Their Bonds of Love
Chapter 18

Breathing in the cool air, Caerwyn rubbed against a large tree, ruffling his fur against the bark. Perhaps he should be doing something more worthwhile than running along the tree line of the Cadwin estate, but it was much easier to be in wolf form as he worked out his feelings.

He accepted that he would never be with Eleri. He had hurt her too many times ever to have a chance of reconciliation with her. She appeared to have forgiven him in many ways as she was kind and courteous when she spoke with him and did not go out of her way to avoid him. Still, they would never be what they once were due to their past and now the prince.

While Caerwyn spent the last few years loving Eleri, he was well used to thinking of the idea that she would eventually be queen, therefore marrying the prince. Of course, not knowing the man, it was all very abstract. He could push it aside and not treat it as reality. Perhaps, it would not be her fate. Perhaps, Caerwyn could replace a way to keep her.

Now, he had to face the truth she would indeed be the queen and not only married to another man but deeply in love with him. When he heard they would crown Conri at the Winter Festival, Caerwyn was surprised. He had no idea Selven had snuck out the crown, but now that it was in Cadwin Manor, it made sense to name Conri king. There was no reason to wait, and it would declare to all that the court of Gildan was still the head of Elathia.

Caerwyn was ready to serve as the Bright One to the king and take the symbol that would mark him forever on the court. He believed Conri would be a good king and had no qualms following him. The second announcement shocked Caerwyn and made him want to withdraw from all in the manor. It made it so he thought attending the festival would be impossible. It was his duty, but he didn’t see how he could do it.

Everything happened so fast. He thought he had time to get used to the idea of Conri and Eleri, and now she was marked by him. He knew it was done in a hurry by necessity, but it was still very real. Eleri now belonged to Conri, and he had to watch as she clung to the prince almost every moment. Still, a mark, while sacred, was not always a permanent thing. It was not something announced or celebrated. A betrothal was a different matter.

In two nights, Caerwyn would have to stand close to his king while Conri declared his love to Eleri. Caerwyn would have to smile or at least look calm as Conri stated his intention to marry her. All would know they were to be permanently bound, and they would all celebrate. Celebrate not just that the king had found love and his queen, but that the prophecy would be fulfilled.

Caerwyn slunk along the trees thinking how it had all come to this. Just over six months ago, he still had hope Eleri could be his. He had loved her on their journey to the Northern Temple and realized to let her go would be impossible. She had his love and devotion forever. He wanted to convince her they could make it work. He wanted to show her he was serious. While he knew she was not impartial to the prince, he thought he could still replace a way to make her his. Perhaps he would have had a chance had they not be separated at the Havens Estate. She spent many weeks alone in the company of Conri, and the prince convinced her to love him.

He thought of his behavior while they were apart and growled to himself. He did not stay faithful to Eleri. He gave in to his pain, fears, and desire, bedding another woman. Even when he had a second chance as she forgot her memories of the prince, he had already lost her. He pushed her away too many times and then not stayed constant as he said he would.

He tried to focus on the good. Eleri was back safe with them. She was well-loved by a good man. She would be in the position she was born for, and she would be a spectacular queen. Caerwyn would still be a part of her life and be able to serve her. He could love her from afar and dedicate his life to her. It would have to be enough because to leave her or Conri entirely was not something he could do.

As he moved between the trees, a flash of color caught his eyes. He walked forward, keeping low to the snow-covered ground until he saw Eleri sitting by herself on a fallen log. Tears were streaming down her face, and it made Caerwyn want to go forward and comfort her immediately. Instead, he ran to where he had left his clothes. After shifting and dressing, he wondered if he would do better to leave her alone She obviously wanted to be away from others if she were out amongst the trees, but he knew he could not just leave her. Fastening his cloak, he walked back to where she was.

She looked up as she heard his footsteps amongst the snow and leaves. Drying her eyes with her gloved hand, she sniffled and stared at him. “Is there where you have been hiding all these hours?” she asked.

He sat beside her, keeping some distance between them. “Mostly. I shift and run through the trees, telling myself I am patrolling the area for safety, but in truth, it is just easier to be in my wolf form now.”

She sighed and looked away.

“Where is Prince Conri. It is odd to see you apart from him.”

“They are fitting his clothes for the festival and coronation. I decided to take a short walk. As hard as it is to be away from him, I needed a moment by myself.”

“A lot has happened,” said Caerwyn.

“I suppose the announcement shocked you. I wish I could have told you in private before we made it. I should have,” said Eleri.

“You don’t owe me anything, Eleri.”

“I think I do,” she said softly. “I loved you for so long that I feel some loyalty to you still. I was angry at you, perhaps I still am a little, but I know it is foolish. I gave up on our love just as you did.”

“You gave up for a good reason,” said Caerwyn. “I was never constant to you in my actions. I can tell you my heart always belonged to you, but I would not acknowledge it until very recently.” He put his hand on the log and gripped some of the bark until it came off in his hands. “It is yours still.”

“No,” she said with a shake of her head as more tears came out. “You should give it to another, one who can make you happy.”

“I don’t wish to give it to anyone else, and it is impossible to do so.” He hesitated before covering her hand with his. “I know I have lost you. I have known it for a while, but it does not mean that I don’t love you the same.”

She looked up at the cloudy sky, and Caerwyn felt his breath hitch. She was so beautiful in her maroon cloak with her hair falling down her shoulders. Her vivid green eyes were large and wet. Her skin looked impossibly soft, and he longed to reach up and touch her cheek. He might have, had he not seen the fading bruise on her neck, reminding him that she belonged to another.

“I want you to be happy, Caerwyn. I have always wanted it. I always wished to be the one to help you with your burdens. I wanted you to see how wonderful you really were, but I was not successful. I could not make you believe you are worth more than your duty.”

“You did help me with my burdens, Eleri. You offered me everything you had, and I threw it away time and time again. Nothing that happened between us was your fault. I am the true fool in all of this, and now I will suffer for it.”

“I don’t want you to suffer,” said Eleri. “I did not fall in love with Conri to hurt you. I even tried to resist him, and part of the reason was you. I wanted to believe that you and I could work, but I began to see more and more it was impossible. You always held back from me, and I, in turn, held back from you. I won’t say our love wasn’t real, but it could never grow into what it should have been.”

“You do love him, don’t you?’ asked Caerwyn. “You want to be his wife?”

“You have doubts?” she asked.

“You are out in this forest alone, crying. It makes me think perhaps you do not want this betrothal.”

She laughed a little. “I very much wish to be Conri’s wife. The queen part I am a little less sure of, but I am coming around. If it is the price to pay to be with Conri forever, I will do it. I am out here crying because when it comes down to it, I am a silly girl who is pouting because things did not happen as I thought they would.”

“What do you mean?”

“I doubt you would understand as I think you might have been born a serious creature from the start, but there was a time in my life when I daydreamed often. I imagined meeting a man I could love, being courted by him with pretty words and gifts. I thought I would have time to get to know him through the normal avenues of dances, walks in the woods, and other things young lovers do.

“I didn’t imagine falling in love on a dangerous journey through the land. I certainly didn’t think when I was finally marked it would be in enemy territory while we were hiding from guards and only to cover the forced mark of an evil man. And now the man I love asked me to marry him in my father’s office after my father told him it was how it has to be.”

She wiped a tear from her cheek and grinned slightly at Caerwyn. “I know that Conri loves me, and I know he wants to marry me. It is just not how I imagine it would be. So I am out here like the spoiled woman I am, pouting over it.”

More tears came out of her eyes, and Caerwyn scooted closer to her. He placed his arm around her shoulder, and she leaned into him. Before long, she put her hand on his chest and dissolved into sobs. His arm tightened around her, and it made her cry harder. Not knowing what else to do, he took her completely in his arms and let her cry while he rubbed her back.

“I miss you,” she said after she had controlled her crying. “In our times together, it wasn’t just about our passion. I liked our conversations and how close we were. I felt like I could tell you things, and even if you didn’t understand them, you would listen.”

He reached up and wiped some tears off her cheek.

“And now we can never be close again. You will always have to distance yourself from me, and I hate it because I care about you. I still love you. Not in the way I did, but I do love you, and the thought that I am separated from you in every way is so hard. I am afraid you will run away completely one day.”

“I will not. I could never leave you or even the prince. I am bound too tightly to both of you.”

“But I am afraid it will make you miserable. If only you could forget your feelings for me. Can you not focus on my faults, Caerwyn? Try to see that you are lucky not to be stuck with me? Poor Conri will have quite a handful.’

Caerwyn laughed. “I doubt he feels that way. I know I certainly wouldn’t. You can’t command my heart, Eleri, and neither can I. Even if I could, I wouldn’t tell it to stop loving you. It is such a part of me that I am afraid to let it go.”

“Maybe if you let yourself truly love another. I know you are not indifferent to Lady Farrow, Caerwyn. I saw how you looked at her when Bren was going to kill her. It made it easier to give myself up. I could not let you lose her. You say you love me completely, but I know you love her as well.”

“She can never be you, though. I can love no one as I love you.”

“And I am willing to bet you can love no one as you love her either. You shouldn’t completely dismiss how you feel for her. The loss of what we had is still fresh, but what you can share with her will be different from what we had that there will be no reason to compare. You could build a life with her and be happy.”

“I don’t know. It seems impossible,” said Caerwyn. “I would hate to tie her to me just to make her watch me yearn for another.”

“I believe Lady Farrow knows herself well enough to know what she can stand, and I believe if you stop punishing yourself and accept her love, you will replace in a short while you stop yearning for me and start enjoying what you have with a beautiful good woman.”

“Has Efa talked to you about this?”

“No, why?”

He grinned. “She said something similar to me not too long ago.”

“Well, if two intelligent women are telling you the same thing, perhaps you better listen.”

He chuckled as Eleri’s face grew serious. “Promise me you will think about it. I want you to be happy, Caerwyn.”

“I want that for you as well, Eleri. Promise me you are happy with your prince.”

“He is soon to be a king,” said Eleri with a sly smile. “And I can tell you for certain I am very happy with him. I am not even worried about the prophecy anymore.” She stood up and held out her hand to him.

He took it and stood in front of her. “I will try not to hide away as you called it. I have a duty to our soon-to-be king, and I will see it done. I also do not wish to lose you completely from my life.”

“You will never lose me. I am very stubborn, as you know, and I will pester you until I have no breath left in me.”

He pulled her to him and held her as she put her arms around him. He kissed her head and thought of the love he held for her. It would not be easy to move forward, but he would always have his sweet memories of loving her. He could make new ones with her that could, in time, grow to be just as precious.

Eleri moved out of his arms at the sound of another coming towards him.

“Is everything all right?” asked Conri as he walked up to them. “Eleri, have you been crying?” He took her hand as he looked angrily at Caerwyn.

“I have, but it is not what you might think. I was being silly and feeling sorry for myself, and Caerwyn found me. He was very kind to comfort me,” said Eleri.

“I’m sure he was.” The prince pulled her closer as he continued to stare at Caerwyn.

“Truly Conri, it was nothing. I hope you know by now that I would never do anything to come between us.”

“I am not worried about you, Eleri,” said Conri.

“And you shouldn’t worry about Caerwyn either. He is your protector and guide. He will not betray you in any way. My history with him will not stop him from doing his duty by you. It cannot as we will not save Elathia without all three of us.”

“She is right, your highness. Let me apologize now for pulling away from you recently and also not congratulating you on your betrothal. You have gained a worthy queen for Elathia and a good wife for yourself. I want you both to be very happy.” He knelt before Conri. “I swear to keep you safe, your highness. I will offer you counsel, when you need it, and I will never betray you.”

Eleri let go of Conri hand’s and knelt in front of him. “I swear to serve you as your First Advisor. I will lead your council and offer you advice. I will help you save Elathia and then rule it. I will also strive to be the queen you and the land need. I will offer you my love and comfort. No one will come before you to me.”

He looked down at them both. “I believe this is usually done when you take your seal of the court.”

Eleri stood up and looked at Caerwyn. “Then we shall take the seal today. I know we are not your whole court, but we are a good start. Aunt Efa can do it, or Grace. Let’s go replace them.”

“Eleri, this is not necessary,” said Conri.

“I think it is, your highness,” said Caerwyn as he stood. “You will take your crown in two days, so it is time we take your seal.”

“I will go speak to Efa and Grace this minute.” She started to walk away as Conri caught her arm.

“Let us all go together. If you both truly want to do this, I will be glad to have you officially a part of my court.

“You know we want to do it, Conri,” said Caerwyn. “And now that Eleri has it in her head, we better do it as soon as we can. She will not let it go until it is done. You know how she is.”

Conri looked at her fondly. “I do. Lead on, my queen. We are both at your command.”

She swatted at him, but he caught her arm and put it on his own. She reached back and grabbed Caerwyn’s hand to pull him along.