Standing backstage, seconds away from being sold to the highest bidder, I can’t help but wonder: How the hell did a sous chef end up as the main course?
Here I am, tucked away in the too-glittery backstage of what’s about to be my debut on the dating auction runway. If you had told me even a month ago that I’d be standing here, about to be bid on like some kind of rare collectible, I would’ve laughed you out of the kitchen.
Yet here we are, and it’s all my best friend, Stacy’s, fault. Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh—it’s for a fantastic cause, after all. But still, me? On a stage? It feels more like a sitcom plot than my life.
Stacy, looking absolutely fabulous as a mermaid, is buzzing with excitement next to me.
‘I know that look on your face, Al. Don’t forget, it’s for the kids,’ she reminds me, her eyes sparkling almost as much as her costume.
The proceeds from the dating auction that Stacy managed to talk me into are all going toward a charity to benefit orphans and foster kids.
As someone who’s been through the foster system, I know how important this is. That thought alone is enough to squash the butterflies throwing a rave in my stomach.
All the same, I’m the type of girl who’s so busy with work that dating is the last thing on my mind, let alone something I’d do for money.
Peeking out from behind the curtain, I catch a glimpse of the crowd. It’s a sea of potential bidders looking at the stage with eager anticipation. I can’t help but wonder if any of them are here for the actual cause or just for the spectacle.
‘I wonder if any of these folks could handle a sous-vide machine,’ I muse to myself, imagining introducing a high-powered attorney or a Wall Street shark to the mysteries of a perfectly cooked steak.
‘Imagine, Al, this could be the start of something new,’ Stacy whispers, nudging me with her elbow, not an easy feat in a mermaid costume.
“Something new?” I ask. “Please don’t tell me you’re suggesting I’m going to meet someone who I would start something serious with here tonight.”
She shrugged. “You never know. Could be a cute story to tell your grandkids one day.”
Her optimism is infectious, and despite the absurdity of the situation, I’m starting to feel a flicker of excitement. Who knows what tonight could bring? Maybe I’ll meet someone who’s not terrified of a woman who can wield a chef’s knife with precision. Or, at the very least, someone who can appreciate a good meal.
I feel like a complete dork in my getup, and I can’t help but voice it to Stacy.
‘I look ridiculous,’ I mutter, tugging at the edges of my coveralls as if they might magically transform into something more me.
Stacy, on the other hand, scoffs at my self-deprecation, her eyes scanning my ensemble with an appraising tilt. ‘Ridiculous? Please, you look super-hot, totally tomboy chic.’
She has a way of boosting my confidence, even when I’m dressed for a mechanic’s convention rather than a date.
Skeptically, I step in front of a nearby mirror for a once-over. The auction’s theme tonight is ‘Adventure Awaits,’ and my date, should someone actually bid on me, consists of a helicopter tour of NYC, hence the coveralls, the top part undone and tied around my waist, revealing a tight, white tank underneath. The outfit is meant to scream adventurous, I suppose, but all I’m hearing is a faint whimper of fashion distress.
Stacy catches my eye in the mirror; she’s grinning at me mischievously.
‘I’m a little jealous, actually. A helicopter ride over the city? Come on, that’s bucket list material.’ Her outfit, with a shimmering tail fin to boot, is more suited to her destination.
‘Yeah, well, your date at the aquarium sounds a hell of a lot more my speed,’ I quip, trying to smooth down my hair, which seems to have taken the adventure theme as a personal challenge. ‘Honestly, I’m starting to remember why I spend 90 percent of my waking hours in a kitchen, hidden away from people.’
‘That’s precisely why it’s so great you’re here,’ Stacy insists, her voice firm but friendly. ‘You can’t hide behind those pots and pans forever, Al. Besides, think of the stories you’ll have for the next family meal.”
I can’t help but laugh, the sound echoing off the walls of our makeshift dressing room. She’s right, of course. The kitchen is my comfort zone, my sanctuary from the unpredictability of the world outside. But standing there, poised on the brink of something completely out of my comfort zone, I feel a flicker akin to excitement—or maybe it’s just the adrenaline from imminent public embarrassment.
As we make our way toward the stage, the reality of the situation settles in. I’m about to be auctioned off for a helicopter tour over one of the most iconic cities in the world, dressed like I’m about to repair the chopper rather than ride in it.
Just as Stacy and I are about to make our grand entrance to the world of auctioned dates, a guy strides off stage, his outfit screaming Broadway’s The Lion King louder than a roar in the savanna. His face is lit up with a mix of shock and excitement as he heads straight for us, eager to share his disbelief with somebody.
‘You won’t believe the bid for my date!’ he exclaims, barely containing his energy. ‘Outrageous!’ He looks like he might burst into a rendition of ‘Circle of Life’ at any moment.
Right on his heels, a girl glides past, her figure skater costume complete with faux ice skates slung over her shoulder. ‘If you think that’s something,’ she says, catching bits of our impromptu huddle, ‘the bid for Rockefeller Center ice skating was through the roof!’
Stacy claps her hands in delight. ‘This is amazing! It’s all going to such a good cause.’
I’m about to agree when a snippet of conversation from behind us catches my ear. I casually turn and glimpse another date for the evening, decked out in what I can only assume is her best attempt at a Cinderella gown. She’s giggling with her friend. ‘I just hope I replace Mr. Right tonight,’ she says, a twinkle in her eye.
Her friend, dressed in a costume that’s a cross between Sleeping Beauty and Maleficent—I can’t quite decide—leans in closer, her voice dripping with sarcasm. ‘You sound like a gold digger.’
Without missing a beat, Cinderella throws her head back and laughs, ‘Well, maybe I am. And maybe tonight’s my night!’
Hearing Cinderella’s unabashed declaration and the laughter that follows sends a fresh wave of nerves coursing through me. It’s one thing to be up for auction for a good cause; it’s another entirely to navigate the murky waters of post-auction expectations.
‘Does this mean there are going to be certain expectations with whatever guy ends up winning the bid for me?’ I ask. The words feel heavy, loaded with implications I hadn’t fully considered until now.
Stacy, quick to sense my growing unease, reassures me with a dismissive wave of her hand.
‘Oh, please, Al, this is a classy affair. It’s not that kind of date.’ But then, a mischievous glint appears in her eye, the kind that usually precedes her most outrageous ideas. ‘Well, unless you want it to be,’ she teases, a sly smile playing on her lips.
I can’t help but laugh, shaking my head at her audacity. ‘Stace, you’re terrible,’ I say, though the humor in my voice betrays my faux indignation. It’s hard to stay worried with Stacy around; her ability to lighten the mood is a testament to our years of friendship.
Stacy just shrugs, unrepentant. ‘Hey, there are worse guys to be going out with tonight. You’ve seen the crowd—tons of rich, eligible bachelors out there.’
Her gaze sweeps over the room as if to punctuate her point before settling back on me.
‘And let’s be real, you could stand to spend a night out with a nice, handsome man instead of yet another evening in the kitchen perfecting your béarnaise sauce.’
Stacy knows me too well; my penchant for losing myself in the kitchen—especially when life outside it feels too chaotic—is no secret.
‘You may have a point,’ I concede.
Peeking through the curtain, I can’t help but let out a low whistle at the sea of glamorous attendees. It’s like stepping into a scene from one of those movies where everyone is impossibly beautiful, sipping ridiculously expensive champagne.
They’re the kind of people I’ve only ever observed from the safety of my kitchen, cooking them dishes that cost more than my rent.
“Honestly, what would I even say to a guy like that? ‘So, how do you like your truffles? Shaved over gold leaf, or just straight out of the diamond-encrusted tin?’” I ask Stacy with sarcasm.
“Just smile and pretend you’re having the time of your life,” she advises, a grin tugging at the corners of her lips. ‘Besides, it’s not like either of us would be able to afford a helicopter ride on our salaries. This might be your only shot to see New York from above without baking a cake for a billionaire’s birthday party.’
With a deep breath, I straighten up, adopting what I hope is a convincingly carefree smile. Stacy’s right—this isn’t just about the auction or a date; it’s about stepping out of my comfort zone and trying something new. And if I get to soar over the city in a helicopter while doing it, who am I to complain?
But the part of me that’s more comfortable wielding a spatula than engaging in small talk with the city’s elite is seriously contemplating a tactical retreat. Just when the idea of bolting becomes dangerously appealing, however, it’s my turn.
Stacy, sensing my last-second hesitation, locks eyes with me.
‘You look insanely hot, Al,’ she assures me with the confidence of a general rallying her troops. ‘You’ve totally got this.’ Her words are the nudge I need, a reminder that I’m not just here to brave my social anxieties but to make a difference, however small it might seem.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, I channel every ounce of courage I possess and step out from behind the safety of the curtain. I plaster on my biggest, most dazzling smile—the one I reserve for successfully executing a flawless dinner service on a Saturday night.
Think of the kids, I silently repeat to myself, turning it into a mantra.
And that’s when I see him.
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