Warfare of the Brain
Hanahaki

My words may never reach you.

You may never know the longing I have to see you.

You may never know the tightness in my chest when I think of you.

And yet, I cry and pray every day for you.

I know that you are not fine.

I know that having each other is not enough.

I know that you need more than someone to hold you

And to simply tell you, “It’s alright.”

It’s fine if you are not fine.

It’s fine if you have your own thoughts.

It’s fine if you have to suffer for others.

It’s fine if you have to sacrifice your happiness.

But how long will you be able to withstand the pain?

How long will your mind be able to tolerate the negativity?

How long will you be able to use your mask?

The mask that hides your true self,

The mask that lies to us and says that you are happy,

The mask that, from continuous use, is already cracking.

The pain that you have experienced is one that I cannot imagine,

But the pain that I have in my heart for you is also one that you cannot imagine.

Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder, “Will you really be fine?”

This is the flaw that connects us.

This is the weakness that makes both of us stronger.

This is the bridge that connects us to understand each other.

Too much of this will bring our ruin,

But it’s ok that we have these feelings.

It’s ok because we are human.

For you, it’s forbidden; you are not allowed to be weak.

But even the sun needs to hide behind the clouds

For the rain to cleanse and make the world anew.

I wish I could comfort you in your times of sorrow.

I wish I could help you through your trials.

I wish I could show you the brighter side of the world.

I wish I could shield you from everything that tries to harm you.

But I can’t.

I can only stand by and watch.

Tell me that you are not fine.

Tell me that you are concealing the pain.

Tell me that I only see the front you have put up.

Tell me that you need me there.

The blunt truth is always better than sugarcoated lies.

Promise me that you will continue to live with a purpose.

Promise me that you will love the others that are like me.

Promise me that you won’t leave me here.

Promise me that, no matter what, you will always try to replace happiness.

Even if it feels like a thousand knives stabbing me:

Show me the tears that you cry

So I know that you are real.

I can’t help you from where I stand.

I can only give you support from afar.

You may never know the way I hope to see you, to love you.

But I hope that you always know this:

I will always be watching.

I will always be praying.

I will always be crying.

I will always be waiting.

I will always be here.

For you.

It’s always for you.