TO HAVE AND TO HATE
CHAPTER 19

TO HAVE AND TO HATE

CHAPTER 19

‘Babe, are you sure you are, okay?’ Darius asks when I step out of the bathroom.

Tonight was awkward, Nico’s presence ruined my night, I couldn’t freely enjoy my daughter’s dinner. The nerve of that boy to even follow me to the toilet, kissing and touching me while my husband and daughter were just in the other room. This thing with Nico was supposed to be a one-night stand. A night of no strings attached; I wish he could just disappear because this thing is becoming dangerous. He is dating my daughter’s best friend and I don’t want to be entangled in their mess.

‘Penelope?’

‘Huh?’

‘You keep zoning out, what’s going on with you?’

‘I am fine. I am just tired.’

I get dressed in my blue silk pajamas before I tie my braids up into a bun, wear a black bonnet and get into bed and snuggle up to Darius, stroking his chest. He takes my hand and kisses it before putting it away to my side. He pulls me even closer, reaching for me and starting to kiss my neck. When he starts to touch my breasts, I pull his hand away.

‘Not tonight, darling, I am so tired,’ I yawn loudly.

‘But we haven’t had sex in over a week.’

‘I know but I am tired and I don’t want to do this tonight. Maybe tomorrow.’

For a brief moment, there is a silence so tense that it is almost possible to hear it.

‘Are you happy?’ he asks after a while.

‘Huh?’

‘Are you happy?’

‘Happy with what? What exactly are you asking Darius?’

‘Do I make you happy? Does this marriage give you fulfillment? Are they areas you think we should improve and do better? You and I used to talk a lot, you were so free with me but now I can’t help but feel you’ve been holding back on certain issues, you’ve been distant. So, are you happy?’

I hesitate before I say, ‘You know how much I love you Darius right?’

‘I have never doubted your love but that’s not what I am asking. Are you happy?’

‘I am happy.’

‘You are sure?’

‘Yes, I am sure. You are a good husband and a good father too. Tessa and I are glad to have you,’ I say. I wish I could tell him about his shortcomings in the bedroom but that would injure his heart. Darius is a good man; he has been good to me. The bad side outweighs the good, this is the man I want to grow old with.

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

‘Good night.’

‘Good night.’

Eventually though, I drift off to sleep without realizing it. I wake up the next morning in bed alone, the smell of breakfast wafting in from the kitchen. I get out of bed, wear my robe and make my way to the kitchen.

‘Good morning, babe,’ I lean over and kiss him full on the mouth.

‘Good morning to you too, my love,’ he says, handing me a cup of coffee.

‘Thank you.’

‘I wanted to bring this up to our room but since you are already here, I guess we can get eating.’

‘I ruined the breakfast in bed idea?’

‘It’s okay.’

‘Thank you for this my love,’ I say, sitting down.

‘So, what plans do you have for today?’

‘I am meeting Patra for brunch. I don’t have any other plans aside from that. You?’

‘Heading to Heroes stadium for a game with the guys.’

‘What time will you be back home?’

‘I should be back in time for dinner.’

‘What do you want to eat tonight?’

‘Let’s order in, I am craving barbecued ribs, wings and fries’ Tessa says, walking into the kitchen, she is all dressed up and obviously ready to go to church. She is the only one who regularly goes to church in this house.

‘I will order in, yeah. Look beautiful child.’

‘Thank you, I am heading to church. I am dragging Gabby and I to church then we will have lunch afterwards.’

‘Alright. Have fun and please pray for us sinners.’

She laughs, ‘come to church with me next week.’

‘I will see how free I will be. Maybe your father and I can join you next week.’

‘That will make me happy. And thank you for the car again, I can’t believe I get to drive myself now.’

‘You deserve the world,’ her father responds.

We finish with breakfast. Tessa leaves while my husband heads upstairs for a bath. I spend the next few hours cleaning the house and doing the laundry. My house help is expected to resume work by the end of the week.

I have just finished cleaning up when my phone rings. I pick it and look at the caller ID. Nico’s name flashes on the screen and I roll my eyes. I didn’t expect him to be calling me after what happened yesterday.

I answer, ‘What do you want?’

‘Is that a way to answer your lover?’

‘I ask again. What do you want?’

‘I miss you.’

‘I don’t.’

‘We need to meet.’

‘I am busy.’

‘Gabby is going out with your daughter for lunch. You should come home during that time.’

‘I am not coming to see you.’

‘I will be waiting for you babe,’ he says and ends the call without giving me a chance to respond.

I have to put an end to this. I need to take charge and stand up to him. He is just a college student, someone young enough to be my child. I should never have allowed him to touch me in the first place. This is a mess I must clean before it gets out of hand.

*

EllaB

ForeveryourAugustGirl

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