Alpha Zander
Chapter 49

I loved watching her reaction as she found the flowers. She loved them. As much as she tried to hide, it was nice to see that she at least appreciated the gesture.

The frustrating thing is, we were in such a good place before, and even then, I should have been doing this stuff for,her, but I wasn’t. Honestly, I was so focused on other things that I didn’t even think to give her small things like this, to at least make her feel comfortable enough to show she had someone, to let her feel loved and free. It made me feel like an a*s that I wasn’t treating her like the queen she is rather than taking everything for granted and thinking that she would just accept the bond 100% because, in reality, she had accepted me, but until I knew I could lose her, I hadn’t accepted her entirely.

I had to call all around to see if anyone knew someone with a flower greenhouse. But I needed specific flowers. Thankfully, someone had one on my territory, so getting the flowers weren’t as hard as I thought.

Honestly, though, I’m not going to tell her that. I have put an account with the supplier, and I will regularly purchase flowers for her just to see that shade of pink every time she gets something special.

I have already set up everything for this evening, and everything was already set up since Sunday. If she came over again, I would try and talk her into letting me take her out.

I know that it was a long shot that she might come over on Sunday, but I just wanted to be prepared because I missed her, I f*****g missed her so much, and it killed me that she didn’t want to talk to me at all. I understood why; I was a total jackass to her, and I am honestly grateful she just hadn’t rejected me yet.

So here l am, following her around like those whipped blokes you see all the time. I never thought l’d turn into one of them, but f**kit, here I am trying to get her back because l’ll be dammed if I don’t at least try, and I don’t think Jace would ever forgive me if we lost her.

My brain is too chaotic to concentrate in my last period of English right now, this is precisely why they allow you to change to your mate’s classes, or you will be distracted wondering where the other one is, or just frustrated you can’t be with them. On the bright side, I have the majority of my classes with her now, so that will settle Jace for the most part.

My phone buzzes in my back pocket as i look out the windows, wondering what she is doing now.

*Ashleigh: Fine, I’ll be there.

I frown at the screen. What does she mean by that?

Usually, Fine is bad, right? I had texted her the info for tonight but hadn’t heard a response, and it’s been driving me crazy.

I was slightly worried at the response. At least she was coming. That was the main thing. me.

I just needed to be around her.

I sigh and put my phone away as I try to focus on the teacher rather than her still being pissed off with I’d be pissed at you for weeks.’ Jace mumbles. I can feel his frustration, mostly with me and not being around our mate.

I scoff and say, ‘No, you wouldn’t cause you are as h0rny as l am half the time. You want Ashleigh and need her as much as I do.’

‘If you honestly think you are getting that far with her tonight, you are more delusional than I thought’ Jace mutters, curling in the corner of my mind and sulking because he knows I’m right.

He knows we both need her just as much. But at the same time, I don’t just want the intimate side with her. I want all of her; I want her to know she can trust me and love me unconditionally because I almost had that with her, and I went and f****d it all up. I need to show her that I love her and that she can feel safe with me, that I , won’t ever choose another over her, and that I won’t ever make her feel that same way again.

School finished about an hour ago, and l’m here in the living room, pacing back and forth, waiting for her to get here.

‘Considering you made her wait for days until you decided to talk to her, I think your impatience is childish.’

Jace reminds me again of how long I made her wait and how long I made her suffer.

‘Will you ever forgive me for what l did? I can’t have both of you pissed off at me. l can only work with what I’ve got right now. Can’t you see I was trying to do the right thing?’I tried to reason with him again, even though it felt like the same old talk over and over.

I will forever be angry at you for going against me, going against our mate. When she feels safe and is with us because she wants to be, maybe I will forgive, but not until she does.’

I sigh and pace again because | know he’s f*****g right.

I hear her car pulling up out front an hour later.

Thank the goddess because I’ve been going completely stir crazy here. I’ve had to catch myself whenever I take out my phone to call her because I didn’t want to freak her out even more.

But at the same time, I just wanted to see and be around her. Jace was becoming increasingly impatient, which added to my frustrations.

When she opened the door and stepped into the house, I swear my heart stopped for a few seconds. I stood there gaping at her, probably looking like a f*****g creep.

She looked f*****g stunning: skinny white tight jeans, a red low-cut top, showing off all her right angles, and a black leather jacket with black heels. Her hair was down and flowed loosely around her.

She looked up at me and smirked, satisfied she has this impact on me; she’s a f*****g tease, and she knows it. She was dressed simply yet s3xy.

I tried to regain my composure so I didn’t look like a damn fool.

“Hey, you came?” |l felt a grin form on my face as she stood there. I almost lost hope that she wouldn’t come, two hours, two f*****g hours, I was already going crazy.

“Yeah, sorry I was running late. I had to deal with a few family things before coming.”

I nodded as her words fell deaf to my ears. I’m just so f****g happy she’s here right now, her scent around me, making everything ten times harder. After not being around her for a while, I almost forgot what it was like to be in a room with her and only her.

“I umm.. I didn’t know what we were doing, so I hope this is ok,” Ashleigh gestured to herself, worrying about her clothes.

Honestly, it didn’t matter to me; she would look stunning in everything and anything, but l so appreciated her dressing up in these sexy outfits because later, I’ll be the one ripping it off her.

“You look perfect,” I say quickly, glancing over her.

I had to push. Jace down a few times, I knew he wanted to have time with Kia, but he already had that on Saturday.

Today, it was my turn with Ashleigh.

“Shall we head off?” I ask as I look outside to see the sun had already set, the start of the evening; it was a bit warmer tonight, which was nice, so I had hoped my plan would be ok.

I wasn’t sure if she wanted to be around people together yet, so I set a nice little intimate date for us, hoping this would help us move forward.

“Sure.” she nods and steps to the side, giving me room to walk past. I wanted to reach out and k!ss her. hold her, do anything to have her because I hate this awkwardness. It’s like we are back at square one, and maybe we should be, but we’ve had s*X and have been together for a few weeks now, and it all went back to S**t. One wrong move and all that trust just dissolved so f*****g quickly.

The drive wasn’t too long: If she had arrived a bit earlier, I would have suggested running and letting Kia and Jace out, but I didn’t want them to take over tonight.

I didn’t know how much longer I would get with her. We needed to sort some things out, and right now, this silence is killing me.

I keep glancing over at her, but she’s just looking out the window, not giving me any indication she wants to talk or that she’s mad at me or anything at all. It’s like she shut down to the point where I can only feel her nerves. It’s like the first time she was at the cottage when we found out we were mates. Even Jace is uncomfotable, shifting around in my mind, he won’t talk to me, but this weird feeling l’m getting from both of them makes me uncomfortable.

I hated that I made her feel this uncomfortable. I hate that l caused this.

I pulled off to the side of the road, where a narrow pathway led into the woods. There weren’t any houses or anyone else around. I had to make a bit of the path myself, so I knew how to replace this place again. It was about a 15-minute drive from the cottage. I’m ashamed to say I found this place when I was away those nights, roaming around when I should have been with her.

It was one of my favorite places to come. I hoped that once everything settled, I could bring her here.

I thought since this was a new stage of our relationship, maybe this would be the perfect fit for us to have a fresh start.

“We just have to walk a little bit from here. The car won’t be able to make it through, unfortunately.” I say quickly, cutting the engine and pocketing the keys.

“Not planning on killing me, are you?” she laughed softly, darting her eyes over to me.

I roll my eyes, “not quite,” I chuckle, jumping out quickły to run around to open the door for her, only for her to be out already and closing the door by the time I get there.

I head over to the boot, grab the basket I made earlier, and lock the car while she’s there, shifting nervously. I don’t know how to make this easier. I don’t know how to make this less weird for her.

“Come on, this way.” I move closer and grab her hand, leading her toward the pathway.

Thankfully this time, she didn’t flinch away or not want to be close to me. She just accepted that she was following me.

As we walked along the pathway, it opened up to a small clearing that led to a view of the mountains and a river down below that would lead out to the river near the cottage.

I had gotten a few solar lights and fairy lights putting them around the trees and rocks, so everything was lit. There were a few plush blankets and soft pillows with bunches of daisies and other wildflowers scattered around, making the area look nice and soft.

“Zander, it’s beautiful,” she whispers as she moves next to me, taking in her new surroundings.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go out and be around people, so I thought this would be a nice option.” I smile, hoping that this is what she needs.

Ashleigh relaxes as I move forward, placing the basket in the middle of the blanket.

“Come on, let’s sit.” l gesture towards the pillows, slowly sinking into one of them.

Sitting down on the pillows, I can feel her uneasiness settle, nerves slowly lifting.

Maybe it was the not knowing part that got her all nervous.

“Was everything ok with your family?” I ask as I get things out of the basket, trying not to make it as uncomfortable as the ride here.

“Hmm, oh yes, we have a catch-up every two weeks, so Ollie and I know what’s going on and if we need to change anything around with patrols or training.” She nods and smiles when she talks about her family.

I can feel the envy rise as I listen to her talk about her family. She and Oliver have what I want. Hell, they are already going around and being the main contact for their pack. My father doesn’t even know I do training or patrol, and I usüally have to talk the lead command into giving me duties and not pass it on to Dad or Jake. I f*****g hate that he doesn’t want me involved with anything. I try to express my interest, but even after Alpha training, he still doesn’t realize I’m ready for more than just being a school kid.

I shake off this frustrating feeling because right now, it’s about Ashleigh. I can’t focus on being jealous when I should be proud that she gets a chance to serve her pack.

“It’s nice they want you to start some of your responsibilities.” I try to be encouraging and supportive because that’s what I should be.

“Yeah, especially more so since mum knows about us. It’s nice she hasn’t said anything to Dad or Uncle, and even Ollie hasn’t said anything to anyone.” She smiles at me.

This is good. I feel the awkwardness slowly lifting as she talks about her family and pack.

“They want you to be more involved?” l ask, trying to keep the conversation moving as I empty the basket full of food.

“Yeah, from time to time, they allow us to go to meetings, and I already have been doing training since I shifted at 16. Ollie will do more this year until he goes off to Alpha Training, I don’t know if l’ll go yet, but I guess I will have to see what universities I can get into.” She shrugs, settling into the pillows next to me and taking off her heels to be more comfortable.

I knew she wanted to go to uni and get a degree, but I wasn’t sure which one she wanted. “What do you want to do at uni?” I ask.

“Psychology or teaching, maybe a Psychologist for students or young adults, something like that, I would like to help people.” she smiled.

“You know I’ll support you in anything you want to do, right?” I say, reaching across and putting my hand on her leg as encouragement. She doesn’t flinch. She leaves my hand there, closing her eyes and accepting the feeling of the bond moving through our bodies.

I take a deep breath before I start explaining myself again because I feel like I still owe her an explanation.

Friday night was in an environment we just didn’t get time to talk properly, and as much as I don’t want to kill this peaceful mood, I’d rather get it all out in the pen now.

“I know I explained some things the other night, but I guess while we’re discussing the future. I just wanted to apologize again. I was so caught up in everything and afraid of my emotions and our relationship being in jeopardy that I just didn’t stop and think or listen to Jace. I guess it was just a rollercoaster of emotions that I didn’t realize I was hurting you in the process and trying to do right by Grace. It was all my actions, and I have to take responsibility for everything, including what I did to you. For that, I am truly sorry and hope that one day you can forgive me while l still try to be the best mate deserving of you. I guess out of everything. This would be the first real relationship lI have ever had, and I’m still trying to learn. While I know some things, I don’t know how to be open and explain things just yet. I hope that in time I will learn that while I’m with you.”

This is the first time I have ever been so raw, and f**k, it feels so foreign to be this vulnerable, but this is what she needs. She needs to know how I feel right now so we can move forward with our relationship. I hope one day this will help her trust me completely.

Her eyes stayed closed as I finished my explanation.

I just hoped she would understand or realize that I didn’t want or mean to hurt her. I was just a jumbled mess that made some bad decisions.

Her eyes open as she reaches behind her getting out her purse and rummaging through it.

I frowned, confused at what she was doing. I didn’t want her to give me anything.

I certainly didn’t deserve it. If anything, she was the one who deserved everything.

Ashleigh replaces what she is looking for and puts her bag back behind her, clutching the item in her hands.

She opens her fingers slowly, and I feel the b***d drain from my face as I’m presented with the little blue box I gave her a few weeks ago.