Sex in C Major
Chapter 97

"Sorry."

"Well, that in a nutshell is generally how I view sex, so..."

"Sorry," Stefan repeated uncertainly.

"Yes, every time I have slept with Darian is because he wants to and it would make him happy. So...arguably, yes, my sex life is for Darian's benefit alone. But when he doesn't have toys or slaves like you, his sex life is dramatically reduced because that makes me happy."

"How-how do you mean?"

"If I were sexual, Darian would be too busy fucking me six ways to Sunday to be bothered with other men."

For a split second, Stefan-sitting naked in his cuffs with his breasts on full display-wanted to almost correct the term.

And Yannis seemed to realise, for he repeated, "Men," in a very soft tone that sent a shiver down Stefan's spine.

"You've never...wanted to?"

"No."

"Have you ever enjoyed it?"

Yannis frowned, and his eyes drifted sideways.

"Yes," he said finally. "I suppose I have."

"Do you...orge?"

"Not usually."

"But you still enjoy it?"

"Yes. Being close to him is nice. It's nice to elicit those emotions in him."

"To make him...feel?"

"Yes."

Something about Yannis' simple, factual words made Stefan relax.

"So last night..."

"There's nothing wrong with having sex purely for another's pleasure, if that's what you want to do."

"You've done that?"

"Ever since I came to terms with being asexual, yes. I've stopped ever thinking that one day it might all change and he'll replace the magic button that will make me sexual. But I still sleep with him now and then, because he enjoys it, and it makes him feel loved. And it's a bit of an ego boost for me that my mere presence can get him into that state. It's not particularly disgusting and the things that are, he simply doesn't get."

"What's disgusting?" Stefan asked curiously.

"Body fluids," came the immediate reply.

"So he doesn't..."

"We don't have condoms in the bathroom for you."

Stefan felt a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, and Yannis smirked.

"What do you...do?"

"Nothing like what you do."

"So he's not rough?"

"No. In fact, there are probably snails who have faster sex than we do."

"How do you mean?"

Yannis hummed. He trailed his fingers along the carpet, and Stefan watched them move hypnotically.

"I suppose," Yannis said after a little while, "that he strokes. It's like a prolonged hug, but he sort of...smooths. Like this."

He reached out and ran a hand through Stefan's hair. The fingers were warm and callused from the strings of the double bass, and Stefan closed his eyes and felt little sparks of heat and pleasure left in their wake as they stroked down from his hair to his cheek and jaw, then further, the palm cupping the side of his neck securely as his skin was mapped.

"That's nice."

"It is rather," Yannis agreed mildly. He dropped his hand. Constantinople jumped down from the window ledge and tucked his head under it, purring loudly.

"Did you have sex before you know. Before?"

"Before I transitioned?"

"Yeah."

"Yes. Quite a lot, actually-for me, anyway."

"Did you..."

Stefan hesitated.

Yannis, who had been watching the rumbling cat, twisted his head up to look.

"Did I what?"

"Did you like that more? Or is it better now?"

"It's better now," Yannis said, "but there's not much in it. Is this about your breasts and vagina issue?"

Stefan felt his face heating, and he nodded.

"I was never too concerned about the front," Yannis said mildly, scratching the cat under the chin. "Terrified of getting pregnant so I didn't usually let him do it, but it wasn't particularly a dysphoria issue. And I actively enjoyed him touching my chest."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"But..."

"I know," Yannis said with an eye roll. "I know, doesn't every trans man absolutely loathe his chest? But bear in mind I was usually walking around in loose clothes and rarely out of them, even at home. And I wasn't big-chested. I could-did- forget they were there sometimes. And the sensation was nice, when Darian paid attention to them in bed."

Stefan's nipple twinged at the memory of being bitten.

"My dysphoria was much more about my face and legs than anything else. Hence I don't shave and I run a lot."

"Will Daz let me not shave?"

Yannis tilted his head. "He'll let you do anything that will help with dysphoria," he said quietly. "He's really much more accommodating than I think you realise."

"With you."

"With anyone. He'll push your boundaries, but he won't break them. And some boundaries can't be pushed."

"Like what?"

"Like your chest."

Stefan blinked. "What?"

"You like it when he plays with your nipples. It's the breast you hate."

"What's what's the difference?"

Yannis slid down off the sofa to kneel opposite Stefan, and reached out one hand. "May I?"

Stefan hesitated.