Servant of the Moon #1 - unedited draft
regrets

A month earlier...

It would be a long night, Essie ran her fingers around the edge of her mother’s silver-backed mirror. A candle flickered over the mirror and the smoke of the incense curled toward her like ethereal chains. Del was making her scry at least once a week and Essie resented her for it. She could barely wade into the Tides, seeing only the shallowest most superficial images. Like being caught in a riptide, she felt herself being pulled away from the safety of shore. Tonight she would see several things in answer to petitions, and two that were not.

Esther saw herself. Her Other Self, her possible future self.

She was pregnant and confined in a cell like a criminal, looking out a skylight at the sun, she felt her other self hating it. She had risen up toward the light and when it flashed blinding her, the cell’s darkness turned to bright day and she fell back toward the world.

Her sister was standing in tall lush grass under the warm sun. Essie could not see her face as she stared out toward the larger expanse of water, only her eyes. Sad and serene as they reflected sky and sea. Del walked barefoot back to a stone house, in a room she looked down at a baby in a crib and smiled. The baby opening his eyes, they shone with the power of his wolf and moonlight. He smacked his lips and cooed happily as his mother took him to her breast, whispering what a good and strong wolf he would be, a warrior just like his father.

Then Essie had turned at a sound and watched herself pushing out a child, alone in her cell. The child wailed, HIS face scrunched and reddened as she chokingly sobbed in relief and pain. She watched her other self as she was about to take him to her breast when he opened his eyes and looked at HER. They were as dead and soulless as the other her’s eyes. Laughter met her horror. Essie turned from her other self and the child to look at her cruelly beautiful mate, as golden as the sun above. He walked through HER to her other self and the child beyond.

"So, my beautiful queen, you have finally birthed my son. The first child of the Sun birthed by the last daughter of the Moon. When he is weaned, you will birth me another and another until my children rival the Jacobian Remnant that your ancestors came from.” He reached up as if to push her sweaty hair from her face.

Other Esther made a strange, almost growling sound pulling back her lips in a snarl to reveal her teeth removed and her tongue missing.

He smirked, “Don’t be that way, my queen. Or shall I have my witch pour another potion down your throat and lay you on the Sun’s altar noon tomorrow and every midday after until you are pregnant again.”

Other Esther cowered, bowing her head, as the child grunted and ate greedily. He nodded, “That’s what I thought. Enjoy the next few months rest, my queen. Perhaps motherhood will temper your disposition and you’ll decide to be a proper mate.”

Suddenly she was in other Esther’s body, another pup, much larger than the first but with the same coloring, was biting her as he fed, drawing blood and milk from her body. A collar and chain kept her close to the wall behind her bed. Her mate came in with a strange pale female, an ancient witch. The witch pressed her blue veined hand into Esther’s stomach.

"She is ripe, fertile for your seed, Alpha.” The old witch’s voice was as dry and raspy as a desert wind.

"Put him with his brother. Come my queen, the Sun awaits his ceremony. Will you submit and worship him willingly this time?”

Her mate’s voice was so smooth and almost gentle as he asked her to commit abomination. She wanted to screech her defiance, but she had no tongue to make the words. She wanted to tear his throat out, but she had no teeth or claws. She shook her head violently. His soulless eyes held amusement and cruelty.

"Someday my queen, you will worship the Sun. You will understand that your Moon Goddess has abandoned her children and you will willingly prostrate yourself upon his altar and accept that his children come through my body to be put in yours.” Then he laughed as she fought against the witch who was deceptively strong as she poured something into Esther’s mouth. A think, vile liquid passed where her tongue should be and she choked.

Essie had jerked out of the vision, as if by the chain and collar she had worn in it, still tasting the bitterness in her mouth. Her mate was a monster who would pull her teeth and keep her like a breeder. She was going to be a sacrifice, while her sister got a perfect life. Essie needed a cigarette and a strong drink. She snuffed the candle and was about to close the incense burner and put her gown back on when there was a light double tap. She looked around surprised, she had forgotten she was in Del’s scrying room, not hers. Another way the mighty Delphi made sure she obeyed, treating her just like the lowest acolyte of the oracles, Essie’s resentment grumbled. The tapping came again.

“Come,” Esther croaked out of her scratchy throat, feeling her tongue moving around in her mouth. There was a bottle of water that she drank greedily from.

Luca had leaned in, the light from the hall making him appear more ruggedly handsome than he was. He and Louis weren’t identical but she never realized how different they looked. How much more beautiful he was than his brother. He was almost as beautiful as her mate, Luca’s dark hair and deep forest eyes the exact opposite of her golden mate’s. She envied her sister and felt the pain of being so alone.

“Mon Ange, have you finished? Do you need help?” His expression held such concern and love, it made her jealous. It wasn’t fair! Delilah got everything good, and she had nothing but pain. His gaze gave her a shiver as it passed over her skin. Then Essie realized that in the darkness, he must not perceive that it was her and not her sister.

She whispered, “Please come in.” Beckoning him toward her, his scent was musk and strength as it mixed with the smoke from incense swirling around her like floating ribbons. So masculine and enticing, she had never noticed how good he smelled before.

She lowered her head as he approached, letting her hair fall forward. The incense hiding her scent of frosted autumn leaves as the shadows hid her identity. Normally, Luca could tell her from her sister with a glance. This was the first time he had mistaken them. She wondered what it would be like to be loved the way he loved her twin, to be held with such devotion, to be kissed with true passion. To be Delilah. To be blessed and not cursed. To be the gifted one instead of the broken one.

Luca was kneeling in front of her and just reaching up to touch her face, when she looked up at him. She lunged, pushing him onto his back. She knew with every fiber of her being what she was about to do was wrong as her wolf howled at her to stop, but she didn’t care. She just wanted a moment of unconditional love, and she would steal it from his lips. She could feel the faint tingle of her twin’s mate bond, the warmth of his love as his soul reached out, it was intoxicating.

For the first moments, he kissed her back, then his eyes flew open and he shoved her off of him violently. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as it issued a stream of colorful profanities in his native French Canadian. Esther was about to protest when light and an angry whisper frozen them both.

“How. Could. You?” Delilah was standing by the door, her hand on the switch.

Luca quickly stood, “Delilah, it is not..”

Del held up her hand stopping him. Her voice as frigid as the pure snow that was her scent, her power vibrating in the air making the whole room feel colder as she spoke. “I know, Luca... I saw you enter and saw what she did. Now leave and send my grandfather to us.”

He said nothing more as he closed the door behind him.

Del and Esther said nothing as they waited. Esther shifted uncomfortably on her knees as Del watched her with storm-dark deep blue eyes.

“Del, I’m sor...”

“Save it, Esther! I’m done. I have tried for years to make things better for us, for you. You hate me, I get it, okay I. FINALLY. GET. IT! And it’s fine, but Luca is my mate, MINE for only a season. You can’t have him. Screw Louis, or Garrett, or Tetsu, screw all the other wolves you want, I don’t care, just stay away from MY MATE!” Del was screaming at the end, tears running down her face as she caught a breath in, sobbed one out and choked breathed in again. Then she whispered viciously, “Luca is mine and I’ll kill you if you try to take him.”

Essie stared at her shocked. Del’s hands had partially shifted as Del’s wolf looked at Essie like she wanted to eat her. Her claws digging into the door behind her, as if it was by magic that the wood against her back held her in place and she was trying to free herself. Every muscle trembling, straining. Rage incarnated held at bay by invisible chains.

“D-Del... I...I just w-want,” Essie started, stammering.

Del’s wolf was on top of Essie snarling, rolling them and pinning Essie to the floor. Del’s wolf’s teeth snapping in her face. Rear-claws digging furrows in the floor as forepaws dug into her sister’s shoulders. The door slammed open and Delilah’s wolf bolted out the door as if fleeing the need to kill her sister. Esther’s wolf had done nothing but bare her neck in shame to her sister. Eliazar rushed in and Essie had sobbed into his shoulder as blood ran down her body from the claw marks.

‘I never want to see her again!’ Del shouted through the family link with such power it made Essie’s heart clench.

Essie hated the creature she had become. She wasn’t this wolf.

Delilah’s wolf ran the trail around the lake, rage burning through her like fire. She wanted Essie’s blood, she wanted to truly hurt her twin for the first time in her life.

‘What am I doing? I want to kill Essie. I said I never wanted to see her again. I am not this wolf. I am the last Naphtal Oracle. I can’t... I can’t let my emotions run me. Goddess, help me. I never imagined I would be so jealous of my sister and her freedom. That I would react that way to anything she did. But Luca is mine and Essie is so jealous, she actually kissed him. She wants the only thing I won’t share with her...’

Delilah sat between two trees watching a doe tiptoe through the still water. Ripples spreading across the mirror image of the crater with each delicate step. Watching its solitary beauty, she thought about the words she hoped she would not regret. It was time to put some distance between herself and her sister. She had no choice, Essie had made the decision for them.

Del decided was going to spend the remaining two months until her Solstice mating ceremony with Luca alone. They didn’t have much time left, she was certain of it. She looked back to the lake and the doe was gone. Only the fleeting ripples betrayed that the symbol of the Nephtal had ever been there, like her sister’s love for her, just a memory. Delilah wept.

That day, Delilah and Luca left without saying goodbye to anyone. Luca had demanded his brother Louis come with them, leaving Essie alone with her regrets as she pretended to be the Delphi Oracle while her sister traveled. Making sure Del could travel incognito was the least Essie could do as her heart hurt and her wolf refused to speak to her. Only the Elder Wanderer Eliazar and Chief Protector Kiayou knew the Delphi who stood at the top of the temple and listened to the request of wolves was false. A fluttering paper moon hung in a breezy window while the real one traveled in the sky between sacred places.

Two months later...

Essie ran through the airport while Ketsu chased her. She didn’t care about her luggage or the security guards who yelled at her. She only cared about getting to Del, in her carry-on was a letter written in Mamó’s feeble hand that she prayed would be enough to keep her sister and her wolf in this world... Essie fought to keep her desperate tears at bay. Over the few months, she had done some serious introspection. She didn’t mean what had happened the day Del left. She didn’t mean any of what she had done since their pack was murdered. She wasn’t that wolf anymore. She refused to be.

‘Oh Goddess, she could have died and I didn’t get to apologize for what I did. Please don’t let it be too late...’

Outside two familiar wolves waited by a Land Rover. Ren held out his arms and she let herself be sandwiched between him and Michel before climbing in the back for the long drive to the Moon’s Gate. She did not miss Ketsu’s jealous expression. The new worst month of her life had begun with her doing something so stupid, so selfish, she might never be able to undo it. Delilah might be dying and Esther didn’t know how to make things right.

Outside a storm was raging, it sounded like the world was ending and it was. Not the whole world just the world that was their childhoods. Their uncle and Alpha stood by the door, head held high, the runes of courage and sacrifice darkened each cheek. He would die this night. Their father was opposite him, on his forehead and cheeks, runes of a parent’s devotion, love, and sacrifice, as he watched their grandmother speaking to her sister who trembled timidly at each booming echo of thunder. Tonight they would both die too. Die so the twin could escape those who would use their gifts for great evil.

′I must be brave.′ Esther had thought to herself.

Turning Nonna had put her hands on Esther’s shoulders, “Esther, tonight you will face a choice. One will grieve you, the other will relieve you. Do not regret either. I love you to the Moon and back. Now, take your sister and go.” She kissed her forehead.

Esther had nodded bravely. “I love you, Nonna.”

Then they ran out into the storm, into the end of all they knew. Separated from their father, Del had followed the voices that whispered to her, leading them away from the enemy. Suddenly, Esther had remembered... had remembered Delilah’s vision of her own death and had shoved her sister out of the way as a wolf tackled her. She drove the ceremonial silver knife of the Benjmin-Nephtal into its heart as struck her head, her grandmother’s voice repeated.

"You will face a choice. One will grieve you, the other will relieve you. Do not regret either.”

Her choice had been Delilah’s death and Esther becoming the Delphi alone, a fate she did not want. OR her own death and Delilah becoming the Delphi alone.

But she didn’t die, her sister’s powerful prayers had saved her life, saved her life to become something else. The image shifted and two young girls lay in the grass and flowers around their mother’s reflecting pool. Her sister was braiding her hair.

"Someday Essie, someday things will change, you’ll travel and I’ll wear the incense chains you dread like jewelry and we will both wish we were back here laying the grass around Mother’s pool.”

Essie opened her sapphire blue eye when the car bumped, Michel and Ren were sitting up front talking and smoking. Both kissed her hand when she reached forward for a cigarette. Ketsu was asleep, looking as boyish as ever. She was glad he slept, she did not feel the fortitude to sass him. He hated that she drank and smoke, he did not understand the constant pain and noise in her head since that night.

As she pulled a long slow draft, she accepted her choice. She would no longer regret the choice she made and punish her sister for it. Essie admitted to herself, she had never wanted to be the Delphi or even share being the Delphi. She had prayed for a way out, and the Moon had been granted one. Now she had to save her sister from the pain of mate-loss, for the destiny she had rejected and replace a way to save herself from the one that sought to entrap her.

She hadn’t know two months ago what Del had meant by Mine for only a season. Essie’s heart broke for her sister, wondering if Del had know just how short their season was. If she had know he would die, why would she have chosen to be with Luca at all. Essie knew she couldn’t have done it, she had lost too much to wait on such pain to repeat. She rubbed her forehead, and her fingers found their way to her scar as they often did. She had made her choice that night, she would not regret it. Not any longer.