The Book of Azrael (Gods & Monsters 1)
The Book of Azrael: Chapter 8

The remains of Rashearim

Two days prior

IT HAPPENED ALMOST EVERY NIGHT. Every night my body willed itself to sleep regardless of my rebellion, and every night the dreams assaulted my conscience. Upon waking, the room would be vibrating from the energy being expelled from my body. The carved wooden furniture would bend until breaking, shards littering the already destroyed room. My control over my power was insufficient and it had been for a while now. Night terrors of past battles, long fought and long over. Tonight was different, though. What began as the same blood-filled battlefield changed.

The silver encased battle armor covered me from head to toe. It was hard enough to withstand massive blows from the beasts we contended against but light enough to move with ease. The ground beneath my feet shook violently enough to make the enormous beast in front of me falter. It was only for a moment but a moment too long for them.

I swung the double edged sword over my head, slicing the head off of two advancing serpentine Ig’Morruthens. Viridescent blood leaked from their carcasses as they fell to the ground. Steam billowed from the wounds my blade had made. The traitorous gods had called upon our mortal enemies the Ig’Morruthens to aid in their rebellion and it had cost us lives, too many lives.

My field of view was limited by the smoke pouring from the flames rolling over the landscape and consuming any material it could replace. My heart bled at the sight of what remained of our ruined world. I felt the vibration beneath my feet as something dropped behind me, accompanied by a loud boom. I spun and raised my sword, expecting another enemy. The Goddess Kryella blocked my strike with her broadsword.

‘Rest, Samkiel.’ She lowered her blade, wiping it on her beige armor. Her long auburn-colored twists peeked out beneath the helmet she wore. It was slightly dented on one side. A creature foolish enough to try and behead one of Rashearim’s fiercest goddesses. I lowered my spear, the battle around us still raging. Blood coated parts of her, and the droplets of gore beneath her eyes was reminiscent of some primal war paint. I saw the silver and blue specks of gods and celestials, blood of our own.

‘How many?’

She lifted her helmet, allowing parts of her face to show. Those silver eyes reflecting off her brown skin were piercing. She shook her head, her gaze remaining fixed on me. ‘Too many. Get to your father. If he falls, our world does too.’

She said no more as the silver light grew on the exposed parts of her armor and she shot back into the heart of the battle.

I stumbled forward, catching myself as the realms shook. Gods were dying, their bodies erupting like stars burning out. Rashearim burned as far as the eye could see. The once plentiful mountains were now a desolate wasteland. The structures of gold, our homes, our city, were now concave, broken, and destroyed. The sky screamed as the large winged Ig’Morruthen responsible for the flames that consumed our world flew above. Fire erupted from its throat as it lit more of Rashearim aflame. It was a monstrous beast of wings and death but large enough for target practice.

The silver lines upon my skin glowed brighter as I sent my power to the spear in my grasp. It radiated and shook as I held it above my head, aiming. Another large flap of wings and it dipped behind the rolling black cloud in the sky. I waited poised and precise for it to circle around. It was aiming for any infrastructure it could replace in its quest to demolish our people. Unbeknownst to the Ig’Morruthens and the traitorous gods, my father and I had sent as many as we could to the nearest livable planet for refuge.

Another blast of flame erupted, sending embers sparking through the smoke, and I heard the telltale beat of wings. I followed the sound, and when I saw the tip of a wing and tail dance out of the thick, dark cloud, I threw my spear. It tore through the air, a bright silver projectile. I held my breath as it disappeared. A loud ear-shattering scream echoed as my spear hit its mark, and the beast fell. Its body landed amongst several other creatures, smashing a few underneath its large body.

The uninjured monsters turned scalding red eyes on my men. Fury radiated off of them as they prepared to charge. Twin silver beams landed next to the large beast. Traitorous gods that didn’t hesitate to join in the slaughter of the celestials. Then they spotted me. I summoned a sword into each hand from the rings that decorated my fingers and ran toward them. The ground beneath my feet vibrated and my surroundings began to shimmer. Everything blurred and then I was in a different location.

There were no more burning ruins. The stars and galaxies that had covered my horizon were gone. Instead, I was in a large bronzed room. Columns soared to the high circular ceiling as an orchestra filled the space with music. My mind thrust me further into my past.

Before The Gods War.

My father stood before me, his attire a mix of the heavy golden encrusted armor and red and gold garbs that flowed around him like sheets. Jewels entangled in the thick curls of his hair with gold crests pressed on certain ones. Some with emblems of battles and one I knew by heart gifted by my mother. A large black and silver crown with six points sat atop his head. A point for every major war fought and won under his rule, all of them long before my existence. The edges were long diamond shapes with a single silver jewel in the center. He only wore his crown when he had to be the proclaimed king or during a social engagement. That day was a celebration, and one where I’d overindulged in.

He turned to me, his dark hair longer than even mine, grazing against his arm. Silver lines decorated the parts of his rich brown skin that was showing. The twin lines along his arms, throat, and under his eyes were the same silver as the eyes that bore into mine. He was angry, if the crushing weight of the room told me nothing else. The golden staff in his hand stabbed the floor, causing cracks that spread beneath his feet.

‘I have spoken to you about this several times and yet you hear nothing. If you were not my child I would assume you deaf,’ he bellowed.

I swayed on my feet, the savaee liquid they’d mixed and offered may have been too much. ‘Father. You’re unnerved.’

Another stab of his staff and the floor vibrated as he moved closer. ‘Unnerved? I would be less unnerved if you did not parade yourself in such a manner. The realms have slowly been devolving into chaos. I need you more focused than ever at this time. The Ig’Morruthens seek power over any realm they can claim and if they grow in numbers, even we will not be prepared to stop them. I need you to be focused.’

My breath left me in a sigh, knowing far too well what followed. ‘I am focused.’ I swayed on my feet before correcting myself. ‘Did I not cease Namur? I have earned the name World Ender from the realms we have taken back. I deserve a moment of peace without blood and politics. Are we not supposed to indulge after victorious battles, be amongst our people?’

He sneered, shaking his head. ‘Our people can indulge, you cannot. You will be king. Do you not comprehend that? You have to show your face. Not sway upon your feet or dip your cock in any celestial or goddess that shows you a sliver of attention.’ He paused a single hand rubbing his brow. ‘You have so much potential, my son, and yet you squander it.’

I turned away and lashed out, throwing the chalice so hard against the nearby column it embedded in the stone. ‘I cannot rule them. They will not allow it. I’m not you nor will I ever be. The title was supposed to pass to one of them. They know it, and I know it. I am nothing to them. And the manner in which I have to prove myself again and again and still not be enough. I grow weary.’

His eyes closed as if in pain for a moment before he opened them and looked at me. His gaze pierced me as he rubbed the thick beard upon his face. He made no move to walk forward, just shook his head at me. ‘You are more than enough, Samkiel. You know my visions, what I have seen. I have seen far beyond this realm and the next. You are the best of us, even if you do not see it now.’

I scoffed, mostly to myself, as I rubbed my hand across my forehead. ‘They will never accept me. No matter how many Ig’Morruthens I slay or worlds I end to save others.’

‘You are perfect the way you are, and do not worry about them. They will have no choice. You are my heir. My son.’ He walked forward stopping in front of me before placing his hand on my shoulder. My anger dissipated as he said, ‘My only.’

‘You force them and they will retaliate.’ I knew they would, just as I knew they would not accept me. I did not want to rule but alas my father, my blood, left me no choice. ‘Words like that bore the semblance of war, Father.’

His shoulders lifted so carelessly, a semblance of a smirk forming on his lips as if the mere thought was more a fever dream. ‘I have made enemies for less. Old and powerful enemies. I fear no wars, only losing you.’

My gaze met his for a moment, the effects of the liquor wearing off as my reality bored into my brain. ‘I will never be a leader like you.’

‘Excellent. Be greater.’

His voice was all but a whisper, drowned out by a loud banging serenaded my ears. I called out, but my father’s face and form twisted like stardust.

My eyes popped open. Energy bright and vibrant shot through them, hitting the ceiling and causing a few large chunks of marble to fall around me. The hole above my bed had been there since my first night here, and it grew every time I slept. Emotions I could no longer contain, exploding out. I sat upright, wiping at the moisture that stained my cheeks. I despised seeing him, despised reliving anything that had to do with him or my past. I despised the battles, the War, all of it. My hair clung to the sweat drenched muscles of my shoulders and back. It was much too long now, but I didn’t care. Cups, tables, and chairs still levitated off the marble floor from the energy I’d expelled. A power that even after all those centuries still got the best of me.

I raised my hands, massaging my temples and trying to regain my focus. As the pieces of my household dropped one-by-one, the dull ache throbbing in my head subsides. The headaches were getting worse, a steady beating drum that were becoming more frequently the guilt and regret I felt were becoming overwhelming.

I cradled my face between my hands as I sat up, loose waves dropping forward like a thick curtain blocking out the light. The muscles in my body were still tense and aching. I had kept up the same training routine I’d learned before the days of war. It was the only thing that helped. The harder I worked or lifted or ran the easier it was to chase away the thoughts that threatened to devour me.

On the days it got too bad and I could not force myself to leave my palace, I stayed inside. That was when the hollow aching feeling became the worst. It consumed me. A dark mist creeping from every corner of my consciousness, devouring my very will to just exist. I did not want to move and did not want to eat on those days. It was then I would just lay, watching the sun rise and fall, unaware of how much time had passed. I’d toss or turn and not have the strength or effort to even rise. Those were the worst days.

How many years had it been since I shut myself away? I had lost count.

The battered and worn sheets bunched up around my thighs as I placed my feet upon the floor. Scars ran zigzag patterns upon my thighs and knees. My body was littered with scars. The one I hated the most was the deep one upon my shin. That one brought back the night terrors more than most. If I had only been a little faster. I closed my eyes again, drowning out the cries before I opened them once more.

I scanned the room, stopping at the long golden encased reflective glass on the far wall. Silver lines decorated my feet, legs, stomach, back, neck, and under my eyes. I immediately regretted seeing my reflection. The thick, dark mass of hair reached to the middle of my back, and an overgrown, unkempt beard decorated my face.

The gleam of my eyes reflects off the mirror, filling the room with a bright silver glow that reminds me who I am, where I am, and what a failure I am. They called me a protector. I scoffed and uncurled my fist, throwing a blast of blinding power at my reflection, reducing the glass to mere particles of sand. I stared at the new hole I’d added to this massive rundown estate. Perfect, my house now resembled the complete disaster of the world I’d built

I’d cobbled this planet together from the fallen remains of Rashearim that had floated past the veil of the Netherworld before the realms sealed. Once it had settled, the Council of Hadramiel returned, although they were half way across the world from me. I wanted to be alone, and they did not question their king. I had put the proper procedures that they, nor the Celestials, would need me no longer. What was the point? The realms were sealed for eternity and anything that might have been a threat, died with Rashearim.

Light, clear and crisp, peaked from the open expanse above my head as the sun danced across the horizon. I stood and shuffled to the hollowed out portion of the room where I kept my fabrics. The space was a disaster with fabrics lining the floor in clusters and hanging off the shelves. It was a mess like the rest of me. I need to leave, run, anything to make the growing tension in my head decrease.

I put on a pair of cream slacks and headed out of my quarters toward the main foyer. I descended the carved out steps and reached the main foyer. It opened into a large empty space with only a small dining area sitting to the right with a table and chair I had crafted. I didn’t know why I’d made them. I did not allow or want company and they just collected dust like every other piece of furniture in the house.

Nature was attempting to reclaim my home. Vines sought refuge, growing through the carved out window on the far wall to my right. I hadn’t bothered with clearing them out or moving them. I did not bother with anything anymore.

An electric buzz filled the room, causing me to sigh and close my eyes. My hand immediately went to my forehead as I rubbed my brow, the ever -present throbbing increasing. I knew what that was and I ignored it every time. I dropped my hand and turned toward the large cut out mantle over the remnants of the hearth I had sculpted. A small, colorless device beeped as the tiny blue light upon its side flashed. It was a way to keep in touch with others if they needed me. It was only for an extreme crisis. However, they had yet to follow that order.

Another beep sounded before a shimmering, imperfect silhouette formed in front of me.

‘Message request from The Council of Hadramiel,’ the monotone inhuman voice echoed.

I’d never get peace. ‘Allow.’

‘Samkiel.’ My fists clenched, pure energy dancing across my knuckles. I hated that name.

The once shapeless silhouette vibrated out of focus before returning as the embodiment of a tall, curvaceous woman. Her long blonde hair was loosely braided and ran down her side. Imogen. She resembled the Goddess Athos who had made her. The only difference was Imogen was pure celestial and one of The Hand. My Hand.

A gold hood covered most of her hair. Her dress the same color dimed her ivory complexion as it reached the floor, the hem puddling around her. Her hands clasped together as she looked at me, or more accurately, through me. The device was a one -way communication. The message could be sent but they had no visual until I responded and granted permission.

‘It has been a long period since the last message was sent, and alas, we received no response then as well as all the other times. I worry about—’ She paused and rephrased. ‘Our concern for you grows, my liege.’

The drum in my head grew louder. I despised that word, too. It was a title thrown on me at birth like all the others.

‘Upon request from Vincent, Zekiel has ventured to the Etherworld. A situation seems to be growing. The others seek your council and await your word.’

The Etherworld. The in between where the humans and lesser creatures thrived. If there was a situation, Zekiel could handle it. They all could. They did not need me. No one did, and they were better off without me. Trained from the minute they were created, they’d served under the gods who’d made them. That was until it was time for me to have my own Celestials under me.

Unlike the other gods I could not create celestials. My blood was not pure given my mother herself was a Celestial. So instead, I selected the ones I knew were strong, intelligent, and at the time, my friends as my cohorts. The Hand was everything legends had spoken of because I made them that way. They were trained killers and everything I had learned I’d taught them. Anything that could be a threat to them had died when our world did, nothing could touch them. My attention returned to Imogen as she paused, seeming to choose her next words carefully. She turned her head to the side and back. ‘I long to see you once more. Please come home.’

Home. She meant the city beyond the high cliffs. Our actual home had turned to dust among the stars and now we stay on the scraps left behind. I had no home, none of us did, not truly.

The image in front of me faded, and the shapeless silhouette returned. ‘Shall I send a response, sir.’

My fists clenched once more, that dull ache in my head ceaseless. ‘Disregard.’

It spoke no more as it returned to the irritating device. The room was once more empty and silent. I needed to get out. I spun, heading through the foyer and into the main hall. The empty beige halls were soon suffused with light from the silver flames that burst to life in the small braziers as I passed. My energy roiled beneath my skin, begging to escape.

I pulled open the oval shaped door and stopped, remaining in the shadows just out of reach of the sunlight. The view was almost overwhelming. The fowls chirped as they flew by in flocks. The evergreens and shrubs swayed in the wind, their shades of green, yellow, and pink were almost iridescent at times. It was a world filled with life and yet I felt nothing. I felt so disconnected from everything. My throat tightened as my gaze dropped, my toes mere inches from the light outside. I moved to take a step forward and took two back instead.

I would try again tomorrow.

Tomorrow came and so did the night terrors. They were worse than the last, and I woke up clutching my chest as I erupted out of my bed. I could not stop the waves of pressure that seemed to increase. I was on my feet, pacing the room before my body even registered what it was doing. I walked in circles, my heart hammering in my chest so hard I was sure it would fall out. I concentrated on breathing in and breathing out, but it was not helping. I couldn’t control the tremors wracking my body, couldn’t stop the onslaught of memories shaking me to my core.

‘I am ashamed of you. I had such high hopes, and now I am left to clean up your mess. Again.’

I grabbed my ears, squeezing my head as if it would drown out the noise.

‘You’re a fool if you think we would ever let you lead us.’

My knees buckled and I hit the floor, screams echoing throughout the room.

‘What a waste,’ a female voice laced with venom hissed from above me. The Goddess Nismera. Her silver hair, sharp features, and armor were bloodied by the death of our friends, our family, our home. She was a traitor in every sense. Her heel dug into my chest plate, keeping me still. The sounds of ripping flesh and metal on metal filled the air. She held the sharp edge of her sword at my throat. I grasped the blade, blood seeping through my fingers, my grip sliding. The metal pierced my throat, and I did not know how long I could stop it from going further. ‘You will get the fame you so desperately crave, Samkiel. That title you love so much. They will know you now as what you truly are. World Ender.’

The wall in front of me exploded as power, hot and bright, seeped out of my eyes and obliterated everything in its path.

Two suns I had been running, training. My body ached from over exertion but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. Until my body rebelled, and I did. My right leg slipped out from under me, my muscles yielding when I would not. I tumbled over a small incline and through a few bushes. Twigs snapped and bit into my skin before I landed on my back in the foliage near a small ravine. Fowls erupted in bundles as they flew from the trees at the noise, the forest growing silent after their squawks of departure. Light poured through the canopy of trees as I lay there for a moment, panting for breath. The sound of rushing water caught my attention and I turned my head to see the twin waterfalls cascading down the side of a jagged cliff. Different sized rocks and boulders lined the edges of the small lake at its base.

I sat up on my elbow, staring into the rushing water of the creek. When was the last time I’d bathed? I did not know. When was the last time I ate? I did not know that, either. I pushed myself up off the rocky ground and stripped down, tossing the sweat drenched slacks off to the side. My feet slightly submerged in the crisp clear water, I waited for the sting of cold and yet, I felt nothing. It should be cold, it should be freezing. I shook my head, not willing to think what that meant for me and dove in head first.

After rinsing the ghastly odors from my body I put my slacks back on. Regardless of them not being the cleanest, I had nothing else. I had forgotten a shirt, or even shoes, when I’d run out after my most recent night terror, but I didn’t want to go home. I did not belong there, but then I didn’t belong anywhere.

I stayed close to the lake until night fell. A million or more stars lit up the sky, casting a similar reflection across the water. I sat with my knees raised and my arms resting upon them. I had gathered a few woodson berries from a nearby hanging branch. My appetite was limited as of late, but I forced myself to eat. The nutrient rich fruit eased the headache some. As the broken moon rose high, the forest creatures began their unique orchestra of howls and yips.

I ate another berry, spitting the toxic seeds out to the side. Remains of Rashearim floated across the sky, creating a ring around the planet. The moon, another casualty of the Gods War, looked like a giant had taken a bite from it. Beyond it, a galaxy spun, spinning together a variety of iridescent colors. Stars whipped past, leaving small dust trails in their wake. I used to replace the view alluring, captivating even, but no longer. After you float among them praying for a death you will never receive, you learn to despise them. Several meteors flashed as I lowered my head, eating another berry.

‘I keep having the same night terrors. They have increased in frequency this last century. It’s as if this overwhelming darkness is hanging over my head, just waiting to suffocate me.’ I paused, popping a few more berries into my mouth. ‘I wish I had been faster that day.’ I whispered the words into the night. Maybe if they weren’t trapped in my head they would give me some peace. ‘I hope you are aware that everything we argued about, I’ve stopped. The sex, the festivities, the drinking, I have no need or longing for those things anymore. The things that drove a wedge in between us. I know now how irresponsible I was. How much I truly did not care, not when it mattered, and when I tried to be better it was already too late. They need a leader and I am not—you.’ I spoke knowing it was more to me and not my father. He was long gone from any realm I could ever reach.

Relief filled me, lifting a weight from my chest even if I spoke mostly to myself and the surrounding creatures.

‘I hear you,’ I called out to the beast hiding a few meters away. ‘You do not need to hide. You have nothing to fear from me.’ I plucked another berry from the branch. The leaves crunched beneath powerful hooves of the Lorveg Stag as he stepped forward. I watched as his antlers broke through the bushes, six on each side. He was old. His pure white fur spotted around the front nearly glowed in the moonlight as he stepped out. He was lean but massive at the same time. This was one of several creatures we’d managed to save. We’d placed them here, and then like any creature, they’d evolved. The stag had four eyes and his clear gaze never left mine as he continued to take one step after another. He stopped at the water’s edge, and I waited for more to come. They usually stayed in groups.

‘Where is your family?’

No response, not that I really expected one. He lowered his head to take a long drink and I turned back to picking at the berries, the purple hue staining my thumb.

‘Alone as well?’ I picked my head up looking at him before nodding. ‘I am assuming that is not by choice and for that I apologize.’ I picked a berry, chewing and discarding the seeds once more. He paused as I spoke, lifting that massive head and staring at me. That got a response so I went on. ‘She keeps trying to reach out. I know she cares for me, they all do, but I told them to only reach out for only the utmost of emergencies. But there are none because they are The Hand, the best of the best. Instead, they send messages inquiring how I am, and if I am well.’ I stopped, blowing a breath out before continuing. ‘The man she knew, they knew, isn’t here anymore. He has been gone for quite some time now. I do not know who I am anymore.’

The leaves crunched once more and I looked up. The stag lowered his head slightly as he stepped a little closer and stopped near me. He stretched his neck, extending his snout, sniffing toward the berries.

‘The seeds are deadly for you.’ I placed the bundle of tangled branches on the ground, picked a single berry off, and turned back toward the stag. I put the fruit in the palm of my hand and focused. Silver light ran along my arm, making the markings glow and reflect off the white of his fur. He did not move or try to run, only stared at my hand. The berry in my palm vibrated for a small second as I concentrated. The seeds disappeared one-by-one, leaving the translucent purple formation.

I held my hand out toward him, the lights dying beneath my skin. ‘Here you go.’

He looked from me to my outstretched hand and back before running his snout over my palm and taking it. I watched as he lifted his head and chewed, his eyes never leaving mine.

I shrugged. ‘It’s simple. If I focus hard enough I can erase the molecules that make up the integrity of the seeds.’ He tilted his head as if he’d understood me, which was insane. ‘Which is of no interest to you.’

I forced a small smile before resting my arms on my knees again. ‘All this power, and still I could not save him.’ I snorted. ‘Them. The world. They were counting on me and yet they are gone while their king sits in a dense, undiscovered forest, speaking to you as if my problems are of any concern.’

He moved closer, nudging my arm with his snout. I reached for the berries, collected a few more, and placed them in my hand, repeating the same technique before he ate a few more.

‘That’s all of them. You should probably go, the darker it gets the—’

My words were cut off as I heard it. It was a whisper, but deafening nonetheless, as if the voice was amplified.

‘—Samkiel grant me passage from here to Asteraoth.’

The ancient words, the chant. It meant one thing. It meant death.

I was on my feet in mere seconds. The sky lit up a bright vibrant blue as a star that was not a star raced past and toward the Great Beyond.

No.

The Remains of Rashearim shook beneath my feet, the very ground itself threatening to split. Power radiated off me in waves, trees bending and breaking in half, and the water on the lake’s surface rippling. The stag took off, escaping the pulse of my power.

Imogen had said Etherworld, so that’s where I went.

I broke through their atmosphere, a crescendo of sound following my entry. Massive clouds slowly circled me, thunder rolling across the sky in an ominous portent of my arrival. Lightning flashed all around me as if the planet itself was defying my power. There was only one place I was looking for, and I arrowed toward it.

The darkened clouds lightened as the Guild came into view beneath me. The Guild had been established here eons ago as a base of operations and a safe spot. There were locations like this on each major continent. They were places of education for celestials in training and provided links to our people, old and new. Archives of information were housed within their walls along with ancient weapons.

I dropped to the ground, lights, sirens, and screams overwhelming my senses. Several dozen celestials and humans stood outside the large palace building. Some held small devices in both hands and were pointing them at me. Others were armed with the ablaze weapons my family had created eons ago. They kept shouting, repeating words I did not know as lights, bright and blinding, shone from behind them.

I raised my hand, shielding my eyes from the glare. I peered from behind my hand at the numerous large metal boxes with circular appendages lining the area. Static filled my ears along with the yells and chatter. It was too much, too loud. I gritted my teeth, the thrumming in my skull reaching the point of agony.

My skin lit up as I reached out, and closed my hand into a fist. The lights burst one-by-one, raining shards. I raised my hands, drawing power from the boxes and that damned noise ceased. The shouts and demands erupted with tension and I raised my hand again, preparing to neutralize this threat as well, and then I heard a voice I could never forget.

‘Liam.’

I spun toward him, dropping my arms at once. My oldest and most trusted allies stood before me, their expressions a mixture of shock and sadness.

‘Who?’ I spoke in our language except the tone was demanding and callous, reminding me more of my father than my own.

Logan, the strongest of The Hand lowered his head, his face distressed.

‘Zekiel.’

The one word felt like a blow, and I knew this was not going to be a simple visit to the Etherworld. Logan was one of the oldest Celestials, and the only surviving remnant of the celestial guards made by my father. I had grown up with him and he was the closest thing to a brother I had. He was just as tall as I was and he had more than enough muscle to not fear anything breathing, so when his voice cracked, I knew it was time to pay attention.

‘It’s more than that I am afraid.’ Vincent stepped around him, even his normal stoic features seemed drawn in.

‘What could be exceedingly worse?’

And there was the word. The one term I never wished to hear again.

War.