Top Secret
: Chapter 28

LUKE

My phone vibrates with a notification as I’m changing into my running shorts. When I check, it’s a message from LobsterShorts. Sea salt & vinegar or BBQ?

Craving chips? I don’t like taking things from him. He knows that.

You said you’d go for a drive with me, he writes. I was gonna bring snacks.

Nothing for me. I’m heading out for a run.

After I hit send, I regret my answer. Chips sound pretty good right now, and lord knows I’m hungry. Dinner will almost certainly be another can of soup, and a few slices of cheese. I’m putting off my grocery store run, because only have $100 to get me through the next week. Or more, depending on the plumbing issues at Jill’s.

But my regret is bigger than that. I know it wouldn’t kill me to accept a bag of chips from Keaton. It wouldn’t kill me to spend more time with him, or to tell him more often how much I like his company.

I don’t, though. Affection doesn’t come naturally to me, to put it mildly. And I’ve been on edge since Keaton brought up the “C” and “D” words. And no, I don’t mean cock and dick. I love those words. I’m talking about him asking if we’re a couple, pointing out that we’re dating.

Fuck. How did we get here? I’ve had friends-with-benefits arrangements before, but none that have lasted more than three months. And clearly Hayworth is catching feelings.

I see the way he looks at me. It’s an unsettling combination of fascination, tenderness, and frustration. I see him biting his tongue a lot, as if he wants to dig deeper into my psyche, peel back my layers like I’m an onion.

I like Keaton a lot. But nobody gets to do that.

Usually I’m good at keeping my armor on. I don’t let anyone see what I don’t want them to see. But it’s getting harder to do that with Keaton. I really do like the guy. He makes me laugh. Makes me come. But this couple and dating talk makes my skin prickle with discomfort. Makes me want to flee.

Luckily, now that spring is here, I’m able to get back into my running routine. So I lace up my shoes and park my phone on the desk along with everything but my keys.

And then I jump down the stairs and head straight outside. I love feeling the wind slapping my face as my sneakers tear across the pavement. I replace my rhythm and head for the end of the street.

There’s a great trail near campus, and today I run it twice, hoping the three miles of solitude might help to clear my muddled mind.

But the unease I’m feeling about my arrangement with Hayworth sticks to me like glue and follows me right back home. I’m sweating through my hoodie by the time I jog up the walk of the Alpha Delt house. When I open the door, Jako is lurking in a chair that nobody uses at the bottom of the stairs, looking troubled.

“Something wrong?” I pant.

“Maybe?” he says. “You tell me.”

Instantly, I’m on guard. The wariness in his eyes triggers my internal alarm. Why is he looking at me like that? Is this about Hayworth?

Oh shit. What if Jako came upstairs last night to replace me, or something, and heard Keaton’s strangled moans as I fucked him senseless in the shower?

My brain goes into damage-control mode. Just because he heard two dudes banging doesn’t mean those dudes had to be me and Keaton. Maybe I can pretend I had some random guy over? Maybe—

“You have a brother named Joe, right?”

I blink.

I did not expect him to say that. And once he does, my next thought is, Holy shit.

“Yeah,” I say slowly. “Why?”

“He was just here.”

My spine straightens. “Here?” I echo.

“Yeah.” Jako stands up and jams his hands in his pockets. “He said he needed to talk to you. I told him you were out for a run, and he said he needed to leave a note for you in your room.”

“Did you let him?” I can hear the panic in my voice. “Please say no.”

“Well, I asked him to show me some ID. And he did. So I told him where your room was and he went upstairs.”

Without another word, I run past Jako and take the stairs two at a time. What did you steal, Joe?

Jako is right behind me. “Dude, I’m so sorry. It seemed a little off, but he’s your brother. He looks a lot like you. But I didn’t even know you had a brother.”

My tone is stiffer than my spine. “Yeah, there’s a reason for that.”

At the top of the stairs, I see that my door is standing open. That’s not surprising, since Joe learned to pick a lock before he learned to shave, and the locks on our rooms aren’t exactly deadbolts.

I reach over and try Keaton’s door. It’s locked, and I heave my first sigh of relief.

If Joe steals from me, it’s not the end of the world. Besides, I’m so broke there’s barely any money in my room.

Or was. Sure enough, the bottom drawer of my desk is ajar. That’s where I keep my coffee can. When I yank open the drawer, the can is empty.

“Shit,” Jako says. “I’m so sorry.”

But seriously, I’m mostly relieved. “Dude, this isn’t on you. And it doesn’t matter so much anyway. I only had a hundred bucks in there. How long was he out of your sight?”

“Three minutes, tops.”

“All right,” I say, giving him a smile. “Coulda been worse. Let’s not worry about it.”

“Maybe we should tell the other guys not to let him in?” Jako suggests, worrying his hair with his fingertips.

“I guess we’d better do that. Next meeting,” I agree. I can’t wait to hear what Judd has to say about that. The only saving grace is that Keaton wasn’t home when Joe showed up. I don’t want my felon brother anywhere near my fuck buddy.

Come on now.

The disapproving voice brings a sliver of guilt. Okay, that was harsh. Keaton is more than a fuck buddy. We’re friends.

Come on now, the voice chides again.

Fuck off, I tell it.

“Thanks for the heads up, man.” I clap Jako on the shoulder.

“Of course. Poker later?”

“Maybe. I need to shower and proofread an assignment, but I’ll be free later tonight.”

It’s really weird to have no plans. For the first time in forever, I actually have the entire weekend off. It’s a much-needed break. And with finals coming up, I can get ahead of my coursework so I’m not racing to write papers at the last minute.

“Cool,” Jako says. Then he disappears down the stairs, and I disappear into the shower. The sweat from my run slides down the drain, but no amount of scalding-hot water can wash away the layer of grimy disgust evoked by my brother’s visit.

No, not a “visit.” A theft.

I close my eyes under the harsh spray. My disgust dissolves into shame. Can’t scour that off my skin, either. Is it any wonder I don’t trust anybody? My own brother just stole from me. My mother is a leech.

Why the fuck does Keaton want to date me, anyway? What’s wrong with him?

Speaking of the devil, he’s sitting on my bed when I walk in after my shower. “Hey,” he says.

“Hey.” I head for the dresser and fish out a pair of briefs. “What’s up?”

“Everything okay? You look tense.”

“Nah, I’m good.” I don’t mention Joe. I know I shouldn’t wait until the next frat meeting to tell Keaton about it, but… A sigh lodges in my chest. I don’t want to see Keaton’s eyes soften with sympathy. I don’t want him to try to talk to me about it.

“Great,” he says. “Now get dressed. Let’s take that drive.”

I’m really not in the mood. “Can it wait? I need to proof my paper.”

He tips his head. “The one that isn’t due for two weeks?”

“Yeah, but—”

“But nothing.” With a cocky grin, he gets to his feet. “Let’s go. You promised.”

I stare at his muscular back as he saunters out of the room. I swear, nothing fazes this man. I can glower and glare at him all day long, and he won’t bat an eye. My brooding doesn’t bother him. My refusal to talk about my feelings doesn’t test his patience. He’s rock steady, and I don’t get it.

Doesn’t he realize he’s wasting his time?

And yet, despite my reluctance to lower my guard around him, I replace myself sliding into the passenger seat of Keaton’s BMW twenty minutes later. Nobody ever said I was smart.

“We’re going out to dinner,” he says as he pulls away from the curb. “I’m kidnapping you, because I want a steak.”

A knee-jerk spike of anger makes me lean back against the leather upholstery and close my eyes. Miraculously, I don’t say anything rude. In fact, I don’t say anything at all. I take a deep breath. “You’re a good friend, Keaton.” He knows I’m having a financial crisis. He’s managed not to offer me money, either. Which I really appreciate.

He’s smart enough not to say anything more.

I take another deep breath. “So where are we going—Outback? Longhorn?” I ask, naming the only two steakhouses near Darby.

“Yeah,” is his response, which tells me nothing. Hopefully we’re going to Longhorn. The prime rib there is to die for.

A light drizzle falls onto the windshield as Keaton leaves campus and steers onto the highway. The Bluetooth kicks in, and a moment later, a familiar voice blasts out of the car speakers.

I look over with a wry grin. “Are we seriously listening to Beyoncé right now?”

He grins back, turning the volume down. “Annika shared a playlist with me on Spotify. Queen B is her number one.”

My stomach does a hot twist. For fuck’s sake. The tug of jealousy is completely unwelcome. What do I care if Keaton is still best buds with his ex-girlfriend?

I shift my gaze from his face to his hands, watching as he taps his long fingers on the steering wheel. He’s got such sexy hands. And a sexy face. Sexy body.

I’m so busy checking him out that it takes several minutes before I realize we’re still on the highway. Getting from campus to either restaurant doesn’t require this much travel.

My forehead creases. “Where are we going?”

He winks. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Yes,” I say irritably. “I would like to know. Are we heading to Hartford?”

“Nope.”

My annoyance increases. Something about his satisfied expression is rubbing me the wrong way. “Then, where?” I demand.

Keaton casts a devious grin in my direction. “That’s for me to know, and for you to replace out.”