Garett...I only wished that this parting did not have to be so bitter.0000000