Shaun Phillips and The Hat of All Hats
Chapter 8: Peer Pressure, Maid Service, and Bickering Parents, Oh No!

The week went by very fast. It was already Thursday and Mrs. Bodeen let us spend the whole afternoon in the library to gather last minute information for our presentations. I was proud of what I had put together. Then I looked over at Suzie and she had three times more stuff than I did.

“Suzie, how did you get that much written so fast?”

“It’s not really that much writing. If you want I can take a look at your paper and give you some pointers.”

I handed her my paper and watched her as she read it. I started day dreaming that I was a superhero and rescued her from an evil wizard who held her captive in a dungeon.

“This isn’t bad but you might want to add a picture or a map. Shaun. Shaun. Hello, earth to Shaun!”

“Oh, sorry.” I snapped out of my daydream and back to reality. “Yeah thank you. That’s a good idea.”

I got up right away and went over to the reference section. I was flipping pages in the big atlas looking for a map when Johnny came over to me.

“You know what I was thinking? I’ve got a great idea for your presentation!”

“What’s your idea?” I whispered, hoping Mrs. Bodeen didn’t catch us talking.

“You should bring that hat to school tomorrow!”

“I told you I’m not allowed to use it outside the house.”

“You keep saying that but me and Walter are starting to think that you made this whole story up.”

“Oh come on. Don’t give me such a hard time. The hat IS real. Everything I said about it is true!”

“Well if you don’t bring it tomorrow you’re either a liar or a chicken.” He punched me in the shoulder and went back to his table.

“Okay it’s that time.” Mrs. Bodeen announced. “Put everything away and line up please.”

I went back to the table, grabbed my stuff and loaded my backpack.

As I headed outside for the bus Johnny caught up to me.

“Remember the hat tomorrow Dude!” He said and ran to get in his bus line.

Johnny had definitely given me something to think about. If I wore the hat to school my presentation could go down in history as the most thrilling event to ever happen at Birch Wood Elementary! Plus, maybe then Johnny would stop nagging me. But I also knew that if I brought the hat to school I’d probably be grounded until I was seventy three!

My brain was so jumbled with thoughts on the bus ride home that I almost missed my stop!

When I got off the bus and headed for the house I noticed a big truck parked in our driveway. The logo on the truck read “WE DO LANDSCAPING.” A man was mowing our lawn and there were two other men trimming bushes. All of them had the “WE DO LANDSCAPING” logo on their jackets.

I found even more surprises when I opened the front door and went inside.

Weird jazz music was playing on the stereo and a maid was mopping the floor. I didn’t ever remember us having a maid. Then a butler came out of the laundry room holding a basket full of clothes and I know we had never had a butler before!

“Mrs. Phillips.” He spoke. “I did a load of towels. They’re all folded and I’m going to put them away right now and then I’ll be back to do a load of whites.”

“Oh thank you very much Charles.”

“Here’s your iced tea Mrs. Phillips.” A woman in a cook’s apron brought my mother a drink.

“Mom what is going on and who are all these people?”

“Oh. Hi there Shaun.” She said, looking a bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry you had to see this.”

And there it was. My mother was wearing my hat! Ah clearly hat rules needed to be set for everyone in this family.

“Seriously, Mom?” I was so surprised that I really didn’t know what to say to her.

Catching her using the hat was pretty hilarious; especially since she was breaking her own rules. What I didn’t understand though is why, out of everything that could be imagined, my mom chose housecleaning and room service.

“Oh I’m sorry Shaun. I guess I got a little carried away. Here, you can have your hat back. I know I shouldn’t have taken it.”

“That’s okay. It looks like you enjoy the hat too Mom.”

“I can’t deny it. The hat is exciting. I was actually starting to feel like a kid again when I put it on and started imagining all the things I wanted.”

And I thought Katie’s tea party was lame.

“Um so you went with gardeners and maids?” I asked her. “Come on Mom, you can do better than that. What about pirates or everything turning into cheese?”

“Okay.” She laughed. “I get it!”

Suddenly we heard the front door open and Mom’s face turned red.

“Mommy we’re home!” Katie exclaimed as she ran into the living room.

Dad entered right after Katie. “Honey, why did you call a landscaping company? I told you I would…” He paused after seeing Mom’s make believe housecleaning staff. “Well now. What’s going on here?”

“Nothing! Nothing at all!” Mom blurted out. “For all that has come to be today in fancy, force and grace, I tip my cap and send you back unto your rightful place!”

“Ptssssssss…. Pop!”

She tossed the hat back to me, clearly pretending none of that happened.

“How was dance class?” Mom asked Katie.

“It was great! We learned a new step today. It goes TAP TAP SHUFFEL TAP TAP!”

Katie danced across the room.

“That sounds like a lot of fun.”

“It was fun! And then Daddy came and picked me up and on the way back we stopped at the store and bought some ice cream treats.”

“That sounds great!” I shouted. “Can I have one now?”

“Sure you can Buddy.” Dad opened the bag he was carrying and handed me a delicious frozen snack.

“I want to eat mine now too.” Katie said.

“Here you go Pumpkin.” Dad smiled and handed her an ice cream too.

“That does sounds like a nice afternoon pick me up.” Mom exclaimed. “I’ll take one as well.”

“Well hold on just a moment!” Dad said with a smirk on his face. “I somehow recall a conversation recently about responsibility. Now how did that go?”

Dad was on a role! I could tell that he was proud of himself too!

“Oh yeah that’s right.” He went on. “I used the hat and you didn’t give me any mac and cheese, saying you only served ‘responsible’ people. Hmm, now you used the hat. Well I don’t think that was very ‘responsible,’ so I don’t think I should give you any ice cream!”

“Ha, ha!” Mom snorted. “Very funny! At least I used the hat for something practical!”

“Oh we’ll replace out just how ‘practical’ that was when Roger and Gladys come over saying they saw a landscaping truck here and would love to get the business card because, lo and behold, they need lawn work done too!”

“So what! I’m pretty sure maintenance trucks aren’t uncommon in the neighborhood. A sports car on the other hand, now that might turn a few heads. And by the way, I wouldn’t have had to use Shaun’s hat if someone had done the yardwork like they promised.”

“I told you I’ll take care of it over the weekend when I have more time! As for the hat, it’s an opportunity to act out our wildest dreams. Is a clean floor your wildest dream Hon?”

Katie and I giggled.

“I’m not even going to respond to that.” Mom said as she got up and headed for the kitchen, not willing to admit defeat.

“Oh and by the way, everything is gone now that you recited the jingle. So you still have to wait for me to do the yard work!” Dad shouted back to her.

“Mm hmm. Whatever you say Joe.” Mom gave a fake smile. “Dinner in an hour.”

Ah parents! You’ve got to love them!