Undercover at the MC (book 2) - Navy and West
It's... Complicated

POV: Navy

I tighten the screws that ensure that the exhaust is properly seated again, then I wipe it with a cloth and look at the Harley with satisfaction. This bike was a big job, but it is always very rewarding when it is repaired and the owner drives away satisfied.

I look around the garage where Jackson and I are working, the workload has been less the last few days so maybe I should spend some time cleaning and tidying up the garage...

Because that's really needed.

Deep in my thoughts I get to work, first sweeping the room, then tidying up the reception area and wiping it down with a cloth. Maybe if the business continues to run this well we can hire someone to do the administration and cleaning for us.

The doorbell rings and I feel hopeful that West will come in, but when I look up I see Denzel walking in. Denzel is fairly new to our club and he got his name because a few Devil's girls think he looks like Denzel Washington. I push aside the disappointment about West and give Denzel a smile, put the wet cloth away and shake his hand.

"What can I help you with, man?" I ask and he looks behind him where I see his motorcycle.

"The kickstart doesn't work anymore, I'm afraid I broke that pedal," he says sheepishly and I chuckle, this is a problem that happens often.

"Just drive it into the garage, but I don't know if we can arrange it today given the time," I say as I look at my watch and see that it is almost closing time.

"No, no problem, I expected that, I will be picked up here in a moment," he says and I nod. I write down his details and the problem while he drives his motorcycle in. Through the window I see him greet Jackson and then he waves to me as he leaves.

I sigh deeply and continue tidying and cleaning, it's not my favorite thing to do but it's good to put my rattling thoughts aside.

West hasn't been around much lately, he isn't at the club much and when I send him a message the responses are fairly curt. My feeling tells me that something is going on, that there is something wrong with him. But on the other hand, it could also be that he is busy with himself, as he told me. And I want to give him as much time as possible to figure himself out, but a selfish part of me would like him to include me in that.

"Ash!" Jackson shouts and I turn around so quickly that the world spins around for a moment, I close my eyes to come back to this earth.

"I called you a few times already," he grumbles irritably and I shrug my shoulder sheepishly.

"What can I say, I'm completely absorbed in cleaning" I say as I throw the wet cloth at him, the big idiot catches it with ease as he continues to frown at me.

"Are you okay?" he asks and I blink my eyes for a moment, when did I give him the idea that I am not doing well?

''Yes? What do you mean?'' I ask in surprise and he rolls his eyes and walks towards me.

''You've been a bit... Absent lately? A lot in thoughts and quieter, normally you talk the ears off my head'' he says and I chuckle because that's right, when it comes to communicating we are very different.

"Nothing's wrong," I say with a wave of my hand as I throw the dirty water into a sink.

"Does it have to do with West?" I hear him ask carefully and I feel myself stiffen.

"What do you mean?" I fool myself a bit and I hear him sigh.

"I may not be the most social person on earth, but I can see that something has happened... Only I don't know what," he says and I sigh deeply and put everything down, I turn around and look at him On.

"It's... Complicated" I say a bit tentatively, maybe this is the time to bare my soul to him? Or is that weird... Maybe I should do that when we eat together somewhere, and prepare him a bit before I start that conversation.

Jackson puts his hands on my shoulders and bends down a bit to look straight at me, I look straight into the familiar gray eyes that I also see when I look in the mirror.

"Can I help with anything?" he asks and I look past him and shrug, I don't think there is anything he can do.

''Did you have an argument? Because I notice that West is mainly here when you're not there'' he says and I look at him in shock.

"So he still works?" I ask, surprised and a bit angry, is he really avoiding me? Jackson nods and looks at me with a frown, I cross my arms over my chest and sigh deeply.

"No arguing... But I uh..." I start, but I don't know whether to say it or how to say it.

"If you don't want to tell, that's fine, but I'm here for you if you need me," he says and it doesn't sound like Jackson, the normally stoic, closed man that he is.

"Fuck!" I say when I feel my eyes stinging and I am surprised by my physical reaction.

I never really cry, I never really feel the need to cry. But I think the situation with West is more emotionally difficult than I actually thought.

"Ash.." Jackson puts his arm around me, he clearly realizes that I'm struggling with something at the moment.

"Don't judge me for what I'm about to say, okay?" I ask softly and I see him shake his head.

"I have feelings for West, and I told him that a while ago." I spit the words out of my mouth but I see that Jackson doesn't move a muscle in his face, there is no disgust visible.

"And how did he react to that?" he asks after a little silence and I blink, why isn't he surprised?

"Not bad... But he wants to replace himself before we start anything, he didn't know he could be attracted to..." I say as I look at the white wall and swallow to hope the lump in my throat disappears.

"To men? To you?" he asks softly and I nod while clearing my throat again.

"Why don't you act surprised or angry..." I say and he looks at me with a small smile.

"I've had a slight suspicion for a while now, and Ashley was recently asking about your relationship with him" he says and I roll my eyes.

"Women" I sigh and Jackson chuckles.

"But it was up to you to tell me when you wanted to, and I don't blame you," he says and I look up to hold back the tears.

"Fuck... Thank you" I say with a cracking voice and I pull him towards me for a hug.

"Love you brother" I mumble into him and I feel him nod.

"Love you too man, and I hope you can work it out together," he says and I nod, even though the situation feels a bit hopeless.

***

Ashley stumbles into the club and she looks horrible...

Excuse my language.

Believe me, the woman is beautiful, but with the bird's nest on her head and the dark circles under her eyes she looks really worn out.

"Woman... You look... Rough" I say as I put an arm around her and take her to the bar. I wave away her protests to work first and sit her down on a bar stool, after which I go behind the bar to pour her a cup of coffee.

“Navy... What are you doing behind the bar? Looking for a new job?” Morgan's voice sounds from behind me and I give Ashley a sheepish smile, then I stand next to Morgan and put an arm around her.

“Yo lady boss! I made sure our new cook had enough oil in her body to make good food for us″ I cringe at my own words but I can't take them back, I hear Ashley giggling and I give her an uncomfortable look.

″Navy! Get your hands off my wife!' Hammer shouts across the room and my heart starts beating fast and I immediately take two steps away from Morgan.

The woman in question laughs and gives me a wink after which she jumps into Hammer's arms. They start making out in public and I feel a small pang of jealousy, I would love to be that happy with someone. But that person is as withdrawn as they come, and it's like I no longer exist to him. It's been a few weeks since I had the conversation with Jackson, but West hasn't shown himself much yet.

″Well... This is a nice soap in the morning″ I mumble as I also grab a cup for my coffee and sit next to Ashley. She really is a wonderful woman and she and I often have good conversations when we sit at the bar.

“Where's West?” I hear Ashley ask and I shrug my shoulders, because I really have no idea.

″Uh.. Helping Steel out at the workshop, I think...″ I say somberly as I pour some coffee into my cup, I look at her questioningly and she shifts her cup for a refill.

“How are you... and him doing?” she asks and I look at her in surprise, does she also know that there is something between us? But then I remember that Jackson had said that Ashley had asked him about us and I swallow a lump in my throat.

“It's... Complicated,” I mumble and it's silent between us for a while.

“I knew quite early in my life that I wasn't into women..” I start my story and look at her sideways, she gives me her full attention and decides to pour my heart out to her a little.

″My brother was the first one I told, somehow I knew he wouldn't judge me. But I only told him a few weeks ago, mainly because I got closer to West. I never thought West was into men, I knew he could be someone I could really fall in love with but respected that it would never happen because I thought he was straight. A few weeks ago I confessed to him that I have had feelings for him for a long time and before I knew it... he kissed me'' the feelings and images of that evening rush through my head and I take a sip of my coffee that quickly is cooling down.

″I... I... Fuck... I got so excited that I immediately deepened the kiss, a suppressed desire shot up. Only my action brought him out of his haze and he ran out of the club. We had some good conversations afterwards, he said he wants to replace out what he is before…″ I can't finish the sentence properly, because I don't know if there is a future for us.

“Before he gives you hope for more?” she says and I nod, even though I don't know if it's the truth.

″I notice that he was increasingly showing that he likes me, small touches and sitting close to me. Only I'm a bit reserved because I don't want to scare him off, so I told him I'll keep my distance until he takes the initiative himself. But right now he is really closed off'' I say.

“That's very brave Navy... I can imagine it's hard to see someone struggling like that when you want to be close to him” she says and I nod again. She is so accommodating and compassionate and I am glad she has joined the club, I really see her as a good friend now.

“Thanks Ashley, I know I'm into guys... Otherwise I would have competed with my big brother” I flirt a bit and I manage to see her blush. She mumbles something and I laugh at her behavior, she is clearly having trouble starting up today.

“Good luck darling, thanks for the chat” I say with a final kiss on her cheek and I retreat to my room. I lie down on my bed and decide to watch some TV, normally I'm not very good at sitting still but right now I'm exhausted.

Very late at night I get a message from Jackson that Chef has been released from the hospital and that he and his sister are coming to stay with us for a while. Tomorrow we have church and they hope that Chef's sister and Chef themselves can provide some clarity about all the things that have happened lately.

Chef has recovered well from his 'overdose' and hopes to be able to get back to work soon, but apparently he is in a difficult package so it will take some time.

I send West a message asking if he will also be at church tomorrow. The message is read immediately, but it takes more than 10 minutes before he responds...

And yes, I counted them.

The answer is just one: Yes. I throw my phone on my bedside table and sigh deeply, I know it's probably wise to have a conversation with him again. But I also want to respect his decision to invent himself... It just takes so long.

I think I'm losing him, as a friend... And as a possible lover.