Silent Desires (Shattered Silence Duet Book 1)
Silent Desires: Chapter 28

I stare at him in shock and fear. I can’t believe he’s here. I haven’t seen Simon for months and was hoping he didn’t know where we’d moved to. I’ve never wanted anyone in this world to forget me as much as I wish he would. Somehow, in all my thoughts about escaping my mother, I didn’t think about what Simon would do if he found out I ran away.

He smiles at me manically as he steps towards me. “There’s my little pet! It’s been a while, I’ve missed you,” he says with a huge grin, his familiar pale blue eyes sparkling with humor. I wish we didn’t look so much alike, then I could pretend we weren’t related. I don’t want to believe I’m anything like him. We have the same brown wavy hair, only his is cut short. He’s a fair bit taller than my five-foot-three frame and looks thinner than the last time I saw him.

“Don’t you have anything to say to your big brother?” he asks, smirking at me. He knows damn well I don’t talk. Not since the day he sat back and watched my mother try to drown me in bleach.

“Come give me a hug, pet.” I hate that name. He’s been calling me that since my earliest memories. But worse than the name is the revulsion of touching him. I don’t want to hug him, I don’t want to go anywhere near him.

My hands shake as I try to take deep breaths. I learned long ago to keep my panic attacks under control around him. After regaining consciousness from a panic attack with him touching me, I vowed to always keep my guard up when he was in the house.

I stand there, staring at him with fear lodged in my heart, afraid to move. Past experiences have told me he’s more likely to grow tired of me if I don’t react. When I was younger and would resist or scream or try to get away, it always spurred him on more and resulted in more… touching. In the end, I learned to just let him do what he wanted, and he’d be gone quicker. But dammit if I don’t hate it.

“No? No hug for me today?” he asks, sounding both disappointed and amused as he pouts his lips at me. “I bet you’ll want to hug me after I tell you the good news!” Good news? Nothing he has to say would be good news for me, I was sure of it.

“Mom said you can stay with me tonight in the room upstairs, for the whole night!”

I inhale sharply, instinctively take a step backwards in fear as my mind screams. NO! I’ve never been allowed in one of the real bedrooms before, in any of our homes, not since my father left. When Simon came to see me, he always came to me in the basement, touched me, got himself off, then left. I’d never spent a whole night with him before, something I had been grateful for. But the thought of why he wants to spend an entire night with me, and in an actual bedroom, terrifies me to the core.

Up until now I had somehow considered myself lucky that he has never gone all the way and stuck that in me before. But his visits were still far worse than any beatings I’d had. He liked to run his hands all over my body while he stroked himself. The worst was he would put his fingers inside me or when he forced my hand onto his dick, placing his own over mine and using me to jerk himself off. I felt like throwing up every time I thought about it, so I hid the memories in the back of my mind, buried in a little box covered with chains and locks so it would never see the light of day again. But every time he came to see me, that box would burst open and all those damn memories came flooding back in.

My breathing picks up as panic starts to consume me. No, no no! This couldn’t be happening, I wouldn’t survive an entire night with him. Why was he doing this? Why was my mother letting him? I know she hates me, and there’s no way she doesn’t know what he does when he visits me. She’s always loved Simon and hated me, blaming me for my father leaving. I know it’s my fault, that there is something wrong with me, that I did something wrong, that I have a demon inside of me. But lately, I’ve started to question everything. My new friends have started to make me realize that I might not be the problem my mother has repeatedly told me I am.

“Mina, my pet, breathe, do you really want to pass out right now?” I hear Simon ask with a laugh. As black spots start to dance in my vision from lack of oxygen, I try to get a grip on my emotions. I do not want to faint right now, who knows what he’ll do. I have to think about something else to calm myself down.

An image of Jasper holding my hands, telling me to take deep breaths, comes into my head. I think about Max’s text telling me I’m beautiful. I think about the way Atlas had held me when I freaked out at their house.

Slowly, my breaths start to even out and my brother comes back into focus, standing only inches from me. He raises his hand and strokes the back of his fingers down my cheek, making me shiver and cower with fear.

“There’s my good little pet. You rest up today, you’ll need your energy tonight, I’ll bring you some food soon.” I don’t dare move as a few tears trail down my cheeks to meet his icy fingers. He pulls his fingers to his mouth and licks my tears from them, reminding me of Brad. “Mmm, delicious. So sweet.” He cups my face and tilts my head up to make me look him in the eyes.

“There you are,” he whispers. “There’s my scared little pet. Don’t worry, after tonight you won’t be scared anymore. You’ll finally understand you belong to me, and I’m going to take care of you.” Then he leans in and I scrunch my eyes up tight as he kisses my forehead softly. He releases me and turns, quietly heading back upstairs, locking the door behind him.

The second the door shuts, I run to the bucket and throw up. I haven’t even eaten anything since lunch yesterday, but that doesn’t stop my stomach from emptying itself. When I finally finished retching, I sit against the wall and wrap my arms around my knees, wishing I were anywhere but here.

Simon is my big brother. He’s ten years older than me, and when our dad left, he promised he’d take care of me. But it was a lie. He liked to trick me with soft, kind words, when really he was just a sexually abusive pervert. When dad left, I was so desperate to believe Simon, wanting someone to take care of me, that I did whatever he told me to. But it didn’t take long for me to realize I didn’t like what his version of caring for me was.

He told me he was doing it to help me, he was similar to my mother in that way, stating they were just doing what was best for me. But I didn’t want either of their help. I just wanted to be left alone. I wipe the silent tears from my cheeks as I wonder how I’m going to survive the night.