Speak To Me
Chapter 172 –

***Trigger Warning for talk about Self Harm***

(Grayson)

I watched as Katrina slept..the fear of closing my eyes for more than a second kept me awake as I tried not to fall asleep beside her.

What if she wakes up before me and tries to hurt herself again? I would never forgive myself..

So I can't sleep...I won't sleep..I need to make sure she is safe.

It's been a little over a week since Katrina tried to end her own life and we are back at the house now. Of course she has barely said two words to me since..but it doesn't mean I don't talk to her still.

I tried to explain the situation to her..I tried to tell her I never lied once when it came to us...but it's like she doesn't hear me.

She has only spoken with her sister. And I know for a fact that if she woke up and saw me here, she would ask me to leave.

I hate this...I fucking hate this so much. I just want my Kat back. I want the girl whose eyes lit up whenever I entered a room..I want that girl who would laugh at me when I said something stupid and loved to watch movies late at night when everyone else was sleeping. I miss her so damn much that it hurts..

"Please give me a chance..let me prove myself that I meant all of those things..please Kat." I whispered, gripping her hand tighter as I caressed her scarred skin gently.

Nothing about her turned me off..no..I loved every fucking flaw about this girl and I didn't know how to make her realize this.

I fucked up everything..if I had known it would've ended like this, I would've done things so differently.

Suddenly there was a soft knock at the door that made my body stiffen. This was my time with her..everyone knows that..

Without even waiting for a response, the door started to open, revealing Katrina's dad.

He flew down after Gabriella called and told him what happened. He has been staying here for the past week and a part of me didn't like it..because I knew what would come next. "How is she doing?" John whispered before walking over to the side of the bed.

Katrina was a damn heavy sleeper..she always has been since coming here. But I couldn't help but grind my teeth in annoyance at the interruption of silence from John's deep voice. Maybe it's from the lack of sleep but I feel a lot more irritable lately..

"Fine..she hasn't been tossing or turning." She never does when I'm here..that's what I wanted to add but I didn't want to sound like a dick.

"Good..maybe she is finally settling in again." John noted before going to reach for Katrina as my body froze in response. I didn't want anyone to touch her...anyone but me. Katrina didn't like to be touched. She only likes when I do...well, she did before..now she pulls away from me too. Damn does it hurt like hell when she pulls away. "Grayson, I thought I should speak with you about this now..so you aren't blindsided tomorrow..." John began, making my stomach ache.

"No." I snapped, already knowing what this was about.

I swear John's jaw dropped.

"No? You don't even-"

"I know exactly what you are going to say..and no, Katrina isn't going back to New York with you." I stated firmly before fixing Katrina's blanket. "Grayson..she told me this is what she wants.."

"Bullshit..she is lying. She is just trying to run away from this..she is trying to run away from me." I said a little too loudly, making Katrina groan in her sleep.

That's when I stood up and brushed my palm along her cheek, calming her instantly.

See..that just proves it..no one knows Katrina like I do. She belongs here with me.

"I understand you have grown attached to her..but she needs her family. She needs Gabriella and with the babies coming in a few months, it would be better if she was with us." John stated and I felt a sharp pain slide through my heart.

I'm what she needs..can't anyone fucking see that? Katrina is ignoring it more than anyone..I refuse to give up. I won't let her ruin us..we deserve a real chance don't we?

"You have to think about what's best for Katrina.." John added and that shit pissed me off..

"You don't think I don't already? She is all I think about..she is all I care about.." I choked out, trying not to let this emotion strangle me.

John's gaze softened, his hand coming up to my shoulder as he let out a sigh.

"I know it will be hard..but if you really love Katrina like I think you do..you will see this is what's best for her." He added, squeezing gently before turning to walk out of the room..and all I could do was hang my head in defeat.

Is this what's best for her? To be away from me? Have I become something toxic in her life? Something that makes her contemplate even living to begin with?

If she could feel even a fraction of what I felt for her.. if she could see how I view her from my very own eyes..she would know how much she means to me. I don't want to let her go..I can't let her go..but if I keep her here, does that mean I will eventually lose her forever? I hung my head down, placing my brown against the back of her hand as I felt the tears falling from my eyes.

"Why does loving you hurt this much?" I whispered, knowing exactly why..because I knew I was going to lose her either way and I wished it didn't have to be like this..

I let go of her hand before staggering up..I couldn't risk her waking up and replaceing me like this so I decided to step outside and try to compose myself..but who I saw standing there made me break down even more.

It took one look from Grant for me to fall to my knees.

"I know...I know it's hard." He whispered, wrapping his arms around me as I broke down like a fucking coward.

"I don't want to lose her..I can't lose her..not again.." I choked, sobbing like a freaking baby as I clung to Grant tightly.

"You won't..you just have to prove to her how much she means to you Gray." Grant said, as I pulled back slightly.

"I've tried..she won't listen..I fucked everything up." I said sadly, feeling like it will never go back to like it was..me keeping that lie ruined everything.

"Look at me..us Easton men don't give up. We fight for what we want..for who we love." He added, making me search his blue gaze carefully.

"What do you expect me to do Grant? Kidnap her or something?" I laughed dryly, obviously not meaning it.

Well, apparently Grant meant exactly that..

"No way..that will just make things worse..there is no way I will do that..especially after she tried to end her life.." It's official...my brother is insane.

"You don't have to go that far..but if she leaves..well, I just so happen to have an extra room at my place in New York.." He offered, making me freeze for a moment as I really thought about this.

"I can see how much you care about her Gray..and truthfully, I'm worried for you to be here alone when she does leave...you can just keep an eye on her from afar. She doesn't have to know..None of them do. It can be our little secret." He added, making me nod my head without even a second thought.

"Okay..I will just be watching over her..making sure she is safe." I stated, trying to make myself seem less crazy because that's exactly what I've become..absolutely insane. I can't let her leave me..I just can't.

"Exactly..and you can help me replace Sammy's dad in the process..it will be just like old times."

I guess you can take the Easton boys out of the Mafia but you can't take the Mafia out of the Easton boys..

New York here I come..you can't get away from me that easily Kitty Kat..I've already fallen for you..and now there is no going back.