Selling Myself To The Alpha
Chapter 64

Liana POV

Zombified, I stare at the door Axel slammed shut. This is wrong on so many levels, I groan as I rub over my face.

This situation has us both on edge and instead of talking things through like adults, we are fighting. I angrily kicked him out of my room and we both said hurtful things.

I do not get why he thinks I called him a monster. Or what I have said that gave him the impression that I think so. All I wanted was for him to understand why I am so stressed out. You need to remember I will kill for you.

His words dart through my mind and suddenly everything changes. All of this, all that he is doing, is for me. He is protecting me. He is on his way to face a criminal for me. "Dammit, Liana, what have you done?" I reprimand myself as I run to the door.

Axel POV

I am trembling with rage as I walk to the car. Never in my life did I have to defend my actions or the pack's laws. Now I understand why humans fear us. Why they think we are murderous monsters. Because they do not understand us and our laws. And now I have a human mate.

Her human heart will never allow her to accept me for who and what I am. In her eyes, I will always be cruel and heartless with a taste for blood. How can she love and respect me as a wolf, her mate and alpha when she thinks I am the devil?

I keep on clinging to the hope that she will accept me. At times I figured it would be best if I reject her and be done with it. But then I turn around and hope again. Tonight, however, it became clear that I am a fool for hoping. She will never accept me or our way of life. The sooner I acknowledge it, the sooner I can move on and replace happiness elsewhere.

"Axel!" Liana shouts from the porch and I sigh inwardly. I cannot argue with her about this any longer.

"I need to go, Liana," I say as I turn around. "We can talk more when I get back."

"No," she shouts as she runs to me. "I need to say one more thing before you go."

"Don't you think we've said enough for one night?" I push my fingers through my hair as she comes to stand in front of me with a flustered face.

"One thing," she looks at me eagerly. "I only have one thing to say."

"I'm listening," I say as I place my hands on my hips.

"Privately," she whispers as she leans forward and motions with her head towards the driver who is waiting for me.

"Dear goddess, you're exhausting," I grunt as I take her by the elbow and lead her towards the lake. I mind-link all guards to stay out of sight when we reach the shore.

"You have five minutes," I say firmly as I let go of her.

"I get it, you're a wolf," she says softly. "But so is Wilson and I forgot that. You're not protecting me against a human, you're protecting me against a wolf. I might not understand or agree, but I get it."

"Is that it?" I ask brusquely to hide my relief. I did not expect this, and I do not want to get my hopes up. The next words out of her mouth might very well devastate me again.

"No," she sighs, and I grind my teeth. I knew it. Now she is going to lecture me about the value of life.

"You're doing this for me, and I don't want you to leave in anger," her words surprise me.

"Okay," I agree to ease her mind. Truth is, it does not matter if we are fighting or not. There is a gap between us, and I do not know if we will ever be able to cross it. "We're done fighting."

I place my palm against her cheek and gently stroke with my thumb.

"But I really must be going now," I smile softly.

"Okay," she whispers as she turns her face and kisses me on my palm. "Be safe, please."

I lean forward and kiss her long and lingering. She throws her arms around my neck and pushes herself closer to me. I know I should pull away and leave but I cannot resist her. With a groan, I wrap my arms around her waist and intensify the kiss. It does not matter how much we argue or what we argue about, everything falls away when she is so willing and eager in my arms. Liana is trembling softly when I let go of her and she wraps her arms around her waist as she looks at her feet.

"Why are you crying?" I look at the tears that she is trying to hide. "We're done fighting, remember?"

"I know," she sniffs. "But I'm scared."

"You have nothing to be scared about," I smile reassuringly as I rub up and down her arms. "You and Nina are safe here and Wilson will never ..."

"It's not about me or Nina," she interrupts. "I'm scared for you."

"Listen, I know all of this is new to you," I say firmly as I rest my hands on her shoulders. "But this isn't such a big deal. Adele is going to do the exchange and then we catch him."

"But what if he doesn't come alone," she protests.

"Adele's not going alone either," I reply patiently.

"And they might shift and ..."

"Then we will shift," I cut her off. "Liana, we got this. You shouldn't work yourself up about it."

"But anything can go wrong," she argues. "And you ..."

"We will handle it," I say firmly. "We have dealt with worse."

"Okay," she nods after a moment and wipes her tears off. "Okay, just... just come back to us."

"I mean," she takes a deep breath and blinks a couple of times. "Come back to ... to me and ... and Nina and your people."

"I will," I kiss her once more before I walk to the car.

Liana POV

My heart is racing like a horse as I watch him walk away. The last thing I planned on was becoming emotional. I only wanted us to part on good terms. But then he kissed me, and I thought about how good it felt. Fear that he might get hurt and that I might not see him again overcame me and I ... I should not have said that. I am still trying to come to terms with this pregnancy, I cannot dump it onto him tonight. Especially not now. He has enough to deal with. Fuck, this is such a mess. There is merit in the saying when it rains, it pours.

I am no wolf and definitely no alpha. I have no idea what it takes to keep an entire pack in line and safe. And I have no business having an opinion. Like I did earlier. For goddess' sake, there is a reason why I keep running to him with my problems. He is the one solving problems. Not me, I create them and then I am entitled enough to criticize his methods.

I was so wrapped up in my own feelings that I did not consider Axel's position. He has taken all of my problems on himself. I might disagree with his methods, but he gets it done. Who am I to judge? It is not like I know better or have better ideas.

I exhale deeply as I walk back to the house.

I might not be able to do anything, but I sure as hell can stop adding problems for him to solve. In fact, I am going to do my part and sort out my own business.

First thing tomorrow morning, I will make an appointment with Michelle to confirm the pregnancy. Then I must decide what I want to do about it.

I would love to keep it, but I need to be realistic. I cannot provide for the child on my own. I am only temporarily employed and not to mention that I must take off time to give birth at some point. And I will have to give up my studies. I must be practical and face the fact that I cannot do everything at once.

This leaves me with the only option but to involve Axel - again. To be fair, this is his baby. Keeping it away from him would be wrong, cruel and immoral. But he has so much to cope with, does he really have the time to deal with a baby? Hell, does he even want to be a father?

I hate to admit it, but now the best option is to terminate the pregnancy. It is horrible, and I cringe at only thinking about it, but I must do what is best for everyone.

I slump down on my bed and reach for my backpack. I pull out the prenatal vitamins and stare at them. What is the use of taking it if I am not going to keep the baby? With a defeated sigh, I shake out a pill and swallow it. While I am carrying this baby, I will do it good and properly.

After a long, luxurious bath, I put on my pyjamas and get into bed. But even after all of that, my mind cannot shut down. I am worried about tomorrow, about Axel. I am conflicted about the baby.

But most of all, I feel guilt and self-pity. Guilty because it is my brother that caused all of this.

And I feel immensely sorry for myself. I am hopelessly in love with the wrong man. No, he is the right man. Axel will always be the right man. But I am not the right woman for him. I will just ruin his life - like I have been ruining it since I signed the agreement with him. And I have no idea if keeping his baby will be good or bad.