Waindale
thirty-eight. hands from below

“I’m sorry, I can’t stay long. I’ve just come to grab a few things.”

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to say with Adam longer? Things were a little bumpy there, Wren. Maybe a break will be good for you two.”

I look up from my bag. “Mom, I said that was just a little argument. We’re doing great now. I just—I really think I should be with him right now. It’s werewolf business; it’s hard to explain. He needs me right now,” I assure her then stuff one last shirt into my suitcase before zipping it up. “Tell Grandma that I’ll call later. Adam—he just really needs me there with him.”

She nods, leaning against the doorway to my bedroom. “Okay, no problem, as long as you’re going to school.”

I can see the anxiety behind her eyes. She doesn’t like the fact that I’m already spending so much time away from home. I wish I could tell her that John Aymon is here. I wish I could show her what I am, but if Adam is right, if I can’t trust my father, then I don’t want her to be a part of it.

It upsets me to have Adam view my father as a threat. I can’t trust both of them, and if I have to pick a side, I’ll choose Adam every time. It’s coded into my blood to choose my mate even if said blood comes from my father’s veins. John Aymon said it himself—when concerning my mate—the moon goddess has given me no choice. I wonder about his warning of her control over me; I can’t decide if it is good or bad.

“You have everything you need?” My mom asks and I nod. “Okay, well, do you know when you’ll be staying here next?”

“Um, probably next week. I’ll let you know when I call. He’s waiting for me—I better go.”

She follows me out of my bedroom and through the kitchen. “You know he didn’t have to stay in the car. Adam can come in.”

“I know. I told him to wait out there. I thought if Grandma was home that she’d reel him in a never let us leave,” I explain lightly. We get to the front door so I place my bag down to hug her. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, Kid. You know where we are if you need us,” she murmurs by my ear.

I pull away, pick up my bag, then head out. She watches me hurry through the cold to the truck, unaware of how the cold doesn’t hurt me anymore. I quickly toss my bag in the back then climb into the front. I wave through the glass and she waves back. My eyes stay fixated on her until Adam drives off and turns the corner. She’s wiped from my vision, but her worried face lingers in my mind as we travel down the road and past hundreds of trees. It was better to keep things short. I would have cracked if I stayed a second longer.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I mumble, peering to Adam. “I just wish I could tell her. Don’t worry, I know it’s for the best.”

“Wrenley,” he says, eyes on the road, “I know this is supposed to be an exciting time for you—the last thing I want is to ruin your moment—but I hope you can consider the reasons behind my decision.”

“It will be you.”

Adam glances at me, silently questioning.

“It will always be you. Even if he takes back my power—I will always choose you over anyone else.” I swallow my feelings and say, “It hurts me to think of my father as something—something dark, but it would hurt me more to chose him over you.”

Adam extends his hand out. I take it between both of mine and hold tightly as if we’re about to drive off a cliff. I set our hands on my lap and keep them there.

“I’m sorry I upset you earlier,” he says.

“I know you’re just worried about me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” Adam continues, “Every time I try to keep you safe, it seems to accomplish the opposite. I just don’t know what to do.”

I keep my gaze on his hand as it remains in my possession. A few hairs slip free from behind my ears. “It’s not you directly. It’s the situation. It’s everything,” I mutter. “But, you know, all I can do is hope it turns out okay. Hope that my father is good.”

“Next time he comes, I’ll be there,” Adam assures me.

“What if... If your suspicions are right, if he’s not good, promise me you won’t hate me.”

His eyes replace mine once again.

“Don’t say that,” he says.

“You have to promise me. Even if he’s not good, and if his intentions are bad, you can’t hate me.”

My grip on his hand grows stronger. Adam says, “I could never hate you,” and my heart settles a bit.

“Even if I’m something evil?”

Adam suddenly pulls to the side of the road. The trees are so close now that I can nearly touch them if I reach my hand out the window. I want to ask what he’s doing, but before I can, Adam puts on the brakes and looks directly at me. “You are not evil, understand?” He asks, giving me no place to hide. “Do you understand?”

My lip quivers as I force my gaze forward. “I’ll try to.”

His free hand lifts to my chin and gently brings my eyes back to him. The soft hum of the engine is all I hear as he looks at me. I wish I could tell him that I understand. I want to believe that there is no chance that darkness is rooted deep inside of me, but I can’t help it. John Aymon—whatever he is—is a part of me. The confidence that I had in my father before is dwindling. The longer I am with Adam, the more I trust what he is saying.

“Just because you are his child, does not mean you must follow his footsteps. You are not just his daughter, Wrenley, you are also your mother’s daughter.”

I nod and say, “Okay.”

The sun is beginning to set when we arrive back home. Adam brings up dinner, but I wave it off and head upstairs with my bag to put things away. I didn’t notice that all I’ve had to eat today was toast in the morning and two hot chocolates. With everything going on, I’ve forgotten that my basic needs still have to be met. I have to eat and do homework and call Vivianne as I promised. When I left her and the others at Barb’s, she noticed something was bothering me and made me promise to talk later. What should I tell her? That my long lost father has returned and revealed that I am half of whatever it is that he is? That Adam is worried his miracle-like abilities come from no one?

I know what he’s thinking; my father did not get his power from anyone, so he must have got it from something. Adam said that the moon goddess gets her power from the moon. A sun god, from the sun. A water god, from water, and so on. This made me nervous.

Adam questioned whether his story about coming to Earth as he did is true or not. My father could have lied to me when he said he came through a meteorite. If I believe that he has no ties to the world that I know, then I can’t question the source of his power. I can’t question what he is. All John Aymon has to tell me is that he is a celestial being from somewhere far away.

I pick up my phone and decide to keep this dilemma between Adam and I. When she asks what was wrong earlier, I tell her that I wasn’t feeling well.

“Are you at Adam’s now?” She asks. “Is he taking care of you?”

I sit down on the edge of the bed beside my empty bag. “Yeah, I’m just taking it easy. I’m sure I’ll feel fine tomorrow. Sorry to leave early. I know we were supposed to spend the day with everyone.”

“Don’t worry about it. Imogen and I will see you at school Monday, and we can always get together with Eli and Elara after school or next weekend.”

We chat for a bit longer. Adam eventually comes upstairs so I wind down the conversation and tell her I’ll see her Monday. When I hang up, I store my suitcase in the closet then grab some clothes to wear to bed. I drop the pile on the duvet before laying down. My eyes stare at the clothes, daring me to get up and change.

Adam stands in the open doorway to the bathroom. As he watches me, he asks, “Are you sure you’re not hungry?”

“I’m sure,” I murmur, my head resting on the bend of my elbow.

“A lot happened today. You need some rest. Do you want me to stay, or do you mind if I work downstairs for a bit?”

I lift up and face him. “I’ll be fine. Go ahead.”

Adam leaves so I change and get comfortable in bed. The only light shines in dimly from the hall and the darkness pools around me. I want to sleep, but I don’t feel the need to. My limbs aren’t heavy, my eyes aren’t dry—I just want to be at peace for a while. I want to sleep and not think about anything.

I lay here sleeplessly and it reminds me of how my nights would be when Adam and I are apart. I shift and roll and turn and groan, but nothing seems to help. It’s not my body denying to function; I am simply not tired. A little later, Adam returns and I pretend to be asleep. He climbs into bed and asks, “Why are you still awake?”

I move to him and get in my usual sleeping position since he’s aware. “I’ll fall asleep now,” I say quietly. I always fall asleep when Adam is here.

He’s asleep in a matter of minutes. I sigh and peer up at his relaxed face. Maybe it’s because I haven’t eaten.

Sneaking out of bed, I tiptoe down the stairs. I stand in front of the open fridge but frown when the cool air doesn’t feel the same. My stomach is still. There’s no rumbling or aching signaling me to eat. My eyes wash over the array of things inside the fridge anyway, but when nothing interests me, I close the door and wander around the counter island.

There’s a large bay window over the sink. I lean and look through the glass into the night. The moon rests above the trees in the distance like a single eye watching over me, and the moonlight reflects something white in the frosted grass below. I squint to get a better look. The small, white thing shuffles across the landscape until it stops and lifts its head. It’s a rabbit. Its red eye catches me off guard; I step away from the counter, holding my breath.

The rabbit continues on until it’s out of sight.

There are back doors in the hall that lead outside. It has large windows and dark handles, and I unlock them to venture into the night. There’s a small porch with a bench and empty flower pot. The porch steps lead straight into a sparse patch of grass like stone steps that descend directly into the ocean. My eyes bounce around for the rabbit even though I know I am out here for other reasons.

My breath smokes into the air. When I take steps, the grass beneath my feet defrosts. I walk across the field, making my way to the trees—it’s nice to be out at night and feel no fear that something will steal me away. Although I don’t know exactly what to do to protect myself, there’s a confidence inside me that’s telling me I am the strongest thing out here. No rogue could scare me away.

My hands brush against the bark of each tree I pass. The forest is stagnant and cold and lifeless like winter itself.

I don’t remember laying down or falling asleep, but I wake in sunlight with a wolf before me.

It’s Adam. I lift up. His yellow eyes watch me as his transformed body breathes heavily.

Soon I notice the plethora of plants and blooming flowers that have sprung from the frozen ground like an angel has kisses this one spot. The exotic greenery surrounds my bed and reaches its limbs out to me as if the Earth is trying to reclaim what belongs to it.