Awakening (2 book series)
Awakening – Rejected Mate Chapter 32

"You liked me?" I blurt out accusingly. I don't understand. That memory is long before the wars catapulted into our life and changed everything. A time I can barely remember, and I definitely don't recall on that day, either of us having any kind of memorable interaction. He stayed with his friends and I stayed with mine and then I went home with my mom before the sun went down. I would have to claw through the memories to be sure, but there was nothing to suggest he even noticed me.

"I had a crush on you, like you wouldn't believe. I don't know how many times I tried to talk to you and got completely blanked or lost my nerve. I used to hang out where I knew you would be, but then the war happened, and you became...." His voice tails off, eyes averting, shame washing over his expression, and I know what he means without him finishing.

I became a black sheep. One of the shamed.

My family died and our people scraped up the remains and shunned my kind to the darkest corner. One of the rejects and much like everyone else, he would have been told we were cursed and to keep his distance. Colton was a kid, and I guess his father really drummed it into his head that I was unworthy. His crush died, he forgot me, and he moved on with his life, onto Carmen.

"Why are you telling me this? I don't remember you ever trying to talk to me, I don't recall times where you were there in my childhood." Not that it means anything. Now it's just hurting me all over again, knowing that even then, he bowed to his fathers will and rejected me, long before that day in the woods. If we were destined, then he failed me twice.

Colton sighs, pulls me close by the waist and brings my face back to his so that he can move in and rest his forehead on mine. The kind of intimacy you would expect from a mate and I have to remind myself that we're not anything close. I don't relax into his touch, but stay like cardboard, and refuse to melt into him or succumb to his power over me.

"I was shy, and you were this fearless, confident girl, that walked around with her friends, oblivious to any of us. Boys were dumb and you all liked to make a point of avoiding us at all costs." He points out with a smile, reminding me a little of memories gone by, so well buried to save my heart from the pain of losing my family that I almost blocked them out completely. A time when the packs lived in proximity but kept to their own. A time when the Santo boys were just 'that bunch of idiots from the south side' and had no authority over the rest of us.

It feels like a million years ago now, when life was normal, and I had a real home. My own warm bed in my own little pink room on our farm. I had parents, a brother, and grandparents. Happy and carefree and had no idea there was a storm coming that was big enough to take it all away from me. There was a time when I was just another wolf child, and Colton and his friends were not our superiors, but a rival pack and we had no real animosity. Not between kids anyway. The fights were for the grown-ups. I smile at the possibility that Colton was once shy. I mean, I don't believe it now with who and how he is, but raking through my memories stored in my brain that belong to him, daring to push back to the before, where all my visions pain me still, I guess I can pinpoint a few that show a much quieter boy. He turned young, and at first, he wasn't the fearless aggressive wolf that we all know him as now.

He was sweet at some point in his life, until I guess, he was hardened with whatever responsibility his father laid on his head. He was nine when the wars happened, and as a boy who already ran with the pack, he would have lost so many years of childhood in taking over in his father's absence while protecting his family.

We had attacks here too, and many young boys had to fight for our survival. I don't doubt he was one. I can almost see the point in which he turned away from anyone who wasn't Santo, pushed people away and stayed in his own little bubble, snarling at others who dared to come too close. Colton the shy sweet boy and me the fearless bossy girl who didn't let others push her around.

Oh, how the tables turned.

"So you knew me. It doesn't matter." I sigh finally, realizing he has worn me down enough to get me talking to him and I'm no longer sulking in silence and staring listlessly at a ceiling. Instead I'm lost in a million thoughts and feeling all kinds of sad and depressing things. This is why I never walk down memory lane to see who I used to be. I'm also betraying my own will power and have at some point curled up against his chest and pushed one foot between his ankles, snugly, cuddling up so easily that I didn't even know I was doing it. I reverse, moving back a little, screwing my face up at how potent this bond can be.

Colton narrows his eyes and stares at me for the longest moment, knowing this direction of conversation is futile and doesn't really change anything. Even if he did remember me, if he liked me, we are where we are, and it's not really important anymore. He can't undo what is done, and who I am now.

"Anyway... why are you here. I thought you were scared of me now." It's a half joke, half real question, because it's been playing on my mind since the first couple of hours they locked me in this lifeless room, to listen to the house being mended and boarded up. It's also my attempt to bring us back from the intimacy that is now making me uncomfortable as I push a little more space between us. I don't even have a cell phone to keep me occupied as I have no friends and the orphanage wasn't going to pay for them. "Hmmm. Ha ha. Actually, it's sort of about that. Why I'm here I mean. About earlier and your moment of whatever the hell that was." Colton's face turns serious, those pretty eyes under black way too nice eyebrows, turning back to mine, and I can almost hear the gear switch of his brain as he focuses his mind on that topic. All tenderness fades away.