The Sentinel of Cassendar: Resquarian
Chapter 21

Dracia yawned as she walked by Leal’s side on her way to the front of the palace to see her brothers off as they left for Winsdell. She yawned again as they turned the corner to head towards the front door. She wasn’t sure why she was so tired. She had slept most of the afternoon the day before, and then had gone to bed directly after supper. She believed she did wake up a few times in the middle of the night due to some dark dreams, but she could not remember them.

Leal had woken her up with the sun, telling her it was almost time for her brothers to leave. He had told her she could stay in bed, and he would see them off, but Dracia wanted to say goodbye. It could be a treacherous journey, and she wanted to thank them, and tell them she cared for them.

“Dearest, you do look very tired,” said Leal. “After your brothers are away, you should go lay down and sleep some more.”

“I slept most of the afternoon away yesterday, and went to bed very early. I am just groggy from all the sleep. After being in the morning air and breakfast, I will feel better. You will see,” said Dracia as they came to the front door.

A guard nodded to them and opened the door allowing them to walk out into the fresh, cold morning air.

“There you are Dracia, we were just about to leave,” said Colm as he stood by his wife.

“I appreciate you going, Colm. I know Leal and I will both feel better with you and Kellen seeing to Winsdell and the council until we can arrive,” said Dracia she walked up to her brother.

“Well, at least with me,” said Colm with a small laugh. “I suppose Kellen will be helpful for some entertainment.”

“Our brother can be very wise, Colm,” said Dracia as she took his hand. “He is also very well liked amongst the court. I think he will be helpful to you.”

“Are you speaking of me?” asked Kellen as he walked over with his wife. “I am always helpful, and I am happy to do this for you, your majesty.”

“I am very thankful for your service,” said Leal. “Please be safe, and take care of yourselves.”

“I believe we shall do very well with the Elites you have provided, sister,” said Kellen. “Your two brothers aren’t exactly helpless, you know.”

“I do know it,” said Dracia. “But I feel better with you traveling with these Elites, and I know your wives do as well. Please be safe. I do love both of you.”

“Of course, my queen,” said Kellen as he took her hand and kissed it. “You are our sister, and we have always loved you no matter how annoying you have been.”

“I think you have forgotten who the annoying sibling is, brother,” said Colm as he rolled his eyes. “Goodbye, Dracia. I hope we will see you again very soon.”

“We will be in Windell as soon as we can after taking care of Westmoria,” said Dracia.

She walked forward and kissed both of her brother’s cheeks and left them to say their farewells to their wives. She walked over to her Elites as Leal went to stand next to her father who had come out to see his sons off.

“You have the letter I gave you,” said Dracia to one of her Elites. “See that you take it to the Fortress as soon as my brothers are settled in the palace.”

“Of course, High Captain,” said the Elite.

“Keep my brother safe as well as yourself,” said Dracia. “I will see you all soon. The Sentinel stands true.”

“Because the High Captain is strong and just,” repeated each of the Elites.

Dracia nodded and walked over to stand next to her husband and father.

“I would have gone for you, Dracia, if you would have asked,” said her father as Colm and Kellen mounted their horses.

“I know you would have, father, but my brothers are much more able to make the trip on horseback. You can follow soon with mother in a carriage,” said Dracia.

“You think your father old and feeble?” asked Lord Arwel.

“No, not at all,” said Dracia, not wanting to really say the real reason she was sending her brothers over her father. She trusted them in a way she could not trust her father. She wasn’t sure if she would ever truly trust him.

They waved to her brothers as they both left, being followed closely by the three Elites. Dracia walked up to comfort her sisters, telling them if all went well their husbands would be very safe in Winsdell within four days. She was sure they would send a letter swiftly to let them know.

“Will you eat breakfast with me?” asked Lord Arwel to Dracia and Leal. “I know you usually eat breakfast in your rooms, but I have asked some food be laid out in the east dining room this morning. I was hoping you would agree as I have barely seen you in weeks.”

Leal looked at Dracia as she nodded. “Yes, father, we will of course eat with you.”

They all three walked together in silence towards the dining room, Leal periodically looking at Dracia with concern. She supposed she had been avoiding her father. She saw him at meals and spoke to him briefly, but she had avoided any intimate settings. She had not been feeling up to dealing with her father, but she knew she could not avoid him forever.

Leal pulled out a chair for Dracia, and she sat as he offered to fix her a plate. After everyone was settled with food and tea, Dracia’s father looked at her.

“How is your leg? I have been very concerned about your injury,” said Lord Arwel.

“It is much better,” said Dracia. “It does ache a bit in the morning, but after stretching it, I hardly notice any pain.”

“So, the pain hasn’t kept you up? You do look as though you have missed some hours of sleep,” said Lord Arwel with concern.

“I have slept well for the most part,” said Dracia. “I am a bit tired this morning, but there has been much on my mind with us leaving for Lanoxan within a week.”

“You will be going with the forces to Westmoria, will you?” asked Lord Arwel.

Dracia took a bite of her food and nodded. “Of course, I will go. I am the High Captain of the Sentinel. I have to lead my Elites who will meet us there.”

They ate quietly for a second. Dracia took a sip of tea as her food did not seem to settle well with her. She supposed it was nerves being close to her father.

“You could give it up, you know,” said her father as he put his teacup down. “You could name Roderick Ellis the High Captain and be done with it. You are the queen now, Dracia. You have enough responsibilities as it is.”

“I will not leave the Sentinel with the people of Lanoxan in danger,” said Dracia. “I will lead my Elites until we defeat Navalia.”

“I do not like it,” said her father. “I doubt your king does either. You should command her to step down, your majesty.”

“Dracia will serve as long as she likes,” said Leal. “She is an excellent High Captain, and I believe we need her if we wish to win this war replace ourselves in.”

“A war that perhaps could have been avoided if you did not lie about your marriage to my daughter,” said Lord Arwel in irritation. “If all had known you were bound to my daughter, perhaps we would not be entangled with Navalia so.”

“Father,” said Dracia angrily.

“You are right, Lord Arwel, I should never had hidden my relationship with your daughter. I am very proud to have gained her love and her hand, and I should have let everyone know the moment it happened.”

“We both had our reasons, Leal. It has all turned out well,” said Dracia.

“Has it?” asked her father. “Because from what I know now, you have almost died at least twice due to your king’s secrecy and lies. It might have been better had you not married at all.”

“I will never regret marrying, Leal,” said Dracia angrily.

“If you wish to speak of lies and secrecy, Lord Arwel, perhaps we should talk of yours. If you had not hidden who Dracia was from the Siccarians, she could have been safe in Siccaria for many years,” said Leal.

“I wish I had taken her to Siccaria when she was much younger and kept her away from you,” said Lord Arwel. “I could have found her a husband who would see to her well-being. You could have married he Navalian princess and kept the peace between our two kingdoms.”

“I would have found your daughter wherever you took her, and the result would have been the same,” said Leal with anger. “She and I were meant to be man and wife, and now we are. You cannot change it. I am also you king, and I will not have you speak to me or my queen in such a way. How Dracia and I live our lives is our business. I would like very much if you were a part of our lives, and I am sure your daughter does as well, but I will replace a way to exile you and name Colm as the Lord of Winsdell if you keep talking like this. Do not think I won’t.”

“You think my son would see me displaced so?” asked Lord Arwel

“After the pain you have caused his beloved sister, I do. He will also listen to his king. He has sworn his fealty to me,” said Leal.

“Please stop,” said Dracia as she shook her head. Their arguing was giving her headache and her stomach was churning terribly. “Please, no more of this. Father, I love Leal, and I am very happy with him. There will come a time I will step down as High Captain, and I know it is coming soon, but for now I will serve my kingdom.

“Leal, I would like it if you could have peace with my father. He is the Lord of Winsdell, and I would not like to see him displaced. I know he will serve you well. He is only speaking out of concern for me.”

“You are right, my dear,” said Lord Arwel. “I have been very concerned for you, and I have felt guilty for what I have done. I know you are angry with me even if you won’t admit it. I did not mean to argue with you, your majesty.”

Leal nodded. “I do not wish to quarrel with you, Lord Arwel. I would like you to continue to serve as the highest lord as long as you wish, but I will not tolerate you meddling in my life with your daughter.”

Dracia stood up. She could not eat anymore, and she needed to walk around and get out into some fresh air.

“Where are you going, dearest?” asked Leal as he and her father stood.

“I wish for a quick walk outside,” said Dracia. “I don’t know why but the stuffiness of this room is affecting my head and making me feel a little ill. I will only slip out into a nearby courtyard for a moment.”

“Let me go with you,” said Leal.

“No, finish your meal,” said Dracia. “I will not be long.”

Dracia walked out of the dinning room and to the closest courtyard that was just down the hall. As she stepped into the cold but sunny day, she realized someone was already in the courtyard as she saw Lady Elise sitting on a bench in the middle of the space.

“My lady, I did not mean to disturb your morning,” said Dracia as she stood close to the door. “I can replace another spot for my own contemplation.”

“If you wish to be alone, you are welcome to replace somewhere else to sit outside, but I would like it if you would join me, my dear,” said Lady Elise. “Also, I believe I asked you to refer to me as grandmother.”

“I am sorry,” said Dracia as she sat next to Lady Elise. “It is so foreign for me to use the word. I have never had a grandmother.”

“Well, you have one now,” said Lady Elise with a smile. “What brings you out here?”

“I just needed some fresh air. The dining parlor was not to my liking this morning,” said Dracia.

“Was it the company?” asked Lady Elise.

“Perhaps partly,” said Dracia. “I suppose you could say it was two well meaning men I love causing me to have quite a headache.”

“Men are very good at it, even the best sone,” said Lady Elise with a laugh. “They all seem to think they have to raise their voice to make a point. They should learn the right look could do more than the loudest words.”

Dracia laughed. “I have no doubt one look from you could silence a room full of men, grandmother.”

“You are one to talk. I have seen the way you command your Elites. I dare say you will be even more commanding as queen once you get used to the title.”

“I shall miss you when I leave,” said Dracia after a moment of silence. “I feel like I have just gotten to know you, and now I must leave you.”

“You don’t have to. You could leave it to the men to save the kingdom. You could stay here with Maia and me, and help us rule Siccaria with my son,” said Lady Elise.

“You know I cannot, as tempting as it is,” said Dracia. “I must go see to my people and my Elites.”

“I do know it,” said Lady Elise sadly. “You and Ethen shall both go.”

“I can talk to Ethen if you wish. There is no real reason he should go. I would rather he stay here with Maia. I cannot bare to think of anything happening to him because of me or Lanoxan.”

“You could not talk into staying if you tried, and you should not try. You need his support. I feel better with him going with you,” said Lady Elise. “I do not want to lose you, my dear, especially not now that you know the truth.”

“But Ethen must be dearer to you. You have known him your whole life. I believe you are more like a mother to him than a grandmother,” said Dracia.

“Ethen is very dear to me. His poor mother was lost very soon after he was born. She never did recover from his birth. Quain never got over it, I don’t believe. Siccarians do love fiercely once we are decided. I don’t have to tell you it, as I see how you are with your king.

“But Dracia, dear, you are just as dear to me as Ethen. Just because I have not known you as long, does not mean I do not know and love you. You are my granddaughter, born to my dearest daughter. I love my son very much, but Ava was so near to my heart it almost killed me to lose her. Now that I have you, a large piece of her has returned to me. It is almost as if she lives again in a way. Losing you would surely be the end of me now.”

Lady Elise took Dracia’s hand and held it tightly.

“I do feel like I have found a part of me that was missing here in Siccaria. I have not let myself feel it much, but I am angry for what I have missed out on in not knowing you, Ethen, and Lord Quain. I love my brothers, my father, and even my mother in some way, but it hardly seems fair I couldn’t know you sooner,” said Dracia as tears gathered in her eyes. When did she become so weepy?

“It isn’t fair, and you have every right to be angry. You should be angry at your father. You can even be angry with me,” said Lady Elise as she reached forward and wiped a tear away that had fallen down Dracia’s cheek.

“Why would I be angry at you?” asked Dracia.

“I should have known what had happened to Ava. I should have gone to Lord Arwel and found out. I could have found you and brought you here. I was too caught up in my own grief to think clearly. If I had pulled myself out of it and thought it over, I could have discovered you much sooner.”

Dracia shook her head as tears came freely out of her eyes. “I do not blame you. I don’t believe I am really even angry at my father. I am just angry and sad, and I hardly know at what or who. I wish it had all been different, but then I don’t because now I have Leal as my husband. I have gotten to know Lexine as my sister. I have Roderick and even Galen because of the time I spent in Winsdell. How could I regret any of them?” asked Dracia through her tears.

Lady Elise put her arms around Dracia and pulled Dracia to her. “Nothing about this is easy, dear girl. You have a right to feel however you want. You have too much on you at the moment, too many burdens. Do not let what others have done become your burden as well. You are free to lament the loss of years you had with us, and be glad in what you do have.

“You have so many people that love you, and it makes me happy. As much as your marriage worries me in some ways, I don’t think I could replace a better husband for you if I tried. You have friends who would give their life for you. You are very blessed my dear, and every blessing you have is deserved.”

Dracia could not respond. All she could do was lean on Lady Elise and cry. The older woman held her close and let Dracia shed her tears. At some point, Dracia heard the door from the palace open and soon she felt herself shift into Leal’s arms.

“You should come inside, dearest,” said Leal after a few minutes. “You feel cold, and I don’t believe you slept well last night. We have much ahead of us, so you should rest while you can.”

Dracia nodded and leaned up. She turned to look at Lady Elise as she wiped her eyes.

“I am sorry for my outburst, my lady,” said Dracia as Lady Elise gave her a look. “I mean, grandmother.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Dracia. We all need a good cry sometimes, and I think you were long overdue. Now go inside with your king. He is right. You need to rest while you can,” said Lady Elise.

Dracia kissed her grandmother on the cheek and then let Leal help her to her feet. He kept her close to him as they walked to their rooms.

“I am sorry for arguing with you father, dearest. I did not mean to upset you,” said Leal as they walked.

“You did not upset me, Leal. My father may mean well, but he needs to let us live our lives as we see fit. I didn’t leave the room because of you,” said Dracia. “I really didn’t even leave it because of father. I think I just have held things in too long. It seems as if so much has happened in such a short time.”

“It has. You have been through so much, and not just here in Siccaria. You have had to stay strong for so long, Dracia. It is not right or fair. I should have protected you better,” said Leal.

“No, I will not have you blame yourself for any misfortunes that have happened to me. You have always been the best thing in my life. I don’t know where I would be without you,” said Dracia.

“You would have been fine. You are a very strong, extraordinary woman. For some reason I have been fortunate enough to have gained your love,” said Leal.

“I think we are both fortunate, Leal,” said Dracia as they got to their door and Leal opened it. “No matter what happens in the future, I think we have experienced more love with each other at this point than most people have in a lifetime.”

Leal took her into the room and over to the sofa, where she sat down in front of the fire as Leal sat down next to her.

“Do you have plans today?” asked Dracia as she looked at Leal.

“Not really, though I do plan to see that you rest,” said Leal.

“I will rest,” said Dracia as she put her arms around her husband and pulled him towards her. “But first I would like to experience just how fortunate we both really are.”

Leal smiled before he kissed her.