The Counterfeit Lover (War of Sins Book 3)
The Counterfeit Lover: Chapter 22

‘You’re high, aren’t you?’ Raf remarks, though his pupils are also enlarged. Compared to me, though, he only had one puff since he was worried about his drug tolerance given his history, but also because he wanted to be in charge to take care of me—ever the sweetheart.

‘Never have I ever had sex in public,’ one of the guys says, raising a brow as he scans the room.

I giggle again, bringing the can to my lips just as I elbow Raf to do the same.

It goes on and on like this, and I burst out into a silly laugh every time we’ve done something. Poor Raf can only keep up with me as I needlessly bring attention to ourselves each time.

‘Never have I ever slept with the same person more than once.’

‘More like only one ever,’ I giggle and once more, my laughter gives us away as I urge Raf to go ahead and drink just as I take a big gulp of my beer.

Maybe I am a little high. And a little drunk. Maybe both?

But this is so much fun, I want more!

‘Wait, so you’ve only been with each other?’ someone asks. I try to squint to recognize who, but my vision is slightly blurry.

Draping myself all over Raf, I make sure to let everyone know he’s taken—forever.

‘He’s my first and I am his,’ I declare loudly, puckering my lips and giving him a loud kiss on the cheek.

‘Damn, that’s kind of cute,’ one of the girls comments.

‘How long have you been together?’ Tobias asks.

‘A long, looooong time,’ I reply before Raf has any chance to say something. And with me on top of him, barely letting him breathe, I don’t think he can say or do much.

Turning to him it’s to see him smiling indulgently at me, his hand on the back of my head as he’s gently caressing me.

The conversation once more shifts from the game as everyone starts to discuss relationships and the ideal relationship, including their deal breakers.

‘I don’t have many,’ Jason starts, ‘but what Andy did to Levi sucked. I don’t think anyone would put up with that.’

‘Did she cheat?’ I blurt out, blinking as I look between Jason and Levi. He’s the only one not accompanied tonight, and maybe that’s why.

‘Nah, she did worse,’ Jason answers instead.

A look of pain crosses Levi’s face as he admits.

‘She didn’t tell me she was pregnant and she gave the baby up for adoption. The records are sealed so I don’t know what family adopted him… She didn’t even give me the chance to have a say in it.”

Everyone is silent.

Raf’s arms tighten around my body just as my heart lurches, my throat suddenly dry.

‘Maybe she had her reasons?’ I add, more on a whisper, my eyes fixed to a random spot on the wall.

‘She was a fucking cruel bitch, that’s what she was,’ he spits out.

‘It would be a deal-breaker for anyone,’ Tobias agrees, as do the girls.

Even Raf nods, which jolts me out of my reverie.

‘I don’t have many hard limits, but I reckon that would be one,’ he adds pensively, which steers the conversation into an animated conversation about maternal and paternal rights.

All the while, I feel myself slipping, whether from the weed or something else…

‘Are you sleepy? We can go home,’ Raf murmurs when he sees me yawn.

‘Maybe in…’ I look at my watch, ‘half an hour?’

‘Deal,’ he kisses me lightly on the lips.

I continue to lay on top of him, my mind so numb from the weed. In the beginning I hadn’t realized that the effect is gradual, not all at once. I probably shouldn’t have smoked so much.

‘That’s it, we’re going home, you’re about to fall asleep.’

‘But we didn’t even dance,’ I pout at him.

Not one to be deterred, he takes me in his arms, thanking everyone for their company and getting me out of there.

And as we take a cab back home, I can’t help but wrap myself around him, hugging him to my chest, simply wanting to melt into him.

‘There, pretty girl,’ he chuckles. ‘We’re almost there.’

‘I want you,’ I say out loud, grabbing his shirt and batting my lashes at him. ‘I need you inside of me,’ I purr in what I think is a very seductive tone.

But Raf doesn’t think so as he places his hand over my mouth, telling me to be quiet until we get home.

Not one to be deterred, I trail my hands all over his body.

Does weed make you horny? Because I am. So, so horny I’ll die if he doesn’t fuck me right now.

‘Fuck me, please,’ I mumble against his hand, the sound muffled.

Raf sports an amused expression as he continues to look at me. The moment the cab stops in front of our building, he takes me in his arms and in no time we’re back to our apartment.

‘Let’s put you to bed. You’re high, pretty girl,’ he chuckles, but I simply wrap my arms around him.

‘I need you,’ I rasp against his mouth, kissing him with all I have. ‘I need you. Now, Raf. Now…’

He takes my mouth in a dazzling kiss, and without even breaking contact I bring my hands to my jeans, fumbling to get them off me. It’s clumsy—a little too clumsy—but I manage to do it while still sucking his tongue in my mouth.

‘Bed,’ I order him, backing towards the bedroom as he continues to kiss me, his hands now going to the hem of my shirt, wrenching it off me and throwing it somewhere in the hallway.

It’s only when the back of my knees meet the bed that we stop.

Chuckling, I lean back just long enough to give him a silly grin and undo his pants, pushing them down his hips before discarding my underwear and inviting him between my legs.

Ever the gentleman, he tries to kiss his way down my body, but I have no patience for it now. Not when I’m so feverish from just being next to him.

‘I need you inside of me, Raf. Now!’ I cry out as I wrap my legs around him, urging that hard part of him to join me where I want him the most.

And he does. Oh, thank God he does.

My back hits the bed just as he starts pumping into me, the same urgency overtaking him as I continue to kiss him, our tongues mating just as wildly as our bodies.

‘Yes, fuck,’ I let out half a moan when I feel the head of his cock hit a deep spot within me.

There’s a sharp pain that’s accompanied by sweet pleasure as he does it all over again.

‘You feel so damn good, pretty girl. Too good,’ he grunts, his scent invading my nostrils and making me clench my walls in response.

‘I need… I need…’ my mouth opens on a loud cry as he sneaks his hand between our bodies, touching my clit just as his thrusts become more pronounced.

The pain, too, seems to increase.

Yet I can’t replace it in me to care.

‘Come with me, Noelle. I need you to come on my cock, pretty girl…’

A few more thrusts and I do.

So. Fucking. Hard.

No pain in the entire universe could eclipse this feeling of completion, or knowing I belong to him just like he belongs to me. He stills over me as his own orgasm washes through him. His breathing turns harsh, his features tense.

‘Damn,’ he mutters as he moves over so he doesn’t crush me. ‘That was…’ he chuckles.

‘I know,’ I add vaguely, staring at the ceiling and feeling the effects of the sex on my body, the fog caused by the weed slowly dissipating, the conversations from before starting to echo in my mind.

Raf is the first to get up, and as he moves to remove the rest of his clothing, he freezes in front of me.

‘Noelle,’ he calls my name, his voice trembling.

I blink, suddenly brought back to the present as I lift my head.

‘Did I hurt you?’ His expression is one of pure horror.

He points between my legs, and as I look down, it’s to see blood everywhere.

‘Please tell me I didn’t hurt you,’ he repeats, coming to my side and seemingly too distraught.

‘I…No, I…’ I frown, stilling for a moment before remembering. ‘My period,’ I breathe out. ‘I must have gotten my period. I’m so sorry,’ I say as I bury my face in my hands, mortification burning at my cheeks and chasing away any remaining trace of intoxication.

‘You have nothing to be sorry about, pretty girl. I had no clue… Fuck,’ he purses his lips.

Seeing the mess I caused, I can’t help but feel self-conscious.

‘Can you,’ I clear my throat, the urge to bury my head in the sand overwhelming. ‘Can you change the sheets while I clean up?’

‘Of course. Do you want me to help you?’ he immediately offers, but I shut him down.

There’s something about his expression that doesn’t sit well with me. Something about the way he looked at me when he thought he’d hurt me. Something like…

I shake my head.

I can’t contemplate that now. We had sex. My period came. It happens, right? It’s nothing too out of the ordinary.

Taking a quick shower, I put on a new pair of underwear and a fresh pad before I head back to the bedroom.

Raf is already in bed, the sheets changed, the smell of clean laundry drifting in the air.

He’s on his side, his back to me. Is he asleep already?

Biting my lip, I slide between the sheets, hugging them to my chest.

There’s a gulf between us, and it’s more than the current distance between us.

And no matter how much I try to fall asleep, I cannot.

‘Noelle,’ he eventually calls my name, yet he doesn’t turn. He’s still on his side, away from me.

‘Yes?’

Is he embarrassed of me? About how I behaved tonight? That I aired personal details from our life? Is he…disgusted by my period blood? The questions flash in my brain, the implications endless.

‘At the hacienda,’ he starts and I become unnaturally still as I hold my breath. ‘The night of the fire. I was there,’ he admits. ‘I…’

My heart beats in my chest, the sound deafening in my ears.

‘I tried to kill you,’ he confesses. ‘I’ve thought of a thousand ways to tell you this, and I still couldn’t replace the right one, or the right moment, or if there was ever a moment at all. I just know that… I can’t hold this inside of me anymore. I can’t fucking live while knowing I tried to kill the only woman I’ve ever loved. And I can’t keep pretending everything is ok when you don’t even remember,’ he gives a dry laugh.

‘Raf,’ I turn, my hand on his back as I will him to turn.

He does, his eyes misted with unshed tears.

‘At the time, I thought you were the enemy. I thought you’d harmed Lucero,’ he lets out a pained groan. ‘Otherwise I would have never…’

‘I don’t care,’ I tell him, coming closer and cupping his cheeks. ‘What happened before… Can we let it go? Can we move on and let it go?’

‘Did you not hear me? I tried to kill you. I almost succeeded. It’s my fucking fault your voice is different, Noelle. Because I…’ a broken sound escapes him before sobs permeate the air. ‘I crushed your windpipe. I tried to strangle you and I…’

‘Shh,’ I take him in my arms, hugging him to my chest. ‘It’s not your fault.’

It’s mine.

Everything is my fault.

But I don’t say that.

Instead, I simply continue with my lie.

‘I don’t remember and I may never do, so please stop feeling guilty. Just the fact that you told me knowing I may never remember…that speaks volumes of your character Raf. If anything, I love you even more for it.’

‘But your voice,’ he croaks.

‘It’s your voice now. Just like everything that I am, everything that I’ll ever be. It’s yours. Always yours,’ I murmur as I brush some unruly locks from his forehead before bringing my lips to his wet skin, tasting his tears and feeling my own stab at my eyes.

‘Pretty girl…’

‘I forgive you,’ I give him the words, knowing they are the only ones that could set him free. ‘But please, forgive yourself, too.’

Suddenly, it makes sense why he’d close up at times, why he’d think I’d hate him for things I don’t remember. All this time, he’d worried about that one night.

‘I don’t know if I can,’ he whispers, his clear blue eyes meeting mine and making my heart weep with pain.

‘You can, and you will,’ I say amid kisses.

I just pray you’ll be able to forgive me too when my turn comes.