Red
Regret comes later

C H A P T E R F O R T Y S E V E N

“Hi.” A little face smiled up at me.

“Hi.” I smiled back.

We were the only two in the bed and again, I was naked. I gathered the sheet around my body and blinked at her slowly, not daring to make any moves.

“Where’s your dad?” I finally asked after silence. She shrugged her little shoulder and moved closer to me. Hugging me through the sheets. I stiffened beneath her little arms.

Am I supposed to tell her that I’m naked? What would she think about me sleeping naked in bed with her dad? Would she even think anything? Does she even register I’m naked in her dads bed? Am I overthinking?

“Uh Grace, I have no clothes on.” Her rounded blue eyes looked up at me and her fair brow furrowed.

“Aren’t you cold?”

“No, I’m actually kinda flushed.” I admitted.

“Oh.”

And that was it. The end of our naked conversation, she started talking to me about the Christmas tree farm. Still lying ridiculously close to me, still holding my naked body through the sheets. Still making me feel awkward.

“Hey you’re awake. How are you feeling?” Ace walked in, a cup of coffee in one hand and a small red velvet dress in the other.

“Better.” I gave him a shy smile.

“Grace go get dressed, Adrian will be here soon.” He tossed the dress at her and she scampered off with a spring to her step. Ace sat down on the edge of the bed and took a sip of his coffee. “You’re not sore after last night?” I shook my head.

Last night he was a nice fuck. He worshiped my body so softly and attentively. He asked consent before he did anything and he always double checked it didn’t hurt before continuing. It was different to our usual. It was, beautiful.

“You don’t have any regrets?” I took the coffee out of his hand and took a sip. He took a lot of sugar in his coffee, it made me shudder at how sweet it was.

“About fucking you?” He shook his head.

“About what you said.” I shook my head.

I didn’t regret telling him my truth, not one bit. He needed to know how I felt about him before I went ahead and ruined it all. My regret would come much later. Which brought me to my next point;

“I’m gonna head home.” I stood up and stretched out. “I’m borrowing some of your clothes.”

“Are you?” I sucked my lips in. It was that tone of voice again, accusing and asking all rolled into one sentence. Almost daring me to answer incorrectly.

“Why do you do that? I hate that.”

“It just amazes me how you think you can call the shots, you don’t ask if you can borrow clothes you tell me you’re borrowing clothes. You don’t ask if you can leave, you tell me you’re leaving. You don’t ask to have some of my coffee, you just take it. ”

“Okay, well here’s one for you. I’m borrowing this hoodie and these sweatpants. My clothes are still on the bathroom floor. I assume you know how to do laundry, wash them.”

“Oooohhh” he started laughing. His fist clenching on his lap. “You’re so lucky you’re not well, cause I swear to god I would fuck the disrespect right out of you.”

"Would you?” I mocked his tone and eyebrow arching expression.

“Yes I fucking would.” I rolled my eyes at him and pulled on his clothes.

“Hey, could I go speak to Grace real quick in her room? I kinda said I’d think about the Christmas tree farm but obviously that’s not gonna happen.”

“Oh this you ask my permission to do?” He waved his hand at me. “Sure, go ahead.”

I knocked on her door before entering. She was sat at a little desk colouring in with crayons. “Wow, look at you with the fancy princess bed.” I commented.

“Look Gabriella” she held a shit drawing up to me and I smiled.

“That is so fucking amazing.” I lied. “I love your use of colour, so abstract.”

"Fucking amazing." She repeated and nodded to herself confidently, super proud of her drawing.

I browsed around her room, evidently she liked pink. Her walls were pink, her carpet was pink, her bedding was - you guessed it - pink. She had a canopy around her bed that made everything look royal but you couldn’t see her pillows for plushy teddies.

Her name was written in flower letters on the wall, it spelt ′Gracie′ and not ′Grace′ and she had small backpacks hanging on her door.

“Hey, could I borrow one of these?” I took one down, it had a picture of barbie ballerina on the front.

“I dunno.” She shrugged, clearly not caring.

I walked over to her closet. It was white with little pink love heart handles. I pulled it open and feasted my eyes on all of her hanging clothes.

I looked back at Grace, she was colouring another picture. So I grabbed a few outfits and stuffed them into the backpack. I opened her matching drawers and added some pyjamas and underwear. Then I zipped up the bag.

“Hey, Grace?” She looked up at me. “I’m still feeling ill, could I borrow your bunny? I’ll bring him back when I’m better.”

“You want to take him out of the house?” I could hear the panic in her voice. Shit.

“Just for a small while.” I showed her a small space with my fingers.

“No.”

“No?”

“I changed my mind you can’t have him. Take medicine instead.” I burst out laughing at her unexpected answer.

“Okay. I understand.” I walked over to her window and pulled back her drapes, pressing my nose against the cold glass to look out at the frosty street.

I watched Adrian jump out of a black truck and walk up the garden path, bringing the mail in from the mailbox. He had a key to the house and didn’t call out to anyone when he entered.

I unlatched the window and pulled it up letting in a gust of icy air. I glanced at Grace again, she was colouring in her picture. Pressing far too hard with the purple crayon. As I threw the bag to the outdoor ground I coughed to cover up the sound of it landing and slammed the window closed.

“Okay Grace.” She looked up at me from her drawing again. “I gotta go home now but I’ll see you later at the Christmas tree farm, yeah?”

“Yeah!” She said with a little fist bump to the air. “It’s going to be fucking amazing Gabriella.” I smiled at her.

“You go tell that to your daddy Adrian that, he’ll love hearing that coming from you.” I told her with a wink.

“I will.” She giggled.

“Later kid.”

“Bye Gabriella, love you.”

I paused in the door way and turned back to her, she was just scribbling on her page.

“Love you?” I questioned.

But she smiled at me like I had just said it back.

Jesus, I go my whole life without saying or feeling those words. But in two days I’ve said them to two different people.

What the fuck was happening to me?