The Game Of Quadruplet Mates
Chapter 32

"I've been looking for you for a very long time, June."

The way Ajax says this is like it's been years. Longer. Much longer. But how? How is this all possible?

I couldn't wrap my head around it.

And I'm so utterly confused by all this that I replace myself needing to sit down on one of the many couches in the house. I was breathing hard, staring at Ajax and then my father. Every time I try to think of a reason, of an explanation, the puzzle in my head loses even more pieces and I'm left with more questions than answers.

"I'll leave you two to talk." My father said, stepping back as Ajax and I stared at each other.

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't think.

I didn't know what to make of all of this.

Should I feel offended? Cheated? Upset? Moved? All I'm sure of right now is that I'm surprised, I'm too shocked for words.

"June," Ajax started, his throat constricting. "I didn't mean to hide anything from you."

Suddenly, it all made sense now. The way he said he was waiting for me, the way he always reminded me that he was never leaving, how he held me like he was scared of losing me. It was all because of this.

Because he knows me.

Because when he first saw me, he knew who I was and what my background was.

And then... he's from the farm lands too.

That's why he knew our lifestyle. He was one of us.

He knew our life.

Everyone was wrong. The rumors about him are so far from the truth. They said he was a bastard, a man born with a strong blood line.

"Who are you?" I asked, my chest feeling tight.

Ajax flinches back, a small gasp leaving his lips. He looked so vulnerable. "I'm your mate."

I shook my head, biting my lip. "Before that. Before this."

He nodded, sucking in a sharp breath as if whatever he was about to say was physically painful for him. "I was a young boy living in the farm lands. A place not far from here."

I almost didn't want to ask because of his expression, which was so raw. "And what happened?"

"And then I was nothing." His eyes glassed over, memories of the past coming back to him and, by the looks of it, this was the first time he willingly looked back. "When I was eight, the city pack came and ravaged my pack. They came in the dark, when chores were done and people were tired. These people... they took everything and left nothing. We were trampled and killed, our lives taken from us. I lost everyone. My mother. My father and my little brother."

My heart hurt for him and suddenly his anger, his hatred towards the city pack made sense. The way he was willing to leave none alive and giving almost no mercy. "That's why you hate them."

Ajax turns away from me, facing the window instead. "The city pack are rich because they take and they take and they take even more. The few of us that survived their attacks were captured and sent to the city to serve until de a t h and the lucky ones, if I can even call it that, were left to rot in the woods."

I could picture it, picture him, an eight year old Ajax with his life in ruins. Standing from my seat, I wanted to reach for him, to comfort him, because I could see just how horrible it was for him to remember the past, but he was shaking as he clutched the wall and I knew he needed to let this out now. That he's been keeping this for a very long time, locked in his heart, kept safe only by his ruthlessness. By the monster that he claims to be. "And where do I come into the picture?"

He faced me then, eyes dark as the night and I swear tears were brimming his eyes, but also this cold repressed sadness that was ever present. "The day I lost everyone, when I couldn't help my own family, I found you. I was good as d e a d, June. I was ready to die, I think I did die with my family. At least some small part of me because there was nothing left of me. I had lost everything, all that I know, all that I love. But I saw you. You were being taken to the woods by your mother and... I followed."

My throat dries like a desert. And as I stepped away from Ajax, blinking and feeling, the memories that plagued my dreams came running back to me. I remember the darkness, the loneliness, the cold that never left and the moment I realized and accepted that I had been abandoned and no body was coming for me. "You were there?"

The expression in his face was something I had never quite seen before. "Yes. I was there."

It was hard to grasp how, on the worst day of my life, Ajax was there, a boy of eight, and was battling with his own de mons. I tried to look back, to remember the woods, but everything was just darkness and shadows even when the sun was out. If there was someone there, I didn't see them. "The entire time?"

Ajax took my hand then, big and larger than mine. In these hands, these powerful hands, they held life and death but as they held me, there was nothing but tenderness and love. "Yes."

I can never take back what happened in those woods seventeen years ago. Whatever I experienced, whatever I felt, those are a part of me now. It will always hurt and it will always scare me, but somehow, hearing this from Ajax, about the time that I felt like I had no one, in a time where I felt so so lost, I replace comfort in it.

There is solace, a lightness in my heart, knowing that in the darkest of times, he was there with me. I didn't know he was there, but the idea that I wasn't all alone after all made me and the memory of this horrible time become less harsh than it was. And then I remember his connection with my father. The pieces finally fell into place. "I was found because of you. I'm here because you looked for my father?"

"I looked for someone to help." He says softly, his words almost purely of air and not sound. "It was the third day and... I knew your mother wasn't coming back. I couldn't do anything for you except that. I was this damaged boy who knew nothing, had nothing, so looking for someone was all I could do for you."

I had all this because of him. Even before I knew Ajax. Even before the Games. What I have is because of his doing. I owed him my life. If not for him, I would have rotted in those, still waiting for a mother that would never come. "And then what happened to you? Why didn't you come live with us?"

"After what happened with my family and those three days with you, running to the faraway farm pack to replace help was the last of me." He admits, eyes to the floor. It was strange to see him in this way. Not because it's weak, but because I felt honored. This was his deepest secret, no one knew about him yet I was the only person he wanted to share it with. "Before I could even think of following, I was gone. I think I even di ed or.was close to it because when I woke up days later, I was wolf and I had no idea where I was or how I got there."

I couldn't imagine anyone shifting at eight years old and by the sound of it, the shift was triggered purely by a near d e a t h experience. "You couldn't replace your way back?"

"I tried to, I wanted to, but I couldn't replace you anymore." Ajax held his head, squinting as he thought long and hard. "Even now the memory is a little hazy."

"But the memory of me?" My question was a whisper, hesitant and a little shy.

"The memory of you is fresh." He smiled, a sweet one that reached his eyes as he cupped my cheeks. "The only thing I want to remember of my past." Seventeen years.

That's how long ago this was.

And he still remembers.

He still looked.

He still knows me.

"What happened in the Assembly?" I asked, looking up at him. "They say you weren't supposed to be there?"

"I was never supposed to go. For years I have been planning an attack on the Games. I wanted to make a mockery of that horrendous tradition and make a fool out of the city pack. The original plan was that while everyone was at the Games, I would attack their lands." He reveals, his eyes set and serious. "But that changed when Jeremy said he found someone and I wanted to be there to support him. I stopped the attack because he said he was going to claim someone and he wanted to do it legally." I don't miss the way his voice wavered and the look of shame that went through his face.

"But you came to my room, and I just... I knew it was you. I even thought how hilarious it was that Jeremy and I would be choosing in the Games that we hate. That was until I learned that we were claiming the same girl." Amber eyes stared into mine. "When Jeremy said he was going to choose you, I was hurt but knew that I would have to let you go because you wanted him too. And Jeremy, he's the better man. He always has been, so I was as okay with it as I could be. At least I thought I was until I saw you at the ceremony and I couldn't... I just couldn't fathom living a life where you weren't with me."

My lips part and I can't seem to breathe.

The emotion in his words pulled at every part of me, stripping me of every doubt and every worry, leaving only my heart beating for him.

"I know I was never your first choice." His eyes drifted down to our clasped fingers, his thumb running over my knuckles. "I know that you were forced to take me when all you wanted was my Beta. But I want you to know that you were my first choice. My only choice. And I might not be what you wanted in the beginning, but I hope to be the one that you'll keep forever."

I pressed close to him, eliminating the space between us until our noses touched. All of this was still so confusing to me; these emotions, these new revelations of the past and the deep secrets that had been locked away, but through all of that, was him. Ajax.

This man who has always chosen me, even chose me over himself.

Very quickly, I realized I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

So when I take him into my arms, his warmth surrounding me, I hope he felt just how much he meant to me. "I wouldn't have it any other way. You might not be the first. I won't lie to you about that, but know that you will be my forever. I believe things happen for a reason and this is it. You're the reason."

Ajax's eyes darkened, his lips a mere breath away. He stood so close to me, towering over me like a predator, leaning his hand on the wall next to my head, imprisoning me with his body. The fire emanating from his black eyes made me sick with excitement. There was something so horrifying, yet so captivating about him.

Handsome yet dangerous.

Something inexplicably dark and wild appeared in Ajax's eyes as he stared at me, imprisoning me in his irresistible presence, and unwilling to free me from his suffocating clutches.

"Just like how it's supposed to be."

Ajax's hand was on my waist and then suddenly they were on my thigh, under my dress and riding it up. Heat crawled up my spine with every touch and right as his fingers grazed my inner thigh, I was all but ready to bend over for him.

That is before I heard my father outside, tending to his garden and humming quietly to himself.

Ajax and I don't pull away but we do stare at each other's eyes with understanding.

Not right now. Not when my father is there and his men are in the area.

I sighed and held Ajax's gaze.

He grinned, his darkened eyes saying, "Later. Anything you want, later."

I sucked my teeth a moment, and looked up at him through my eyelashes. He's tempted. I know he is. One touch and I could have him completely.

But I know better than to tempt a man who easily loses his control with me, so I nodded in understanding.

Ajax brushed my hair back, a look that I couldn't read was on his face.

"I'm sorry for taking so long to tell you." He whispered, short of breath. "Know that from now on, I will prioritize you in all things. Especially the truth."

As much as his words touched me, they also shamed me. Because I had a secret.

A secret I'm not so sure of how to bring up as well. Because how true is it if I don't know if it's real? The consequences of getting this wrong could mean a friendship or a life.

Most likely both.

And I don't think I can sacrifice that so easily.

"Thank you." I said, and I hope I didn't sound so guilty.

Fortunately, Ajax was looking towards the door, his attention on my father. "Do you mind if I speak to him?"

My eyes widened. "What?"

"I owe your father an explanation too." He says, eyes still on the door.

The smile that made it to my lips was from pure elation. It didn't seem right that my father was closer to Jeremy than he is to my chosen mate. From the moment we arrived, Ajax and my father did not look comfortable with each other, but with Ajax making an obvious effort to rectify that, I couldn't have been happier. "Go. Talk to him."

"Okay." Ajax took one last look at me before closing the door behind him. Feeling a little nosy, I was quick to make myself comfortable on the couch closest to the door.

There was only silence for a few minutes as I waited. I was tempted to open the door a c r a c k to make sure they were really out there when I heard my father.

"I tried to replace you, you know." My father says, the sound of weeds getting ripped off the ground accompanying his words. "After replaceing June and settling her in the pack, I went to look for you but all that was left were your clothes."

"I shifted." Ajax answered monotonously, but I could tell he was doing his best to sound less like an Alpha.

The sound of gardening stops. "What? What do you mean you shifted? You were a child."

Ajax shuffles his feet, sounding uncomfortable. He still wasn't used to talking to people, but he was trying, doing it for my sake. "After watching you leave with June, I lost consciousness and when I woke up I was a wolf and I was in a completely different place. I don't remember what happened or how I moved. It's all a blur."

A sharp breath came from my father. "How old were you then? Eight? A wolf at eight..."

"I was a wolf until I was ten." Ajax clarifies. "I never knew how to shift back to my human form. I learned eventually."

There was silence again before my father spoke up once more. "I was worried when I heard my daughter had been claimed by the monster."

Ajax doesn't respond. In fact, I couldn't even hear him breathing.

"You understand why?" My father asked, probably trying to get something out of Ajax.

"Because I am a monster." Ajax answers, his tone thick with restraint.

"Because I've seen what you can do. You were just a child when we met, but I saw the way you looked at me. It was the face of a survivor. You were willing to do anything and that's still the same until now." My father didn't sound condescending, only speaking the facts that he knows. "The bodies you've ripped apart and left to burn are a testament to that."

I could feel Ajax's suffocating presence again. "Bodies of my enemies."

"And choosing June made her a target." My father tells him with conviction.

"No." There was a growl as Ajax said this. "That's not happening."

A gardening tool is dropped on the ground, clattering against the soft earth. "No one before June could ever touch you but now they can."

Ajax scoffs bitterly. "You sound like my officers."

"Because it's true." My father insisted. "And you're so blinded by your love for her that you can't see it. Alpha, you must―"

"She is my hope." Ajax cuts him off. I could hear my mate breathing hard. "June is... everything to me."

It took a few seconds before my father responded. "Just promise you can protect her. She's my hope too."

"I would die before anyone touches her." The seriousness of Ajax's voice sent a shiver down my back. "You have my word."

A low laugh leaves my father's lips. "I suppose that's another thing that hasn't changed. You took care of her then and you're taking care of her now." "Just like how it's supposed to be"