CHASE
41

I sat by the window, staring out at the city lights, I use to do that in my old room in my parents house, just sitting there and watching the trees move with the wind, it was my way to relax but now, sitting alone in the emptiness of my apartment as I stared out of the ceiling to floor window, watching the city get drenched in the snow, I was feeling anything but relaxed. I kept going over my conversation with the police officer, I didn't know how to feel about it, I certainly felt confused but my heart wasn't settling and I was afraid I'd lose my mind before I could replace out the truth.

'We did replace a dead body, but it did not belong to Chase Ashworth.'

He had said so matter of factly. I didn't know how that was possible, I had watched him die right before my eyes, how could they have not found his body?

'Who did the body you found belong to?' My throat felt dry once more. My mind on a rampage as I considered all of the possibilities and came to no conclusion at all.

'The dead body we found belonged to Luke.'

My heart halted and my mind went mute, my thoughts disappearing as I sat there with my eyes on the officer, waiting for him to tell me I was being pranked but when he didn't move a muscle or say a word, I knew this was real.

'How..' I thought out loud, not grasping the information I was being given.

'We assume Ashworth murdered Luke and then got away before we could get to him.'

'But that's not possible, I literally watched him die, he died in my arms!' I was getting agitated at not knowing what was happening. The walls were closing in on me and I was sinking into the ground as I drowned in the unknown. I didn't understand how any of this was possible.

'I'm afraid, it very much is possible. When you walked out of the house, you were in complete shock, maybe you didn't realise he wasn't actually dead.'

'I walked out of the house? I thought the police came in to get me.' I could no longer think as I became very aware that Chase could possibly be alive somewhere out there. I felt a tinge of relief, hoping that maybe, just maybe.. he hadn't died.

I thought back to the night I watched Chase take his last breath, pushing my brain to its limits as I tried my hardest to remember. I knew I had went into shock but I didn't know to what extent and that I had actually walked out of the house. I thought I'd sat there with Chase's body in my arms until the police came for me, but I guess that was not the case. So I thought and I thought, not giving up until I remembered what had really happened.

My brain felt like it was being scraped by thorns as I pushed further into the depths of my memories but my attempts came out futile, I couldn't remember a thing.. then I looked down at my hands, my hands that were now clean and clear but not so long ago, they were covered in Chase's blood. I looked at my hands and closed my eyes, flashing images of Chase's wound crossed my vision, then I saw me.

I saw me sitting clutching onto him for sometime before I finally let go of him, I wasn't sure what I was doing, in fact, I looked crazed, almost as dead as Chase had looked. I slowly walked towards the door, my bloody hands turning the doorknob then in came the flashing lights, the lights of the police sirens going off. It was loud, it was too loud and too bright. They ran towards me, pulling me with them towards the vehicle, I looked back, I looked back to the house, leaving my heart with Chase and keeping my empty soul with me.

I knew now, I knew that Chase being alive was a possibility and Luke was certainly dead, that means Chase killed him like he had said he would. He really was a man of his word and I envied that. Although a slight hope had sparked up in my bones, I couldn't help but wonder, where was he now? If he had survived the gunshot at the time, had he survived it long enough to get some help without being caught? I didn't know and the not knowing was driving me insane.

I knew if father was here he'd lecture me for days for coming out into the night all alone yet again. But I didn't want to hide, I didn't want to run. I wanted to be free. Not the free that everyone wants, no. The free where my heart wouldn't hurt anymore. My mind wouldn't overwork thoughts. My soul wouldn't be so shattered. I wanted to be free, not free in the world no, free from my never ending thoughts of Chase. I wanted to be free from the cage I felt I was constantly stuck in.

I touched over my collarbone, feeling the bump of the scar of the 'C'. He had marked me, and I was going to mark me too. I needed to know that I could be free, that I could replace my peace. That within time, I'd be able to be normal again. I'd be able to live.

I thought about the only tattoo shop that was going to be open at this time, and without giving it a second thought, I made my way over to it. I had something planned out in my head and I hoped it would come out perfect.

As I lay there with my eyes on the ceiling and a needle in my skin, I thought about Chase. I thought about the things he'd done. The torture's he'd brought upon me. With every pain of the needle, I felt a pain that was caused by him. Yet I had learned to forgive him. When I thought he was completely gone, my heart had stopped beating and I'd become just as dead as he was, that to me, meant something. Something beautiful. And I knew then what I know now, that even the worst of actions can be forgiven. He'd forgave me for mine, I knew that when he risked his life to save mine. So I owed him the forgiveness of my heart, I owed him my life.

Two hours later and I was stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at the hummingbird that had covered up the 'C' that Chase had indented into my skin. I wasn't going to be a victim. I wasn't going to join the rest of those he had marked with the C. I was going to be me. Bella, the girl he had hurt and the girl he had saved. I was going to be Free.

The feel of the still new tattoo felt bumpy beneath my fingers. Although I could feel the C and see it, if I looked close enough, I felt good to be able to move past this. He had done what he had done and then he saved my life. He was just as much of a prisoner to his head as he had made me a prisoner to him. And for that, maybe the hummingbird didn't only represent my freedom, but his freedom too.

I wanted him to be free from the crazy in his head, I wanted him to be freed from the pain he felt. I ached at the thought of him again but I pushed that aside, I was going to live. I wouldn't allow myself to give into the hurt, I wouldn't allow myself to fall.

I would live and I would learn.. just like a hummingbird.