Secrets & Souls - prequel to The Soul Guide
Chapter 18

It was nearing dawn and Mellissa hadn’t slept. Her conversation with Carlo kept playing on repeat in her head. He knew about her son. He knew about the Sisters, the Mephisto, the Master, all of it. She was beginning to realise that everything was so much bigger than what she had originally thought, what she had been led to believe.

The thing was, none of that mattered right now, she had bigger worries to concern herself with. Bertram would be waking up soon. She could feel him stirring on the other end of their connection which had been blown wide open since his ordeal with that abomination. She could already feel his subconscious mind playing over the events of the previous day, and the questions he would be asking were already brewing within him. She could also feel his unbridled terror, he wanted to forget the creature and what he had almost lost. That made what she was about to do a hell of a lot easier.

She placed the glass bottle that Carlo had given her on the coffee table alongside two glasses. This was her only chance to put things right. To reset the past few hours. The potion was extremely clever. Done correctly all Bertram would recall is leaving to replace Victor, falling over and bumping his head. He would wake up later with no recollection of his ordeal.

She touched Bertram gently on the arm. “Morning, sleepy. How are you feeling?”

“Like my head has been split open with an axe. Other than that, just dandy,” Bertram replied, one eye open, the other pressed beneath the palm of his hand.

Mellissa pulled a face. “Well, at least you haven’t lost your sense of humour.”

“Hmm,” Bertram groaned as he swung his legs to the floor and pushed the blanket off his lap. Giuseppe came trotting over and, completely ignoring Bertram’s protestations, got up on the sofa and licked him on the face. “Ugh, get off. You stink,” Bertram complained. Giuseppe settled next to him and this time Bertram didn’t push him away.

“He seems to like you,” Mellissa pointed out. “Can’t think why,” she teased.

“Me neither,” Bertram replied with a shrug.

An awkward silence descended, the tension unbearable. Bertram appeared calm on the outside, but inside Mellissa knew he was a jumbled mess. He wanted to ask her about what had happened, about the creature, but more than that he wanted to ask about the pain she held within her, about that one secret he knew she kept hidden. That one secret, which was the key to unlocking her heart.

Mellissa considered the drink Carlo had given her. On the table, it looked like any other bottle of water, but it did so much more than quench your thirst. When she had told Carlo of her plans he had refused her request, claiming that the Forgetting should only be used if the person was willing to take it. Carlo thought that Bertram should have a choice in the matter. It had taken a hell of a lot to convince Carlo it was the only solution and, despite his reluctance, he had agreed with one condition. That he would only give her the potion if she were to take it too. That she would take it to forget her son.

“There has to be a balance Mellissa. If you are to do this without Bertram’s consent, then you must give something of yours in return. Bertram’s memories in exchange for your own, that is my one condition,” Carlo had said. “If you agree, you must ask me to keep this conversation secret and I will be obligated to do so. That way everyone is protected, just as it was before.”

“What about Victor?” Mellissa had asked, on autopilot.

“Victor has already agreed to take the Forgetting, he does not wish to remember his failings today. As far as he will be concerned he tussled with an intruder. He only met you two briefly.”

And so, it was agreed. In a moment, she would take Bertram’s memories and she would take some of her own.

Her fingers thrummed on the table, her mouth had suddenly become very dry. “Well, I guess we should be getting back to Clayhill,” Mellissa said, eventually. It was a weak attempt at changing the subject. Perhaps Bertram would be content with her agreeing to come home and let the questions go? Perhaps neither of them would need to take the drink at all. She wanted a way out of this mess.

“Yes, we should,” Bertram agreed. “But before we leave, there are things we must discuss.”

Mellissa’s stomach dropped, so much for wishful thinking. She looked at Bertram, at the hope she saw in his eyes. Hope that, finally, she trusted him enough to reveal her secret. She considered the drink, and something occurred to her. She could still give him what he wanted and protect both him and her son.

“You’re right, there are things we need to talk about,” she said, picking up the bottle and pouring him a glass. She’d made her mind up. She would tell him what he wanted to know and then she would make him forget it all.

Bertram looked surprised. He was expecting a confrontation, more lies. He waited.

“This won’t be easy to hear, Bertram,” she said, trying to hide her shaking hands. “I just hope that you will be able to forgive me someday.”

Bertram said nothing. She could tell he was desperate to speak, but he didn’t want to say anything that would stop her from revealing the truth she’d been so determined to keep hidden from him. So, he held his tongue.

Mellissa filled two glasses with the potion and handed one to Bertram. “Before I met you, before I became the Soul Guide I fell in love with a man who wasn’t who he pretended to be. We’d been together a year before he began to show his true nature. At first it was just words. He would say things to make me feel worthless, but before long it escalated into so much more than that…” Mellissa stopped for a moment, unable to relive the nightmare. She gripped the edge of the coffee table she was sitting on.

“What happened, Mellissa?” Bertram asked. She could feel his anger, it bubbled through their connection and spilt over her. His anger gave her the strength she needed to continue.

“He was very controlling and extremely jealous. I was never able to have any friends. If I ever became friendly with someone he would hit me until I agreed to never see them again. The beatings were few and far between, but when they happened, it was always bad. On one occasion, he broke two of my ribs and blackened my face so much I couldn’t leave the house for weeks.”

“Why didn’t you leave him?” Bertram half shouted, unable to keep his rage under wraps. He wanted to kill the man who had hurt her. He’d stopped stroking Giuseppe who, sensing his anger, had moved to the other end of the sofa.

“I couldn’t… I can’t explain it. It was like he held this power over me. As though I were under a spell. Besides, I had no-one, Bertram. I was brought up in a children’s home remember. I had no family. Where would I have gone?” Mellissa said, her voice wavering. She felt ashamed for being so weak.

“But you left him, eventually. What changed your mind?”

Mellissa watched Bertram take a long drink from the glass she’d handed him. Carlo said it would take a few minutes for the brew to work. That she must say the incantation just before his eyes became heavy, and the Forgetting came to claim him. It was now or never.

“My unborn child,” Mellissa whispered.

She heard his intake of breath and stared at the floor, not able to look at him. It didn’t matter though because she felt his every emotion. There was shock, surprise, anger, jealousy, pity, but most of all love. He loved her despite her secret, despite her past and what she had done. He loved her anyway, and her heart broke all the more for it. She daren’t look up for fear she would lose all self-control. Instead, her need to spill the secret and be free of it overwhelmed her.

“When I realised I was carrying his child, I knew I had to get away or my son would fall foul of his anger and rage just as I had. We had a few months together, my beautiful boy and I. They were the happiest days of my life, but it wasn’t to be. He was five months old when I gave him up for adoption. I could not be the Soul Guide and his mother. It was too dangerous.”

Bertram tried to speak, but she held up her hand. “You saw what that creature could do. It’s safer this way. I did it to protect him and I’m doing this to protect us,” she said, noticing how Bertram’s eyes had begun to glaze over. She took the glass from Bertram’s hand and placed it on the table. With his hands grasped in her own she repeated the incantation Carlo had taught her, adjusting it to suit. She squeezed her eyes shut, not able to look him in the eye.

This is the Forgetting,

no memory of this you shall recall.

The creature who did consume part of your soul,

who lay you down and harmed you so,

will linger in your thoughts no more.

This is the Forgetting.

This is the Forgetting,

no memory of this you shall recall.

My son, he will not be remembered by you.

Neither my pain nor anguish too,

will linger in your thoughts no more.

This is the Forgetting.

Sleep away the memories you have,

then awake as though the day is new.

A bumped head, a night slept through.

This you will recall.

Mellissa opened her eyes to replace Bertram fast asleep, his head resting on the back of the sofa. Giuseppe had crept closer once more and had placed his head in Bertram’s lap.

“I had to do it,” she whispered to Giuseppe. He looked at her with his big, brown eyes then turned his head away.

She leant over and kissed Bertram on the forehead. “I’m sorry,” she said, as a single tear rolled down her cheek and fell on his face.

Knowing she was weak, knowing she wouldn’t be able to live with the knowledge of what she’d done to Bertram, she picked up her own glass and swallowed a mouthful of the brew. She’d taken Bertram’s memories, now she would take some of her own, just not the ones she’d promised.

This is the Forgetting,

no memory of this I shall recall.

I will remember Carlo’s revelations no more,

nor the truth I revealed to Bertram

or the shame I would endure.

This is the Forgetting.

This is the Forgetting,

no memory of this moment I shall recall.

Not the potion we have taken,

nor the memories I stole,

will linger in my thoughts no more.

This is the Forgetting.

Sleep away the memories I have,

then awake as though the day is new.

Bertram’s bumped head, a night slept through.

This I will recall.

The last words of the incantation came out as a murmur as Mellissa fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. Outside the dawn broke on a new day but none of the light penetrated the café or the souls within it.