Waindale
seventeen. through my bedroom window

“Someone is hungry.”

Peering up from my dinner plate, I replace my mother and grandmother watching me. “Yeah, I am. Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s a good thing,” my grandmother assures me. “Why don’t you tell us about your first day at your new school?”

I nod and set down my fork, but my mom looks to her plate and doesn’t lift her gaze again. “Well,” I start, a little hurt, “today I was just shown around the school. I got my schedule and met the Dean. It’s really nice. There’s this courtyard, and the cafeteria food is amazing, and the people all seem—”

“Thanks for dinner, mom, but I have to get back to reviewing. Leave the dishes, I’ll do it later,” my mom says flatly and gets up from the table. I watch her disappear into the hallway. Moments later, we hear the sound of her bedroom door closing.

Grandma shrugs and urges for me to continue. “So? Did you meet anyone interesting?”

“I mean, everyone there is interesting.”

“Oh. Any boys catch your eye?”

I sit back and give her a look. “What? Boys? Where is this coming from?”

Grandma waves me off. “I just hear that very nice boys go to the academy, that’s all. You know, when your mother was your age, she saw this boy that went there. She would hate for me to tell you this, but he was such a nice boy. Very nice looking as well. She kept telling me that she was in love with him, but one day it just stopped. She never told me what happened.”

"Really? Do you remember the guy’s name?”

If he went to the academy, could he have been like Adam? One of them? Could this boy have revealed himself to my mother? Could my mother know about werewolves?

“Hm,” Grandma focuses, “I’ll try to remember.”

After dinner, I meticulously clean my bedroom. I smooth out my comforter, straighten my pillows, light a candle so it smells like vanilla. I told Adam to come back tonight. Everything must be perfect—like I live a mess-free life. As I run around, picking up random articles of clothing, books, and miscellaneous things, I hear the last light turn off. The yellow glow from under my door has turned to darkness. My mother and grandmother have settled in for the night, and hopefully they will be fast asleep by the time Adam comes.

I’m not sure where we stand. One second we’re nearly kissing and the next I’m running for my life. Him coming tonight is important for us because I want to set things straight. Our conversation today at the Academy was helpful, but I still don’t feel ready to open up again. It took a lot of courage to say the things I said last night, courage I’m scared I’ll never get back. I’m not the only one holding back, though. Adam made that clear today. We both feel a lack of control around one another, and I can’t decide if I hate it or crave it.

I lay across my bed and stare up at the ceiling. Usually, by now I would be in my pajamas, yawning and brushing my teeth. We see one another during the day, sure, but when we meet at night, something changes; the boundaries between us don’t seem so high and mighty. So, while I prefer seeing him at night, it would be nice to talk freely when my eyelids aren’t growing heavy. I wonder if we’ll get to that point; a stage of comfort where you can speak your mind whenever and wherever you want.

A little while later, his scent picks up in the air. I perk up and drop my phone on my bed, stretching my body to look out the window. I see a figure walking towards the house, and I know it’s him. Quickly, I climb off my bed and slide open the glass. Cool air rushes against my face.

Leaning out into the night, I gently call, “Adam?”

Soon the contours of his face are revealed. The sight of him makes my chest grow warm like a light is shining inside of me. He doesn’t look as conflicted as he usually does but rather happy.

“Wrenley,” he breathes while reaching my window.

“You have to climb in,” I say, excited. Finally my dreams of him sneaking into my bedroom in the middle of the night can turn to reality. It’s a weird thought to have, but when lying awake for hours—only being able to think of him—those innermost desires help. Day-dreaming, it’s how I’ve survived our bond so far.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he says, not taking his eyes from me.

“No one will wake up; they’re heavy sleepers,” I tell him. “How do you think I’ve been sneaking out all this time?”

Part of me knows that’s not what he meant, but I want him to come in. Thankfully, he sighs and sneaks through. I step back as he does so, taking one last scan of the room to make sure nothing embarrassing is dangling out in the open. He straightens up and takes in the space.

“This is my bedroom,” I say, stating the obvious.

“I know.”

I glance back at him with questions in my eyes.

“The shirt,” he clarifies. “I left it under the bed, but you know that.”

“Oh, right. I forgot about that. Well, I guess this is my room clean, then.”

Adam wanders to my desk. Sat on top of the shelves are framed pictures that I’ve had for many years. He looks over them. “That one’s my mom and I. I was only eight or nine.”

“You look like her,” he says then turns to me.

“People say that a lot. My grandma, my mom, and I—we all sort of look the same.”

“And your father?”

I shake my head a little. “Oh, no, he’s not in the picture. He was never really a part of things. I’ve actually never met him. It’s fine, though. Doesn’t really bother me. W-What about your parents?”

“Well, my father became Alpha. He met my mother. She became Luna. They had children and have led the pack here in Waindale ever since.”

“You have siblings?”

Adam sighs. “I had a younger brother. He, uh, died two years ago.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine,” he says while nearing me. I sit down on the edge of my bed and urge him to do the same. He reluctantly sits beside me. “I’d rather hear more about you.”

“Why? I’m the boring one,” I say lightly and look up to him.

“I don’t think so,” he says. “Everything in my life is about the pack, about what I am. You, Wrenley, you’re like a breath of fresh air.”

“Oh,” I murmur. “But you’re supposed to teach me about your kind. There’s not much I can tell you about being human.”

“What is it that you want to know?”

I bring my legs up, turn to him, and sit criss-cross. “Well,” I start, “first I want to know about Waindale and the attack that happened. I read in a book that wolves protected the town from other wolves, ones that were trying to hurt people. That’s why some humans attend the Academy, right? Your pack protected their ancestors during the attack?”

Adam smiles a little. “You read that in a book?” I nod. “At the time our pack had bad blood with another because some of their people died near our land. The Alpha of the other pack blamed their deaths on us, saying we killed them for nearing our territory. That wasn’t true. We had no idea how their people died, so we denied it. Eventually the other pack attacked our land for revenge, but our land is shared with the town. When they came, they went after the town’s people as well. We protected them. They believed that they were to be forever in our debt. So, yes. The founding families passed on the story to their children. That’s why we attend the Academy with them. We’re in alliance. They don’t fear us. They believe we protect them. They keep our secret in exchange.”

"Wow,” I whisper. “So the Alpha then was your—”

“My grandfather,” Adam says. “He protected the people of Waindale. He’s very admired, but he passed before I was born. I never got to meet him.”

“And now you’re going to be the Alpha. Can I ask why? When is a new Alpha suppose to take his father’s position?”

“Sometimes it’s when the current Alpha believes his son is ready,” he explains. “Other times it’s because the current Alpha can’t continue ruling. Situations such as the Alpha being physically sick, mentally unwell, or having died. A few times it’s been because the current Alpha has committed treason against the pack. Don’t worry, though. My father believes it’s time he steps down.”

“And your mother?”

“She’ll step down as well.”

My face grows hot as I fight back the urge to ask. Part of me wants to know about my role in all of this, but the other part is terrified of his answer. “So when exactly will you become Alpha?”

“The ceremony is soon,” he says and glances out the window.

“Are you excited?”

He looks back to me, into my eyes. “It’s a lot to take on. I’ll be responsible for many lives.”

“And you’ll be stuck doing it alone,” I mutter out loud. “An Alpha deserves to have a Luna. You need someone to support you, someone that will understand. Really, you need to be mated with someone who isn’t as useless to this situation as I am.”

“I wish you wouldn’t feel that way,” he says.

“But it’s true, isn’t it?”

“I’m mated to you, Wrenley,” he says, his voice harder, “only ever you. I don’t care that you’re a human; I don’t care what you are. We’ve been paired together, and I stand by it.”

We seem to move closer together even though we continue to sit still. My chest builds with pressure as I struggle to get in full breaths. He turns to me, facing me completely. “I want you, Wrenley, just as you are, and I hope you believe me. I’ll never want anyone as I want you. I depend on your existence for more than you will ever know. Last night, you told me how you felt. I never want you to believe that you can’t tell me how you feel.”

“Y-You feel this way?”

Adam takes my hand, warming it in his. I’m taken back to last night when all I needed was to tell him my truth. “I do,” he assures me. “Our bond is very important to me. You are very important to me. The things you said—it meant a lot to me, Wrenley.”

All of my deepest desires are coming true. I almost need to pinch myself to make sure that this isn’t all a dream—that I didn’t fall asleep while waiting for him.

“I told you that all you’re feeling is mutual.”

“But you didn’t seem as easily affected by it as I am,” I rush, the words spilling from my lips. “You seemed perfectly fine, unbothered while I was completely taken over by these thoughts and emotions that I have no control over. You just showed up and spoke and sometimes I believed you didn’t feel connected to me at all; that I was helpless but you’d be alright.”

His grip on my hand tightens. “I keep up a certain appearance so you aren’t scared away. You can’t tell me that hearing such things a week ago wouldn’t have made you pull back even more.”

Suddenly Adam stands. I gaze up at him.

“You don’t understand, Wrenley. This isn’t what happens. When people replace their mates, it’s easy, there are no eggshells to walk on. There’s no pretending or hurting. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, I’m watching you slowly wither away all to not completely lose you. I’ve been trying to do this in a way that is familiar to you, but it only ends up hurting you more.”

"Adam—”

“Just tell me what you want. Tell me what you need so it’s not so hard on you,” he says, revealing hints of desperation, something I never thought I would see from him.

I rest my feet on the ground, moving so we are face to face. My hands are clasped together on my lap, squeezing hard because I don’t know what to say. “I-I don’t know what I want. I’m not really a demanding person.”

Adam sits beside me and takes my hands in his. “Tell me anything. Whatever will get you to sleep.”

“I’m only like that when you’re not around. After I’m with you, I fall asleep, and I eat; I’m back to normal, really. Now that I’m at the Academy, seeing you all the time, I should be fine.”

Adams brows furrow. “At the Academy? What do you mean?”

“I know we have different schedules, but I’ll surely see you around. We can see each other at lunch or between classes.”

“Wrenley, I don’t attend the Academy,” he says.

“What? But your shirt?”

“The shirt I left was mine, but I had it from when I attended the Academy.”

“But you’re always there?”

Adam nods. “I meet with Dean Murphy as I’m beginning to take on the responsibilities of an Alpha. Many members of my pack are at the school, so it’s not unusual for me to be there. I’m sure you will see me every now and then.”

I stand up and cross my arms, unconsciously pacing. “Wait, so you attended the Academy? Did you finish early, then? You had to leave because you’re becoming Alpha?”

“No, Wrenley. Do you not know that I’m older than you?”

I stop and look to him. “We aren’t the same age? I mean, sure, you don’t look eighteen, but a lot of people look a year or two older. Right? So you’re, what, a year older? Maybe two?”

Adam can’t help but smile. “Four.”

“Months?” I ask, partially playing around and partially serious.

He shrugs as he says, “I really thought you knew.”

“Vivianne never mentioned it. You never mentioned it. I guess I never asked, but—it’s fine. Four years isn’t that much. It’s just all of high school. Wait, if you aren’t at the Academy, then why did I transfer there?”

“Because I trust the people there. I feel better knowing that you’re in a safe environment. You’ll also learn more about the pack. You can befriend people, learn from them.”

I nod and step closer to him. “But keep us a secret, right? No one can know that we’re mated. No one can know why I’m actually there.”

Adam’s face falls. “Yes, you have to keep it to yourself. Vivianne, Imogen, and Eli are the only people that know.”

“Fine. I will on one condition.”

He raises a brow. “And what would that be?”

“You let Eli stay at the high school.”

Adam stands up. “Why?”

“Because that’s what I want.”

He watches me closely. “Did he do something? Why don’t you want him to transfer with you?”

“No, no, nothing like that. Just agree to my demands. No questions asked,” I say, not knowing if Eli wants someone like Adam to know about his relationship. Imogen seems to be skeptical about the whole thing. Do they look down on those who fraternize with someone who is not their mate?

Unsure of what to think, Adam gives in. “Alright. For the time being, he can stay. You’ll have to give me a real reason, though.”

“I will, when absolutely necessary.”

Adam glances to the window then back to me. “I have to get going. You have to be at the Academy tomorrow.”

“But you won’t be there,” I murmur. “When will I see you again?”

“Tomorrow,” he says. “I have to keep you eating, right?”

I watch from my window as Adam vanishes into the woods. I stand there for moments after, wishing he would come back and kiss me goodnight. He doesn’t, and I eventually slide my window closed. A chill swallows my bedroom. I turn off my lamp and crawl into bed, hugging my pillow as if it is his warm body.