Not A Saint (ENGLISH VERSION)
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN: A miserable truth

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©2021 NOT A SAINT written by JL Dane

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CELESTINE RAIN ALCAZAR'S POINT OF VIEW

I DON'T know why I am crying. I don't know why it hurts me so much. I know Karina can't love me back, but I still forced myself.

Here I am in the car and just parked in a place I don't know where. It's like I'm being torn apart. My chest hurts so much that I want to take my heart out now and inject anesthesia so it can hurt me anymore. Why love is so painful? Why did I need to be hurt like that?

Of all the women, I trusted her. I easily give my heart away and I never ever think that an as. shole Bellevera can steal her from me. What have I done? What could be my mistake?

I never loved someone before and only now have I felt a true love that becomes fake. I thought Karina was the first and last.

I violently wiped away the tears that welled up in my eyes. I grabbed the phone. When I saw that, Karina had messages and missed calls from Bellevera.

I don't want to see them or talk to them either. Traitors! I never thought Karina would stab me in my back like this. And that naughty man, Bellevera, he teased and tempted Karina. He is so shameless! Even if he harasses me to get married, I will never marry such a man like him. I can't forgive him for doing this.

The woman I wanted to be with and have already developed a dream of is the one who will destroy everything. It hurts so much. This is the intensity of the pain that you only love once in a lifetime and it will hurt you too much.

I don't know what went through my mind at that moment. I searched for the number that Barbie had left me. Even though he is not yet fully transgender, I know he understands my situation.

Maybe it's also my fault because I trusted and believed too much that a woman would accept and love me even if I was just a lesbian. Is it bad to dream and hope? Is it wrong to replace happiness in a fellow woman? It's not my fault for being like this. Those men, it's all their fault. They are to blame for why I became like this. Being a lesbian, I found the thing that I thought would make me comfortable and contented. I thought I would be happy being like this.

Now that I no longer have the woman I love and Bellevera has gotten her, maybe it's about time for me to leave. But how about my mom?

I didn't notice I accidentally pressed the call button on Barbie's name. The last time she said, she will leave the country and go to Thailand for her transplant. I am not sure if she succeeded in her transplant. That was also the last time we talked, and I was nervous that Bellevera might have grabbed her and kil. led her. I never imagine I have gone to a tyrant man like Bellevera. He is even worse than the devil. "Celestine.... Is that you?"

"B-Barbie..." I couldn't help but cry as she heard me sobbing on the other line.

"What happened? Did Zeke hurt you?" If only she knew the pain was worse than that. It hurt so much that I wanted to stab my heart to stop it from beating.

I trusted Karina because I gave her everything she needed. I make her happy and I tried my best not to miss any. But why? What else is missing? If she only wanted a dck, she would have told me in advance that I will not expect this. I did my best to perform and become a man, but it wasn't enough!

Maybe, as Bellevera told me, she's only after money. At first, I wouldn't have poured it all into her. I should never invest. I didn't think I would fall for her completely.

"I just came from Thailand, but my operation did not continue. Something happened. I'll tell you later. We need to meet."

Barbie gave her the location where she is now staying.

I head straight there. When my phone rang, Bellevera's name was on the screen again. I shut the hell down. I don't want to talk to him or even see him. Even the ends of his hair I don't want to see. I despise him a lot. After what he did, he has the face to meet me. He has no heart. I never thought I would sell my soul to a demon-like Bellevera.

If he wants to see me that much and he tortures me, then I might use myself to him. If he wants to see me, I will obey him and I will taste the wrath of my anger.

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"Grrr! You're an animal, Bellevera! I wish you were dead!" In annoyance, I hit the steering wheel. I don't know how, but I need him to disappear from my world.

Just let it. I will pour everything I have. Bellevera needs to get lost out of my life.

FAR from civilization I arrived. There are hardly any houses and most are trees. Astonishment enveloped me. Usually, Barbie stays in a delightful house or hotel. But, I guess it's different now. Did something happen to her?

It swelled my eyes when I got out of the car. I saw Barbie standing and wearing a night robe. She is still pretty as usual in the moonlight. But Barbie is not a real woman so I don't like her. I'm just being nice to her and hopefully, she's not Bellevera's man.

Barbie hugged me quickly. "Let's go inside. It's cold out here."

The house is beautiful, and it looks like she is the only one living here. Oh, maybe she's alone.

"I'm sorry it took so long before we meet again." Yes, I haven't seen her for a while. I tried to contact her through a messaging application, but she's not responding.

"Is it Bellevera?" I could no longer restrain myself from asking questions.

He nodded slightly. "He followed me and shot at my car when he found out that you and had already met. I hid in the Philippines and recently arranged the paperwork to go to Thailand to hide there for good. But he keeps following me. He wanted me to get out of his way. Even the doctor who was going to do the operation of exchanging my gender organs, turns down the operation. I had no choice but to run away from him and hid here."

"This is my fault. I'm sorry," I said, feeling sorry. It was all my fault.

She is transgender but the thing between her legs is not totally changed. She has the curves, that bo. obs, big bu. tt and acted like a girl. And was about to go for an operation of exchanging her gender, from male to female.

She lifted my face and looked me straight in the eyes. "Don't. It's not your fault. I am to blame because I got tempted. You are so beautiful and you're the typical one I want to have myself." One of his hands dropped to my chest. "I want this, the natural way. You are the exact one I wish I have."

I close my eyes as she rubs my chest. When I opened my eyes, she looked at me sadly.

"I want to be a woman like you, but because of my sin, I can't do that. Those moments too rushed me. I'm out of my focus. If I hadn't given up and hadn't touched you, life would have been quiet-"

I put my index finger to her lips to cut off what she was saying. "No. That's enough. Bellevera was to blame for everything. Don't blame yourself anymore. I'm the one who should apologize because I'm here and I'm bothering you again. Something just happened. "I couldn't stop myself from crying.

It's been a long time since I cried this much and now again.

"I had a girlfriend. She's not that pretty or sexy, but she's enough to be used against Bellevera. I tried to expose my identity to him. I want Bellevera to stop chasing me and for me not to continue marrying him. I post here as my girlfriend, but Bellevera tempted her. They had an affair behind my back and I know Bellevera planned everything to harass and hurt me like that."

Barbie hugged me quickly. "I'm so sorry, honey. You had too much."

I parted the hug from Barbie. "Is it okay for you to let me stay here for at least two days? First, I will calm myself down. I just need some time. I don't know how I will deal with Bellevera again, but I want him to disappear from my path. So my life will be peaceful."

Barbie smiled at me. "No, honey. That's fine. Stay whenever you want. This house is yours. Be my guest. I've been staying here for a week now. I'm just sorting out the paperwork, then I might stay in another country for good. I also have another schedule because I'm in Thailand, finally! I found a sensible doctor for my surgery."

I noticed that her voice was even more beautiful, like a real woman. Her hips are also beautiful and her chest is almost as big as mine. I think he even repaired her body while waiting for the surgery.

"Thank you so much, Barbie. I hope I can trust you." It is so hard now to trust anyone.

She gave a brief smile. "Of course. I am on your side and as long as I am here, I will tap your back whenever you wanted. I'm not a perfect girl to love you, but at least I can say that I will be part of your life, even as a friend." "If I were to ask you something, would you do it?"

"Of course. I will prepare the wine now, we will drink all night. Let go of the noise of the crickets, because your Barbie is in the middle of the mountain."

I laughed a little at her, then gently shook my head. Aside from drinking, I wanted to ask her something more. "Take me, Barbie. Ruin me. I wanted to be physically hurt so that I can be immune to the pain and get rid of this wound I am feeling now."