The White Wolf (Book One)
Chapter 7. Losing My Shit

Isla POV

I felt like things were still raw with the trauma I experienced and if I didn’t have my wolf I would’ve sunk into a deep depression. She has helped heal, but we are both still aware that I am my emotions are still raw physically my wounds have healed to show that I have grown stronger by them.

I never liked winging things ever and being in this situation and in this place has finally kicked in, At this moment, at this point in time I cant deal with all of this nonsense. I want to scream in anger, at the trauma I received, I want to scream in frustration that now I replace “the one” and I don’t want him close to me. I want to cry in sadness that my previous life is gone, my family and friends all believe I am dead.

Yes, that’s right. I had to have my own death faked by the pack, because I will not be allowed in Human society again and my family is too big and caring to just let me go. I had to do something drastic, This world isn’t for them, they are not built for this supernatural life .

At Nights when the Nightmares haunt me I read,I research all I can on this hidden world, I’ve Learnt that we are not the only species besides humans that exist. I have been thrust into this world of Gods and Supernatural Beings.

I also recently learned that Humans are not to know of any Supernaturals existence. if the secret is let out the human is “removed” and the singular reason being they are a threat to the survival of supernaturals. Humans are rash and fearful creatures, Anything they don’t understand is not accepted and they fear what they don't understand or what they believe to be a possible threat.

So here I am, on my bathroom floor dealing with all this shit and now, now is the time everything comes crashing down on me. I am so emotional and in a raging kind of way, I have no clue to how I will cope with this!

'Run with me, in the woods, shift and we can run the pack grounds until you can't feel anything but exhaustion' Amera sighed. She felt my anguish as well.

I quickly made my way to the Walk-in Closet in my room that had all my belongings and more. I found a warm long Jacket, the type that reaches mid-calf. I stripped down to My birthday suite and put the Jacket on. 'Preparation is key' Amera giggled at me.

By the time I reached the front door and the Cool night air hit me, bringing my senses to life. I have not had Many meltdowns in my life, But when one showed its face, I could throw a drama scene like a professional, wailing, snot and all sorts of strange movements combined made me probably look like I belonged in some insane Asylum.

By the Time I finished judging myself I was at the edge of the woods, I felt like the woods were a welcoming place now. As Human I used to avoid woods because, well the movie The Blair Witch project that’s why. But Now it felt silly, I wanted to feel the twigs and sand beneath my paws and fresh air in my lungs. A feeling I had longed for since Amera and I became one. Tonight would be our first shift.

We spent enough time bonding so our first shift is important.

I got my thoughts together and I placed the Jacket on a high tree branch for me to use once I have finished our first Run. I stood and allowed Amera to push forward. I figured that if I allowed her control that the shift would run smoothly. It took a total of 10 minutes for us to shift and the pain was honestly less than I expected. It was an odd feeling, It felt like my bones and body were being contorted into strange positions, I felt high, barely any pain but a surge of power overtook my senses.

I loved it. Seeing the world through her eyes was brilliant. The colors and nature seemed to be out of this world. I allowed Amera to take control and boost forward. I watched in awe and pure excitement at how she maneuvered through the forest like a pro.

I then at that moment realized why I had come for this run, to allow my mind, body, and soul to process all my emotions and feelings so that I can move the forward. We let my Avalanche of emotion run the show in the middle of the woods. We whimpered and ran like a beast possessed, running adjacent to the Dam. Feeling the emotion drain within us like a Battery emptying.

I stopped at the Furthest point and Shifted back, Allowing the Cold air to remind me I was not dreaming and that everything was real. At some point it feels like my Reality had shifted into a dream with all the shit I had to deal with emotionally. I sat by the water's edge, knees pressed against my breasts staring at the night skie's reflection in the water and processing the residual feelings. I felt so tired, My thick thighs pushing the sand to the side and the sand embedding into my bum, My Large breasts practically peeling on each side of my knees.

I didn’t realize my compromising position until I sensed someone's presence. I turned around to replace a middle-aged woman, no older than 60 smiling at me, “May I join you, deary?“.

I smiled in response feeling very uncomfortable at my lack of coverage, I mean you can practically see my private bits at the right angle.

The woman sat down. I took the time to observe her in the Moonlight. Any person with Eyes could see she was a stunning beauty, A woman that men would drool over. But it seems her age was slowly creeping up on her, I could tell by her face and her piercing blue eyes, She was related to him.

I sat awkwardly in silence, not noticing that she was studying me intently. Caught in my own thoughts realizing too late that she was waiting for me to say something. 'I dont want to speak to this woman, My side boob is out and my Vagina is facing the water. What do I do?' I asked Amera in a panic. She responded with a wail of laughter.

I smiled at the woman and mustered up the best line I could think of, “So its a lovely night?”

She smiled lightly and answered nonchalantly “I’ve seen better.” a twinkle of mischief in her eye.

This made me gulp and giggle awkwardly as I caught on to her Humor. "I apologize for my bare-skinned, Wild woman appearance. I was out for a run and didn’t expect to see anyone out this late”. I blurted out.

"I understand completely deary, I myself do the same on occasion. Oh! and your lack of Clothing isn’t a bother for me, I have seen enough naked bodies in my time that it no longer phases me” she smiled brightly.

'I won't lie, this does not make me comfortable' I whispered to Amera, Now I know she can compare me to those celery, low card no food dieting bitches back in the pack-house.

‘I’m not Blind I know men like those petite skinny twigs, But I'd be damned if they chose that over a solid piece of muscle and meat to cuddle at night, Would you want to hold a bony bitch of a Thick Woman?’ I reasoned with myself mentally, Smiling proudly at my pep talk.

“You seem to be on an emotional rollercoaster tonight” Her voice broke my mental pep talk, I seem to have forgotten I am not alone, again...

“I do?” I say awkwardly fiddling with sand, Avoiding all eye contact with her.

She smiled and leaned in “I saw you run and I heard your whimpers. I also see how you lose focus from time to time as if you having an Internal struggle Isla”. I froze like a steak at a run-down diner.

“You know my name?” I breathed questioningly

“Yes Deary, I know everything that happens in the pack, I used to be the Luna of this pack and still have some spies. Although I prefer to be in my cabin, I have daily news sent to me ” she winked ever so cleverly at me.

″I see... Actually I don’t see it? If you know who I am, Please tell me who you are? I am so sorry It didn’t even register to me to ask you your name” I asked as politely as possible.

I am a fucking loser sometimes, If I’m not Stuttering Stewie or million Mouths an hour Marty, then I’m speech impaired Ingrid.

My mouth and I have no understanding of each other besides that whatever my brain commands my mouth stuffs it up.

“I am Lydie, Mother to your Mate”

I could see her waiting for my reaction, Shock? , Horror? , Shame?... Nope none of them appeared as my emotion of choice, I did what I always do when I’m stuck in a situation like this, I panic laugh, it's not a nice or sexy laugh. It's Blunt, hard and a bit deep-throated.

The poor ‘Mother in Law of mine’ Stared at me with hints of astonishment and confusion. When I finally finished with my ‘reaction’, I had to fix things quickly because she could take my reaction very very wrong.

“I am so sorry, My reaction is in regards to the situation and not your statement. I am so sorry but here I am an emotional mess, butt naked by a lake with my Mates mother next to me. If this isn't embarrassing then what is?. I laughed because I always replace myself in the worst possible situation” I practically heaved the words.

I had said the same sort of line many times within my adult life, but this situation by far the worst.

She smiled at me brightly, it was so warm it had taken me off guard “The moon Goddess chose well I see. My son needs someone like you, He is so Stiff, with the humor of rock, He needs someone like you”

I could see she was truly happy with me, I only spent the most embarrassing moments of my life with her and she Liked me.

Well shit, I got some charm still left in me. I mentally patted my own back, Amera rolled her eyes at me being a complete narcissist and a fool.

I spent close to 4 hours Chatting with Lydie, I enjoyed her company so much I actually didn't want to go back to the pack-house, The summer evening cool breez was actually welcoming. She gave me a towel and we sat on her porch and got to know each other. I also got to hear stories about my mysterious mate, Jucy stories to say the least.She spoke to me about why she was in the woods and not in the packhouse, it Actually made me so sad, She remained in the woods for her wolf. After Claytons Father death she moved here, the excruciating pain of his death and a House that reminded her of him was too much to bear, so she had a small cabin built in the woods.

She later explained that her entire cabin was filled with photos of her and her family, it was a Museum of love and memories for her.

The evening spent with her made me feel better, closer even to Clayton.

I only Arrived in my Room somewhere close to 03h00 in the morning.

Amera and I both exhausted we plopped on the bed, still covered in mud and something that smelled like deer shit and sweat we slept just like that, in all our glory.