Nadir
Chapter 38

I didn’t want to come for work because each day that I leave Nandy at home I always wonder what it is that will happen to her? Last night was really hard for me because the doctor finally told us that medically and now it’s up to me to decide whether to commit her or not.

My landline rings and I decide to put all my thoughts behind the way I always do when I get to work.

‘Yes.’

‘Mr. Jacobs there is a Ms. Sheena here to see you.’

I sigh deeply, I have told her times without number to stay away from me but it seems the more I do that the harder I make it for myself and being the gentleman that I am I just have to be nice to her.

‘Please let her in.’

‘Alright Sir.’

A few minutes later the door opens and the first thing I smell is the butter chicken and my stomach rumbles reminding me that I haven’t eaten in almost forty eight hours.

‘Good morning.’

‘Sheena what do you want?’ I ask immediately the door behind her closes

‘I brought you food Joshua.’

‘You brought me food?’ I ask with a raised eyebrow

‘I know how messed up your eating habits get when you are stressed and I know it hasn’t been easy for you.’

‘Woman what do you want?’

I didn’t mean to raise my voice but she is irritating me.

‘Joshua we all care about you and we know what happened to you and your girlfriend has taken a toll on you.’

‘Nandy is my wife.’

She sighs.

‘I brought your favourite.’

I stand up and go to the dispenser where I pour myself some water. I don’t want to be rude to her, I really don’t want to show her a side of me that will forever scare her.

‘For the last time Sheena, I don’t want to have anything to do with you. I don’t care if you have brought butter chicken or anything else I just don’t want.’

‘I don’t want anything from you, I just want you to eat.’

‘And you think I don’t want to do that? Sheena we are not friends so stop behaving like we are.’

‘You don’t have to be so rude you know, when last did you take a look at yourself on the mirror? You have lost so much weight, your hair is outgrown and your beard looks like it needs shaving. And I wish this is something I have noticed just today but Joshua everyone can tell that you are losing yourself and we know that you love Nandy.’

She pauses for effect.

‘We know how much this is affecting you but Joshua we need you back, you need to continue living.’

Her words touch a nerve and I hate that it’s coming from her because honestly I will never look at her the same.

‘I will just leave the food here, make sure you eat it whilst it’s still warm. She says standing up.

‘Joshua?’

‘Yes?’

‘For the millionth time I am sorry for what I did.’

I shake my head, it’s been close to four years and I have moved on from it.

‘Sheena I am over it.’

‘And that is what hurts.’

‘Excuse me?’

She chuckles.

‘There is still a part of me that wishes that you didn’t, because you loved me and you loved me right.’

‘And yet you still went ahead and cheated on me with Emmanuel huh?’

‘And you will never know how sorry I am but truth be told I am. It’s been hard all these years, I lost out on a good relationship because I was not sure what I wanted. God knows I am sorry Joshua and I regret it every other day.’

‘Well you made your bed.’

‘Yeah.’

‘For the record, I genuinely love you.’

‘You need to move on Sheena, if you think my situation with Nandy will make me get back with you then you are definitely lying to yourself. And even if things got worse you are not the person I would want to spend forever with.’

‘I am still the same person Joshua.’

‘You slept with my brother, do you know how much that has taken a strain on our relationship? Each time I look at Emmanuel I can’t help but wonder what it is about him that you found more appealing. Sheena you crushed my self-esteem, I check and compare myself to my brother.’

‘My brother Sheena! Do you know how messed up that is?’

I hate thinking about this because it makes me angry.

‘Emmanuel will never be better than you.’

‘Do you think that’s what I want to hear?’ I am screaming now, unleashing all my anger on her.

‘I am sorry Joshua.’

‘Of course you are! You messed up my life Sheena, I loved you with everything in me. We could have been married, I wouldn’t be going through all this! We would have been happy and you could have cheated with anyone else but it had to be my own flesh and blood! You did it with no decency, shame or remorse. We have never been the same you honestly think I will be okay with you? Emmanuel has always come after everything I love! He even came after Nandy but she is not like you! She loves me and she was faithful to me! It should have been you in that situation.’

She shakes her head tears dropping.

‘That’s not fair.’

‘Life is not fair Sheena, because if it was it’s you that would have been in my wife’s shoes. Now get out of my office and life and never come back because Sheena I swear on my father’s grave, on the broken relationship with my brother, on my children’s grave, Sheena I swear on everything that has gone wrong in my life that if you ever come anywhere close to me or my wife I will scar you for life. You don’t get to hurt people and act like their pain is not valid, you don’t get to do that.’ I say dismissively.

She looks at me for a few seconds, tears falling and then opens the door and walks out. I notice there are people outside the office obviously wondering what is happening but I don’t care.

..

Kwenje’s Girl

Winnie

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