The Lycan Princess and the Temptation of Sin
17. My Demons

SKYLA.

As the door shuts behind him, my small smirk fades away, and I look around the cottage. That cosytouch feels empty... My stomach drops, guilt filling me, followed by a void, one so deep it almosthurts to breathe. This is the part I hate the most; I know my flaws... I know when I'm fucking up butit doesn't stop me from self-sabotaging everything. Even then, it's easier to identify my flaws andanother thing entirely trying to move away from them.

Breaking a cycle that, for a fleeting moment, fills that emptiness, is hard. I live in those moments... Itoffers me temporary relief, a distraction I really need from the constant war that wages in my mind.But it always comes to an end and then it all sinks in, knowing I fucked up. But deep down I know I'lldo it all over again, because I need that, those small moments of reprieve they offer me.

Picking up my phone, I unlock it and click on the chat app. It's instinctual, another bad habit of minethat I've picked up recently. It has become a part of my routine... One I always knew would probablyend in disappointment, yet still, I check my messages anyway.

Still nothing.

Sighing heavily, I stare unseeingly at the screen.

I can still feel his touch on my body, and I don't know how to feel about it. In the momenteverything feels good, but then... now, I feel hollow. Moving toward the front door, I can still smellhis scent clinging to me, to this place...

Locking the door, I sigh, resting my forehead against the wood before I slowly turn and head to thebedroom. A place that still smells of him and sex... It's like I can't escape him, escape what I did. Imessed up and once Royce replaces out...

I sigh heavily, feeling sick with guilt and I turn away, shutting the door, hoping his scent won't lingertoo long.

"Meow?"

Malevolent's whine draws my attention to her, and I smile softly as I crouch down and scoop herinto my arms. “Come on, little one.” I whisper, nuzzling my nose into her neck. She's my forever one.Nothing helps, nothing ever helps.

Royce's words fill my mind. “You're worth more than a one-night hook-up..." Why do those wordssting so much more now?

I shake my head; he just doesn’t know me...

Knowing I won't be able to go back to the bedroom, I head to the lounge and drop onto the sofa,cradling Malevolent to my chest. I curl up, staring at the ceiling, and watch the shadowy patterns ofthe rustling leaves outside the window reflect. I'm in the dark, and the curtains are open, but I haveno energy to get up and close them.

Why did I do it?

Sure, casual hook-ups aren't uncommon for me, but with someone who I know and is a teacher atthe school? Usually, I am not that foolish, nothing good will come of this.

Sure, I know I wanted Royce, and his refusal was getting to me... Yeah, I'm not making sense. Was Itrying to prove something?

Yes, I was, and I know it makes me a bitch, but if I couldn’t have Royce, then I'll settle for his brother.Nicely played Sky...

Shame fills me. If Royce replaces out, I bet he'll be disgusted that I bounced from one brother to theother so easily...

Nice work.

Rolling onto my side, I run my fingers through my hair, breathing deeply, wanting nothing morethan to hurt something, anything. I want to scream, and cry, the guilt and hollowness seepingdeeper inside me

Stupid, how can I always be so fucking stupid? People think I'm a fucking badass just because I'mtough and I'll jump to protect you with everything I have... but no one sees the fucked up shit insidemy head...

Sucking in a deep breath, I flex my fingers, trying to rid the horrid feeling eating away at me andcreating a void so big I may just slip into it and never return. That maddening state where you wantto scream and cry, both threatening to take over, the urge to wreak havoc and destroy everythingaround me, or even... destroy myself...

I just want to feel something other than empty, angry or out of control...

My lip quivers and I stare at the backrest of the sofa, trying to regain myself. Even if I agreed to acasual thing, I can't let it happen again even if he was pretty good in bed or if he gave me anincredible orgasm... I can't... not with him. It's wrong on so many levels.

But... it is momentary... deep down, I know I'll fuck up again. I always do.

I stare at my phone. Reign...

I feel sick, feeling as if I'm betraying him, but he's the one refusing to talk to me... but does it evenmatter? It's not like we are a couple-

His ex. Fuck!

I jolt upright, my heart thundering, and I wonder if something happened and they're together again.The thought hurts, but I should be happy for him. That doesn't mean he needed to cut it off withme... and stop talking to me.

You're overthinking Sky, chill

I can feel my anger and frustration rising, and my claws elongate.

Fuck calm down...

Malevolent meows, but even she knows to move away when I lose control. My heart thunders andright now, I can't lose control. I hate how I have empty blanks in my memory whenever I completelyspiral. What if I do something I regret?

Standing up, I run to the bedroom. Pulling open my top chest drawer, I scramble around, droppingmy phone in the process; it hits the floor, but I don't care. I can feel myself losing control, feel thebeast within raging to come forward.

I grab one of the vials of serum with shaking hands and bite off the lid, my eyes blazing, my auraraging around me so powerfully that even the spells Delsanra and Raihana, two of the mostpowerful witches of our time have put on me to mask my aura, are not enough right now.

I growl as my Lycan tries to stop me from taking it, but I win and gulp it down. Pain rips through meand I scream in agony as it cripples me, making me fall to my knees. The poison bleeding throughme, setting my blood on fire, as it eats away at the monster within me.

My eyes sting and it feels like my head will burst as I grab onto the chest of drawers, my nailssplinter the wood but I cant hold on and tumble forward, my head hits the ground, my heartbeating violently as my body tries to fight the poison. My vision blurs and I feel the anger fadeaway...

Pain and sex... they help... I prefer the latter... I hate having to resort to this...

My eyelids flutter shut, only the pounding of my heart is violently beating in my ears, my breathshuddering and I feel Malevolent brush against my hands, but I can't move...

Dad... Mama... everyone has tried to help me control it... but only I can... no one can do it for me...and I'm failing, I always fail...

I feel...

My mind becomes blurry, hazy even.

Peace...

My mind feels at ease and I lay there for a while until the beeping of my phone makes me open myeyes and I slowly reach over for it.

Who would text me at this time?

I gasp when I see the notification, my eyes flying open.

Reign!

I force myself to sit up, my entire body feeling so much heavier, as I somehow unlock my phone andstare at the message. It takes me several moments to read it as my vision comes in and out of focus.Reign707: Hey stranger, I'm sorry, but I had something come up, and I had a big argument thatreally bloody angered me. I ran into some issues and then couldn't get into my account long storyshort. But I've created a new account to be on the safe side and will stop using this one. I'll send youa message from there. I am sorry and I promise I'll make it up to you... if you have it in you toforgive me, I really do want to meet up with you and I think once you agree, you'll understand. I'llwait for your reply. Goodnight.

My stomach drops as I stare at his message, reading it again.

What? He didn't mean to blank me? It's too much to focus on when my head is pounding. Anothermessage pops up and I read it through my blurred vision.

Reign2.0: This is my new one. I'm looking forward to hearing from you

I don't know what to make of it and I drop onto my side, closing my eyes. For now... I just want toforget it all...

Now I really feel like I betrayed Reign... I couldn't even wait and think it over with a level mind... I letmy emotions win once again...

As always. I failed.

A/N: Hello everyone! Firstly Happy Valentines! My Alpha was fully satisfied with the day so Imanaged this chapter in XD on a serious note, I know many people aren't liking the book but Ialways stick to plan, Skyla will make decisions which might make you hate her, or you replace it sick,but this is her story, and we are going to see it through every step, until the end. There will bethings you won't like but I never deviate from the plan. So when you need a break from the story,please take it.)