Twisting Her Fate
Chapter 93

To my dear Maggie,

In some ways, I hope you replace this, in other ways I hope you don't. I hope you replace this because I want you to understand somethings and I hope after you read this you can understand why I did what I did. I also hope you don't replace this because then you will have lived a full and happy life, never knowing a thing about me and never knowing the atrocities that your father, the man that I loved so dearly, committed against me, committed against her, committed against all of us.

I will never raise my hand and try to say that I am faultless in all of this. I will never pretend that I am not also to blame. I am complicit in all of this. But my intentions came from a good place and even if that doesn't justify the wrongs that I committed or the people I have hurt along the way.

I did it for love. I know now that it sounds shallow and I hope one day you will fall in love so strong that you will do anything for that person. I just hope, like me, you didn't fall in love with the wrong person, one that would twist all your good intentions and all that love around and make you do things that you never would think you would do, commit sins against the moon goddess, commit sins against the most beautiful, most kind lady, commit sins against that bubbly, bright, beautiful little girl.

I want to tell you my story and I hope at the end that you will be able to forgive me, as I have not been able to forgive myself, as I lay here dying, so very close to the end, just know that I haven't been able to forgive myself and I know that I deserve this end. Love should never be as blind as I allowed it to be.

But as I look over at your beautiful face knowing that this is the last time I will ever see it, knowing that they will take you away today, that I will cease to exist and someone else will become your mother, when I hear your sweet little voice say Mummy, I cannot bring myself to regret what I did to get here but just know that not regretting but not forgiving is two different things.

I loved your father very much. I was the weakest omega at school and some chose to pick on me, I was called names, I was pushed to the ground, I was spat on. But it all changed one day when your father came into the picture. He rode in like a knight in shining armor. He chased all the bullies away and then became my backer. He was a year older than me, so when he left primary school to go to high school, that was a rough year for me, but I was still friends with the future alpha, so it was never as bad as it was before him.

When I moved up to high school, I realized that he had a new girlfriend every second week and I started pulling back slightly from him, but he told me that he has to do these things. It is what is expected of a future alpha.

He wanted to be better than his cousin and even though I thought he took a strange way of doing it, I didn't argue because he was still my friend and he still cared for me as he always did, he still protected me as he always did.

As the years went on, our friendship blossomed and moved into something more. We started sleeping together. He still had his girlfriends but he told me all of that was a facade and that he loved me and only wanted to be with me. It was just that our status's were so vastly different that we had to hide our love until he became the alpha and I could proudly stand by his side as his true love. He would tell me that he knew that we would be mates.

I believed him, I believed everything he said, so when I watched him at school making out with his new flavor of the month or flirting with the countless girls that would throw themselves at him, I would console myself that I was the one he loved, and when he crawled into my bed in the night smelling of others I would tell myself that he was doing it all for us.

Every time my belief started to wane, he would throw me a wink at school, even over his girlfriends shoulder while she was grinding against him, and I would fall right back into the same trap.

Every time I would start to question his need to play the game so well, he would say a few sweet words and I would be under his thumb once more. Once he became alpha, I thought that it was finally going to be my time, I thought that I would be his luna, I thought that our relationship would be out in the open, I thought that I would be his one and only.

But at that time, his cousin Harris had just mated and marked his fated mate, an alpha blood from another pack, she was so beautiful and so strong, she was everything that one would expect in a luna.

The night that I finally thought he was going to mark me, he said that he just needed a little longer. I waited, I waited one year. I started to realize that it was all my wishful thinking and nothing was ever going to happen.

At that time, Oscar was just born, pure alpha blood lines, anyone could see he was going to be amazing and that just made Simon feel like he was falling further behind. His hatred started to grow. I was trying to replace the best way out for myself. I loved him, I loved him with all my heart, but I didn't want to be a closet lover forever.

I wanted to be able to go on a date, I wanted more than just a midnight tumble and leave. Just as I was about out the door, that is when I found out I was pregnant with you.

I told Simon and suddenly he was back to his old self, he was saying all the nice things he used to say, he still wasn't with me in public, but he told me that once I had his heir it would be good and we could finally be together. That is all I wanted. I wanted to be a happy family with my amazing child and the man I loved so much.

When I gave birth, he was there. I know he was disappointed that you weren't a boy and disappointed that you took after me so much, not showing much of the alpha blood tendencies, but he still loved you and I thought he loved me. He moved me away from the pack house and out into a cottage on the outskirts of the pack so that we could be together as a family.

At night when we were together he would tell me that he was itching to mark me, that he couldn't wait, that he was barely controlling himself.

I told him that it was all I wanted and he told me that we just had to control ourselves for a little longer. I wanted to believe him. Now that I sit here and write this, all the red flags are there, there are so many red flags that I don't know if I didn't see them at the time or I just didn't want to. Maybe I was so stuck in the fantasy that there would be a happy ending that I refused to see what was right in front of me.

He used to come every night, he used to kiss you on the head and look like the perfect father. We were well provided for, but every night he would crawl into bed with me, he would smell like others, I could smell the s*x on him.

All I had was the belief that he would mature and see what was right in front of him, see the genuine love I had for him, see that I could make him as happy as anyone else.

But then it happened, he didn't come home for three nights. I went up to the pack house to see what was wrong. I heard about an attack and I heard that the Amber pack finally had a Luna. I was so excited, I firmly believed that he was making a big surprise for me so he could finally show the both of us to the whole pack.

I went home and got dressed up in my best clothes and waited. I wanted to look perfect when he surprised me.

He came that night but he just took me to bed. There was no loving embrace like before, he didn't even stay for the night, he didn't even look at you at all.

The next day, I went into his office. I wanted to replace out his plans to put my mind at ease. I am not the best in large crowds, so I wanted to be prepared.

When I got to his office, it was empty but I saw everything I needed to see, I heard everything I needed to hear that day.

He set up the attack on Harris's pack and staged it as a rogue attack. He killed Harris himself out of jealousy. But the thing that broke me was the fact that Astrid, Harris's mate, her second chance mate was Simon. His cousin's mate then became his. Simon murdered her mate and then her second chance at love came in the form of her true loves murderer? Isn't it the most disturbing thing you have ever heard? How could the moon goddess do that?

Astrid was broken, she brought Oscar into the pack and now Simon was suddenly the father of this strong alpha wolf.

I thought I would be forgotten about, I thought we would be left to rot away, but he came every second night. No talking, no cuddling, just s*x. One day, I finally asked him about Astrid. I just told him I had heard things while I was at the supermarket.