Not A Saint (ENGLISH VERSION)
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: Thoughts

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THROUGHOUT the trip, my mind was empty except on that woman who kept lingering in my mind. She's the one I met who tried to take my money, steal to be exact. I don't know why I want to know the woman personally.

There was a part of me that was attracted to the woman, especially how her cap fell off on her head, hiding her shiny and curly hair. I shouldn't be attracted to the woman especially and not despise having to exude the look compared to that woman. But that doesn't seem to be the flesh of my inhibition. There is something bigger I wanted to explore. Something I will only know when the woman is already facing me.

I know that when I call Bellevera today, I will only interrupt her make-out with her girls. But I want to charge him for what we talked about. I even needed the money for the rest house that Brent left as an inheritance after he died. When the car stopped through the stoplight, I took the opportunity to grab my pouch, looking for my phone to call Bellevera but I thought he was not the one who should have helped me. He will just use me for his own benefit and I know that when I ask him for help, whether financial or material, there will always be an exchange.

Instead of Bellevera, I called Manager Roa.

"Hello, Ms. Roa."

"Glad, that you call."

"I will accept the contract offer. I will decline the flight attendant job, but instead sign the current offer from you," I said, fulfilling my voice without hesitation.

I could even hear the happiness in her voice. "Really? Believe me, you will not regret it. And for that, I will give you the thirty percent="

I cut off what she was saying. "Forty-five, fifty-five." This is how we cut the earnings I will get from signing the contract.

The other line become silent for a moment until I heard her speak again back in the line. "Fine. Okay. But this is for now." So, it means only temporary? Fine, as if I have my choice. She's my manager and she will do whatever she wanted. "Next offer, I will have the forty percent and the rest will be yours. How about that?" I assumed I can do that since I am the major deal here.

"Deal! No problem with that." Great that she agreed.

I smiled at her willingness. She didn't even wonder what I would use the money for.

"Are you free today? Let's get there, so I can discuss the details of the contract." Looks like she started to check me.

"Sure. I will go through there." Then I ended the call. I know she's very excited about the payment.

That's the reason I refused the last offer. Endorsing some lotion and soap. Not because it has daring photos. I am free now to show my body in public but only for photo shooting and or taking shots. Other than that, wearing daring and or revealing clothes around, walking around is not my thing.

I was not born Maria Clara to dress like a Maria Clara. But I don't want to and never wear enticing or revealing clothes. That's what dad, my biological father, taught me before he died. That I need to take care of myself especially and many men will be interested in me, not only in the clothes I wear but in the beauty I possess.

I also don't want to tempt men, but that's what comes out. The beauty and charm that I have so tempting, that just staring at me will make a man have a tent in his crotch. And this happens to me already. Even if I don't intend to be rude or seduce the man, it happens.

If I lose the thing I should have kept, it doesn't mean I need to stop right here. Brent has disappeared from my path and I think I can handle Bellevera. He's the only one I've been waiting for to disappear. Once he will vanish like thin air, I can breathe more easily. I can sleep well and I can tell the world that a Celestine Rain Alcazar is not a saint, fragile, and has something hidden that they will never think came from me.

I didn't drive back home or to my apartment. I turned my car in another route straight ahead to Manager Roa's house. I also need the money and I will continue to finish the construction. This time I will work harder just to get rid of Bellevera easily. He has been torturing me so much and I don't want it to last like this.

I passed by in the restaurant first, near Manager Roa's house. I ordered a portion of food for two, took it to her house, and drove away.

Maybe Manager Roa already knows that Bellevera and I have an engagement. I really wanted to delay the wedding because I really can't afford to be engaged to a man I don't love and I will never like him.

When I turned off the car engine, I picked up the greeting card I had brought for Manager Roa. It is something like a peace offering.

ARRIVING at the gate, Manager Roa opened it for me, smiling, and she carried my bag.

"This is for us," I said about the food I handled.

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"You shouldn't have bothered anymore," she said as she peeked at the contents of the plastic I was holding.

"I didn't have my lunch yet. So, let's eat together," I just said as an excused.

I am trying to sound casual and also show that I have matured.

"Okay. Better."

Entering from her house, she went straight to the kitchen and laid the food on the dining table. She had already preoccupied herself with preparing the plates.

"You didn't have lunch either?"

It was almost two o'clock in the afternoon when I looked at the clock hanging on her kitchen wall.

"No. Not yet. I'm also busy reading a copy of our contract. They gave it last week." She even pulled me out of a chair.

I sat down and waited for her first to sit down. "Sorry for blocking you."

"I hope you only blocked my number and not me in your life," she said sadly.

"I just need some time. I also need to replace myself in the moments when I need to be alone," I sincerely apologize. I just needed to be alone to think about everything and how to fight back. "Is that about Ezekiel Bellevera?"

"Exactly. That is the reason why I would have liked to sleep here for a few days," I replied, bending my head down.

"Then why didn't you tell me so right away?"

I doubtfully looked at her. "I don't want you to worry anymore. I know you are also busy with my projects." Perhaps she can't help me in any way.

She took out the plastic bag and then opened the Tupperware where the food was stored. She first put it on my plate and then set the one for her.

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"At least telling me." Telling her, won't change anything.

"I'm fine. I was able to meditate as well. I'm going back home. I will also take my other belongings to the apartment where I moved."

"How about the engagement?"

Although I was sad and strongly opposed to that decision, there was nothing I could do. I have no other choice. Not unless I have a reason for Bellevera refusing to marry me. "I have no choice. The marriage must go on." It was my mom's decision, too.

"You don't love him?" I could see in Manager Roa's eyes the sympathy. I knew whatever my decision was, she would support me. It was only wrong that I did not inform her of my intention to leave from my mommy's control and replace another place to stay.

"No. I don't like him either," I casually replied.

"Don't get married. Don't go on."

I looked at her at what she said that surprised me. Was it because I agreed to sign the contract that she wanted me not to get married? And she's on my side now?

"My mom will get angry. Each of our families has agreed to marry each other." It seems like no one can stop it, no matter how it takes. It makes me sad.

"You're not rich, so why did you agree to get married?"

I wanted to utter towards her that because Bellevera just wanted to use my beauty as a front show and I knew that was also what his father wanted. But nothing will change if I tell Manager Roa the truth. "Because of the company," I replied as an excuse even though the company wasn't really after the marriage.

My mom has sold Brent's shares as a stockholder for a long time, so I also don't know the real reason other than I'm just a front show. Mister Bellevera-Ezekiel's father-could no longer accept that his son had no hope of believing to become a one-woman man, because I, too, couldn't teach his son. Bellevera is a playboy or womanizer and it seems that no sensible woman or even a crazy woman can prove that he's going to change or can marry him. Yes, he has all the money, but no woman will accept that.

Manager Roa just nodded, who seemed to have no idea about the real reason for my sudden marriage. I think mommy knows the reason, but why mommy didn't say anything to Manager Roa? Maybe mommy also keeps my image good. Manager Roa picked up the spoon and fork. I pick it up too and start to take a spoonful in my mouth.