Tangled
173

173 Ava: Hard Truths

Vanessa sighs, her hand warm and gentle against my back, rubbing in soothing circles. "Ava, understand that you can be wrong, even when you're right. Or right, even when you're wrong." A laugh bubbles up, hysterical and wild. "That makes no sense."

"You chafe under his protection. You feel caged, right?"

A quick nod. Of course. That much is obvious.

"It's okay to feel that way. It's normal, even. But is Lucas wrong to keep your safety in consideration?"

Selene sighs, bumping her head against my legs, and I tug at one of her ears. "No, of course not."

"The party was a terrible misfortune. None of us expected a

vampire attack on pack lands. For something like this to happen..." Her words trail off, and she glances away. "I don't even know how long it's been. We knew Blackwood was working with the Unregistered in some way, but to have this level of alliance is unheard of."

Hunching my shoulders, I mutter, "I never would have gone, if I'd known."

"I know." The gentle rubbing never ceases. "And Lucas didn't blame you. He doesn't blame you. He blames himself."

"But he didn't do anything wrong. It was me." Guilt gnaws at me. "I was the one who bothered him about the guards. About my freedom. I pushed to go to the party. Everything was because of

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173 Ava: Hard Truths

1. me. The vampire wanted me, and now Lisa's gone."

Resting my forehead on my knees, I whisper, "I'm a plague to

everyone who cares about me. So many people are dead, and even Lisa..."

"A defeatist attitude isn't going to help you, Ava." The back rubs stop as Vanessa gets off the bed, her voice firming. "The time for wallowing is long past. You've grown stronger, and you're no longer the flinching massacre happened. Neither you or Lucas knew it would happen. It's a terrible and unfortunate situation."

"But it's my fault. What am I supposed to do?" Turning my head so my cheek is against my knees, I watch Vanessa as she stands in front of me. "It's my fault. I should have just sat at home and kept my mouths danger..."

Vanessa stares at me, one brow raised, as my words trail off.

I'm saying something wrong. I can tell in her facial expression.

Her piercing gaze holds me captive, demanding an answer I'm not sure I possess.

"Was that truly the only way, Ava? Your only two choices in life? To go to the party without guards, risking everything for a taste of freedom, or to stay locked away in your apartment, watched at all times like a p I remain silent, my tongue leaden and useless.

It seems so silly when she lays it out.

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173 Ava: Hard Truths

Vanessa's voice softens, but her eyes remain unwavering. "Was there no middle ground, Ava? No way to get what you wanted while staying within the boundaries of reasonable safety?"

The words rattle around in my skull, colliding with the unyielding walls of my stubborn resolve. I want to argue, to defend my actions, but the weight of her wisdom holds me back. Is she right? Could I have found another way?

The answer seems obvious, but I shy away from it in my mind. Selene's presence brushes against me, a reminder of her presence. Perhaps I pushed too hard as well, little wolf. Her voice is more hesitant than I've ever heard it.

Straightening into a proper sitting position, feeling too childish in how I'm moping, I do my best to meet Vanessa's regard.

I want her respect. She's always been amazing, one of the few supports in my world. So I take a deep breath and think, letting her words soak in, pushing Lucas and his anger far from my mind. "Maybe there was another way. But at the time, it felt like my only choice."

My excuse sounds pathetic, even to my own ears.

Vanessa nods, her expression softening with understanding. "The world is rarely black and white, Ava. It's a tapestry woven with countless shades of gray. Do you believe everything is so clear- cut? That there are only eyer two options?"

"No, of course not." The answer comes easily, a truth I've always know but somehow forgotten.

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123 Ava Hard Truths

"Then why," Vanessa presses, her voice gentle but insistent, "do you paint your own choices in such stark contrasts? Why do you see only the extremes, without considering the possibilities that lie between?" Her question hangs in the air, a challenge I can't ignore. I close my eyes, searching for the answer within myself. Selene's presence is a comforting warmth.

Because it's easier? Easier to believe I have no choice, that I'm backed into a corner with no way out.

But that's not the whole truth, is it? Deep down, I know there were other options, other paths I could have taken. Compromises I could have made, if only I'd been willing to look beyond my own stubborn pride. I was too determined to stand on my own two feet.

More determined to prove my independence than consider reality.

"I was scared," I whisper, the admission tearing at my throat. "Scared of losing myself, of being suffocated by the constant surveillance and control. I wanted to prove that I could make my own choices, that I'm r Vanessa grabs my hand in hers, the warmth of her grasp traveling up my arm and into my heart.

You are strong, Selene insists, with the softest whine. You are much stronger than you believe.

"You are strong," Vanessa echoes. "But that doesn't mean leaning

allies is weakness. That doesn't mean compromising

on v

123 Ae Yard Trich

changes your boundaries. And it doesn't mean you won't be you."

She squeezes my hand, and I squeeze back, grateful for the connection between us. Her voice is soft as she continues, "The desire for freedom, for autonomy, is a powerful thing. But it's important to remember I nod, blinking back the tears that threaten to spill down my cheeks. "The massacre."

"Yes. Many lives were lost. Young lives, lives with promise. While the fault lies with our enemies, it is a consequence that we should have avoided." A flicker of sadness crosses her face. "Our alpha will always c of those lives on his soul, because his decisions led to that tragedy. He does not hide from it."

Like me.

Only thinking of Lisa.

"I should have been more careful, more thoughtful," I murmur.

Vanessa watches me. "What do you think you should have done?" My mind falters.

"You're just focusing on your guilt, aren't you?" she asks, though her tone isn't accusing. "Focused on how my words are causing you to feel. Not on how to fix it, or how to take responsibility." Feeling somehow ashamed, I nod. I'm not sure how else to reply. I just feel terrible.

She pa's my hand gently as my phone buzzes. "That's probably

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173 Ava: Hard Truths

your alpha, apologizing. Perhaps you should, too. And really think about things. My therapy session ends here. I have a lot to look into regarding your mother. Oh, and Ava..."

About to unlock my phone and check the text notification, I pause. glancing toward her.

"Be careful how much you depend on Selene." Her steady gaze and faint smile takes the sting out of her words. "We shifters learn quite young

that our wolves are not human, and do not see things as humans do. They are self-

centered and independent, and don't understand the nuances of human relationships as well as they might seem to, at first glance."

Selene sits up, her ears forward and her body language affronted. I am not self-centered!

Vanessa points her finger at Selene. "Don't think I don't know what you're thinking. You're not self-centered; you're only thinking about Ava's benefit, right?"

Those husky ears go back and she slinks down, her voice now a mutter in the back of my head. Why does she even ask, if she already knows?

The woman in front of me is confident as she stares Selene down, and what boggles my mind is that...

She wins.

Selene deflates, lowering herself to her belly with a little whimper. I will let her finish.

She sounds a little like a child who's been scolded.

173 Ava Haut Truths

Vanessa's wolf reached out to me, Selene mutters, startling me.

"You spoke to her?"

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