The Accidental Wife (Emily and Julian)
The Accidental 145

Chapter 145

85%

My head is about to explode. It hurts more with the slightest movement. I cannot even bring myself to open my eyes. I let out a groan as I bury my head in the pillows. Memories of last night flood my mind and they're enough to make me wish I could disappear.

With all the power I have in me, I do my best to open my eyes. When I do so, I replace a glass of water on my nightstand. I push myself up and replace two pills beside the glass of water.

Silas. He must be the one who has left them for me. I replace myself remembering the time I took care of him when he called me while being drunk at a party. Memories are easily coming back to me and I'm not sure if they can be considered a blessing or a curse now. I called Knox last night, but Silas showed up instead. I'm embarrassed that he saw me in that state. I always hear people say that when they wake up after getting drunk, they usually don't remember anything, but I do. I remember a lot of things. It's like my memory is intensively active now.

He was so gentle with me last night.

Who am I kidding? Silas has always been gentle with me.

The way he played with my hair made me think of the memory I had of him at the team's house. When I first remembered how he was with me at the team's house, I thought I was hallucinating, but I did ask him about it last night and he confirmed that my mind wasn't playing tricks on me.

Couldn't these memories have gotten back to me sooner? Had I remembered earlier, I would have never let him go.

I take the pills and force myself to get out of bed. I walk to the bathroom and slightly gasp when I look at my reflection in the mirror. I'm still in my last night's clothes and my make-up is a mess. I look like death. Washing my face is not enough to make me feel clean and refreshed. I need to take a shower. I take off into the cabin to wash the traces of last night off.

my

clothes and get

I dry myself once I feel clean enough and wrap my body with a towel before heading back to my room. After putting on Something comfy, I head to the living room, expecting Silas to be there. However, I don't replace him. He's nowhere to be found in the entire apartment. I should have expected that.

He probably felt sorry for me and only said that he was going to stay to make me feel better. He has a girlfriend now. Of course, he's not going to stay at my place. Am I the stupidest girl on earth? Did I actually believe that he was going to stay the night? Drunk me had dreams, but they cannot come to life in my world of sobriety.

I walk to the kitchen and decide to make myself some coffee. I don't remember the last time I ate breakfast. My breakfast now consists of coffee and nothing else. When I'm too hungry in the morning, I just eat an apple and it's usually enough to fill my stomach. Just when I'm about to turn the coffee machine on, the door of my apartment gets opened Hense, thinking of the worst, but my shoulders sag with relief when I see Silas. He has cups of coffee with him along with two brown paper bags.

He hasn't actually left. He was just getting breakfast.

"You're awake," he says as he closes the door behind him.

"Yeah..." I look down, not knowing what I'm supposed to say. I'm embarrassed. I didn't want him to see me in the state / was in last night.

"I got us breakfast," he tells me, setting everything on the kitchen counter.

09:22 Mon, Oct 28

Chapter 145

Q

3 85%=

"Thank you." I offer him a small smile as I reach for the cup of coffee. "I'm so sorry about last night. You shouldn't have... I stop myself, fearing that I may make things worse if I say what I really want to say.

+5

"I shouldn't have what, Rosie? What new barrier do you plan on installing between us?" I suck in a breath when he says that. "Why didn't you call me last night? Why did you call Knox?" His voice depict the pain he is in and I hate being the reason behind that. "Silas, you're my ex. You're dating Maisie now. I don't want to ruin your relationship with her," I tell him part of the truth. I'm not going to tell him that I can't stand being in the same room as him without thinking how stupid I was when he was mine. I'm doing everything in my power to stop myself from kissing him. I'm not strong enough to fight all the urges inside of me to try to win him back.

"Why do you seem to forget that I'm your friend too? Why am I just your ex now? Wasn't I your ex when you told Everest that you weren't going to cut ties with me?" He reminds me of what I said. He's making it hard for me and I don't know how to get out of this situation. "It's different, Silas," I tell him, hoping he won't pressure me into talking about this.

"Do you even want me in your life, Rosie?" His question makes it hard for me to breathe. I do want him in my life, but I shouldn't be in it.

"What I want isn't important anymore, Silas. I know it may seem impossible to believe this, but having me in your life won't do you any good," I try to explain the situation to him.

"Enlighten me, please. Why shouldn't you be in my life?" he wonders, taking a seat.

"Because... I'm always going to hold you back from moving on," I say. It's so hard to prevent myself from crying.

"Don't you think I should be the judge of that? His eyes never dart away from me, causing my anxiety to heighten.

"Silas, you need to believe that I'm the villain in your story. I don't know what kind of Stockholm syndrome this is, but you need to let me go." A shaky breath comes out of my mouth as I stop talking.

"I won't let you go unless you tell me you don't want me in your life anymore," he declares, and I close my eyes as I gulp. Is this what it takes to get him out of my life?

I don't want to tell him that, because I do want him in my life, but I'm aware that he will be better off without me.

"Fine, Silas." I take a shaky breath. "I don't want you in my life anymore," I blurt, and I swear, my heart has never experienced this kind of pain anymore. The look he has on his face is full of agony and all I want is to run towards him, take him in my arms and apologize for what I have put him through.

"Oh wow..." A sad smile appears on his lips, and I want to cry. I hurt him. Again. It seems like I'm now an expert at hurting him. "I'm sorry for imposing myself on your life. I promise I won't get in contact with you again and if I see you at any event, I will keep my distance." It's getting hard to breathe.

I don't want any of this, but I have to do it. I have to do this for his own sake. If I stay in his life, I'm going to bring him more pain.

"Bye, Rosie," he says, getting up from his place. I want to prevent him from leaving. I want to apologize.

Once he walks out of my apartment, I break down as my body falls to the floor. Loud sobs escape my lips and as I hug my knees close to my chest, I wonder if the pain I feel in my chest will ever go away.