The Dragon King’s Substitute Bride
Chapter 104

Everything can be hidden.

Words, feelings, even entire people can be kept secret.

Knowledge hoarded, matters shoved under rugs and covered with grime and dust.

Out of sight and out of mind.

Hidden from everyone else.

And my tears were no exception.

When I first began to work for the King and queen of Averia, hiding my tears had been the first thing I learned to do. No, now that I think about it, hiding my emotions was second.

Learning to keep my sharp tongue locked away in my mouth had been the first.

A skill honed by many beatings and the even sharper tongues of the other, more important castle workers.

But pretending not to cry, now that one I had to pick up quickly least I became the favorite object of their power lusts.

If they cannot see that they have hurt you, then they have no power over you and they leave you alone.

So I tilt my chin and make to follow him out.

My hands clenched in fists so hard I can feel my nails leaving marks on my palms.

But the thing with tears is that it does not matter how much warning they give you.

The clogging of your throat, the frantic sniffing, the heaviness in your eyes that you try oh so desperately to blink away,

All that, flying in and making a mockery of my many years of learning how not to give in to my tears.

Despite it all, I am still surprised when I feel the first drop rolling down my cheek.

I wipe it hurriedly away but there is another one right behind it.

And another

And another.

Wet, round, drops of sadness falling relentlessly until I am standing in the middle of the Fairy Queen's hall, shoulders quaking and unable to do anything but bury my face in my palms and cry.

In one breath I tell myself I am being silly for crying like this and that he has every right not to trust me.

But then in another, I tell myself he is being ridiculous, and unfair and....and...

But neither one of these are why I am standing and sobbing into my hands, unable to move.

I am crying because I never got to tell him.

Never go to say why it mattered not who's powers I held or who's incarnate I supposedly am.

And most especially why no matter what had happened in the past, there was nothing, absolutely nothing some castaway god with too many letters in his name could try to tell me that would make me betray them. And now it did not look like I ever would.

Of course I could still say it,

I could run after him right this instant, could grab his arm and force him to look at me as I yell it into his face.

But I am no longer so sure how my words would be received.

No longer sure if he still feels anything for me.

And that...that is what hurts me the most.

"Your highness, the king is ready to leave and he asks that you..."

I try to wipe hurriedly at my face but it is no use.

"Your grace?"

"I am fine Leo. I only just... needed a moment."

He pulls my hands away from my cheeks. "A moment? I would hardly consider that a moment. Tell me what the matter is." There is a protective edge to the way he says the words.

He is already enranged at whatever could have reduced me to a sobbing hallway mess without even knowing what it is.

I shake my head.

"Hera, what is wrong?"

I blink up at him through the haze of my tears.

I want to tell him I am fine and that it is just a moment of foolishness but all I can do is shake my head.

"If you wish not to tell me then will you at least let me fetch the King. If he replaces out that someone or something has been making you cry I have no doubt he will..." "Oh Leo..."

My voice cracks and before I can stop myself I throw my arms around him, my forehead pressed up against the hard coolness of the armour on his chest.

He stands so still I can almost hear his heart racing.

But then ever so slowly he wraps his arm around me.

Stroking me hair and holding me up even as I completely fall apart.

Skies above...

Why did it have to hurt so much?

Leo strokes my hair, murmuring soothing words besides my ears until the tears start to slow and I once more replace it in me to remember how to breathe.

He pulls away a few moments later, wiping the tears from my cheeks with two large thumbs and staring at me as if seeing me like this is even more painful for him than it is for me.

He reaches out and strokes my cheek, his voice rough and low.

"He told you didn't he?"

I pull even further away, a coolness stealing it's way over my skin.

"So you know about it as well"

"I do.

I scoff and take another step back.

Doing it to him before he can do it to me too.

"So you also think I am doomed to repeat the same things that happened in the past? That my entire purpose here is simply as some repeat mistake sent to betray you all over again? Do you hate me now as well?" My voice is cold and quiet.

"He does not hate you"

"You are speaking for him again."

"Fine. I shall speak for myself to this time."

Then he takes a step closer and another until we almost back where we started.

The top of our feet brushing against each other.

He leans in, steel gre eyes boring into me.

"When the door to the hallway of mirrors opened and I stepped through it, I did not think that I would make it out."

I stare up at him, my brows drawing together.

"Why ever not?"

He sighs and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

An absent minded gesture that does nothing to distract from the heaviness in the air between us.

"Leo, why did not think you would make it out?"

He swallows and his eyes fall back against mine again.

"Because even before I stepped into that hallway I already knew what my test was going to be."

"What was it?"

"You."

"What?"

"There is no day..."

He seems to be fighting against the words.

As if he thinks not saying them would make it less true.

I see it the moment he gives up.

See it in the way his eyes darken and fall

"There is no day I wake up that I do not end it wishing to all the gods that you were mine instead."

"Leo..."

"No, do not say anything. I am only telling because even I do not get to do to you all the things I think about...all the things I dream about...

"Even if I do not get to hold you by my side, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me...to both of us and if the dragon king cannot see that then gods above forgive me but he does not deserve your tears."